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October 20, 2021, 03:44:50 pm

Author Topic: How to state the audience clearly?  (Read 307 times)  Share 

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How to state the audience clearly?
« on: September 23, 2021, 09:15:43 pm »
So I was wondering, my school has a Written POV SAC (Unit 1 & 2 English), and we are given the prompt, "persona" - (who's point of view we are speaking as), form of text etc. The main feedback from my teacher is that I am not "linking closely to the audience" and "consider more inclusive language".  I've tried to edit my written piece, but there apparently seems to be no improvement :-\

Does anyone have any advice?

(Here's the written piece - btw our whole written point of view is only around 200-400 words so it's the whole thing)..

Persona: Someone about to turn 18

Form: A VCE social media group

My Written POV:

Hey everyone,

As you guys may already know, there’s been news on increasing the legal drinking age to 21 from 18. Although it may not seem like a big issue, for the thousands of VCE students like me out there , who are just about to turn 18, drinking is not just a recreational activity that is unimportant to us. Let’s say that the legal drinking age was raised to the age of 21. Then what will happen? Teenagers like us are just going to move to other drugs to cope up with their stress-levels, especially during these trying times. As a result, instead of benefitting our safety, it will just bring us more harm.

Yes, increasing the legal drinking age does lead to less harm and health issues that may hinder our VCE studies too. But we need to be broad-minded here. These health issues and harms are due to the lack of responsibility of some fellow teenagers, not “everyone”. Is it fair to change the rules, just for a group of immature teens? Furthermore, many students like me out there just want to relax and escape our stressful lives. My friend last year was under so much pressure before the last few months of VCE. It was to the point where he needed stress & anxiety counselling! While I understand that we need to be cautious of the dangers of alcohol abuse, raising the legal age of drinking to 21 is a big NO.

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If there are any other improvements do please tell  :) :)

« Last Edit: September 23, 2021, 09:17:40 pm by (Noname):):):) »