The CASual Journey to the End | Ashmi's VCE journal アシュ

[ashmi]

✰Update: 7/04✰

So it's been a while since I've last updated this journal soooooooo time for you guys to hear what's been going on in my life!

First off: Corona
I have officially hibernated in the comfort of my room and have barely gone outside (I know that's really bad) except to go to the doctors these holidays. Prepping for virtual school is going to be interesting, especially with the new school term beginning next week.

Oki doki so onto some subject specific stuff now~

✰Physics✰
Got a SAC on special relativity next week which will most likely be online (Moodle WOOHOO). This subject, is definitely going to be one of the hardest subjects to understand this year due to the whole idea of not going to school, but I'm committed to get it working! I've finished Unit 3 content and have done a light skim over Unit 4. I'm focusing more on practise exam questions since I feel like working too far ahead won't really work in this situation. Once I'm done writing in this journal, I'll try doing some more questions on Special Relativity than move straight onto Fields/Electrical Power.

✰PDT✰
Oh lord, this is definitely one of the worst hit subjects alongside the other folios subjects. My folio has become a thesis and there is a possibility that it might not be reflected in my study score this year due to the current situation. My PDT squad from school are trying to make sure that we climb this mountain together and helping each other whenever one of us gets stuck with our folio. It's been a bumping ride, and once I help finish proofreading one of the last folios from my class, I can safely say we have all passed Criterion 2!
We have a SAC next term, and since no one knows what to do, I have lowkey taken control of the class and currently am making some practise materials so my friends can have something to work with. (Time to look at past exams woohooo). The design options I barely have started yet, mainly because I haven't had any inspiration. Maybe this weekend I might get up to something!

✰Methods/English/Chem✰
Literally nothing is happening in these subjects. For Chem, I managed to finish all of Unit 3 the other day and might do a bit of Unit 4? (Like revision). I'm mainly just doing practise exam questions for these subjects and just trying to work with what I have! I really like Chem right now due to electrolysis (I have an unnatural obsession with electricity) and it links nicely with Physics too in a way.  I've got a SAC for English Argument Analysis soon and I've been trying a few new methods in which I tackle articles with multiple pieces. It's working... A bit? With some feedback soon though I'm sure I will be alright and able to improve! Methods has been the same as always and everything is going pretty smoothly~

So how have I've been feeling these holidays?
Not too bad actually. I've been alright and maybe a good night sleep will do me some good.

Spoiler

I am not alright actually.
Well, quite a bit of stuff is going on in my life but I'm handling it quite well on the surface. With the idea of Year 11 results being used as a Plan B, I haven't been feeling too good. Its sort of like shattering my goal right there on the spot and um now I feel like aiming for my second preference is going to be tough. Just hoping none of us has to go down that path anytime soon and that exams do go ahead. (It would be better for all of us).
I need to start organising files for my SEAS application (cat 4), but I don't really know how it's going to work with the whole Coronavirus problem? I have friends that have a lot of things to apply for in SEAS and I really hope that they can get it normally this year like every other year. Would the SEAS application change to accommodate for Corona or will it be the same conditions as it always was?
Well, I've sort have lost all hope in getting into my first preference and I don't know why? It's like there is no end to the journey, its just a path that goes on endlessly into the darkness and repeats itself. Being in isolation hasn't done much good, except maybe a good sleep schedule at best. At the back of my mind, I feel like I put all this effort in for nothing, that it's going to be a repeat of last year's subjects and scores. It's like no matter how effectively I work, or how much I do in order to prepare myself for anything, it never seems to come out with the results I need to get me where I need to go? I guess this year won't be any different from the last.
One thing that seems to have become clearer in my life though is what I want to do in the future. I'm pretty dead-set positive I would like to do engineering now and still heavily leaning towards Electrical (Maybe biomedical too a little ). My goal, is to make sure that I do get the scores where I need to go but it's looking like a rocky journey now, maybe a little impossible even. I really wished this mindset of mine would just kick itself out of my head sometimes . I mean, a 96 ATAR would be an absolute dream for me, but being the person I am, I probably won't get there (happens all the time and I wished for once it wouldn't be this). The only other course I would want to do needs an ATAR of 85 (maybe 78 depending on Acess Melb accepting SEAS applicants) and that even is starting to look unrealistic. I don't know what has happened to my mindset in the past few days but it's been crushed like an Oreo. (I'm actually craving an Oreo so badly ). And then there are questions like, if you are low ranked in an average cohort and do well on the exam (like full marks), what would be the highest possible study score you could get? I don't even know what's going on anymore but hopefully, it clears up!

