Poet's Well-being Journal

[Owlbird83]

Thanks for your beautiful words, everyone. I really appreciate what you all have to say, even if I seem to have ignored you. I haven't. You're all beautiful and I love you.


The funny thing about time is that it's fluid, but also set. Time is such a substantial part of our lives, and yet it doesn't exist. Our very existences, and how we understand them, are based off of an illusory notion. Something we think we know, but we don't.

Time is a paradoxical concept, and one of those topics I find myself thinking in circles about a lot. Most of the time, that would be negative. But time has been a precious fallacy to me lately. And I'm happy.

In the past month since my last entry, a lot has happened. My health has gone up and down, mentally and physically, but overall should be on the rise. I found a second job as a waitress, stopped my medication, and have found a bond with the people of AN stronger than any I have ever had. As friends, teachers and even, dare I say it, lovers. Well, one lover. Time is precious in a way it has never been before. I don't feel lost anymore. In my art, my friends, and the people of this community, I've found purpose and a way to sleep with a smile instead of tears. To appreciate the sunshine, hold it close and let it warm my heart. To open myself and trust that I will be caught as soon as I trip, let alone before I fall. To know that the past can't hurt me any more then I let it. To know that somebody wants me for who I am, as I am, in their life. And that in my struggles, whether that be fighting with family, a pile of rejection letters in my inbox, the return of my mystery illness, or a depressive episode, the people I love will be there for me, without fail. This certainty is one I cannot remember feeling since I was a little girl, and it feels... Good. It's a confidence not only in others, but a confidence in myself. And for the first time, I am ready for what's to come. I am ready for the future, willing to learn from the past and really do treasure the present for what it is - a gift. And a beautiful one.

Time truly is a special thing. And I am honoured to share mine with you.

That is great to hear!
I absolutely love the way you write Poet!

[Ionic Doc]

That is great to hear!
I absolutely love the way you write Poet!

same
 she expresses  herself  in words (especially poetry  )  better than anyone I've ever seen
how did you develop your perfect linguistic skills
lol 

[Poet]

That is great to hear!
I absolutely love the way you write Poet!

Thanks, my friend! 💙 Hope everything is well for you too.

same
 she expresses  herself  in words (especially poetry  )  better than anyone I've ever seen
how did you develop your perfect linguistic skills
lol 

You flatter me haha, but thank you. I've always been an extreme bookworm, so perhaps my linguistic skills have been refined naturally by reading 3 novels a week for about 4 years straight?


Time still flows. Joyfully, richly, warmly, even as the weather begins to chill. I can confidently say that I have never felt this happy before, or at least, as far back as I can remember. And the best thing is that this joy lasts not because my life is all well, but because I have found satisfaction in myself and a reason to smile through the bad times.

I think it’s about time for a general life update, however awfully mundane, because you crazy people seem to somehow enjoy reading this crap. I’m not judging, but you are insane.
So, here we go.

I’m currently having a Day of Responsibilities. These happen about once every three months, when I’m feeling somewhat motivated to deal with things I should have for a long time… then regret it later. Well, regret some of it. I organized my underwear drawer for the first time in literally three years the other night, cleaned my room and the bathroom, and got a haircut (in truth, many hairs were cut and some of them are now blue, but subtly). Tomorrow morning I’m doing an RSA course in the city. At 9AM. Finally. I’ve been putting this off for months, if only because registration for a USI wasn’t working the first couple times and I was discouraged. Hopefully with this certificate I’ll be able to sign up for more jobs with a higher chance of getting hired (spiff up the old CV, aye fellas). Spending money to make money feels uncomfortable, but the hope is that this pays off and I can find a place for day work, because the two casuals just aren’t cutting it.

My internship is going well. I’ve been going in a couple times a week and learning how to animate and just draw. I’m starting to get frustrated with my current tablet because it has no screen and so the refined lines I would draw on paper seem almost impossible when I’m drawing on a tablet but looking at a different screen. It’s complicated. (Not that I don’t love you, Intuos, but working on a screen bigger than my torso is harder than working on one the size of A4).
On a whole different note, my mentor wants to teach me the ropes when it comes to video editing and has offered to let me come along on a job if I’m ever interested. I think I might take up the offer. It’s much more likely that I end up with a job in video editing than illustration or animation, no matter how fun those are, so having the experience would be valuable. And besides, he’s a really fun guy to hang out with.

