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April 22, 2021, 09:34:19 am

Author Topic: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught  (Read 845 times)

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Emerzer

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*Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« on: February 20, 2021, 12:15:13 am »
+1
Hey Guys,
         Well.. I don't really know how to start but I just really hate myself. I always mess up things and it bothers me all the time. I'll just talk about the most recent thing for now though. So basically I did a scholarship exam (for my own school) and the Maths questions were pretty easy (they were kind of logic based), like way easier than the selective entry test I did back in Year 8 (which I got superior in both Numerical Reasoning and Maths) and I somehow managed to get stuck on a question that I thought I knew how to do but I made a mistake or something idk in the working out and I ended up using up a lot of time on it. That made me feel uncertain about every answer onwards that I put so I rechecked every single answer and I ended up running out of time (had to guess some). Like I know I could've easily gotten 100% or somewhere close because every question I did I am 99% sure I got right. Like this is probably the last time I'll get to do a scholarship examination and I can't believe I just screwed it up... All my friends and stuff said it was easy but I didn't even finish and I feel like the people who see this will think I am dumb. What should I do, I am so frustrated and can't take my mind off this. This exam wasn't testing for Mathematical knowledge but for logical thinking skills I think so am I actually stupid or something? I also feel like the people who will see my mark will think I am dumb and won't understand, but I feel like if i didn't make that simple mistake I could've done much better. Also I am aiming for a high ATAR and I am willing to put in as much effort as I need to obtain that but I feel like if people see this result they will think I am stupid and lose all hope for me or something. Please help...

Help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2021, 07:29:44 am »
+3
Hi Emerzer,
Everyone has bad days sometimes. Just because you believe you performed poorly on this exam (which doesn't necessarily mean you did) isn't the end of the world. I highly doubt those who look at it will look and see, 'Oh, this student is dumb.' Doing so well in a selective entry test in year 8 proves that you are not dumb.
You may be underperforming due to low self-esteem, which just makes it all worse. I hope you can find your way out of this.
Try and do something to get your mind off this.
I'm afraid I don't really have advice to give, just, stick at everything and do your best, whatever that is.
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blueycan

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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2021, 09:45:06 am »
+6
Hi Emerzer,
First, I want to tell you that one result won't dictate the outcome of the rest of your life. I know that right now it sucks to feel that you weren't able to live up to your full potential, especially compared to others. But it's really important to know that comparing yourself to your friends (who maybe even have their own doubts about their own tests that they're not vocalising) takes away from the fact that you've done so well in your own right. Even showing up to a scholarship test. That in itself shows that you're a dedicated student!

I, for one, don't think you're stupid. I actually think you're very sensible for being able to point out where and how you went wrong, and are able to reflect on what you need to do to get better.
This scholarship test might feel like the only chance you have to prove yourself but it really isn't. There are countless opportunities out there that you can apply for and ace, especially in the next few years. Assuming you're at the start of year 10– you're still so fresh into VCE and you have so many opportunities for growth and change (a.k.a you'll be studying for a lottt longer than this, and will improve!) Humans are forever-changing, and it's not fair on your mental health to expect the 100% best all the time when that's not realistic.

My advice to you right now– go play a game, watch a movie, something fun to get your mind off things. If you're really feeling down, reaching out to someone like a close friend or sibling can help you get these thoughts off your chest and help you feel better.
If you need any help or want any advice pls don't hesitate to message me or any nice member on here (:
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Emerzer

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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2021, 12:14:07 pm »
0
Hi Emerzer,
First, I want to tell you that one result won't dictate the outcome of the rest of your life. I know that right now it sucks to feel that you weren't able to live up to your full potential, especially compared to others. But it's really important to know that comparing yourself to your friends (who maybe even have their own doubts about their own tests that they're not vocalising) takes away from the fact that you've done so well in your own right. Even showing up to a scholarship test. That in itself shows that you're a dedicated student!

I, for one, don't think you're stupid. I actually think you're very sensible for being able to point out where and how you went wrong, and are able to reflect on what you need to do to get better.
This scholarship test might feel like the only chance you have to prove yourself but it really isn't. There are countless opportunities out there that you can apply for and ace, especially in the next few years. Assuming you're at the start of year 10– you're still so fresh into VCE and you have so many opportunities for growth and change (a.k.a you'll be studying for a lottt longer than this, and will improve!) Humans are forever-changing, and it's not fair on your mental health to expect the 100% best all the time when that's not realistic.

