The End ⭐️🪦I couldn’t use spoilers so this is very big- sorry.
I’m just here to say my life has officially fallen apart one last time. Is uni in person? It looks like it is but I just can’t deal with being alone so much. I made a rash decision and quit all social media because I wasn’t seeing anything good. I’ve almost gotten over the fact that I know no one who truly cares about me, but I also tearing me apart a bit.
I got my offer and feel absolutely nothing, I feel broken. Not at the offer because I don’t care: I don’t care about anything. I’m not sure why but I guess this is just life now. I’ve come to terms with the fact that being happy or having friends just isn’t something for me and I guess I’m fine with it? Although I’m never fine so perhaps that’s inaccurate......
Also I’m not going to post my scores. I’ll however say I did get above 90. Not that that’s an achievement on AN. It’s easy to be mad that some people get whatever they want full marks all through school and no worries. I feel like my life is horrible and I wouldn’t like to bring others down with me but I guess one day hopefully they’ll be dealt the OTHER hand life has to offer. I’m not bitter I just like equality- we all deserve equal parts good and bad. But what do I know about people’s lives? They could seem to academically and socially have it all but there parents me be abusive or something. Or maybe they’re about to be hit with a car. Maybe they’ll have some sort of depressive episoide later in life? Who knows? I just hope by the very end we’ve all had the same about of bad, and good of course lol.
Sorry for the unanswered PMs- I’m sure whatever you need will gravitate towards you- like it always seems to do for that small percentage of the world which seems to make up a large portion of AN
I’m not upset that life is like this but I have began to question the existence of god. I do believe but I’ve just realised if god did exist would he want me to feel like this? For others to achieve so much more despite me working just as hard, if not harder in some circumstances? If so that’s whack.
I don’t mean to sound like I want some people dead because they can achieve. I just want to know why it’s only like that for certain people? I just wanna know that they are losing out somewhere else to compensate for what they are winning academically. You can’t just have happy people- that’s not how it works. One time my “friend” from years ago said “you wanna watch the world burn” which I guess is correct but not in the most morbid sense of the term! In the nice way.
I’m hoping I’m one of those dumb people that excels at uni. I find it gratifying when people that were smart in high school suddenly fail uni and the dumlings are all of a sudden getting really high WAMs. Makes me feel like the world is fair. The reason this makes me mad is that we all work hard it’s not like they work any harder. And yes this is an us and them situation.
Anyway I’m out and don’t expect to see me on atarnotes I’m not sure this place was any good for me or if I ever did anything except pollute it with my dark thoughts (although I do filter myself quite a bit on here mostly putting “upbeat” stuff).
Since I’m leaving I can say what I’ve observed about AN- it resembles real life. There are the “popular” users and everybody congratulates them for whatever, a bit of feet licking here and there and it occurs back and forth. And then there’s people like me who can never be part of the elite. Behind the screens though we are all just people. Who aren’t any better than those who cannot (or don’t try to) achieve the scores usually thrown around on here. Maybe in the future this advice can be taken to make people feel more welcome. Also NOTE when giving someone typed advice don’t sound so blunt! Stuff being typed up sounds way more blunt that irl! Which may just be your personality but please think before typing!
But it’s also a good place for those said elite. It must be tough having the pressure of perfecting everything so coming on here to have your ego stroked or your self esteem bolstered may have actually been serotonin releasing or something. So it’s not a totally bad platform. And people also seem to play games with each other and help out kids and stuff which is nice☺️ and the uni subject reviews are amazing and all the mods who help and send us helpline numbers etc.
Thanks for attending my Ted talk, the answer to my journal is yes,
Elle did take the biggest L and will continue to do so.