As for my emotional wellbeing, things are on the rise, as has been the case for a little while. To be perfectly, embarrassingly honest, being in love has changed a lot, not just in my life but for me as a person. Less and less I feel the need to hurt. Less and less do I feel not enough. My nightmares have been reduced from nightly to fortnightly, my self-confidence has sky-rocketed. My best friend tells me he’s never seen me smile more. I’m more motivated to look after myself, sleep well and consistently, eat and stay hydrated. The voices don’t come out as often. My nights aren’t filled with dread anymore. After a long period of struggle, I feel safe. Protected. Appreciated exactly for who I am, me and all my mistakes and messes. There will still be downs, but they will lessen. They’ve lessened already. I’m healing, and it makes me so happy I could cry. Have cried. But I cry a lot, so honestly, it’s not a big thing.
I fell in love with a person, but I’m also slowly falling in love with living again.

Thanks for staying with me when the cold tide rose. Thanks for holding my hand in the dark, through the receding waters, and into the morning light. I’m alive. And I’m glad for it.

That’s about it for now. If you read till the end you are properly off your metaphorical rockers.
See you at the meetup, AN family. Love you.

[katie,rinos]

I'm so happy to hear you're going well/better!! 

I'm also doing my RSA course tomorrow (mines from 5-11pm!). Hope yours goes well and job hunting gets better!

[turinturambar]

I think it’s about time for a general life update, however awfully mundane, because you crazy people seem to somehow enjoy reading this crap. I’m not judging, but you are insane.
...
That’s about it for now. If you read till the end you are properly off your metaphorical rockers.

I've probably said it before, and others certainly have, but I read your writing because it's beautiful.
And I wish I had made time to read 3 novels a week

Enjoy the RSA course!

[Poet]

I've probably said it before, and others certainly have, but I read your writing because it's beautiful.
And I wish I had made time to read 3 novels a week

Enjoy the RSA course!

Thanks, Turin! I did enjoy it. Its good to know some of the random facts that managed to stick in my head from it!
Hi all. Life update time? Why not, huh. Well, I guess there's a lot of reasons why NOT, mainly because it actually takes effort to type this out,and I doubt people care too much. Except for the person who pressured me into this >:l But I'll look back on this myself and find it pretty cool, I think.
It used to be so easy, back when procrastination was a thing. Now that homework doesn't exist, it's a bit harder.

Anyway, hello. There's a lot to catch up on, life-wise. Been through a few ups and downs, I'm currently in between, so I guess reflecting on both sides is better from here.

First up is probably the biggest news (and the reason I've been so quiet the past couple of months); I got a job. A proper, legitimate job with good pay, good people and responsibilities of my own. My job is centered around looking after students labelled SBATs (student based apprenticeships and training) which is a kind of VCE/VCAL work placement linked to VET courses. After just recently graduating from school myself, I've found it much easier to relate to the students and I genuinely enjoy looking after them and making sure they do what they need to to pass their course. It's probably the best job I could have asked for, and I never imagined I would wind up in such a fantastic position so soon.

My savings are flying at the moment - I'm still living at home despite a strong want to leave, so I've implemented a 60:40 ratio rule. 60% of my earnings go to savings, whilst 40% goes to things like socialising, rent, phone payments and fun things like hoards of camembert cheese. When I hit 10,000 in savings (which is not far off at all) I'll begin actively looking for my own place/somewhere to share, as well as a car of my own. Because yes, news #2, I passed my driving test a while ago!

Kind of funny but after school ended I've done my best to avoid assessments and tests, because I am still so massively anxious about performance. I got up the courage to call an instructor, and he said that I'd be fine to do the test with basically one more lesson, so we booked it in then and there. I ended up crying the whole test, and panicked at the start because I forgot how to turn on the car (!?) but I still passed and it was unbelievably liberating to drive to the cross country track that afternoon to see Count Von Count, which was an interesting sight. So, yeah. That happened.

