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June 23, 2021, 04:01:50 am

Author Topic: hsc modern history  (Read 727 times)

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haytchh

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hsc modern history
« on: January 27, 2021, 07:06:43 pm »
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need feedback on 2 body paragraphs in essay

question: discuss various methods used by Nazis to exercise control in Germany

body paragraphs:

In Germany, a terrorising environment was created by the Nazis to allow complete control of the government. The use of intimidation and brutality to develop a terror-state was able to keep those living in Germany in line, making them frightened to disobey the Nazis in any form. Hitler had formed several concentration camps for prisoners and organisations including the SS (Schutzstaffel – a private army), SA (Sicherheitsdienst – security service) and the Gestapo (secret police). These organisations supported Hitler to extend his governing over its people. It is evident that a terror-state was being implemented in the Esterwegen concentration camp as camp inspector Eicke states in an order issued on 1st of August 1934 (Source 1) that “anyone (prisoners in the camp) making political or inciting speeches for the purpose of agitation… or encouraging others to escape or to commit a crime will… be hanged as an agitator!”. Severe rules authorised by Eicke and his imposing language during the order had built extreme fear within these prisoners. As a result, people in Germany didn’t go against the Nazi ideology and or disobey them.  If anyone in Germany was caught doing the wrong thing, they were immediately tortured and were victims of Nazi brutality. A victim of Nazi brutality is Erich Meier, who “in resistance against the SA was abducted, tortured and murdered” (Stolperstein dedicated to Erich Meier, Source 4), this distinctly outlines the harsh methods the Nazi used to keep its population in line. In addition to this, other people in Germany who did not support the Nazis were pressured into silenced in fear of the SA. These acts convey that Hitler was a powerful and determined man who had created a terror-state as a highly effective method of control on Germany but that was not it, as he was after full control.

Whilst the terror-state built fear in the population in Germany, censorship was another effective system of control reinforced by the Nazis. In the beginning of 1934, it became illegal to criticise the Nazi government in any way, resulting in an aftermath of no freedom of saying or writing whatever the people in Nazi Germany want. Forms of communication had been controlled by the Hitler and his people including censorship. Joseph Goebbels, being a German Nazi politician, was in charge of censorship during the Nazi ruling.  Moreover, different ways that censorship was implemented under the Nazi rule by Goebbels were: taking over anti-Nazi newspapers, having power over what was presented to the general public and controlling what soldiers wrote home during WW1. Another technique of censorship was banning and burning any books that stood against the Nazi ideology. On May 10th, 1933, the first book burning holocaust took place. The holocaust was carried out in Berlin by Nazi-dominated students who gathered around a large fire pit and burned any books that were claimed “un-German” or work of prominent Jews. This is apparent in the photograph of the ‘Book Burning in Berlin, Germany, May 10, 1933’ (Source 2). The Book Burning holocaust acted as a powerful symbol of Nazi censorship, undoubtedly picturing how the Nazi government was in control of what the general public saw and made the people in Germany continue with their daily life according to the Aryan way of living. Due to this, the political power of Nazi was successfully able to gain control of what the people in Germany thought of them through censoring out the negativity and publically displaying media that was with the Nazi point of view.

Justin_L

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Re: HSC Modern History Feedback
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2021, 10:44:25 pm »
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Hey Haytchh,

Interesting response!

The first thing I would note is structure and mark value - your response doesn't really fit a 1-5 mark question because of it's length, but it also doesn't really fit for higher mark ones due to it's lack of introduction and conclusion. This might be something to consider if you're going for HSC style responses.

Otherwise, I've done a quick read through and annotated some points:

Question: Discuss various methods used by Nazis to exercise control in Germany

In Germany, a terrorising environment was created by the Nazis to allow complete control of the government. [Not much of a thesis/topic sentence here - I recommend you present an overview of your points upfront]

The use of intimidation and brutality to develop a terror-state was able to keep those living in Germany in line, making them frightened to disobey the Nazis in any form. [That being said, intimidation and brutality aren't specific enough - HOW were the Nazis intimidating and brutal? Also note academic language (eg. you could change "making then frightened to disobey" to something like "creating a culture of fear and oppression" to make your response more academic)]

Hitler had formed several [A statistic here would strengthen your argument significantly] concentration camps for prisoners and organisations including the SS (Schutzstaffel – a private army), SA (Sicherheitsdienst – security service) and the Gestapo (secret police). These organisations supported Hitler to extend his governing over its people. [Again, how? Talk about specific incidents or points like the arrests of left wing political opponents or the SA's role in the Night of Broken Glass]

