An individual, through the process of discovery, has the potential to undergo profound development as their previous values and beliefs are challenged, and when they adapt to new experiences, expose previously concealed truths.
Excellent introductory sentence. You'd want to make sure these broad ideas are honed into the specific question at hand. These revelations may be indicated in numerous ways, spontaneously or due to the nature of an individual’s environment, posing challenges from the outset which dictate the discovery process and subsequently, confronting situations may arise. Although these situations can challenge an individual, they inevitably lead to new understandings of both themselves and the world. Such ideas are demonstrated in Ernesto Guevara’s memoir “The Motorcycle Diaries” (2003) and Franz Kafka’s novella “Metamorphosis” (1912).
Good introduction, provided you are ready to hone it in to whatever question you ask. I'd also like to see you go into the specific messages the composers of these texts are conveying to their audiences - You've gone over the ideas conceptually/broadly, a little breakdown of the purpose of each composer could be beneficial. Overall, excellent work 
Exposure to new challenges provokes a parallel process of self-assessment, stimulating the development of new values.
Tops. Guevara’s realisation of widespread suffering, entrenched poverty and its destructive impact is elucidated in his exploration of the “graveyards of the mines”, metaphorically and physically symbolising the hardships faced by the proletariat, enabling the expansion of his world views.
Nice amplification, links the idea nicely to the text in a very thematic/composer driven way, rather than plot. Nice. Similarly, when Guevara is confronted with the symptomatic deformation of disease in Columbia’s native population, “like a scene from a modern drama”, the observational simile further develops the brutality of South American living conditions.
Great work integrating the quote into your idea, hard to do! The epiphanic tone in “it is at times like this, when a doctor is conscious of his complete powerlessness, that he longs for change”, spotlights the development of Guevara’s moral principle and alighted sense of duty to make meaningful change. The construction of Guevara’s new value system based on fresh knowledge and understanding spurred the rectification of his past beliefs, conveyed when he ironically states “they were in love with Uncle Sam”, demonstrating Guevara’s loss of ignorance to the exploitive and damaging influence of the US on Latin America.
Be sure to be making links back to what the audience learns about Discovery more broadly - You are analysing the intents of the composer brilliantly, be sure to link to the greater understanding the audience gains on Discovery, in a broader sense (beyond the context of the text). The animal imagery in “the bestial howl of the triumphant proletariat” further symbolises Guevara’s conclusive embracement of socialist ideology and contingent solidification of his developed beliefs and values. Harrowing experiences stimulate the construction of personal ideals and principles by challenging and ultimately reshaping perceptions of the world.
This conclusion seems a little disjointed from the rest of the paragraph, try adjusting a tad: "Thus, it is clear how Guevrara conveys... (insert the idea you mention here).
Contrary to Guevara’s epiphanic transformation in his viewpoints, Gregor’s emotional discoveries lead to the development of pessimistic perceptions of himself.
Be careful, you have swapped to talking about a character rather than a composer. You are shifting slightly into retell - Try to focus on the composer primarily. The symbolism of “Gregor pull(ing) the sheet down lower” represents the protagonist’s decreasing level of self-respect revealed to be a consequence of his metamorphosis, whereby Gregor’s resentment of his family, a synecdoche for society as whole, catalyses his isolation from mankind.
Good analysis again, but again, what does the audience realise about Discovery more broadly? There needs to be impact beyond the specifics of the texts context and characters. The stark contrast in tone in the family’s beliefs, at first concerned and then hateful “they were ready to help him”/“Gregor has to go,” instigates Gregor’s “conviction… that he would have to disappear”, the high modality language spotlighting Gregor’s realisation of the emptiness of humanity due to their opposition to individuals unfit to play a role in society because of their circumstance.
That sentence a tad too long I think, be careful you don't try and do too much at once! Unlike Guevara, who embraced environmental challenges, Gregor denigrates his self-worth due to his inability to communicate with humanity, exposing the detrimental impact of his realisation of mankind’s unforgiving nature.
