Login

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

March 29, 2024, 10:10:09 am

Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 600341 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #945 on: April 26, 2017, 07:48:00 pm »
Hello, idk if this is the right section, but i would just want to give a huge thank you to elyse for marking my yeats essay! Just got my half yearly back and i got 19/20 for that essay omg!!! Tyvm <33333333 :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Legend!! Well done, what a stellar result ;D

elysepopplewell

  • HSC Lecturer
  • Honorary Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Legend
  • *******
  • Posts: 3236
  • "Hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter."
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #946 on: April 27, 2017, 04:30:43 am »
Hello, idk if this is the right section, but i would just want to give a huge thank you to elyse for marking my yeats essay! Just got my half yearly back and i got 19/20 for that essay omg!!! Tyvm <33333333 :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This is really kind of you to come back and post your result! But, I remember your essay and it was outstanding to begin with. I'm so happy for you! :)
Not sure how to navigate around ATAR Notes? Check out this video!

selinayinz

  • Adventurer
  • *
  • Posts: 23
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #947 on: April 27, 2017, 05:40:11 pm »
I recently did this essay for Mod A, a comparative between 1984 and Metropolis. I got 18/20 whereas most members of my class got 19-20s. My teacher didnt offer me anything on how to improve it. Thanks in advance for the help!

How does a study of 1984 contribute to our understanding of the nature of power and control in Metropolis?
The strictly governed nature of a hierarchical society can reveal a sinister world of oppression and manipulation which is explored through a government’s abuse of power and control. Shaped by the events of 1948, George Orwell’s Juvenalian satire ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ (‘1984’) critically addresses notions of totalitarian rule and the nature of oppression, condemning communist and fascist ideals which emerged and resulted in the Cold War in the 1930s. Influenced by his socialist ideals, Orwell presents a dystopic society dominated by a tyrannical government that creates a dystopic state. In addition, the 1927 science-fiction film ‘Metropolis’ by Fritz Lang further illustrates a divided society which is ruled by an authoritarian figure. The film expresses the epitome of German Expressionism, a modernist movement during the height of the Weimar Republic, defined by industrialism and a mechanized society. Both Orwell and Lang highlight the exploitation of the proletariat and the inherent abuse of power and control inciting an inevitable rebellion. Thus, the abusive qualities of government institutions can result in a manipulation of power and exploitation of control, explored through the Orwell and Lang’s alternate texts. 

 ‘1984’ highlights the detriment of a totalitarian society, whereby free thought is controlled and public opinion is condemned and crushed through the media propaganda and manipulation of language. ‘Newspeak’ is utilised as a tyrannical device, symbolising the oppression of individuality and inhibition of thought. The absurdity of this notion allows Orwell to exaggerate the extent of the control that the government holds over the population, emphasised through the dialogue, “don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?” Society is metaphorically “unconscious”, bound by extreme orthodoxy of thought and language. Individual liberty is corrupted; the population are strictly controlled by the propaganda symbol of Big Brother, analogous of Adolf Hitler. Additionally, the neologism of ‘double think’ solidifies the Party’s ability to override dissent, grasping control over society. This is exemplified within Winston’s desperate tone in “It exists in memory… you remember it,” to which O’Brien responds he does not, elucidating a sense of helplessness. The issue of propaganda and manipulation is further expressed within the ‘Two Minutes Hate’, an allusion to the German propaganda film ‘Triumph of the Will’, utilised to fuel anger towards the enemy. Therefore, the distortion of the truth through media and the reinvention of language reveals the menacing nature of totalitarian societies, highlighting the insatiable nature of power and control held by authorities.

Equivalent to the suppressed society of ‘1984’, Lang’s ‘Metropolis’ encapsulates the abuse of power through the oppressive authoritarian rule of subhuman class workers. A social divide is evident, established through a mise en scene depicting lines of people entering a cage-like elevator descending into the depths. Use of chiaroscuro lighting and dismal costuming of the workers holds negative connotations with their synchronised movements and bowed heads indicating sense of oppression and uniformity. Lang reveals the drastic disparities between the upper and lower classes through frivolous music paired with a long shot of the Club of Sons, juxtaposing the lavish utopia with the worker’s city. These literal levels of Metropolis illustrate the physical power structure and exploitation of the workers. Furthermore, a motif of machinery juxtaposes how workers are treated as expendable tools that exist to support the machines and the city above viewed in a mise en scene of the clock-man. The workers are juxtaposed to the disproportionate size of the machines, highlighting the reduction of humanity as a result of industrialist power abuse. The machine is personified as Moloch, established through a long shot paired with ominous music, metaphorically representing the oppression of the lower classes. A hell-like atmosphere is created, symbolizing the savage exploitation of labour as the workers are being fed into the machine. This is similar to the caricature of Winston as the ‘everyman’, a victim authoritarian abuse, who was consumed by the totalitarian state and transformed into an obedient servant. It is evident how social stratifications elevate a sense of control, as totalitarian states illustrate the abusive characteristic government figures.

Opposition to power and control is revealed through an intellectual recognition of the desire for individual autonomy, as revealed through Winston’s recognition of the value of personal identity. Orwell further explores extremes of control through the absurd neologism of ‘thought-crime’, in which independent dissident thoughts are considered an act of rebellion. Self-expression and individuality, fundamental to the human condition, are condemned by the Party, hyperbolised as insanity. Despite the attempt to control human nature, Winston’s diary is symbolic of his defiance of the system. Repetition of the maxim “DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER,” highlights Winston’s rebellion against the Party, and his resistance to their control. Orwell highlights how absolute power and control leads to the complete reduction of humanity, represented through the anticlimactic destruction of Winston. This is juxtaposed to ‘Metropolis’, which explores a positive outcome from rebellion, overcoming the threat of authoritarian power and abolishing control in order to achieve equality within society. This is elevated through the doublethink incongruity of “2+2=5”. Winston’s metaphorical “victory over himself” alludes to the nihilistic notion of the destruction of all values; Orwell posits that rebellion does not lead to redemption, and warns that totalitarian regimes will consequently result in the loss of all moral and sane judgement. Thus, 1984 portrays how rebellion against power results in the extreme degradation of humanity, revealing the methodical process of destruction from power and control.

