ATAR Notes: Forum
QCE Stuff => QCE Subjects + Help => QCE Marking and Feedback => Topic started by: Josh.. on November 19, 2019, 06:40:39 pm
-
Hey,
would just like some feedback regarding my English feature article. Any tips at all would be appreciated, thanks.
-
This article was absolutely fantastic and a fascinating read! I think that there were some clunky sentences and phrases, but really minor things. I only noticed them because of how well written the piece was.
For example:
"Entire religions are victimized for being ‘different’ and ostracised for their views. " Could you reword this. I think that you could probably find a more sophisticated word for different.
"This is currently happening in our world today, with the unjust Judge Danforth being mirrored by the current President of the United Sates." Other than the spelling error, I was mainly thinking about the start of this phrase. What about saying: This is a trend observed in the modern world, with the unjust...
Overall, this is super fantastic! Feel free to ask any other questions you may have!
-
Hey Josh,
welcome to the forums!
I think the main thing for you to work on is improving your coherence and cohesion. Your sentences don't always flow smoothly from one to the next and their grammatical structures sometimes create unnecessary confusion or jar the flow of reading.
I've left more detailed feedback in the attached document
P.S I like how you've styled the document with font and a two column approach :)