How have you guys been going with your holidays? I bet by the time we come out of quarantine, we are going to have some amazing cooks.

[Evolio]

Hey Ashmi! 

Don't give up hope on that degree! YOU WILL GET THERE! I know that you've got this! As you say to me, I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!  Seeing how well you did last year, your amazing work ethic and the hard work you do , I know that you can achieve that 96 ATAR.

It's a very weird situation we're in but we're all here to support and we'll keep each other up and fighting so that we reach our goals even though we feel that we won't achieve them. In the end, all we can do is try and if we try hard enough, that WILL pay off.

YOU GOT THIS.

[eloisegrace]

Wow, you have certainly been busy. I definitely think that doing some exam practice now will benefit. Even though I'm in year 11, exposing myself do different VCAA questions for my 3/4s has been very helpful!

That sounds horrible in terms of PDT. Corona has hit us all hard, but that really would be a pain! Your folio pics on this journal have been incredible and I admire your creativity and obvious talent (I have never been good at art)! Also, how is methods going? I am little worried about it and I just want to see where everyone else is up to.

We all believe in you! You can always get into your dream course. As long as you stick at it, you can do anything. The fact that you are already ahead in your subjects bodes well for the rest of the year!

What have you been doing to relax? From 2 weeks of experience at the end of term 1, virtual school is quite tiring and you need some downtime.

Can't wait to read more of your journal

[moonchild]

How have you guys been going with your holidays? I bet by the time we come out of quarantine, we are going to have some amazing cooks.

Hey Ashmi,, hope you are okay, we're all in this together! you've got this - don't stress too much just do the best you can! I'm also in the same boat, im not too happy with plan b being that our yr 11 scores may be used,, but all we can do now is do the best we can and hope everything will be okay

[whys]

Hey ashmi,

I totally understand! But you aren't alone. We're all here for you, and we will get through it together. When I first heard the news, I felt like my hopes and dreams of getting into medicine was done for. It felt like a punch in the gut. I felt like a 99+ ATAR was impossible at that moment, and my mind was whirling with thoughts of backup options and the 'I'll probably end up in an office job I hate' mentality which was not a healthy thought. I sat back a little, and thought about it. We are all in, more or less, the same boat, and it is our job to adapt to the needs of our world and our country, and do our part to make it safer for us all. It's alright to feel not okay. We have our downs, and that is okay. But it is how we rise from our falls that sets us apart, and it is in our power to sit down and try our best in our studies in our best interests. We will have to adjust, but we can still do it. We can persevere, and we will make it through to the end. Every storm cloud does pass, after all - but not without a little rain! I believe in you ashmi, and the resolve of the class of 2020 will forever be a memory we can look back on later on.

[ArtyDreams]

ashmi - you WILL reach your goals!! you WILL do amazing!! Its okay to feel a little down and demotivated (aren't we all) but I'm SO positive that you will come out of this and do amazing!! Just keep your head in the game and we'll support you no matter what.

I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU WILL GET THERE 

[Chocolatemilkshake]

Hey Ash,
I agree with all the other positive comments above ^^ You are incredible, you work so hard and deserve amazing things! We are all with you 100% and it is totally okay to feel like you're not going to make your goals, we all do sometimes. But I know that you'll persist and achieve awesome things at the end of 2020 despite the challenges we all are facing at the moment.

You are honestly one of the most valued members of the class of 2020 AN gang and we all believe in you 

[ashmi]

I've just come back to read this journal and my lord, I did not expect any of this.
Thank you so much Evolio, eloisewebster, brothanathan, moonchild, whys, Arty and Choco! I feel 1000% better after reading your comments and I think I'm slowly getting back on track to a healthy mindset .

Hey Ashmi! 