As a result of excessive power abuse, the usurping of authority can lead to a discovery of a connection and community, which surpasses power structures in society. This is demonstrated within Metropolis, in which Freder’s symbolic rejection of his father highlights his transcendence of socio-political structures that divide the classes. Further, Lang biblically alludes to Maria as a matriarchal figure of power, represented through use of religious iconography of the crucifix, who advocates for the unity of the “thinkers” and the “workers”. The peaceful nature of Maria is juxtaposed to false Maria, who is characterised as the follies of man (the Seven Sins), whose purpose was to divide society and stratify power structures. Avant-garde costuming is utilised to depict the false Maria as the Whore of Babylon and mother of abomination, foreshadowing the downfall of Metropolis, resulting in a literal and metaphorical loss of power in the industrialist city. The power struggle between the classes ironically results in a realisation of need for community and balance. Thus, the overriding of power and control reveals justice in society, depicted through the symbolic Mediator, who joins the opposing masses together. Freder vanquishes the divide of power, fulfilling his role as the Mediator “between the head and hands”, juxtaposed to Winston’s loss of identity due to failure to thwart the system. Lang emphasises that systematic rule can be overcome, and autocratic societies can be transformed, initiating new freedom and expelling the abusive institutions of power and control.

The synthesis of Lang and Orwell’s respective texts reveals the extent of power and control within totalitarian societies, revealed through the distortion of truth through media propaganda. The insatiable nature of power and control is further emphasised through social stratifications, which can ultimately lead to rebellion against authorities. Systematic rule and how it can transform negatively and positively is thus explored.





jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #948 on: April 27, 2017, 08:00:02 pm »
I recently did this essay for Mod A, a comparative between 1984 and Metropolis. I got 18/20 whereas most members of my class got 19-20s. My teacher didnt offer me anything on how to improve it. Thanks in advance for the help!

Hey Selina! Thanks for posting your Essay - I can see you also posted a creative! Which would you like us to mark first? You'll need 30 posts to qualify for both to be marked ;D

pikachu975

  • Forum Obsessive
  • ***
  • Posts: 363
  • Stars and Bars
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #949 on: April 27, 2017, 08:09:41 pm »
I'm not sure if a question is required for feedback but I've written a general Yeats essay on 3 poems for an assessment task (specified Wild Swans at Coole and at least 1 other) and it's only 850 words because I need to add some critical voice/commentary and probably some more quotes in places. I'd mainly like to know where to improve some clarity of expression or making clearer arguments/ideas. Also maybe some better topic sentences or connectives/linking words throughout to help flow. Thanks in advance!

Spoiler
William Butler Yeats’ musical treatment of the universal concept of Time through highly allusive language enhances the timelessness of his poetry. In “The Wild Swans at Coole” (1919), Yeats observes the memorable swans at Coole Lake, exploring the realisation of his own mortality contrasted with the eternality and timelessness of nature. Furthermore, Yeats’ Modernist masterpiece, “The Second Coming” (1921), portrays his cyclical perspective of historical progression and its relationship with destruction. In addition, his mythical poem, “Leda and the Swan”, describes the inevitability and great impact of change over time through the rape of Leda by Zeus as the swan. Ultimately, Yeats’ effective use of allusive language and vivid images convey a particular Irish experience of Time, politics and change.

In “The Wild Swans at Coole”, Yeats embeds intimately his inherent mortality with the constancy of nature as he witnesses the swans fly away. Yeats utilises the Greater Romantic Lyric’s structured progression and rhyming scheme of ABCBDD to augment his continuous search for longingness. However, this is juxtaposed by the disturbed rhythm created from the rotating tetrameter, trimeter and pentameter, illustrating Yeats’ inability to place his mortality within nature’s enduring patterns. The subtle subversion of the traditional youthful beauty of summer, “autumn beauty” symbolises Yeats’ aging and gradual change to winter, whereas nature remains constant forever in its beauty. Furthermore, Yeats’ conscious shaping of the image of the persona “under the October twilight” conveys a detachment from the constancy of the sky. Yeats exemplifies his ageing when he uses the temporal indication, “The first time on this shore”, where the swans “Trod with a lighter tread”. The past tense verb used by Yeats conveys his old age as “All’s changed” since his first visit, contrasted by the swans who are “Unwearied still”. He also uses oxymoron to describe that his “heart is sore”, juxtaposed by the swans, whose “hearts have not grown old”. This illustrates Yeats’ yearning for everlasting life that the swans contain. Therefore, Yeats differentiates between his dwindling life span and the constancy of nature as he reflects on the unforgettable swans and their eternality as a species.

While time is presented with a contrast between human mortality and nature’s eternality in “The Wild Swans at Coole”, Yeats describes the inevitability of Time passing and civilisations changing and in particular, the ramifications of war in “The Second Coming”. His view of time and history being cyclical is presented through a negative anticipation of a collapse of society. His use of free verse, irregular iambic pentameter, and an aborted octave symbolise the downfall of society in preparation for the coming of a new one. The choice of future tense, “cannot” in “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold” connotes the fear for the future of society as the aristocratic system at the time was not sufficient. Furthermore, the allusion of “blood-dimmed tide is loosed” alludes to the flood and Noah’s ark, signifying the bloodshed of WW1, the Irish Civil War and the Russian revolution and their jarring impacts on society where a new epoch would be created followed by the destruction. In addition, the alliteration of ‘d’ in “darkness drops again” creates a deadening and brutal tone which portrays the destruction and chaos needed to reform society. The word ‘again’ also alludes to the first coming of Christ, which started a new era still ongoing today and thus, conveys Yeats’ idea of time and history being cyclical. Hence, the destruction associated with the Second Coming is described by Yeats as the precursor for the start of a new era, succeeding the “twenty centuries of stony sleep”.