Sort of retell, you are discussing a characters feelings and actions - The character is a construct of Kafka's, don't treat that character as a conscious entity. The reflective mood in “He remained in this state of empty and peaceful reflection...” at the novella’s denouncement illustrates Gregor’s obtainment of a new understanding to what satisfies him through the destruction of self for the desires of society, directing the protagonist in changing his view of life to achieve self-peace. Gregor and Guevara’s contrasting transformations in perceptions elucidate the way confronting realisations may instigate a process of differing self-assessments, catalysing the development of new values.
Good analysis and comparisons between texts, but a tad too character focused. You should NEVER go a paragraph without mentioning the composer's name!Consequently, retrospection upon the accumulation of past didactic experiences invigorates personal epiphanies and thus encourages the process of transformation.
Another excellent conceptual start. Be sure you have room to adjust these to a question! The radicalisation of Guevara’s personal philosophy catalysed by the conglomeration of realisations is highlighted by the reflective tone of his thoughts concerning the dying woman in La Gioconda: “it is there, that one comprehends the profound tragedy circumscribing the life of the proletariat”.
Be careful using plot elements as evidence, I know it isn't really here, but you could have used the technique and quote here without the plot detail if you catch me. Such reoccurring bildungsroman qualities of the memoir elucidate the maturation of Guevara’s thinking, the metaphor “I was a child of my environment” acknowledging his moral growth catalysed by his experiences.
What does this show the audience more broadly? Thus, Guevara’s exposure to penury and exploitation of the marginalised social castes transforms him from a “dreamer” to a “revolutionary” political leader.
Careful, this is retell! You've not linked to anything conceptual, you've just said what happens to the character. The juxtaposition of the gustatory imagery “savour” with the olfactory “acrid” in “savours the acrid smell of gunpowder and blood” creates a discomforting synaesthesia to accentuate his new devotion to the “people”, a metonym for the marginalised class in need of social justice. Guevara’s greatest epiphany is revealed in the vignette “tarata, the new world”, where after being confronted by the poverty of the Peruvians, he is emancipated from ignorance and political apathy, faced instead with metaphysical exhaustion symbolised by him being “frozen solid”, to be finally “welcomed with such friendliness” by strangers that changed him irreversibly.
Bit of retell at the end here too. External discoveries stimulate the attainment of internal conclusions through a transformative process of reckoning with challenges, experiences, and values.
Again, a little too text focused in this paragraph, and retell is starting to become more prominent in this paragraph as well - Be careful!Furthermore, dependent on an individual’s context, the paradoxical nature of realisations enables both the progression and destruction of an individual.
Be careful to link to your related text, don't just jump into the analysis assuming we'll follow. The rhetorical question “Did he really want the warm room… transformed into a lair?” signifies the inner conflict between Gregor’s human and insect instincts, elucidating how Gregor’s agonising experience of seclusion transforms his understanding of his own identity, no longer being able to classify himself as a constituent of humanity.
See how you are analysing the character, a construct of the composer, rather than expanding into a broader consequence/understanding for the audience? The double entendre of “clean” in “everything was much too deep for him to have scrubbed himself clean”, depicts Gregor’s deterioration of his self-value and priorities of life as a result of his alienation from society, the dismal mood created further emphasising the demoralising impact of his personal discovery regarding the triviality of his existence.
You don't need to identify the specific word related to a technique in a larger quote, you can just say "the double entendre in...". In contrast to Guevara’s conclusive transformation into a revolutionary, “Gregor shut himself off altogether”, symbolising how the seclusion Gregor experiences leads to his eventual downfall, revealing the duality of discovery as both a catalyst in the instigation of further realisations or a liquidator of individuals’ ambition to discover.
THIS is what I need you to be doing with your analysis, linking to Discovery more broadly, this sentence particularly is just missing a proper technique. Intensified by its relevance to one’s own context, discovery is inordinately powerful by leading to both new understandings and destroying untainted comprehensions of the self and the world.
Ultimately, the loss of ignorance by the attainment of new values and confronting knowledge influences one’s interpretation of the world, new judgements being developed through the unearthing of unfamiliar ideas and perspectives. However, whether a resultant transformation is advantageous or injurious, an individual will nevertheless be affected profoundly and irreversibly by their journey of discovery of the world.
Nice bare bones conclusion, manipulate to the question to be most effective of course 
Home
Help
Search
Login
Topic: Free AOS essay Marking! (Read 181421 times)