Don't give up hope on that degree! YOU WILL GET THERE! I know that you've got this! As you say to me, I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

You will not believe how much this actually means to me Evolio🤣. I really do mean it though, it means a hella lot! (I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!)

Wow, you have certainly been busy. I definitely think that doing some exam practice now will benefit. Even though I'm in year 11, exposing myself do different VCAA questions for my 3/4s has been very helpful!

That sounds horrible in terms of PDT. Corona has hit us all hard, but that really would be a pain! Your folio pics on this journal have been incredible and I admire your creativity and obvious talent (I have never been good at art)! Also, how is methods going? I am little worried about it and I just want to see where everyone else is up to.

We all believe in you! You can always get into your dream course. As long as you stick at it, you can do anything. The fact that you are already ahead in your subjects bodes well for the rest of the year!

What have you been doing to relax? From 2 weeks of experience at the end of term 1, virtual school is quite tiring and you need some downtime.

Can't wait to read more of your journal

Hey, eloisewebster!
I find that doing VCAA exam questions to be therapeutic in a way? I really love doing exam questions (I mean who doesn't?🤣). I'm super proud of you for being able to do two 3/4s, specifically two maths! For Methods, everything has been going pretty well surprisingly, managed to do nearly a whole chapter of checkpoints last night somehow. We are going to start Calculus next term and don't worry, you will be 100% ok! Just stay on top of everything and Methods will be a little bit easier! Also, thank you so much for your kind words 🥺💕.

For relaxing, I have been drawing a little bit here and there, but as usual, barely making any progress😂. Here is a pic of what I've mainly been attempting to draw in the past few days~

Hey Ashmi,, hope you are okay, we're all in this together! you've got this - don't stress too much just do the best you can! I'm also in the same boat, im not too happy with plan b being that our yr 11 scores may be used,, but all we can do now is do the best we can and hope everything will be okay

Hey moonchild! Thanks for checking in and I'm really grateful you have taken the time to reply! Everything is sort of alright on this end and hopefully, we all can get the best result out of this situation. (I don't know why either, but reading your reply reminds me of Barney the purple dinosaur.....)

Every storm cloud does pass, after all - but not without a little rain! I believe in you ashmi, and the resolve of the class of 2020 will forever be a memory we can look back on later on.

Hey whys!
I really like this mentality you have here!
Hopefully, the storm cloud does pass in the end and there will be a little bit of light to guide us all through to the end. I feel a lot better after reading your comment (super motivation btw) and now, at least it seems possible to get to the end? I think the picture below pretty much sums up everything in a nutshell.

Spoiler

My mind and how I'm feeling vs what I would actually like to feel

It's closer to the bottom pic today than it was yesterday though!

ashmi - you WILL reach your goals!! you WILL do amazing!! Its okay to feel a little down and demotivated (aren't we all) but I'm SO positive that you will come out of this and do amazing!! Just keep your head in the game and we'll support you no matter what.

I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU WILL GET THERE 

Hey Ash,
I agree with all the other positive comments above ^^ You are incredible, you work so hard and deserve amazing things! We are all with you 100% and it is totally okay to feel like you're not going to make your goals, we all do sometimes. But I know that you'll persist and achieve awesome things at the end of 2020 despite the challenges we all are facing at the moment.

You are honestly one of the most valued members of the class of 2020 AN gang and we all believe in you 

Arty and Choco, I want to say, YOU TWO ARE AMAZING! One of the best motivational comments I have read and thank you so much!💕 After reading all this, I do feel so much better and the goal is getting a tad bit clearer in the fog.💖

[ashmi]

✰Update: 21/04✰
 
Welcome back to another journal entry of "I don't know what I'm doing but let's just walk ahead and pray for the best".

With the new situation and learning from home, I am so happy with the extra free time! On a school night, I usually get home about 5:30/6ish so it's great to have so much time to do things . Virtual school has been so much fun and I'm finding it easier to get work done on time (and sleep early too). Other than that, I do miss the social interaction of the classroom and being able to walk outside freely for no reason.

And second of all, how on EARTH did this journal surpass 17,000 views? Like who is reading this mess? Either-way, thank you so much to those that have supported this journal.
Ok, now onto the subject stuff!