However, Yeats presents a different perspective of Time in “Leda and the Swan”, as he reveals changes in society as being inevitable in history. Yeats makes use of both Petrarchan and Shakespearean sonnet form, whereby the dual forms representing how changes occur throughout time signified by the shift in form. The caesura in the opening line, “A sudden blow: the great wings beating still” allows for reflection on the idea that despite the devastating impact of events such as wars, time and society continue ‘beating still’. Furthermore, the past tense verbs: “caressed”, “caught”, “laid”, among the present tense of the poem, symbolises the sudden nature of changes in ideologies of society as time continues. Yeats details the consequences of these changes as “A shudder in the loins engenders there”, representing a major event occurring to society and connoting new life or ideals being sparked. In addition the war diction, “The broken wall, the burning roof and tower” alludes to the destruction and impact arising from changes that can cause the start of new epochs, as detailed in “The Second Coming”. Thus, Yeats’ poetic treatment of the mythological rape of Leda reveals the unpreventable changes and their significant impact on society.

Ultimately, Yeats’ extensive use of symbols and allusive language enhances the textual integrity of “The Wild Swans at Coole”, “The Second Coming”, and “Leda and the Swan”. It is through this that readers reflect on Yeats’ timeless poetry as they realise the relevance of its power in modern society where change is constantly happening.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2017, 10:40:12 pm by pikachu975 »

Offering tutoring for Biology, Maths, Maths Ext 1, and Maths Ext 2.
Send me a message if interested!


2016 HSC (Accelerated):
// 2U Maths (97) // SOR 1 (48) //

2017 HSC:
// English Adv // Bio // Phys // 3U Maths // 4U Maths //

Goal: 99.9


jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #950 on: April 27, 2017, 08:36:37 pm »
I'm not sure if a question is required for feedback but I've written a general Yeats essay on 3 poems for an assessment task (specified Wild Swans at Coole and at least 1 other) and it's only 850 words because I need to add some critical voice/commentary and probably some more quotes in places. I'd mainly like to know where to improve some clarity of expression or making clearer arguments/ideas. Also maybe some better topic sentences or connectives/linking words throughout to help flow. Thanks in advance!

You need 15 posts for feedback, you've got that! You're on the list! ;D you should have some feedback in the next couple of days :)

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #951 on: April 27, 2017, 10:58:44 pm »
Hi I was wondering if I could have some help making my response succinct without losing content. I was also wondering if I could have some help in applying what my teacher said. I was also hoping to get an indication of how well I'm fulfilling this assessment's marking key so I can improve it :D

I asked my teacher 'I was also wondering in our responses do we need to reference specific aspects of the text? Do we need to draw attention to concepts like Big Brother or specific passages, or is it enough for this kind of response to talk about the themes in general?' I asked these questions after Elyse pointed it out in paragraph 1 of my response

She said that: If you read the question (2) carefully, you will realise that this question is much broader than the one given for your journal and as such, you are able to examine it from different cultural contexts such as the Western context vs Middle Eastern context OR/AND contexts that have changed over time such as how values and attitudes have changed (marriage, romance, etc) over the centuries within the same society. You may select 2 audiences as I have said in class as long as you are convinced that you have adequate content to convince your marker of your critical understanding of the question.

In English, regardless of the focus (themes, etc), IT IS IMPERATIVE YOU MUST MAKE SPECIFIC REFERENCES TO THE TEXT. Without which, how do you convey to the marker the depth of your reading and interpretation of a text? Never indulge in general discussions in the RESPONDING SECTION of the exam in which you would find such a question as it comprises 40% of the mark and general discussion is not going to cut it.

Feedback is greatly appreciated :D

Hey! I'll do my best, though the way your teacher responded to your question makes me think that you are being asked something quite different to what is required in the HSC. But I'll see what I can do :)

Spoiler
2.   Discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text you have studied.

George Orwell’s dystopian narrative ‘1984’ can be interpreted in numerous ways due to differing historical contexts and cultural backgrounds in regards to the political influences of differing governments on the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance. Orwell’s intent was for his narrative ‘1984’ to serve as a warning to his readers towards the danger of totalitarianism and the possible consequences just after World War 2. What specifically about this context was he exploring? Chances are the Cold War would be worth a mention. However, this intent can evoke different responses from various audience groups and differ in the extent certain ideas and issues portrayed are explored. To people living during a period in which tyranny was a reality, Orwell’s warning may evoke a response of fear and acknowledgement to the daunting reminder that Communism could potentially become a driving force that permeates the way of life bringing about hardship and suffering. Good. To others, such as contemporary readers in the 21st century, Orwell’s warning about the threat of Communism may simply be looked upon as a relic of the past with readers responding with a lack of understanding and appreciation. Excellent, you are showing a solid understanding of how the audience response will change based on their context. These numerous responses develop from different attitudes, values and beliefs promoted within differing contexts. Don't need this sentence, you established this idea already. However, in both ‘1984’ and in reality a clear relationship involving trust and obedience with politics is similarly constructed in both texts allowing the audience to draw parallels within the concept of democracy. In addition, it appears as though modern readers are able to delve deeper into ‘1984’ and apply their knowledge to reality than contemporary readers. I'd add "of Orwell's context" to the end of that text, for clarity.