My advice to you right now– go play a game, watch a movie, something fun to get your mind off things. If you're really feeling down, reaching out to someone like a close friend or sibling can help you get these thoughts off your chest and help you feel better.
If you need any help or want any advice pls don't hesitate to message me or any nice member on here (:
Thanks guys but I think the test was logic based not study based so it wasn't testing for how much I know but how well I think, that is why I feel dumb. The selective entry exam was testing for how much I know and I studied for it that is why I got a good mark but this one is different so idk... Like does it mean I lack reasoning and logical skills or I am just naturally stupid? (I feel like it wasn't because I didn't know how to do it, it is because I took too long maybe checking every question and stuff because every question I finished I know I got right)

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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2021, 01:39:33 pm »
+6
Hey,
I'd really recommend having a chat to your school counsellor or gp. It sounds like you could benefit from learning some strategies to help manage your self doubt and calming strategies which would be able to help you when you start worrying during exams :)
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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2021, 01:57:37 pm »
+7
Thanks guys but I think the test was logic based not study based so it wasn't testing for how much I know but how well I think, that is why I feel dumb. The selective entry exam was testing for how much I know and I studied for it that is why I got a good mark but this one is different so idk... Like does it mean I lack reasoning and logical skills or I am just naturally stupid? (I feel like it wasn't because I didn't know how to do it, it is because I took too long maybe checking every question and stuff because every question I finished I know I got right)

I scored weakest on the math/science part of the GAT (which is also meant to be a test not focused on study) despite focusing on that in high school. My minor in math stats in my science advanced course would suggest that actually,  I am pretty good at those things.Tests are imperfect & you can't directly measure how smart or logical someone is - even defining those things is hard enough. 


You've already identified that maybe your exam strategy on the day isn't what it could have been,  that's something you can work on & gain more practice with.

I 100% echo pf's recommendation about teaching out. I know it can be very intimidating but it can also be very helpful.  There are also resources on things like the headspace site that might help you.


P.S I wasn't the biggest fan of myself in year 8 (for me my mental health was at its worst then and I didn't want to be alive). Now I'm actually a pretty big fan of who I am as a person & I think my year 8 self was judging me wayyy too harshly.  It's really hard to keep trying when you feel like you don't have much reason to but I'm so glad I did. Back then I didn't have the courage to talk to anyone about it (professional or not) so you're already a step ahead :)

blueycan

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Re: *Please Help* I feel despondent and distraught
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2021, 09:33:58 pm »
+5
Thanks guys but I think the test was logic based not study based so it wasn't testing for how much I know but how well I think, that is why I feel dumb. The selective entry exam was testing for how much I know and I studied for it that is why I got a good mark but this one is different so idk... Like does it mean I lack reasoning and logical skills or I am just naturally stupid? (I feel like it wasn't because I didn't know how to do it, it is because I took too long maybe checking every question and stuff because every question I finished I know I got right)

The typical logic and reasoning skills portion of an exam cannot indicate much about a person. So many different people with different upbringings, values, accustoms and even different mental health conditions, all these different things affecting the way we think, doing the same tests– how can we all score the same? If someone does "poorly", does that mean that completely lack any sense of logic or reasoning? Not at all! I for one tend to suck at lot of logic tests because sometimes I interpret things in a different way. And that's totally okay!!

It's not worth questioning your intelligence or worth over a portion of one test. I feel like a lot of focus is put on the tangible measurements of intelligence, like scores or answers, and because of that we tend to lose focus of what really determines our ability to do our best in these kinds of environments– you said you were able to study for your other test and get a good score, and you were able to thoroughly check your answers and are sure that you got them correct– this is amazing! You should be so proud of yourself.

I understand that it may feel like these random people are telling you all kinds of things but it's not changing how you feel. I'm also gonna echo PF's post in that reaching out about these kinds of feelings is really important, and can help you build that confidence in your abilities and help you with strategies if you choose to complete these kinds of tests again. 

 ;D
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