What else is there? Oh yeah, I got my braces off!! Oh man, feels so great to be out of them. It's amazing how flexible the body is when it comes to adjustments. My mouth looks completely normal after having 9 teeth removed two and a half years ago. In the scheme of things, that's not long at all. At first it was a little strange to see myself-- my teeth felt huge and smooth, almost slimey. But it's great. Maybe I'll do another art vlog and show them off

This week in itself has been pretty full. I've been going out every weekend and leaving Monday out of work for rest (because I have some health issues) before diving into work from Tuesday to Friday. On Saturday I went out with the Count. On Sunday I slept for ages. Then, on Monday, I crashed the chemistry lecture and definitely didn't come close to last in the Kahoot, because I know all about chemistry. Jack is the best lecturer and human being, hands down. #Jack4PM #Jack4WorldLeader #Jack4Life

Art-wise, I went to see the Terracotta Warriors NGV exhibition a couple weeks ago with Calebark, and that was heaps of fun. The history is staggering - to think that the immaculately designed figures before you are older than the New Testament is ridiculously mind-blowing. The world seems so small, and life seems so short, in those moments. On that note, I can't wait to go again this weekend! So if you're gonna be at the NGV midday this Sunday, hmu and I might come say hi!
Movies count as art too, and I would recommend MIB: International if you like Marvel movies. Seriously the best haha. Very keen to go see Spiderman: Far From Home, too!
As for my own works, well, I guess I've been neglecting art. I get home from work and just want to snuggle into bed, so taking the effort to get up and control my shaky hands is a little stressful. But it's still home to me.

Home, home. Its funny how a word can hold so much meaning, isn't it? Home is a physical place, but also an intangible thing. Home can be an object or an action you find yourself comfortable with. Home can be a person. For me, home is definitely the latter. But I'm hoping I can make my own soon, too.

Thanks for listening to my rambling, all. I'm sure there's more to say but I doubt many of you even read this, let alone the novella of my loud brain. Love ya.
Until next time. 💙💙💙

Love,
~Poet

[PhoenixxFire]

Thanks for listening to my rambling, all. I'm sure there's more to say but I doubt many of you even read this

I read every single word - as I always do when you post here. In fact, I might have even read some words twice. Regardless of whether you believe it, we care about you, and reading about how your life is going is something that humans do when they care about other humans <3

My savings are flying at the moment - I'm still living at home despite a strong want to leave, so I've implemented a 60:40 ratio rule. 60% of my earnings go to savings, whilst 40% goes to things like socialising, rent, phone payments and fun things like hoards of camembert cheese. When I hit 10,000 in savings (which is not far off at all) I'll begin actively looking for my own place/somewhere to share, as well as a car of my own. Because yes, news #2, I passed my driving test a while ago!

Camembert cheese tim tams?

Anywhere in particular you want to move to or is it too early to be thinking about that?

my teeth felt huge and smooth, almost slimey.

Oh yeah I remember this, definitely strange at first. You'll get used to it :p


Love you poet <3

[Bri MT]

If you think no one reads your journal or cares you're either not paying attention or have forgotten. We're here for you, and that hasn't changed.

In GC we did an activity where we narrowed down what the main thing we wanted to get out of the year was, and mine was "home" so I definitely get where you're coming from with it having a lot of meaning. It's great to see you finding yours

Anywhere in particular you want to move to or is it too early to be thinking about that?

If I get a vote I wouldn't mind having a Poet near me <3

[Poet]

I'm so happy to hear you're going well/better!! 

I'm also doing my RSA course tomorrow (mines from 5-11pm!). Hope yours goes well and job hunting gets better!

forgot to respond to this, sorry Katie!!
It did go well, and as you can probably guess the job hunt turned out brilliantly haha.
Kind of ironic that I don't even need the RSA for my job, and they're offering courses for a lot less money than I payed!! Haha.

I read every single word - as I always do when you post here. In fact, I might have even read some words twice. Regardless of whether you believe it, we care about you, and reading about how your life is going is something that humans do when they care about other humans <3

You touch my heart every time. I don't mean to leave you out at all - I just tend to forget that people care, because I don't really care too much about myself, so I tend to be surprised whenever love comes back around. Like now ❤️

Camembert cheese tim tams?

Oh god above YES

Anywhere in particular you want to move to or is it too early to be thinking about that?
Oh yeah I remember this, definitely strange at first. You'll get used to it :p

Love you poet <3

Yes, actually. Considering I've been dreaming of independence for a while, I'm looking around maybe the Heidelberg or Preston area if I don't get a car. If I DO get a car, somewhere like around Clayton or closer to the west side might be easier travel for work.