Vulnerable individuals living in the 20th century may have a greater understanding of Orwell’s warning about the threat of totalitarianism. The fact that Orwell lived through two world wars and saw the rise of totalitarian regimes on an unprecedented scale that included tyranny in Spain, Germany and the Soviet Union during his lifetime greatly influenced his inspiration for ‘1984’. Good contextual information. In these countries, people subjected to hunger and forced labor over time often began to accept their predicament as a normal aspect of life under a dictated reign in history. This is reflective of a passive attitude established in ‘1984’ to be one of obedience towards ultimate authority and the belief that citizens under a dictated should be subjected complete political power and authority regardless of personal will. In particular the ritual ‘the two minutes hate’ described in 1984’ was effectively a brainwashing session designed to use the collective rage of the citizens of Oceania against supposed "enemies of the Party" to strengthen the Party's position and redirect their anger away from the Party itself. The use of videos of supposed enemies allows the Party to manipulate and direct the people’s anger and rage they may feel from the lack of control over their own lives towards a fictional enemy created by the ‘Party’ to control an individual’s personal will as to who they should hate. I do think this is too much plot detail, but perhaps given your teachers comments, it isn't? I can't be sure. I'd try to compress this detail into a single sentence at least. In addition, the fact that modern politicians are able to invent an enemy by manipulating the public rage and anger towards that enemy using media reinforces the terrifying consequence in misplacing unquestioned trust in politics without exercising one’s own critical thinking and enforcing an individual’s personal will. This knowledge reinforces the passive attitude of obedience towards authority, the value of survival and the belief that absolute obedience will increase one’s chances of survival in a time of tyranny in history and in ‘1984’. Ultimately, the value of freedom and the value of life in the minds of individuals held captive by totalitarianism are eventually erased in ‘1984’. Could this be worth another paragraph? I feel the idea has shifted quite a bit from where we started. Eventually, citizens of Oceania only have one priority: to be obedient and survive. Orwell’s warning is therefore considered to be one of importance to individuals who fear the danger of communism being a potential driving force that permeates their own way of life bring about hardships and suffering as seen in Stalin’s reign and in ‘1984’. Furthermore, vulnerable people fearing the prospect of living under a dictated reign are likely to respond to Orwell’s warning of the threat of Communism with seriousness and fear. I feel you haven't done as effective a job at identifying audiences and how they respond in different ways - This seems like a much more general discussion, not focused on particular audiences and contexts.

On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century may respond to Orwell’s warning about the threat of Communism with a lack of seriousness and appreciation. Orwell’s warning can evoke such a response from this audience group because first world countries such as America are typically associated with being a western country that is either capitalist and/or democratic in which numerous privileges are taken for granted as rights. Try to link this specifically to a response to something in the text... This leads them to view aspects of the text, such as ______, with disdain, disbelief and disconnection. Or something. Alternatively, modern readers may respond to the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and may respond with seriousness. Why? It is a assumed democratic belief that people should have access to universal rights and it is from this belief that a spoilt and conceited attitude is established towards the value and belief of accessing these freedoms and rights. The threat of communism is not perceived to be a driving force that can influence a contemporary reader’s way of life but rather a relic of the past rather than a pressing issue. However, issues that arise from the concept of communism are applicable to modern society to a greater relation to contemporary readers than to the contemporary's of the text ‘1984’. The idea of surveillance on a person without their content or awareness simultaneously conveys the betrayal of trust placed in the government to be manipulated in such a way to control its citizens. Following Edward Snowden revealing a massive surveillance program in which the US National Security Agency (NSA) could monitor the cellphone and internet activity of US citizens the sales of 1984 spiked by about 7,000% according to a survey by Pew Research Center. Effective use of a contextual example there. This recent revelation of the United States’ domestic surveillance operations further supports the eerie realisation that the distant future George Orwell imagined in ‘1984’ may not be as distant as first believed. In reality the technological possibilities of surveillance and data collection and storage in modern society surpasses what Orwell imagined. Be careful, this is getting a little too emotive. Keep things objective. In particular, Orwell’s idea in describing the extent technology can be used as invasive spyware prying into an individual’s privacy without that individual’s awareness or permission is subtly present in reality.The realisation that telescreens and microphones used in 1984 are eerily similar to televisions, microphones and CCTV’s that exist in modern society evokes a sense of unease. For the audience - You are doing a personal (and emotive) response right now, swap back to analysing responses of different audiences. Furthermore, just the thought of modern CCTV’s being used in society to spy on people without their knowledge and consent sends shivers down my spine as a contemporary reader living in the 21st century. Again, too emotive, keep things objective. This further reinforces the idea and knowledge that modern technology is eerily similar to the complicated mechanisms used to psychologically manipulate and control the minds of the people of Oceania by inducing paranoia and fear. In addition, a modern reader’s possible lack of seriousness and fear towards Orwell’s warning in ‘1984’ reflects a mindset that pictures communism as a foreign idea will never happen in the reality and that freedoms are simply rights rather than privileges. However, in reality a modern reader may respond to the increasing prevalence of ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness. You focused a lot on the modern reader here, perhaps a little imbalanced?

Furthermore, individuals whom lived in fear of oppression and tyranny stemmed from the aftermath of war and manipulation will inevitably respond towards Orwell’s dystopian narrative with seriousness and alertness as they are aware of the dangers and the suffering experienced by those oppressed by tyranny in neighbouring countries. As a result of contrasting historical and cultural contexts across various audience groups and individuals, responses and meanings towards Orwell’s warning in the narrative ‘1984’ are distinctly differ. The contrasting values, beliefs and attitudes promoted within varying contexts can influence and shape one’s interpretation of a text.

I think you've responded to the criteria quite well in the first paragraph! Less so in the second and third paragraph, read it back, you'll notice the difference in how you approached it. Watch the emotive language in the third paragraph. To cut down and make your response more succinct, focus on keeping your plot details minimised. Further, try to put more structure into your sentences: "This audience will respond in this way and this is why." If all your sentences follow some version of that template, you'll be less likely to include unimportant information, and it will make your response clearer! :)

Nialllovespie

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 135
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #952 on: April 28, 2017, 03:32:12 pm »
Hiya!

I was wondering if I could get my T.S Eliot essay for Mod B marked?

34 Techniques
Word Count: 1214

Poetry enables an author to link the fundamental relationship between their contextual origins to the enduring value of the universal themes they explore during the construction of their composed texts. T.S Eliot’s poems, ‘The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock’ (henceforth Love Song) and ‘Preludes’ explore recurring themes and values including modernity and meaning, consequently from the ontological crisis prevalent during his society. Eliot portrays the human experience as tensions between the individual and society by rejecting traditional and structural language features, a characteristic that had become dominant in Modern literature. Therefore, it enables Eliot’s audience to explore predicaments common to the human psyche whilst anticipating new perspectives regarding our role and significance within a contemporary society.