It is evident that a terror-state was being implemented in the Esterwegen concentration camp as camp inspector Eicke states in an order issued on 1st of August 1934 (Source 1) that “anyone (prisoners in the camp) making political or inciting speeches for the purpose of agitation… or encouraging others to escape or to commit a crime will… be hanged as an agitator!”. [This feels like a different point from your last sentence and I'm getting confused - are you trying to argue that Nazi Germany was a terror state or that the SS/SA/Gestapo helped facilitate Hitler's rise to power. A strong thesis and link back would help to clarify your points.]

Severe rules authorised by Eicke and his imposing language during the order had built extreme fear within these prisoners. As a result, people in Germany didn’t go against the Nazi ideology and or disobey them.  If anyone in Germany was caught doing the wrong thing [Academic language - "Doing the wrong thing" -> "Breaking the law"], they were immediately tortured and were victims of Nazi brutality. [Is this really true? Evidence?] A victim of Nazi brutality is Erich Meier, who “in resistance against the SA was abducted, tortured and murdered” (Stolperstein dedicated to Erich Meier, Source 4), this distinctly outlines the harsh methods the Nazi used to keep its population in line. In addition to this, other people in Germany who did not support the Nazis were pressured into silenced in fear of the SA. These acts convey that Hitler was a powerful and determined man who had created a terror-state as a highly effective method of control on Germany but that was not it, as he was after full control. [There's not enough evidence here to support your final sentence - one victim isn't representative of an entire regime or supportive of Hitler's image as a "powerful and determined man"]

Whilst the terror-state built fear in the population in Germany, censorship was another effective system of control reinforced by the Nazis. In the beginning of 1934, it became illegal to criticise the Nazi government in any way, resulting in an aftermath of no freedom of saying or writing whatever the people in Nazi Germany want [Note academic language here again]. Forms of communication had been controlled by the Hitler and his people including censorship. [Be specific - what forms of communication? what people?] Joseph Goebbels, being a German Nazi politician [Factcheck this - perhaps he was, but it would be more relevant to note that he was the Reich Minister of Propaganda], was in charge of censorship during the Nazi ruling.  Moreover, different ways that censorship was implemented under the Nazi rule by Goebbels were: taking over anti-Nazi newspapers, having power over what was presented to the general public and controlling what soldiers wrote home during WW1 [WW1 is not within the scope of the HSC Core Study - the Nazi Regime does not encompass WW1]. Another technique of censorship was banning and burning any books that stood against the Nazi ideology. [Work on clarity and flow of points - what are you trying to argue? Please also factcheck your points]

On May 10th, 1933, the first book burning holocaust took place. The holocaust was carried out in Berlin by Nazi-dominated students who gathered around a large fire pit and burned any books that were claimed “un-German” or work of prominent Jews. This is apparent in the photograph of the ‘Book Burning in Berlin, Germany, May 10, 1933’ (Source 2). The Book Burning holocaust acted as a powerful symbol of Nazi censorship, undoubtedly picturing how the Nazi government was in control of what the general public saw and made the people in Germany continue with their daily life according to the Aryan way of living. [I'm not sure why you're call this a holocaust - The holocaust is not in the core study, and nazi book burnings are a separate incident. I recommend you do some more research into the context of the core study and compare your notes with your peers]

Due to this, the political power of Nazi was successfully able to gain control of what the people in Germany thought of them through censoring out the negativity and publically displaying media that was with the Nazi point of view.

Summary:
Some good ideas, and I see that you're trying to argue 2 main points (Oppression and Censorship). I'd recommend reading some exemplar responses either from NESA or your teacher to get a better idea of how other people structure their responses and arguments. ATAR Notes also has many resources to get you started.

Overall advice:
- Make sure you properly research and factcheck your content/terminology
- Use academic language, avoid subjective assessments without evidence
- Construct a strong thesis and link EVERYTHING back in support of that thesis
- Make sure your points logically flow, try not to introduce things out of the blue

I apologize if some of the comments are a bit blunt, feel free to ask for clarification or call me out if you don't agree with something I've said. Also feel free to resubmit below later on if you'd like more feedback!

EDIT: Updated some annotations and feedback 29/01/21
« Last Edit: January 29, 2021, 10:30:06 am by Justin_L »
Да здравствует революция государственного модератора