English Advanced: Common Module Essay

[raghav_singh]

Hi, could I please receive soem feedback on this essay. The text is 1984

[meerae]

Hi, could I please receive soem feedback on this essay. The text is 1984

Hi!

Just had a read through your essay, it is quite well done. I have outlined some issues I found whilst reading it below;
- Phrasing of some sentences seems unnatural - reading your essay out loud will help you pinpoint these sentences
- Some sentences were very unclear, they felt like a bunch of words were put in them to sound more sophisticated - remember that the simpler your essay is, the better
- Some parts of analysis were not thoroughly gone through and needed more explaining - especially about the individual/collective inconsistencies
- It felt as though you had included a plethora of evidence, but did not go into enough depth with most of them

Sorry it is not as specific as I would've liked it to be.
Hope it helped!
meerae