The ubiquitous and oppressive role of modernity has a corrosive impact on the relationships between individuals and society. The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock was prompted by Eliot's reaction to the rapid increase of industrialisation that created a loss of connection between individuals, a feature of enduring relevance to today's society. The intertextual reference to Shakespeare’s Hamlet exposes Eliot’s self degradation, amplified through the caesura ‘No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was I meant to be’ highlighting the paralyzing effects of modern world social expectations on the human psyche. Prince Hamlet’s significance is juxtaposed to Prufrock degrading his self worth through the metatheatrical language of an ‘attendant lord’ consequently from the lack of meaning sought in his life. Prufrock articulates the challenges involved with self presentation in order to conform to the superficiality of social conventions as he rhetorically questions “Shall I part my hair behind/ Do I dare eat a peach?” acknowledging that failure to decode these social conventions will leave the individual disconnected from society. The visual imagery and metonymy of “there will be time/ To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet” enables Eliot to reveal the truth of meeting people, where nobody projects their real inner self to the world, instead we are “prepared”. Love Song explores the thematic concerns regarding modernity and the impact it has on individual lives, an enduring concept during Eliot’s lifetime and invariably our own.

Contrasting with Love Song, Preludes expresses the notion of modernity, through urban deterioration, characterised by the mundane and repetitive nature of living. Eliot's use of an authoritative tone through the second person narration in “you tossed a blanket from the bed/you lay upon your back, and waited” enables Eliot to encapsulate the reader into the dirty, dull industrialised city as a result of urban deterioration. A key facet of the Modernist agenda includes the monotony of lives, portrayed through the rhyme of “passageways - days”, “wraps -scraps” and “lots - pots” emphasising the uniformity of individual's lives thus imbuing his texts with universal and immutable relevance. The fragmentation and connotations of poverty in “Burnt out ends of smoke days...the grimy scraps…” creates a somber tone and exposes the filthiness of the industrialised city and by extension, foreshadows to the futuristic condition of world cities. In addition, the sense of dullness and filthiness prevalent in the city is further conveyed through the accumulation of descriptive imagery in “burnt-out”, “gusty”, “grimy”, “withered” and “broken” as Eliot describes his perspective of the city landscape post-industrialisation. The use of enjambment in “one thinks of all the hands that are raising dingy shades in a thousand furnished rooms” conveys individuals trapped in the repetitive nature of life and connotes the increasing gap between individuals as social media and technology impedes communication within society similarly to the way the theme modernity is demonstrated throughout Love Song. The consequences of modernity regarding urban deterioration can be seen though the inability of society to thrive during the post-war industrial era which led to Eliot poetically expressing his enduring concerns still relevant to today.

The search for meaning is a multifaceted issue, impacting the fundamental relationship between an individual and their interaction with the world. Love song, written as a dramatic monologue with fragmented thoughts exposes Eliot's search for meaning in life, through the persona Prufrock. Eliot's ambiguous pronouns of ‘let us go then you and I’ invites the audience to form their own subjective interpretations and values regarding the search for meaning in life. Prufrock's sense of inadequacy, is presented through voiceless alveolar in “To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?” conveying the fluctuating nature of his thinking as he is unable to find meaning within life whilst trapped in a society of flux. Eliot’s concluding epiphany “Til human voices wake us, and we drown” suggests the subconscious notion that once an individual realises that the idealistic views of traditional Romanticism are unattainable and that our external identities are superficially judged by a pretentious society, your internal persona accepts life as meaningless.. The visual imagery of Prufrock ‘combing the white hair of the waves blown back’ manifests his old, weary self lacking meaning in life, through the diction portraying his decaying environment, similarly to the urban deterioration in Preludes. Prufrock, having ‘measured’ his life as ‘coffee spoons’ serves to amplify his nihilistic views and lack of meaning in life through the menotomy of ‘coffee spoons’ representing his years. It is through the lack of meaning in life that individuals struggle to find connections with individuals, a concern persistent in society as a result of the increasing industrialisation.

Similarly to Love Song,  Preludes also challenges the search for meaning in life through a persona who lacks connection with individuals. The persona’s search for meaning in life is evident through the parallelistic isocolon in ‘some infinitely gentle, infinitely suffering thing’ denoting the little hope he has amounted. The juxtaposition of the pleasant imagery in ‘infinitely gentle’ contrasted to the brutal tone of the ‘infinitely suffering thing’ conforms to the harsh reality that despite all his efforts, Eliot will never find meaning in life. The sensory imagery of the ‘withered leaves about your feet’ uses assonance to accentuate the lack of meaning in life and alludes to the dying nature in modern society, consequently from deforestation and industrialisation. Eliot’s use of enjambment in “one thinks of all the hands that are raising dingy shades in a thousand furnished rooms” conveys individuals trapped in the repetitive nature of their lives, thus unable to find meaning in life. In addition, the dull imagery of ‘dingy shades’ creates a sombre tone to highlight the lack of meaning in life whilst connoting the increasing gap between individuals as social media and technology impedes communication within society hence creating their inability to find a source meaning.  Therefore, it is clear that Preludes explores the thematic concern of meaning, an important aspect of the human psyche with enduring relevance to today’s society.

Eliot’s poems, ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’ and ‘Preludes’ express the universal themes of modernity and meaning, both prevalent thematic concerns arising during the construction of Eliot’s oeuvres. Eliot comments on the current state of society by presenting the fundamental relationship between individuals and the community which enables him to provide his audiences with new and enduring perspectives regarding their role and significance. The reaction of his readers will encourage them to change the unfulfilling ways we go about our daily lives by altering their meaning of life and understanding the effects of industrialisation on the human psyche.


Thanks in advanced!!

Nia

elysepopplewell

  • HSC Lecturer
  • Honorary Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Legend
  • *******
  • Posts: 3236
  • "Hey little fighter, soon it will be brighter."
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #953 on: April 28, 2017, 05:50:10 pm »
I'm not sure if a question is required for feedback but I've written a general Yeats essay on 3 poems for an assessment task (specified Wild Swans at Coole and at least 1 other) and it's only 850 words because I need to add some critical voice/commentary and probably some more quotes in places. I'd mainly like to know where to improve some clarity of expression or making clearer arguments/ideas. Also maybe some better topic sentences or connectives/linking words throughout to help flow. Thanks in advance!


Hey there! We can definitely give you feedback on this  I studied Yeats so I always enjoy giving feedback on these essays.

