Here's a creative piece I've done for Tracks (30/30, the language might be fairly simple because I'm not doing English as a first language), I'm not sure where else I can put this but here.
It's a letter written to Nancy during Robyn's initial arrival in Alice Springs.
Dear Nancy,
I could not wait any longer to be able to achieve any humane contact with any human being, though it can only be achieved via pen and paper, but I’ll be damned if I did not write to you until later, I just couldn’t wait to write, and wait for your reply as well.
It has only been about a few weeks, and I could feel the world tumbling over me as if I had reincarnated over the karma passed down by my past evil self through my past life, but I couldn’t blame any higher deity can I? Arriving to Alice was my choice, planning for some clichéd “wildlife adventure” within the outback of this thrifty place to “find myself” was my choice as well, but can I look back? To the serene and joyful moments we had under a verandah, indulging ourselves in the sweet scent of gin and gossips of like-minded people.
For some reason I cannot comprehend Alice and its people, I felt like as if I weren’t here, understanding their beliefs, their hierarchy, their ability to undermine the black people as if they were natural fauna instead of sensible, human beings capable of reflection unlike them. I have been working in a pub just to make ends meet for quite a while now, and going back and forth to take care of camels and learn more about them under a man I could only describe as utterly insane.
But I could not raise my courage and my fingers to blame the whites, all I could possibly feel and articulate, despite their appalling actions and behaviour, is an unconditional sense of pity lurking deep within my heart.
Through Alice’s notorious culture of xenophobia and misogyny, I am only able to see the embodiments and remnants of Australia’s unforgiving past as a penal colony we all knew to be true. Right within every insult, and every remark they have given the blacks hides a hidden spike, which perforates even my mediocre city dweller’s conscience, but this, is still not comparable to the despair and helplessness behind the prejudice which they have put forth under their inescapable souls. I could validate that every man who enters this bar had their depression reflected on both their sunken eyes, which symbolises a tiredness that could not be improved by sleep itself. They are, regretfully, morphed and warped by this Alice Springs through no fault of their own. Their goons and cheap spirits enabled them to carry on with their pitiable lives, as if to them straying within this town feels just so out of touch. It frightens me sometimes just to think about the polarising contrast between life in the coast, and maybe the bustling casinos in Sydney and Alice Springs. The same people of all walks of life, Aboriginal or white, all living within the same piece of soil we collectively call home. This initial nationalistic viewpoint in which I only perceive myself to be lucky to live within prosperity and an escape from any poverty and hunger, has all been shattered within my soul within this small town right within the heart of this nation I once perceived so highly.
I would definitely empathise more with the Aboriginals though, sweet, young, passionate, beautiful people whom we rarely get in contact with at home. Their attitude and wisdom which I could never have expected through observing and analysing their inhumane living spaces with roofs made of corroding zinc, and empty booze containers shattering right below their feet. It appears to me that they are still adapting to the enacted proposal a few years ago that meant that they are qualified (well, they should be more qualified than us) citizens of Australia, as they are still foreign about the idea that they could finally come into contact with people like you and me. By spending time with them I could directly feel and comprehend their uneasiness despite my genuine intentions to understand them, learn from them and possibly be their close friend as well, as I am just a white, Australian of European descent, an individual who represents not only the bad eggs of my kind within Alice Springs, but also a direct descendant of those who have arrived and stripped them off their cultural pride, dispossessed their land and language, and ultimately, their personality.
And of course, I could certainly feel the disparity between any individual right here based solely on their colour of their skin, or whether they could play the harmonica or the didgeridoo or whatever Anglo instrument you could name I guess. I could make no distinction between blatant and explicit racism here and the ongoing Apartheid in South Africa. The discrimination faced by these indigenous, bright and beautiful people punctures my heart as deep and painful as how the whites treat them here. Bullied, raped, murdered, forced to survive within an inescapable bottom of the caste system established by an abhorrent few.
I have never been in such a situation where my guilt has empowered me so much that I am contemplating my decisions to just donate all my money for the sake of these Aboriginal children, to be able to grow up and change this hell of a place for a noble cause, or continue dreaming about my self-centered, unrealistic goal of walking a few thousand kilometers to the other side of the island when I am even unable to walk from my room I have obtained from working here to the saloon bar which I work in with enough enthusiasm and cheerfulness to continue my life.
But what can I do, in order to achieve any sort of change within this twisted, and unrelenting community. How could I puncture, a well established countryside’s implicit rules as a young, outsider, female descendant of the same people that has ultimately caused devastating effects for the descendants of these wonderful, and undoubtedly beautiful individuals? I really want to, but I just couldn’t do anything.
Pass on my wishes, and notify those whom I legitimately care for in Queensland that I am well, and happily integrated within Alice. I will eventually sort my life out, after days of crying deep within my bed, desperately desiring genuine hugs from all of you.
Robyn.
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