Love you too, Phoenixx 💙💙💙

If you think no one reads your journal or cares you're either not paying attention or have forgotten. We're here for you, and that hasn't changed.

In GC we did an activity where we narrowed down what the main thing we wanted to get out of the year was, and mine was "home" so I definitely get where you're coming from with it having a lot of meaning. It's great to see you finding yours

If I get a vote I wouldn't mind having a Poet near me <3

I'd forgotten, I guess. I still don't expect or feel like I deserve the flood of respect that comes my way whenever I post - it's a little crazy, but it does make me feel appreciated. Thank you for reminding me. 💙

You might just get a Poet near you

ILY 💜💚

[Poet]

Sometimes...
I think of things outside the present.
Sometimes, I cringe at "uplifting" quotes and
Sunflower paintings and
Wellbeing tips set up by gurus who think they know what it feels like
To be completely engulfed
Swallowed, chewed apart and devoured
By the dark.

I've been told before
That my heart rate is
Irregular.
I'm healthy enough, sure
It just likes to move around a lot.
I think of it like a toddler jumping on a trampoline
Endless fun and giggles
But its bounces vary a lot.

I don't know if it used to be this way.
The first time I can recall
Tasting blood as I ran
Was about year 5.
It scared me
A lot.
But I've grown used to the feeling
Just as I've had to grow used to running
In a different way.

I like to forget about the world around me
I constantly crave an escape.
Sleep, is the best one
Even if it's elusive sometimes
And if I'm honest
Sleep is not always
The best of friends.

Rest can be sleep,
But sleep is not always restful.
Sleep can bring back the same hurt
Again, and again, and again.
My nightmares
Are always repetitive.
Like a stairway of cogs, churning endlessly downwards
The world seems to shrink and grow
In the fisheye lense
Of REM.
My escape
But also my damnation
To the world created by my own mind.

Sometimes...
I remember things from my past.
And, in the same breath,
I tell myself I imagined it.
I don't like to think, but I still do, of all the terrors I remember,
How much
Did I
Forget?
How much did I leave
As I grew to be who I am now
Behind me
In the seething pit
Of the past?

How much still lies
Hidden away
Under the film of black and white
Preventing me from finding
A happiness in the now
A now that I crave but also hate in the same breath
A now that I can't stand to be in so predictably
A now that I wish didn't exist because no matter the joy I feel in one moment, I always manage
To tear it away
In the next.

Please heart, stay still.
Little child, hold your balance.
And breathe.

...
Sometimes...

I think about

The future.

And I wonder

If I'll ever

Want to be in it.

I wonder if
I'll stay with
The boy I love now.
If he'll stay with me. Like he promised.
I wonder if
One day
I might stop tasting blood
As I run. And run, and run, and run.
I wonder if I'll have a son or daughter.
My own baby.
I wonder if I'll be able to protect her from the world, but also let her be vulnerable to it
I wonder if my boy will grow up to be as kind and respectful
As I hope his future father will be.
I wonder if I might find happiness
In them
Or morning coffee
The days spent hiking the mountains
Purely to clean up the trash others leave behind
I wonder if I might find happiness
In the love of a man or woman, to hold me when the toddler inside of me jumps too hard, like he's trying to snap the trampoline springs
Like he is now.
To kiss for hours
And fall asleep under the stars.
To realise in my heart, not just in my head,
That even when the clouds block your view
The sun
Is always shining.

I wonder
If the dark
Will ever leave me be.
I wonder
If living
Will ever fulfill my life.

Sometimes...
I think out loud
And let the world hear
The sound of blood spitting from my mouth.
Most of the time
I stay
In the quiet.

The quiet

And the dark.

[caffinatedloz]

Absolutely breathtaking as always Poet!

[Bri MT]

Happiness is not a permanent state, but you can - and I fully believe you will (even if you don't yet) - get to a point that is much better than this. The dark seems pervasive because it is the absence of the light which shows you how things truly are; just because you can't see reality doesn't mean you can't find it others ways, doesn't mean it's not there.

I have seen you find happiness in the setting sun, a slice of cake, a friendly face, an eloquent phrase. Happiness is within you, and as you become more familiar with having it flow to the surface you will wonder how it ever became shrouded.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us in such an expressive and articulate way, but mostly thank you for sharing them at all, friend.