✰Physics✰
Oh well hi Physics. I hate yet love you so much. I had a SAC on Special Relativity and Circular Motion the other day, and my lord I knew the topic so well but those SAC questions were completely WILD. I don't think I've prepared myself so much for a SAC before (literally did exams questions from 2000) and still don't think I got above 90%. At least I know at the end of year exam the question will be 1000% easier.

Well other than that, motion is DONE. SEE YOU AT THE END OF THE YEAH MUHAHAHA.

We are doing fields right now and that topic is so much nicer. Really excited for the rest of Unit 3 and hopefully things go better for the upcoming SACs and that I can just get into the A+ boundary. I really would like at LEAST a 40 for Physics but with the Ashmi luck.... That might be a tight squeeze.

✰PDT✰
Hey PDT! I have a SAC for you in less than 3 weeks hahaha.
My folio has been going alright and I'm just waiting for an authentication check from my teacher. I got my first SAC back the other day and got 98%. A bit upset considering it was a one mark difference but other than that it's all good! (I'm gonna try get that 100% for the next SAC )
*Stay tuned to see Ashmi cramming her design options*

✰Methods✰
I have a test for you this Thursday....

But seriously, Methods is going SO GOOD! Everything has been great and I've just being doing a lot of practise exam questions here and there. I love the extended response questions and I get so excited when I can use my CAS. (That sounds super weird but yeah I have a CAS obsession if you haven't noticed by the journal name).
There has been something I've been wanting to say about this subject for a long time, but OH MY LORD IT'S SO MUCH EASIER THAN FURTHER.

Further looked so hard compared to this subject and I have absolutely no clue why. I think it's because Methods is much more straightforward? It's a bit weird, but I'm glad it's like this! I have a good feeling this is going to be one of those subjects that does well for once.

✰Chemistry✰
I LOVE ELECTROLYSIS

Ok so Chem has been going alright. It's probably my worst subject alongside Physics but surprisingly not that bad. I did do as well as I wanted in my first Chem sac (93%) but at least there is much better SACs coming up that I can hopefully make up for it!
I found the Fuels part of Chem to be super hard yet I'm finding this redox stuff to be much easier? Redox and Electrolysis has by far been my fav thing to learn and it's really satisfying to study. (Hoping the end of year exam is filled with Redox and Electrolysis please~)

✰English✰ 
SAC next week on Argument Analysis and guess who doesn't feel prepared at all? That's right, I've barely done anything except mini-essay pieces here and there. (Excluding class stuff). My whole plan for the rest of the week is to write full on essays and get them marked for feedback. I'm going to aim for 100% (cause why not?) and now I'm going to get started on some lovely essays.

Spoiler

Ok here is the negative bit/weird part cause I don't want to ruin it with the nice positive bit of the journal.
I don't know what's happened to me again, but it sort of feels like I'm taking one step forward and two steps backwards? I do wonder sometimes if this work is going to pay off, but there is always that little bit that says "Yeah, no sweetie that ain't happening". The other Chem teacher literally gave me so much hope yesterday and said that if you keep your average above 90+, you are likely to get a 40+ SS based on his statistics from teaching Chem, so I magically feel a little bit more motivated after that! My new goal for Chem is to challenge myself and to get my average up to 95% (which is going to be super difficult but that's what life is!).

Also, is it super common for people to do tutoring these days? I was having this interesting debate with a friend and it turns out that in my friend group everyone gets tutored for at least one subject except me😅. I find that at different schools, tutoring is either really common or not common at all.
At my school, it's really common to get tutoring for EAL/English, Spesh and Languages so what is it like at your school? (Similar subjects or completely different ones?). Do people tend to get tutoring for subjects they are weak at or some other reason? This whole debate happened yesterday when my friend explained how nearly everyone but one person in her Spesh class gets tutoring for Spesh *insert shocked Ashmi face* (I knew it was common, but I didn't think it was THAT common. Big eye opener).

