Have anyone ever wonder why us students are forced to write 4 different essays, and make a creative piece or respond to unseen texts when most of us are not going to even do that anymore? (though the same arguments can be done with other subjects too including maths and sciences)... Or have anyone ever get frustrated for not being able to draft essays properly or having to rewrite the whole thing again, or lacking vocabulary which hinders your progress as a result of lacking in understanding? Maybe cringe over your own creative writing and keep scrapping more and more because you 'hate' your creative draft because you hate your plot? I know I do.... Maybe for most or some, you just don't want to work for english at all, me however I thought about it everyday, I read my rubrics and tried to understand it as best as I can, I literally read ATAR Notes' Standard English notes which in my opinion is very good (props to Elyse and Emily) on the train or on the bus (I did the same for other subjects) yet in vain as I vaguely remember anything to the point that it gets very frustrating.... To be honest the struggle is no different to advanced AT ALL and God I find myself in dilemmas between regrets followed with frustration for dropping and a desire to move on completely and do my best (yes, after I bombed my first assessment due to not remembering a majority of my essay with 11/20 which weigh 10% of my overall and that hurts my ranking)...
School Conditions:
Ok enough about myself, so far my progress is what I would call utterly void if I want a band 6 in this subject (Because the highest mark is 17 and everyone in my class (an ex-advanced class) got higher than me, though the average is around 7-9/20 overall)... I am seeing a LOT of competition and the fact that I know some people have already finished their drafts for module C (the next assessment is based on that and IS a listening task which happened to be my weakest) is very very intimidating.... I know that 2 people have redraft their AOS essay and I have BARELY redraft mine..... The tension in that classroom is extremely high for me...
Current Progress:
I have 3 different priorities for english at the moment, they are AOS creative writing (from my tutoring place), Module C draft (exploring transitions and personal goal (AOS essay fully edited and perfected)... I know for a fact that I lost 6 weeks in the holidays with very little done (I was half asleep/awake)
with the bare maximum done being mathematical induction (3 & 4U) revised, 2U integration, a bit of space (physics) and very little chemistry... I did however tried to redraft my essay with very little luck as I am prone to get distracted onscreen (severe disadvantage which force me to print stuff out to avoid it and I even left my phone behind to get my attention on the books only
) with very little luck... At some point I decided to get it checked so I emailed my teacher (and no response
), then I decided to post it on ATAR Notes and I got it marked by OpenGangs who gave me a very detailed feedback in areas of improvements which I did took and attempt to redraft it the second time (which is only partial) and post the parts that are edited (I still receive feedbacks which means there are still areas to improve)... at this point I am starting to realise that I do not enjoy using the related text my teacher recommend at all and left it at that, but couldn't find a good related text (just my luck -_-, though I did finish reading my core text for module C)....
Then holiday season is nearly over so tutoring is on, only 5 people in that class... we are given a task to write a creative since that is 'what students tend to leave till the end'. This is where hell starts because I have to try my best to stick with the stimulus and the rubric and everytime I write something for creative I tend to discard things halfway if I disliked it (I mean it made me cringe)... this occurs 3 weeks in a row where I keep scrapping more and more papers for my creative (Yes I did read the creative writing section from ATAR Notes on how to write as a guide)... So I looked for sample band 6 creative writing which gave me an idea on what a band 6 creative should look like yet it intimidates me as it shows my lack of vocabulary or any kind of creativity to be put into words, I find Emily's creative 'terrifying' when I read it.. God I can't write like that (if any of you happen to read this you can tell from the way I write)... If I were to write freehand with no guides whatsoever, it won't even follow the stimulus and I doubt it will catch the audience's attention apart from it being 'dark' in nature.... so I am left with creative 'undone' and the last creative progress 'scrapped'.. and guess what? Next wednesday I need to get it done 'somehow' and find another related text for AOS just in case the HSC asks for TWO related,.... My tutor told me that I am somewhat a 'perfectionist' and I need to stop having that mindset because it hinders my progress (I agree, but I can't really help it), so I tried to lighten the mood for myself, asking if I could use Borat or The Dictator as my related text which she strongly oppose as 'markers won't take them seriously due to the nature of the film' then a few things just pop up in my mind, 'the boy in striped pyjamas, schindler's list, Coward!, and a few other films I have watched and enjoy and could be a potential related text.. at this point I realised some of them are perfect for Module C for advanced (Representing People and Politics)!! Shit why!!!! (btw this causes another unpleasant moment of inner turmoil within myself )
When school starts, we were told to read the core text (Simple Gift by Steven Herrick) which only took me 3 days to finish and all I need to do is draft my essay according to the stimulus (and we already have the notification of the assessment and the question given).... My classroom teacher basically 'spoonfed us everything' so I am already given list of quotes and its analysis already in hand, so I can use just that yet I think I just 'overcomplicate things myself' because knowing the fact that certain elements of my essay NOT being original also disturb me greatly and I don't know how to start it in this case (yes despite being given everything, i.e. sample thesis points, sample intro etc)... Given that my last assessment mark wasn't that great and my ranking being hurt from that it is a worry and half the time I do wonder why I even dropped in the first place since I can't make use of anything (I hate it when it gets to that because I know it is unproductive)... I admit that a band 6 in standard english right now seems a bit out of reach for me which is a worry (because of my own ambition)