Thesis Statement

[Nialllovespie]

Hiiiiiii,

I was wondering if you could please mark my thesis statement. I think it's a bit broad and perhaps too long but I just wanted another option on it as to what I could do to improve it. Thank you!!

The discoveries individuals make are often evoked by curiosity leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hiiiiiii,

I was wondering if you could please mark my thesis statement. I think it's a bit broad and perhaps too long but I just wanted another option on it as to what I could do to improve it. Thank you!!

The discoveries individuals make are often evoked by curiosity leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

Hey! Welcome to the forums!! Let me know if you need help finding anything

The discoveries individuals make are often evoked by curiosity leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

I think this is good! I wouldn't say it is too broad, per say, but I would say it's perhaps covering a little too much at once. Curiosity, transformations, perceptions, challenges; it's quite a few things at once. I reckon you should hone in on just one or two of these things and go into some more detail, for example; Discoveries provide essential positive transformations when the relevant challenges can be overcome, or something. The point being, pick just a SUBSET of the ideas you've presented and hone in on it a little bit; give me a little depth! That will make it more sophisticated and interesting

[Nialllovespie]

Thank you so much for your help!! Greatly appreciated!!

[anuu.j]

Heyy

Is there any way you could help me out with writing a thesis statement for my essays? I can always write the essay however when it comes to the Thesis points i am so blind with these things and go on a rant and don't stick to only one or two sentences.

[jamonwindeyer]

Heyy

Is there any way you could help me out with writing a thesis statement for my essays? I can always write the essay however when it comes to the Thesis points i am so blind with these things and go on a rant and don't stick to only one or two sentences.

Hey annum.j! We'd love to help, why don't you upload what you have so far/an attempt at a Thesis in response to a question? we can provide some feedback!

[pels]

Any good for a Mod C Thesis?:

Thesis: Throughout history, occasions have arisen in which influential societal figures, have commented and criticised upon historical events, which offer a new and refreshing opinion for the audience which they are addressing. This notion can be readily observed through the  renowned British poet W.H. Auden, whom created poetry such as "O What Is That Sound Which So Thrills The Ear?" (OWISTS), as well as "Spain", both written in 1937. Additionally, Malala Yousafzai's speech addressing the United States EPA (2013), in relation to her overwhelming experiences in Pakistan, have been a representation that the political motivations of individuals are inevitability also an expression of the personal, in which control is evidently the ultimate goal. The obvious link between political and personal motivations is inextricably linked to the overall controlling nature of these specific motivations, observed through the use of poetic and literary devices respectively.

[jamonwindeyer]

Any good for a Mod C Thesis?:

Thesis: Throughout history, occasions have arisen in which influential societal figures, have commented and criticised upon historical events, which offer a new and refreshing opinion for the audience which they are addressing. This notion can be readily observed through the  renowned British poet W.H. Auden, whom created poetry such as "O What Is That Sound Which So Thrills The Ear?" (OWISTS), as well as "Spain", both written in 1937. Additionally, Malala Yousafzai's speech addressing the United States EPA (2013), in relation to her overwhelming experiences in Pakistan, have been a representation that the political motivations of individuals are inevitability also an expression of the personal, in which control is evidently the ultimate goal. The obvious link between political and personal motivations is inextricably linked to the overall controlling nature of these specific motivations, observed through the use of poetic and literary devices respectively.

Hey Pels! Comments:

- Occasions doesn't seem like the right word choice in the first sentence, feels awkward
- I'd like two sentences instead of one setting up your concepts, just for a bit more clarity, before you introduce your texts
- It seems you are honing in on a main theme of control, you'll want to establish that a little earlier in your first two sentences, perhaps explore WHY control is relevant to the Module?

I think conceptual clarity is what is lacking here; your main idea is control (I think), but you've not explained it clearly in my opinion! Try devoting a few more words to really getting this done properly

[Nialllovespie]

Heyyyy

Came up with a new thesis statement for my AOS essay. Is there any chance you could please read it and give me some advice?

The discoveries individuals make challenge pre-conceived perspectives leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

Thank you heaps!!

[ssarahj]

Heyyyy

Came up with a new thesis statement for my AOS essay. Is there any chance you could please read it and give me some advice?

The discoveries individuals make challenge pre-conceived perspectives leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

Thank you heaps!!

This is a really great start Nialllovespie! It's really clear that you're going to be dealing with perceptions and the impact of discovery etc in your essay.  :)There's a couple of wording corrections you could consider:

The discoveries individuals make An individual's discovery can challenge pre-conceived perspectives, leading to a transformation of their perceptions of themselves and society. This transformation is normally often attained after they surpass the ramifications of challenges and obstacles keep it simple and pick either "challenges" or "obstacles"that fundamentally shape their perceptions.

This thesis is quite broad and you should be able to easily match this with most questions. You may find it will get more fine-tuned and nuanced as the year progresses. Right now if you feel ready, I'd recommend having a glance at some questions and see how you go writing some introductions. You can post them up on the forums for marking too! 

[Nialllovespie]

Thank you so much for you advice!! I'll fix that up now and then I should be ready to post my essay!! Is AOS essay marking still available?

[ssarahj]

Thank you so much for you advice!! I'll fix that up now and then I should be ready to post my essay!! Is AOS essay marking still available?

Of course! Just post it up in the AOS Marking forum

[elysepopplewell]

Thank you so much for you advice!! I'll fix that up now and then I should be ready to post my essay!! Is AOS essay marking still available?

Post your work here

[Nialllovespie]

Thank you so much for your help!!