[Poet]

Oh cheeses I haven't posted since July? Hmm. OK lol

Whirlwind. Whipping ‘round. A blizzard in my mind as the world warms, and I stay cold in the wind and rain. The sun is hidden behind the clouds, but still a faint light glows, taunting. I know it’s there. I see glimpses of its gentle rays every now and again. Before it slips back to shadow, or the winds catch me o'er.

Life has been hard to live lately. I have bouts of hypersensitivity, where groups of people and meetings and my thoughts and family all become a giant, scribbled ball of things to avoid; things that hurt. Things to be feared, in a weird way. I have periods of numbness, where my body doesn’t wish to breathe. Where I’m stuck in a tunnel of static, ears crackling, the ringing echoes deafening me to logic, to hope. And I’ve just been constantly ill and nauseated, which doesn’t help anything be overly enjoyable.

The past few weeks have found me so stressed and sick and overwhelmed that I have fallen back into patterns of thought and action I’m not proud of. Work seems never-ending and soul-crushing despite the good found at the end of the day. I’m struggling to eat or smile and sit at my desk so overwhemed by the hundreds of tasks before me that I retreat into the little shell I’ve used so many times before. And that shell is a dangerous place to be, considering the fact that it’s inside the same mind that wants me dead.

I think my main trigger is expectations. As a bit of a perfectionist in many things (perhaps except for cleaning) I find it very difficult to reconcile other people’s opinions of me inside myself, particularly if they’re good. My work role has recently been changing again and next year I will be heading the Training Department’s marketing strategy. (Ngl their system needs an integrative CRM and an overall huge overhaul). I’ve also been doing plenty of ongoing graphic design work for our company and leaving a lot of my current role as administrative officer to slowly train up for whatever’s in store. I’ll still be 19 and running this. I guess there’s a lot of stress and the strong feeling of inadequacy. I have no relevant qualifications for a specialized role like this, and I feel like I should get an (mb)MBA(m) or something.

I’ve been struggling to find the mental energy to do much that I like, including drawing, which can be very frustrating because I KNOW it makes me feel good; I just can’t seem to make myself do it. I still try to set goals and work on them when I can; for example, this journal entry was a goal of mine. (So was cleaning the bathroom, and I did both tonight. One endorphin, please.) I also try to look forward to things.
Every weekend I go out with Erutepa and do something, so if the week at work is absolute death I’ll try and keep him in mind. We’ll see you at the Melbourne Marathon this Sunday! (I’m not running tho I’m way too sick for that lmao) and next Friday we’re going to his graduation, which I’m really excited for. After that, I’m looking forward to taking a holiday and doing the schoolies I never did – and then I’ll be moving out of home in January. So, little things and big things to try and look to. Counting down the days.

For now, I’m still stuck in the spiral. But I know I can get out; I’ve done it before. It may just take a long, long time. And hey, putting my thoughts on paper already helped me think a little more positively. So I guess we’ll see where the road leads. Hopefully away from the static in my brain.

[Poet]

Apologies for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors – it’s kinda hard to correct through tears lmaoooo

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’d be lying if I said anything but that I hate the world at the moment.
I’m in a very dark head space and have been for a while. Today, I can’t even look at myself anymore.
It’s been steadily getting worse as time goes on; along with my sickness, it comes and goes.

Work has been difficult emotionally recently; the company as a whole isn’t doing to well and there’s a bit of social tension that I’m very bad at coping with along with everything else, particularly the pressure of trying to keep so many diverse tasks in line and learn new strategies and things I probably shouldn’t know on probation every day. We lost a grant so about 40 people are losing their jobs. It looks like about a quarter of the students I’ve been caring for since May will be failing, which is entirely on them, but I’m still worried for them. The list goes on. I cry when the weekend is over because it can be so difficult to muster up a smile again and push through another week.

Outside of work, a friend recently decided they didn’t want me in their life. Not too recently; it was just before my last entry actually – but it really, really hurts when someone tells you they don’t care about you anymore so brutally after almost 9 years. It’s taken a while to sink in but whenever I have time alone, I begin going through everything I could have possibly done to make him feel that way. And at points like today where my mental and physical health suck, it’s like I’ve been shot with a poisoned arrow, and it just keeps seeping in. I don’t know. I guess getting a girlfriend replaced me in his life.
I still have a hole.

