Hello, friends!
The new year is upon us, and once again, we stand amazed at the fact that we’ve managed to survive another 365 days. Of course, it’s been four days since New Years Day, but that’s not gonna stop me from celebrating what 2019 means for us all.
I’ve composed a letter addressed to you all. Here goes.
To the people of ATAR Notes. Friends, confidantes, family.
First thing’s first, I want to thank you. For being there for me, every hour of every day (and night… and early morning). For lending me your hand. For pulling me up time and time again. For opening your hearts and sharing your stories. For loving a stranger.
And for showing us all that we are not alone.
The last few years had left me pretty broken. I’d experienced things I’d never imagined, both good and bad – I’d gone literally insane, gotten help, stitched up the scars, and kept walking. I’d seen the sun both rise and set almost 150 days last year; the only predictability in my life. I’ve seen everything else fall apart, every other day. But AN has always been here.
They say time is a friend when it comes to wounds. Time allows wounds to stop bleeding, to scab. But the scars are still visible, stark white and outstanding. And they still hurt when the weather gets cold.
What heals is friendship and the slow development of a relationship in which a person can trust again. Coming onto AN, I trusted no-one, including myself. I was stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-deprecation, and I sometimes felt like I’d never make it out. Actually, a lot of the time. I hated life, and year 12 only served to make it worse.
But through it all, you were here. Through it all, I could come to my safe place. And through it all, I learned that not everyone with the same name as the people who hurt me were bad. (Yes, Nick, I’m looking at you. Surprise, I was scared of you when I realized your name wasn’t actually *spoiler alert* Joseph). I learned that there was honor in some; a sincere light. Something I couldn’t question. And something that’s made me feel safe here. All I felt for so long was distrust and fear. Self-hate, timidity. But a simple, tight-knit community helped those scars fade. Still helps.
So, with the new year and all, I wanted to say thank you. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose. And most of all, you gave me your friendship.
To Joseph41, Calebark, insanipi, miniturtle, MissSmiley, beatroot, Lsjnzy13, PhoenixxFire, Vaike, turinturambar, Lear, RuiAce, technodisney, Alaska_Young14, Angelwings, dantraicos, Erutepa, Maya24, jazcstuart, fun_jirachi, Im21074, Sine, katie,rinos, Owlbird83, the untold encouragers and friends to come, thank you for the journey we’ve walked together so far.
I love you, and I’ll see you soon.
After all, we have a whole ‘nother year to get through. 😊
~ Nina xoxo