Here are my thoughts
Texts are shared experiences that allow us to understand the fragility of the human experience.
Texts are shared experiences? Not sure I get the point of that. The human anomalies, paradoxical behaviour and inconsistences that emerge within a dystopian setting provoke a renewed perception of an individual.
I think you are using too many big words here and trying to sound a bit too sophisticated. I understand why - sometimes I'd even do it. But it just makes the sentence quite cluttered and hard to follow. Why do dystopian settings promote new ways of being and understanding one's self. The marker shouldn't have to do the work if that makes sense.Such can be seen in George Orwell’s cynical-speculative novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. Orwell, in consideration of what it means to be human, satirises the totalitarian fears of his war-ridden milieu to express a provocative vision of the future, warning of the perils of dictatorial control systems and their ability to encompass all facets of the human experience.
Again I think you have way too much going on. Markers go through a lot of essays so you want to make it as simple to digest as possible. Too long sentence here and just a lot of ideas going on at once. What are the dangers of totalitarian regimes on the human experience? Make these clear. Through the focalised narrative of
Everytime you include a detail make sure it serves a purpose - what does focalised narrative add other than again just making the sentence a bit harder to follow and it impacts on the flow of your writing.Winston Smith’s dehumanisation, the audience cultivates a cautionary message, critiquing excessive power involving the intellectual manipulation in pursuit of conformity and the regulation of hedonistic pleasure.
I just really think you need to simplify this whole intro. You have a lot of big words that don't say much in reality because I'm struggling to locate an obvious central idea to what you are saying.The complexity of the human experience within the broader socio-political context, is reflected through the vulnerability of the individual. Orwell’s appropriation of familiar British landscape, “though the sun was shining and the sky a harsh blue”, with dystopic overtones “there seemed to be no colour in anything” reveals the vulnerability of the individual within an oppressive environment.
because... explain. Indeed, his motif of urban decay “its bareness… dinginess… listlessness” evinces the cultural anxieties surrounding capitalist ideologies “… such a society could not remain stable”. The opening dismal imagery, creates an eroded world space for the consideration of the “deliberate drowning of consciousness”. By criticising the flaws of such a authoritarian regime “… there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph and self-abasement” and the deceptive nature of ‘Ingsoc’, the emotional strain highlights the psychological manipulation of the mind. A similar effect is achieved through the omnipresence of Big Brother “There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched”, the constant surveilance of Winston emphasises his anxieties. Propaganda and surveillance are indicative of the structurally perverse society “the power of holding two contradictory beliefs simultaneously… and accepting both of them”, and the extent to which individuality is broken to a world of “trampling and being tramped upon”. LINK
Yep you need a link here - I get a better idea of the central theme in this para being conformity and the impact it has on free thinking but this needs to be more explicitly explored. You have A LOT of quotes which is great! But leave room to unpack them rather than moving on to another quote.The assumption that free will serves as the locus of human motivation is challenged by cultural theories, whereby the self is produced through social forces acting upon the individual.
The second half of this sentence doesn't make sense to me.Orwell considers Marxist ideas which characterise Winston’s rebellion. Orwell depicts Winston’s sombre psychological state; he feels “lost in a monstrous world where he was the monster” and hence his only potential rebellion is his own internal contemplation. This is represented through Winston’s pessimistic thoughts “theyll shoot me i dont care” that he “had running inside his head, literally for years”, whereby the lack of punctuation emphasises his frustration as he privately protests against the party. Winston Smith knowingly accepts that “he was already dead” from the moment he acknowledges the “interminable restless monologue” and opens his diary - “the decisive act”. Every compassionate emotion is stripped from citizens of Oceania; “they were systematically turned into savages”, and is replaced by the all-encompassing robotic and rhythmic chanting “B-B!” in admiration of Big Brother, elucidating the mass extent of control. Orwell captures glimpses of Winston’s hope through imagery of the “Golden Country”. Winston’s nostalgic admiration past
nostalgic admiration for the past?provokes him to commit punishable acts, his sense of untouched freedom amongst wildlife inflates his hope for political change, “The sweetness of the air and greenness leaves daunted him”. Winston’s nostalgic fascination with the past elucidates the rebellious characteristic to challenge oppressive ideology with his “symptoms of unorthodoxy”, “under the impression that it is a virtue”. This characterises him as an outcast, operating outside the Party’s doctrines of “fear, hatred and pain”. LINK
Again I think you have all the quotes and evidence but need to also balance them with better explanations. I would say put one quote then one sentence explaining what it means and its impact relating back to the fragility of the human experience as that was your thesis outlined in the opening para.Societies built on foundations of conformity are prone to a growing discontent among citizens and eventual rebellion.
Much better start.Orwell demonstrates the effect of draconian tyrannies on the dilapidation of the human connection to morality.
Again reverting to using too many big words - no need to say human connection to morality, morality in itself is fine. Winston Smith initially believes that The Party “can’t get inside you” and hopes that the workings of the “inner heart” are to “remain impregnable”. However, his betrayal of Julia in Room 101 and ultimate profession of his love for ‘Big Brother’ demonstrate, according to Orwell, that isolation of the individual inevitably results in defeat. The tragedy of the ending is Winston’s struggle to retain his humanity, particularly his moral imagination and hope for a better world. Winston shares his bitterness toward The Party with an old Prole, “That’s what comes of trusting ‘em… We didn’t ought to have trusted the buggers”, whereby his resentful tone condemns one from trusting their own decisions, thus depriving the capacity for freedom.
You are unpacking quotes well! This is what you need to do more of in the first 2 paras!Orwell proves that this Utopian impulse, an expression of individuality, is unrealistic and dangerous through allusions to the distorted racial and economic utopias of Nazism and Stalinism. The purposelessness of war and fabrication of Goldstein as an enemy figure allow The Party to “use up products of the machine”, whereby the war-generated fear drives the suppression of society. Winston wages a battle to protect the ‘truth’, which can only be sustained through the freedom to say things such as “2+2=4”, in which he finally finds himself captured by the Thought Police. Orwell argues that physical control overrides human reason “Your worst enemy… was your own nervous system”, symbolic of The Party’s manipulation. Winston finds himself isolated by fear and turns against Julia in an instinctive lunge for self-preservation “All you care about is yourself… you don’t feel the same”, revealing the destruction of identity and thus human spirit. LINK
Only critique is that sometimes it feels like you are telling me what happens in the story. To avoid this, start every sentence with something like "The growing discontent is further emphasised when..." so that you are clearly linking the story to a concept.George Orwell’s dystopian novel serves as a crucial warning of the dangers of totalitarian systems on the corruption of the individual.
Dangers are usually dangers to something positive. Corruption is negative. Corruption is the cause of totalitarian systems. Could easily change to the dangers of.... such as the corruption of the individual.Nineteen Eighty-Four ends with a heavy cause for concern due to the pertinent issues that may affect the future of the human experience, aligning with the oppression and anxiety reflective of post WWII Europe.
What are these issues... just briefly outline.So - overall - you have plenty of quotes and evidence to work with - my advice is to make sure you unpack these in your paras rather than just chucking them there and moving onto the next one. Also, simplify things down and make sure each point you make is clear, particularly in your intro as that's the first thing a marker reads. Hope that helps!
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Topic: Common Module: Nineteen Eighty-Four Essay (Read 4644 times)