Spoiler

William Butler Yeats’ musical Not so sure about this – musical is in some ways synonymous with creative and artistic, but I think the connotations of a non-written form are too strong to use it here.  treatment of the universal concept of Timethis doesn’t need to be capitalised. through highly allusive language enhances the timelessness of his poetry. I do love the idea of time though – what a great point of exploration! In “The Wild Swans at Coole” (1919), Yeats observes the memorable swans at Coole Lake, exploring the realisation of his own mortality contrasted with the eternality and timelessness of nature. Furthermore, Yeats’ Modernist masterpiece, “The Second Coming” (1921), portrays his cyclical perspective of historical progression and its relationship with destruction. Absolutely love this sentence!  In addition, his mythical poem, “Leda and the Swan”, describes the inevitability and great impact of change over time through the rape of Leda by Zeus as the swan. Ultimately, Yeats’ effective use of allusive language and vivid images conveys  a particular Irish experience of Time, politics and change. Again, no need to capitalise time – but I love these last four words. Excellent links to explore later on!

In “The Wild Swans at Coole”, Yeats embeds intimately his inherent mortality with the constancy of nature as he witnesses the swans fly away. Yeats utilises the Greater Romantic Lyric’s structured progression and rhyming scheme of ABCBDD to augment his continuous search for longingness. However, ”However” breaks the flow and isn’t necessary here  this is juxtaposed by the disturbed rhythm created from the rotating tetrameter, trimeter and pentameter, illustrating Yeats’ inability to place his mortality within nature’s enduring patterns. The subtle subversion of the traditional youthful beauty of summer, “autumn beauty” symbolises Yeats’ aging and gradual change to winter, whereas nature remains constant forever in its beauty. Furthermore, Yeats’ conscious shaping of the image of the persona “under the October twilight” conveys a detachment from the constancy of the sky. Yeats exemplifies his ageing when he uses the temporal indication, “The first time on this shore”, where the swans “Trod with a lighter tread”. The past tense verb used by Yeats conveys his old age as “All’s changed” since his first visit, contrasted by the swans who are “Unwearied still”. Punctuation sits inside the quotation mark – not outside. But, I think this is a really good example of embedding the technique and the quote so seamlessly in a sentence!  He also uses ”He also uses” is quite colloquial and I think it detracts from the otherwise great tone you’ve established. oxymoron to describe that his “heart is sore”, juxtaposed by the swans, whose “hearts have not grown old”. This illustrates Yeats’ yearning for everlasting life that the swans contain. Therefore, Yeats differentiates between his dwindling life span and the constancy of nature as he reflects on the unforgettable swans and their eternality as a species. You’ve very thoroughly analysed the text and I think it’s great the way you’ve managed to embed quotes so seamlessly! Where I do think you can improve is in the way you look to the “response” that Module B requires. I know you mentioned wanting to add more quotes, but I don’t think adding quotes from the text is needed here, you’ve done such a great job with that already. Module B is unique because it requires a “response” – without using the first person, you’re supposed to espouse the view of a responder to the text and address the way the text has transcended time. So, you’ve done an amazing job at dealing with the text and you’ve both explicitly and implicitly dealt with the topic of time which is wonderful. But, what is it that makes this relevant? If you want to say the content of the text makes it relevant, let’s look at how the struggle between youth and age is one constant to the human experience. If you want to take the angle of saying the delivery of the poem is what helps it to transcend time, I’d take on the angle that poetry is an accessible vehicle for tapping into emotions and experiences – and Yeats’ high textual integrity makes this possible. When you add scholars, you’ll likely be forced to talk about this kind of thing anyway so it won’t be too much of a jump to add these things in!

While time is presented with a contrast between human mortality and nature’s eternality in “The Wild Swans at Coole”, Yeats describes the inevitability of Time passing and civilisations changing and in particular, the ramifications of war in “The Second Coming”. Another amazing sentence. Really love the way you’ve dealt with the two poems in the one sentence without being bulky. His view of time and history being cyclical is presented through a negative anticipation of a collapse of society. His use of free verse, irregular iambic pentameter, and an aborted octave symbolise the downfall of society in preparation for the coming of a new one. The choice of future tense, “cannot” in “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold” connotes the fear for the future of society as the aristocratic system at the time was not sufficient. Furthermore, the allusion of “blood-dimmed tide is loosed” alludes to the flood and Noah’s ark, signifying the bloodshed of WW1, the Irish Civil War and the Russian revolution and their jarring impacts on society where a new epoch would be created followed by the destruction. In addition, the alliteration of ‘d’ in “darkness drops again” creates a deadening and brutal tone which portrays the destruction and chaos needed to reform society. The word ‘again’ also alludes to the first coming of Christ, which started a new era still ongoing today and thus, conveys Yeats’ idea of time and history being cyclical. Hence, the destruction associated with the Second Coming is described by Yeats as the precursor for the start of a new era, succeeding the “twenty centuries of stony sleep”. I have the same comments for this paragraph as the one above. Beautiful work in connecting the text with the purpose, but it can be improved with linking to the Module B requirement of “response” which will likely fall into place when you bring the scholars in as you intend.

However, No need for “however” here.  Yeats presents a different perspective of Time in “Leda and the Swan”, as he reveals changes in society as being inevitable in history. Yeats makes use of both Petrarchan and Shakespearean sonnet form, whereby the dual forms representing how changes occur throughout time signified by the shift in form. The caesura in the opening line, “A sudden blow: the great wings beating still” allows for reflection on the idea that despite the devastating impact of events such as wars, time and society continue ‘beating still’. Furthermore, the past tense verbs: “caressed”, “caught”, “laid”, among the present tense of the poem, symbolises the sudden nature of changes in ideologies of society as time continues. Yeats details the consequences of these changes as “A shudder in the loins engenders there”, representing a major event occurring to society and connoting new life or ideals being sparked. In addition the war diction, “The broken wall, the burning roof and tower” alludes to the destruction and impact arising from changes that can cause the start of new epochs, as detailed in “The Second Coming”. Thus, Yeats’ poetic treatment of the mythological rape of Leda reveals the unpreventable changes and their significant impact on society. And how does this remain relevant? How has this concept of time remained useful, or relevant, after the composition of the play? How have people received this poem? Is this poem accessible because of modern circumstances or is it accessible because of its poetic creation?