I went to the doctors to get my blood test results in from the first blood test I’ve done in a while. I’ve been extremely disheartened with the in/out medical system after my experience at the start of the year (e.g., telling the doctors that I didn’t think it was an endocrine issue and getting fobbed off because I don’t know anything about my own body) so coming back has been very anxiety-inducing, but today I guess I was proved right when my thyroid and pituitary levels came back fine. Apparently, I have minor deficiencies in potassium and Vitamin D, and looking back on my old records from the beginning of the year I can see my potassium levels declining. Why we paid hundreds of dollars for specialists to not pick up that trend, I don’t know, but this hoe is mad. It doesn’t make much sense but maybe my body has become less effective at processing my intake of electrolytes...? In any case, I don’t think I was meant to lose 8kg of healthy weight.

Also (not to boast or anything) but I tested positive to the Epsteindidn’t kill himself Barr test, which means I have the antibodies created in the presence of glandular fever. From my meagre education in biology, I would take the plunge and say I’ve probably had chronic fatigue as an after-effect of glandular fever, which is actually quite common despite no conclusive evidence on the topic. But sure, refer me to a mothertrucking private dietician healthcare won’t cover. I’ll give it a crack if it gets rid of this constant nausea. Or not.
I would not be so convinced that chronic fatigue is a strong possibility if I didn’t already know that I get nauseous when I push myself to exhaustion. A few times through year 12 I pushed myself to the point I would vomit; so, it makes sense?


Umh, positives. Why do I cry more when I try to think of what is meant to make me happy but doesn’t.

>   My boss passed the Australian citizenship test two days ago. Me and a coworker went out and bought him a bunch of presents, both serious and    silly Aussie stuff like Milo, Weet-Bix and Vegemite, and gave them all to him on a car ride after work into the city. He has really been struggling so seeing his face light up (and tear up) was rewarding to see.
>   I bought some nice undies and they’re super nice and they make me feel barely passable as a human being.
>   8 months with Erutepa. That’s probably the biggest up in my life right now.
>   Training myself on Photoshop Illustrator and InDesign which is something I can put on my resume as a graphic artist. Even though I can’t even draw normally at the moment.
>   I was gifted a kalimba, a bracelet and a pair of socks.
>   I saw a few cute cats.
>   I wrote a guide on what SBAT is for VIC students. Yay.

I don’t know. I just feel sick and drained and disheartened with everything. Tomorrow I’ll try to make pancakes and wash my sheets. I washed my clothes today. But what kind of goal is that? I just feel stupid. Stupid, and confused, anxious, and scared. It’s like I grew up young, but there’s still a small child huddling somewhere inside of me as a passenger to everything I do. I just want to close my eyes and disappear. I doubt many people would care too much if I did anyway. Not even people I thought cared, for a long time. Or they’d care when it became convenient.
I'm impressed if you read all this. Always am. I'll try to remember to write when I'm feeling more positive sometime.

[r1ckworthy]

Hey, if it helps, I think it is through these dark moments that we can actually grow as individuals. While I've only experienced a teeeeny bit of what you are experiencing right now, I think one day we will look back and see it as one of the many stages in which we grow to become better human beings. All the difficulty surrounding work, yes, it is bloody hard but we will be thankful of such experiences in the future. I may be wrong, but this is just one of the many stages of our life, albeit one that is difficult to pass through, but like the old saying goes, "One step at a time."

I don't know if what I'm writing is plain rubbish or actually sound advice, but going through these dark moments is important to one's identity. Each waking day, you get up and do whatever is required, no matter how shitty or awful it is. That is what makes a life so valuable! The courage to keep moving, one day at a time, one step at a time.

However, if we don't share these dark moments, then we will forever keep cascading into the darkness. And these journal posts, no matter how painful or how joyous to write, influence and transform people without you knowing. Take me for example. I've had circumstances throughout this year where things have gotten so, so dark. There have been nights where I have stayed up all night, just screaming silently with a bunch of scissors in my hands.

But I got through this, luckily with the help of my parents and friends, as well as beyond blue and eheadspace. These journal posts, what you might think as worthless helped me get through this stage. Sharing these brutal moments can really save someone.

This journal has helped me so much this year, as well as many others. Even though one friend has left you, just know that you will always have the support of this awesome community