Oh yes, one more thing before I end this journal entry, there has been this song I've been addicted to recently (especially the lyrics). I feel like this goes well with my current mood and this journal entry so I'll just leave it here:
(『秒針を噛む』 by ずっと真夜中でいいのに。)

Diving into ashes to bite the second hand,
Crushing the gong sound,
Inside my daydream,
But it will not break,
It will not stop,
Proceeding without knowing what's even 'real'

I want to remove it,
To hide it,
And forget it's there,
Even knowing no one would understand anyway,
I don't want your 'apologies' because,
I do not need empty words and lies that cannot be saved.

Well that's a wrap for another journal entry episode! Stay tuned to hear more soon~

[Bri MT]

At my school basically no one got tutoring but for my DECV subject sometimes it seemed like I was the only one who didn't.


The way you talk about talk subjects I find it hard to believe that you won't do well. It seems like with all the stress going on you're catastrophising a little (one of my "favourite" hobbies in year 12) and panicing yourself despite the evidence not supporting that.  Please do what you can to support your wellbeing. Being sleep deprived etc makes it easier to fall into those thinking traps & in my experience these can be a sign of burnout. Are you able to take a break at all?  Structure in some time for yourself?

Best of luck; you've got this

[ashmi]

Hi Bri and thanks for stopping by

It seems like with all the stress going on you're catastrophising a little (one of my "favourite" hobbies in year 12)

This. This is it. What you said here I think is exactly the problem I've been stuck with.

I really find it hard not stress about things and really have no idea how on earth to control it.
Do you have any techniques or advice on how to stay calm? I've tried taking breaks and getting exercise/spending time with family, but I don't really know how to control the stress. (It could be because of trying to get my sleep schedule back on track or lack of proper food but is there anything you know that could work?). It's sort of like the cloud that just hangs over you and you have no clue how to get rid of it.

(If anyone has really good calming techniques or anything at all, I would love to hear about it so I can try them! )

[ArtyDreams]

Yay its another update!! I love reading your journal entries ah ha - always makes me motivated and happy!

I totally feel you on the learning from home bit - apart from missing classroom interactions a bit I actually like it!!

Ah Physics - a subject we both love at hate at the same time - congrats on finishing motion though! Def a big relief ah ha. I'm postive that you WILL reach your goals in this subject! You've got this.

Also Congrats on the PDT mark!! So excited to see what this subject brings for you in the future!

ANd good luck with everything else thats happening! I'm positive you WILL do well in Eng and Methods  (I genuinely miss methods lol - enjoy it while it lasts ah ha)

In terms of tutoring, I've never gotten tutored for anything for my entirety of schooling. Not to mention, I'm def not blitizing in my subjects either and some extra help could be beneficial - however, I'm not interested in getting it. I personally find that by learning myself, I'm learning more skills and content thoroughly without slacking off if you know what I mean. It does help that most people around me don't get it either, maybe around 20% of my Spec class does, but that's moreso the people who are genuinely struggle and do need that extra assistance.

Trust me, if you keep on top of everything and stay motivated, you can do whatever you dream. You dont need a tutor to do well, just keep at it, and dont let the others make you feel bad about yourself. You've got this! I believe in you!!

Have an awesome week Ashmi - looking forward to a future update!

PS - not sure if anything I said in this post makes sense ah ha - I've got too many thoughts in my head lol

[ashmi]

Heyo Arty!!

I get just as motivated and happy as you do when I see you update your journal!

I totally feel you on the learning from home bit - apart from missing classroom interactions a bit I actually like it!!

Ah Physics - a subject we both love at hate at the same time - congrats on finishing motion though! Def a big relief ah ha. I'm postive that you WILL reach your goals in this subject! You've got this.

Also Congrats on the PDT mark!! So excited to see what this subject brings for you in the future!

ANd good luck with everything else thats happening! I'm positive you WILL do well in Eng and Methods  (I genuinely miss methods lol - enjoy it while it lasts ah ha)

Arty thank you for your support 🥺💕
I feel 100% times better after hearing that from someone as amazing as you! I can literally feel the positivity radiating from you right now.

In terms of tutoring, I've never gotten tutored for anything for my entirety of schooling. Not to mention, I'm def not blitizing in my subjects either and some extra help could be beneficial - however, I'm not interested in getting it. I personally find that by learning myself, I'm learning more skills and content thoroughly without slacking off if you know what I mean. It does help that most people around me don't get it either, maybe around 20% of my Spec class does, but that's moreso the people who are genuinely struggle and do need that extra assistance.