Ultimately, Yeats’ extensive use of symbols and allusive language enhances the textual integrity of “The Wild Swans at Coole”, “The Second Coming”, and “Leda and the Swan”. Love that you used textual integrity here. It is through this that readers reflect on Yeats’ timeless poetry as they realise the relevance of its power in modern society where change is constantly happening. This last sentence is a little weak – “where change is constantly happening” sounds a little too colloquial. This is an opportunity to link to the “response” by connecting contexts, so make it worth it! I think, “Yeats’ timeless poetry as the theme change that permeate the poems persist as relevant in the modern courses of time.” Change the wording as you wish, I’m just throwing something out there as a suggestion for improving the last sentence so you go out with a bang!

The bulk of what I have to say sits within the comments! I think you deal with the texts well, you undoubtedly have a really good grasp on them. What I do think needs some dedication is addressing the “response” that Module B requires – and as you’ve already identified, this will likely come through quite naturally when you incorporate the scholars. It won’t be enough to simply quote the scholars, you’ll need to embed the ideas with your own to create an opinion on the way Yeats has treated ideas of relevance both then and now. Hopefully this all makes sense, let me know if I can help any more  :)
Not sure how to navigate around ATAR Notes? Check out this video!

anotherworld2b

  • Forum Leader
  • ****
  • Posts: 747
  • School Grad Year: 2017
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #954 on: April 29, 2017, 11:19:29 am »
Thank you for your feedback.
I was a bit confused about what you meant about
You focused a lot on the modern reader here, perhaps a little imbalanced?

Hey! I'll do my best, though the way your teacher responded to your question makes me think that you are being asked something quite different to what is required in the HSC. But I'll see what I can do :)

Spoiler
2.   Discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text you have studied.

George Orwell’s dystopian narrative ‘1984’ can be interpreted in numerous ways due to differing historical contexts and cultural backgrounds in regards to the political influences of differing governments on the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance. Orwell’s intent was for his narrative ‘1984’ to serve as a warning to his readers towards the danger of totalitarianism and the possible consequences just after World War 2. What specifically about this context was he exploring? Chances are the Cold War would be worth a mention. However, this intent can evoke different responses from various audience groups and differ in the extent certain ideas and issues portrayed are explored. To people living during a period in which tyranny was a reality, Orwell’s warning may evoke a response of fear and acknowledgement to the daunting reminder that Communism could potentially become a driving force that permeates the way of life bringing about hardship and suffering. Good. To others, such as contemporary readers in the 21st century, Orwell’s warning about the threat of Communism may simply be looked upon as a relic of the past with readers responding with a lack of understanding and appreciation. Excellent, you are showing a solid understanding of how the audience response will change based on their context. These numerous responses develop from different attitudes, values and beliefs promoted within differing contexts. Don't need this sentence, you established this idea already. However, in both ‘1984’ and in reality a clear relationship involving trust and obedience with politics is similarly constructed in both texts allowing the audience to draw parallels within the concept of democracy. In addition, it appears as though modern readers are able to delve deeper into ‘1984’ and apply their knowledge to reality than contemporary readers. I'd add "of Orwell's context" to the end of that text, for clarity.

Vulnerable individuals living in the 20th century may have a greater understanding of Orwell’s warning about the threat of totalitarianism. The fact that Orwell lived through two world wars and saw the rise of totalitarian regimes on an unprecedented scale that included tyranny in Spain, Germany and the Soviet Union during his lifetime greatly influenced his inspiration for ‘1984’. Good contextual information. In these countries, people subjected to hunger and forced labor over time often began to accept their predicament as a normal aspect of life under a dictated reign in history. This is reflective of a passive attitude established in ‘1984’ to be one of obedience towards ultimate authority and the belief that citizens under a dictated should be subjected complete political power and authority regardless of personal will. In particular the ritual ‘the two minutes hate’ described in 1984’ was effectively a brainwashing session designed to use the collective rage of the citizens of Oceania against supposed "enemies of the Party" to strengthen the Party's position and redirect their anger away from the Party itself. The use of videos of supposed enemies allows the Party to manipulate and direct the people’s anger and rage they may feel from the lack of control over their own lives towards a fictional enemy created by the ‘Party’ to control an individual’s personal will as to who they should hate. I do think this is too much plot detail, but perhaps given your teachers comments, it isn't? I can't be sure. I'd try to compress this detail into a single sentence at least. In addition, the fact that modern politicians are able to invent an enemy by manipulating the public rage and anger towards that enemy using media reinforces the terrifying consequence in misplacing unquestioned trust in politics without exercising one’s own critical thinking and enforcing an individual’s personal will. This knowledge reinforces the passive attitude of obedience towards authority, the value of survival and the belief that absolute obedience will increase one’s chances of survival in a time of tyranny in history and in ‘1984’. Ultimately, the value of freedom and the value of life in the minds of individuals held captive by totalitarianism are eventually erased in ‘1984’. Could this be worth another paragraph? I feel the idea has shifted quite a bit from where we started. Eventually, citizens of Oceania only have one priority: to be obedient and survive. Orwell’s warning is therefore considered to be one of importance to individuals who fear the danger of communism being a potential driving force that permeates their own way of life bring about hardships and suffering as seen in Stalin’s reign and in ‘1984’. Furthermore, vulnerable people fearing the prospect of living under a dictated reign are likely to respond to Orwell’s warning of the threat of Communism with seriousness and fear. I feel you haven't done as effective a job at identifying audiences and how they respond in different ways - This seems like a much more general discussion, not focused on particular audiences and contexts.

