Conflicting Motivations (HSC)

[SEasternCry]

So... I aced my first semester by studying hard and bombed my trials due to a gaming addiction and poor study habits/ techniques.
I know people say ranks don't really matter now that competition is mostly over. Here's a paradox I have that I want to get rid of:
I feel like not studying because carrying the cohort doesn't seem worth it anymore when swapping marks with those ranked higher than you and because my year is still pretty segregated and most students don't really know each other outside their friend groups. (I don't know if this is a common thing or just at my school) That's how scaling works? 
Now, on the contrary I do want to get a good mark personally so I can get that Guaranteed ATAR or the Lowest ATAR (do I need SRS for that?) to enter pharmacy.
I'm pretty much back on track though now and trying to ignore demotivating thoughts by watching motivational videos.
Thank you for reading my opinions on motivation. It means a lot <3
Has anyone faced similar circumstances?

[isabella104]

So... I aced my first semester by studying hard and bombed my trials due to a gaming addiction and poor study habits/ techniques.
I know people say ranks don't really matter now that competition is mostly over. Here's a paradox I have that I want to get rid of:
I feel like not studying because carrying the cohort doesn't seem worth it anymore when swapping marks with those ranked higher than you and because my year is still pretty segregated and most students don't really know each other outside their friend groups. (I don't know if this is a common thing or just at my school) That's how scaling works? 
Now, on the contrary I do want to get a good mark personally so I can get that Guaranteed ATAR or the Lowest ATAR (do I need SRS for that?) to enter pharmacy.
I'm pretty much back on track though now and trying to ignore demotivating thoughts by watching motivational videos.
Thank you for reading my opinions on motivation. It means a lot <3
Has anyone faced similar circumstances?

In order to be one of the people who gets into a uni course with the lowest atar, it has to either be from equity/disadvantage (EAS) or SRS or, if the degree is highly competitive (which I'm sure pharmacy is), the lowest atar could be the lowest atar accepted with regular bonus points (or adjustment factors because you get a certain band in a certain subject).

I'll link this article from atar notes which explains scaling, moderation, bands, etc. in a really understandable way:
https://atarnotes.com/how-does-scaling-work/
It's quite a long article but definitely worthwhile reading. I've heard of similar situations with year 12 grades not really working as a team, but as long as everyone tries to aim for their personal best and beat their trial mark, you guys will smash it

[SEasternCry]

^ thanks for the tips. I've skimmed through bits of it before but I guess complaining about how unfair the HSC is isn't going to help my chances!!
I guess I can write my daily motivations and account for how much I've done each day here?

So taking a study break, I was reading crap about people's trials and ranks (I was rank 3 phys and that dropped to 15 out of ~31 after trials; rank 3 chem that dropped to 10 out of ~30) (expectations of band 6 gone is so sad) that gives me PTSD whenever someone refers back to them  So I've wasted essentially a week of study time already these holidays. Got a tonne of revision to start... I used to write notes like 4 hours a day or more...
Right now, I need to do my prepared material for english. PS: what is this kearna rogers thing going on the facebook discussion group? HAAHHAHAA
I haven't touched my DOTPOINT:phys and chem books much. I need to do the last two topics in each of them by answering from state rank notes i found online or copying the answers.. I hope I finish them by next week so I can start past papers open book... then exam conditions....
I will try to update what has happened and if I crashed or not.
EDIT: I am sleeping 11 hours a day now too wtf. I will try and go library early tomorrow morning. pls help. I like the idea of a blog/accountability area here.. I think publicity makes you more aware of your own motivations and what you want to do rather than laying around in bed XD

[Bri MT]

^ thanks for the tips. I've skimmed through bits of it before but I guess complaining about how unfair the HSC is isn't going to help my chances!!
I guess I can write my daily motivations and account for how much I've done each day here?

So taking a study break, I was reading crap about people's trials and ranks (I was rank 3 phys and that dropped to 15 out of ~31 after trials; rank 3 chem that dropped to 10 out of ~30) (expectations of band 6 gone is so sad) that gives me PTSD whenever someone refers back to them  So I've wasted essentially a week of study time already these holidays. Got a tonne of revision to start... I used to write notes like 4 hours a day or more...
Right now, I need to do my prepared material for english. PS: what is this kearna rogers thing going on the facebook discussion group? HAAHHAHAA
I haven't touched my DOTPOINT:phys and chem books much. I need to do the last two topics in each of them by answering from state rank notes i found online or copying the answers.. I hope I finish them by next week so I can start past papers open book... then exam conditions....
I will try to update what has happened and if I crashed or not.
EDIT: I am sleeping 11 hours a day now too wtf. I will try and go library early tomorrow morning. pls help. I like the idea of a blog/accountability area here.. I think publicity makes you more aware of your own motivations and what you want to do rather than laying around in bed XD

Hey!

I'm glad you've decided to start an accountability/progress journal,  I hope it helps you with your motivation and that it's interesting for you to look back on

In regards to sleep,  maybe see if you can do anything to improve your sleep hygiene?  Eg. Staying away from screens before you go to sleep,  controlling caffeine intake, meal times etc if you can get a consistent sleep/wake tone that can also be very useful

I do also want to ask you not to use  the term PTSD flippantly.  I know that year 12 can be very stressful and there can be strong tendencies to ruminate on past results but PTSD is a debilitating mental health disorder with strict diagnostic criteria.  It has severely impacted one of my friends and even though I'm sure you meant no harm with your exaggeration, the watering-down of PTSD can make things more difficult for those actually going though it.


Good luck with your revision and exam preperation.