This is really interesting! At my old school, no one got tutored for anything whereas at the school I go to know, it's super common and almost weird to see no one gets tutored. (I literally have enough data from all my friends to make a full practical investigation🤣. As you can see, I really want to do a data analysis task SO BAD like imagine how much depth you can do to for this issue). It's nice to see different opinions and I totally agree with the 'learning more skills' idea! I've just been super curious about this as I do tutor some people for Further in my spare time, and each one has different ideas of why they get tutored (it's quite nice to see their different perspectives).

Thanks, Arty and I hope you have a fabulous week too!!

[Sine]

Spoiler

Ok here is the negative bit/weird part cause I don't want to ruin it with the nice positive bit of the journal.
I don't know what's happened to me again, but it sort of feels like I'm taking one step forward and two steps backwards? I do wonder sometimes if this work is going to pay off, but there is always that little bit that says "Yeah, no sweetie that ain't happening". The other Chem teacher literally gave me so much hope yesterday and said that if you keep your average above 90+, you are likely to get a 40+ SS based on his statistics from teaching Chem, so I magically feel a little bit more motivated after that! My new goal for Chem is to challenge myself and to get my average up to 95% (which is going to be super difficult but that's what life is!).

Also, is it super common for people to do tutoring these days? I was having this interesting debate with a friend and it turns out that in my friend group everyone gets tutored for at least one subject except me😅. I find that at different schools, tutoring is either really common or not common at all.
At my school, it's really common to get tutoring for EAL/English, Spesh and Languages so what is it like at your school? (Similar subjects or completely different ones?). Do people tend to get tutoring for subjects they are weak at or some other reason? This whole debate happened yesterday when my friend explained how nearly everyone but one person in her Spesh class gets tutoring for Spesh *insert shocked Ashmi face* (I knew it was common, but I didn't think it was THAT common. Big eye opener).

In terms of tutoring, I've never gotten tutored for anything for my entirety of schooling. Not to mention, I'm def not blitizing in my subjects either and some extra help could be beneficial - however, I'm not interested in getting it. I personally find that by learning myself, I'm learning more skills and content thoroughly without slacking off if you know what I mean. It does help that most people around me don't get it either, maybe around 20% of my Spec class does, but that's moreso the people who are genuinely struggle and do need that extra assistance.

Trust me, if you keep on top of everything and stay motivated, you can do whatever you dream. You dont need a tutor to do well, just keep at it, and dont let the others make you feel bad about yourself. You've got this! I believe in you!!

Like others have said tutoring is definitely not 100% necessary for someone to do well. There are definitely examples of those who didn't get tutored and still do relatively well and those with tutors not doing so well. However, as a whole on a population level, I would think it does help a student do better. It is definitely one of the contributing factors (amongst many others) on why those who are of a high SES are more likely going to have higher ATARs.

[Bri MT]

Hi Bri and thanks for stopping by

This. This is it. What you said here I think is exactly the problem I've been stuck with.

I really find it hard not stress about things and really have no idea how on earth to control it.
Do you have any techniques or advice on how to stay calm? I've tried taking breaks and getting exercise/spending time with family, but I don't really know how to control the stress. (It could be because of trying to get my sleep schedule back on track or lack of proper food but is there anything you know that could work?). It's sort of like the cloud that just hangs over you and you have no clue how to get rid of it.

(If anyone has really good calming techniques or anything at all, I would love to hear about it so I can try them! )

You're absolutely welcome

Some people find mindfulness/meditation exercises useful, and generally mental and physical wellbeing are closely tied together. It sounds like you've been implementing some good things already with exercise, socialisation etc. so that's good What's been most useful for me was seeking counselling which helped me process some of the underlying stuff and break out of some of the patterns driving my stress. Earlier this year I reached out to Monash Online Counselling and they linked me a few resources like moodgym and reachout tools. You could also try things like headspace etc. to talk to a counsellor.

Hope this helps!


Edit: I didn't get any tutoring and achieved my 98+ goal so just adding to the chorus saying it's def possible to do well without it even though tutoring can be really helpful