On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century may respond to Orwell’s warning about the threat of Communism with a lack of seriousness and appreciation. Orwell’s warning can evoke such a response from this audience group because first world countries such as America are typically associated with being a western country that is either capitalist and/or democratic in which numerous privileges are taken for granted as rights. Try to link this specifically to a response to something in the text... This leads them to view aspects of the text, such as ______, with disdain, disbelief and disconnection. Or something. Alternatively, modern readers may respond to the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and may respond with seriousness. Why? It is a assumed democratic belief that people should have access to universal rights and it is from this belief that a spoilt and conceited attitude is established towards the value and belief of accessing these freedoms and rights. The threat of communism is not perceived to be a driving force that can influence a contemporary reader’s way of life but rather a relic of the past rather than a pressing issue. However, issues that arise from the concept of communism are applicable to modern society to a greater relation to contemporary readers than to the contemporary's of the text ‘1984’. The idea of surveillance on a person without their content or awareness simultaneously conveys the betrayal of trust placed in the government to be manipulated in such a way to control its citizens. Following Edward Snowden revealing a massive surveillance program in which the US National Security Agency (NSA) could monitor the cellphone and internet activity of US citizens the sales of 1984 spiked by about 7,000% according to a survey by Pew Research Center. Effective use of a contextual example there. This recent revelation of the United States’ domestic surveillance operations further supports the eerie realisation that the distant future George Orwell imagined in ‘1984’ may not be as distant as first believed. In reality the technological possibilities of surveillance and data collection and storage in modern society surpasses what Orwell imagined. Be careful, this is getting a little too emotive. Keep things objective. In particular, Orwell’s idea in describing the extent technology can be used as invasive spyware prying into an individual’s privacy without that individual’s awareness or permission is subtly present in reality.The realisation that telescreens and microphones used in 1984 are eerily similar to televisions, microphones and CCTV’s that exist in modern society evokes a sense of unease. For the audience - You are doing a personal (and emotive) response right now, swap back to analysing responses of different audiences. Furthermore, just the thought of modern CCTV’s being used in society to spy on people without their knowledge and consent sends shivers down my spine as a contemporary reader living in the 21st century. Again, too emotive, keep things objective. This further reinforces the idea and knowledge that modern technology is eerily similar to the complicated mechanisms used to psychologically manipulate and control the minds of the people of Oceania by inducing paranoia and fear. In addition, a modern reader’s possible lack of seriousness and fear towards Orwell’s warning in ‘1984’ reflects a mindset that pictures communism as a foreign idea will never happen in the reality and that freedoms are simply rights rather than privileges. However, in reality a modern reader may respond to the increasing prevalence of ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness. You focused a lot on the modern reader here, perhaps a little imbalanced?

Furthermore, individuals whom lived in fear of oppression and tyranny stemmed from the aftermath of war and manipulation will inevitably respond towards Orwell’s dystopian narrative with seriousness and alertness as they are aware of the dangers and the suffering experienced by those oppressed by tyranny in neighbouring countries. As a result of contrasting historical and cultural contexts across various audience groups and individuals, responses and meanings towards Orwell’s warning in the narrative ‘1984’ are distinctly differ. The contrasting values, beliefs and attitudes promoted within varying contexts can influence and shape one’s interpretation of a text.

I think you've responded to the criteria quite well in the first paragraph! Less so in the second and third paragraph, read it back, you'll notice the difference in how you approached it. Watch the emotive language in the third paragraph. To cut down and make your response more succinct, focus on keeping your plot details minimised. Further, try to put more structure into your sentences: "This audience will respond in this way and this is why." If all your sentences follow some version of that template, you'll be less likely to include unimportant information, and it will make your response clearer! :)

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #955 on: April 29, 2017, 12:17:52 pm »
Thank you for your feedback.
I was a bit confused about what you meant about
You focused a lot on the modern reader here, perhaps a little imbalanced?

Yeah sorry that was pretty vague - Meaning, your paragraph on the modern reader is a fair bit longer than the one on the 20th century contemporary readers. So perhaps a tad imbalanced - Not a huge deal! You also didn't cover much on how different cultures could respond to the same material? :)

anotherworld2b

  • Forum Leader
  • ****
  • Posts: 747
  • School Grad Year: 2017
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #956 on: April 29, 2017, 02:08:04 pm »
oh ok. I'm not sure what I could talk about in regards to culture.

Yeah sorry that was pretty vague - Meaning, your paragraph on the modern reader is a fair bit longer than the one on the 20th century contemporary readers. So perhaps a tad imbalanced - Not a huge deal! You also didn't cover much on how different cultures could respond to the same material? :)

jamonwindeyer

  • Honorary Moderator
  • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes
  • *******
  • Posts: 10150
  • The lurker from the north.
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #957 on: April 29, 2017, 02:28:04 pm »
oh ok. I'm not sure what I could talk about in regards to culture.


That's okay! If nothing jumps to mind it may not be necessary :)

anotherworld2b

  • Forum Leader
  • ****
  • Posts: 747
  • School Grad Year: 2017
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #958 on: April 29, 2017, 06:55:10 pm »
I was wondering for my response to this question discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text studied. Have I clearly fulfilled the criteria 'identifies specific audiences/readers within a particular cultural context for the selected text'? I am not sure if I am too vague when addressing the readers

That's okay! If nothing jumps to mind it may not be necessary :)

katnisschung

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 199
Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #959 on: April 29, 2017, 10:32:17 pm »
Hi our grade just got our mod A essays back and I did not do so well
(the average was 12/20 and I did not do much better)
although we did receive the marking criteria and question before the actual exam (it was pre prepared)
I was quite confused by it because the question was
"Discuss how the study of Letters to Alice broadens your understanding of the roles of women in Pride and Prejudice"
yet the marking criteria asks for "skillfully evaluates the extent to which one text enriches
understanding of another in relation to the roles of women"

Despite this confusion I still attempted to answer to the question and marking criteria. I wanted more specific and constructive feedback. As what i received was quite vague and trivial
"you do show some understanding of some key ideas and use quotes to support analysis"
"response is disjointed in some points- why the gaps (i left some lines in between paragraphs planning to go back but like really i know no need to rub more salt into my wounds plus I find the advice pretty futile)"
"try to develop more detail particularly the contextual analysis"

i thought i did better than a sound evaluation....I honestly loved mod a becos i love pride and prejudice but idk pls help i honestly put soo much hardwork into this essay
« Last Edit: April 30, 2017, 08:46:17 am by katnisschung »
get me out of here