[SEasternCry]

I do also want to ask you not to use  the term PTSD flippantly.  I know that year 12 can be very stressful and there can be strong tendencies to ruminate on past results but PTSD is a debilitating mental health disorder with strict diagnostic criteria.  It has severely impacted one of my friends and even though I'm sure you meant no harm with your exaggeration, the watering-down of PTSD can make things more difficult for those actually going though it.

Sorry for stigmatising PTSD by using it so flippantIy. I will take full awareness to the use of this term. Honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time and thought it was the best word to express what I felt. should i delete that word or leave it to remind me of my progress here?
I will try for a consistent sleep pattern. I was using a mission alarm called ALARMY the past week. solves some maths questions and went back to sleep. haha but now I set 10 questions of addition with 3x 2 digit no. Had to flimsily use my calculator.
You are from Victoria? lol. thank you for taking interest in my HSC journal, only 6-7 days left and less than a month to go.
Update: woke up early at 8am for the first time after school and planning to stay waken.. hopefully. maybe a caffeine pill to get started

[Bri MT]

Sorry for stigmatising PTSD by using it so flippantIy. I will take full awareness to the use of this term. Honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time and thought it was the best word to express what I felt. should i delete that word or leave it to remind me of my progress here?
I will try for a consistent sleep pattern. I was using a mission alarm called ALARMY the past week. solves some maths questions and went back to sleep. haha but now I set 10 questions of addition with 3x 2 digit no. Had to flimsily use my calculator.
You are from Victoria? lol. thank you for taking interest in my HSC journal, only 6-7 days left and less than a month to go.
Update: woke up early at 8am for the first time after school and planning to stay waken.. hopefully. maybe a caffeine pill to get started

thank you for your apology. In regards to editing your post, I think you should move forward with what feels most appropriate to you. If that's rewording your post, do that, if that's leaving it as a reminder, do that.

I've never heard of ALARMY before, it sounds interesting and I hope you find it useful
Yeah, I'm from Victoria I think much of the experience of year 12 is fairly consistent across states though, especially in terms of the pressure and stress.  The good news is that HSC will be over very soon and then you'll get to move onto other things. It can seem overwhelming that exams are so soon but it's also freeing in a sense. I was super stressed about ATAR & study score results but in the end found it underwhelming - it really differs across people too tho.

[SEasternCry]

True. Those goals of pharmacy and fun after HSC are great motivators.
Honesty the work I did today was not what I expected. I think I planned too much for today as I couldn't get to do all my tasks. I mean I spent like 4 hours editing my essay following my tutor's feedback. Yep. Only halfway and got some stuff to fix. I am that slow in English. Library was nice. Got some study snacks from 711 but they're full of sugar.. can't they put less sugar in them?! I binge eat them too much. I really don't mind IKEA hazelnut chocolate which doesn't have as much sugar as the mainstream but its a hassle to get there.

[SEasternCry]

.. yesterday i spent too much time on english... at least I got my intro for mod A done. I asked some q's on the HSC adv eng thread.
Now today I was sick and still having a little bit of a headache. But i'm gonna try to handwrite my Mod A essay. far I'm starting to hate english... WHY NESA?!

[SEasternCry]

Don't think I haven't FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!1
Got better good news than bad news sooo.. I got into pharmacy at USYD!!!
Bad news was that the weeks before HSC finals I couldn't control my emotions.. they got in the way of focusing and after I spent 2 weeks on English ( WHICH NEVER REALLY PAID OFF IM ANGRY)... I just couldn't study.... I just couldn't force myself to study. I don't know if you would call this a burn-out but I couldn't even bother opening a textbook, read more than one line of study material, yet alone read past answers. I really screwed up. I know. Only managed studying an hour before exams in the morning. Just one hour of reading Success One Past Paper Answers. Glad that helped!

Now it's actually time for uni... I'm thinking big already... again XD. However, what if I relapse into such a terrible state again? what if I can't force myself to study anymore? this really brings me tears to the point I sometimes have trouble pushing myself to get things done now that it's post-HSC and 2019. I know I need to push myself again a little! Like get my L's start some routine or something... get a job and grab opportunities... preferrably get a few things done early. haha...

Bachelor of Pharmacy...  I'm really gonna miss doing calculus. Maths was like the only subject I was good at consistently throughout my schooling life even though I couldn't force myself to study it anymore in HSC. XD

[AngelWings]

Got better good news than bad news sooo.. I got into pharmacy at USYD!!!

Congrats on the offer!

Now it's actually time for uni... I'm thinking big already... again XD. However, what if I relapse into such a terrible state again? what if I can't force myself to study anymore? this really brings me tears to the point I sometimes have trouble pushing myself to get things done now that it's post-HSC and 2019. I know I need to push myself again a little! Like get my L's start some routine or something... get a job and grab opportunities... preferrably get a few things done early. haha...

I've felt these types of emotions before, especially the ambitions at the beginning of the year, so I get it. It's easy to ask "what if" questions, but it's not good to focus solely on them. You can avoid relapsing by giving yourself more opportunity to rest and relax, as it seems like you burnt out last time. As for forcing yourself to study, it shouldn't be as bad now that you're in uni: more people are there because they want to be there and, supposedly, you're doing what you wanted to study. There will still be some hard slogs in there, seeing that no one can humanly be motivated 100% of the time, but if you're constantly forcing yourself to study (especially if you associate studying with negative emotions), then there might need to be some introspection to figure out what needs to change.   

As for what to do now, start small. Set little goals to help you achieve bigger ones. You mentioned getting a job and getting your Ls. Start there, break the goals down and complete some of those steps. If they're ones that take a number of attempts like getting a job, keep trying until you're successful and stay persistent. Remember that things won't fall into your lap in a neat little bundle if you do absolutely nothing about them.

Hopefully that motivates you somewhat and you start to make progress on dealing with your anxieties regarding study. Good luck!