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March 30, 2024, 02:52:16 am

Author Topic: Mind helping me mark my own work?  (Read 1284 times)  Share 

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dashnog

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Mind helping me mark my own work?
« on: May 17, 2018, 10:34:36 pm »
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I just finished a Legal Study case, although in Year 10, I think this is the only board that critiquing of this would fit into. Attached is the document, and the cover sheet is taken straight from the assigned task. Do you think I could achieve maximum marks according to this, or do I need to delve deeper?
Bachelor of Biomedical Science (Scholar's Program) at Monash (2021-2023)

ATAR: 94.XX
2019: VCE Biology & VCE Psychology
2020: VCE Extended Investigation, Chemistry, Music Performance, Methods, Literature

MissSmiley

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Re: Mind helping me mark my own work?
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2018, 10:45:34 pm »
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I just finished a Legal Study case, although in Year 10, I think this is the only board that critiquing of this would fit into. Attached is the document, and the cover sheet is taken straight from the assigned task. Do you think I could achieve maximum marks according to this, or do I need to delve deeper?
Did you have a word limit for this assignment?

Because you've written a LOT !!  :D
(which is good, but I haven't gone through it like full on, but I reckon you could cut down a bit of the case summary. Right now it's just a bit too much for 5 marks)

But yeah, would love to read it :)
(and I'll see if I can cut your words down a bit  ;)

Because as you go into Year 11 and 12, you need to make answers for Legal punchy, not too wordy + get full marks for that answer.


2017 : Further Maths [38]
2018 : English [45] ;English Language [43] ; Food Studies [47] ;French [33] ;Legal Studies [39]
VCE ATAR : 98.10
2019 - 2023 : Bachelor of Laws (Honours) and Bachelor of Arts at Monash University

I'm selling a huge electronic copy of  VCE English essays and resources document (with essays that have teacher feedback and marks) for $10. Feel free to PM me for details!

MissSmiley

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Re: Mind helping me mark my own work?
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2018, 06:10:08 pm »
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I just finished a Legal Study case, although in Year 10, I think this is the only board that critiquing of this would fit into. Attached is the document, and the cover sheet is taken straight from the assigned task. Do you think I could achieve maximum marks according to this, or do I need to delve deeper?

2014 Sydney Hostage Crisis – Lindt Café, 15-16 December 2014
The Lindt Café siege in December of 2014 was a hostage situation, where the perpetrator Man Haron Monis (a self-proclaimed prophet of ISIS) whose motive was to instil terror in the Australian populous whilst pledging allegiance to “the caliph [Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi] of the Muslims” and He held 18 total people people in total (employees and customers) for 16 hours at the local Lindt Café at Martin Place in Sydney, Australia. By the end of the crisis, three casualties were confirmed: two civilians and the perpetrator. The situation was resolved by a rush siege by the special ops police force, although inelegantly, as However, they ended up wounding and killing a few more than hoped.
Profile and Background of the Perpetrator – Man Haron Monis Monis was born on the 19th of May, 1964 in Borujerd, Iran and sought refuge in Australia in 1996 under political asylum. From 1997-2000, Monis held a security guard license, which held a permit to carry a pistol. In November 2000, he chained himself to a pole and conducted a one-day hunger strike to draw attention to his cause. Which cause? This bolded bit seems unnecessary. It doesn’t prove anything. Also in 2000, he began to sexually assault women whilst claiming himself to be a “spiritual healer”. Monis finally gained Australian citizenship in 2004. In September 2006, after multiple erratic name changes, he settled on a legal name of Man Haron Monis.  In later years, Monis was quite frequently involved with court cases involving multiple simultaneous relationship issues and resulting charges, as well as a hate mail campaign. In 2010, he was involuntarily hospitalised within the psychiatric ward of Canterbury Hospital, and a psychiatrist made an assessment that Monis had chronic schizophrenia and required to be put on anti-psychotic medication. Another psychiatrist who was given vastly different information noted his extreme paranoia and diagnosed him with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Monis avoided buying any medication to treat his mental illnesses to hide his consumption of other recreational medicines from authorities.  In a few years leading up to the incident, Monis started a hate mail campaign, intended to protest against the presence of Australian soldiers fighting in Afghanistan. He, along with a partner sent indecent and insensitive letters en masse to families who had deceased soldiers in their families, claiming them to be “pigs” and “murderers”. In one instance, he wrote that the dead son’s body was “contaminated” and a “dirty body of a pig” and described Hitler to not be morally inferior to the son. This naturally was taken to the high court and Monis was arrested for abuse of the postal service for malice.  In 2013, Monis was found out for using a friend as an accomplice to kill his ex-wife. By standing at a dark stairwell, dressed in a black Niqab, his accomplice stabbed her 18 times, doused her in petroleum and immolated her. Do things like this really need to be mentioned? Remember, the summary of the facts (who, what, when, where, etc) is only for 5 marks. You’ve written lots for 5 marks! Cut your summary down a bit. Only focus on things that will relate to the siege. (the next part that you’ve talked about is good, because it relates to days leading up to the incident)
 
The final days leading up to the incident had 18 calls and emails sent to national security, alerting them of a probable terrorist attack from the inference of Monis’ latest Facebook posts, but
apparently, according to a review by Commonwealth, there was no evident criminal intent. Lo and behold, two days later, the attack ensued.
The Day of the Incident – 15th-16th December, 2014 (9:30 AM – 2:43 AM) At 9:33 AM, about an hour after Monis walked into the café, with a Sawn-off, Manufrance LaSalle 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, Monis took hostage of manager Tori Johnson and forced him to call 000. The rest of the to-be hostages quickly fell under Monis’ control. Using the hostages as human shields, Monis disabled/rewired the security system to use the blockage to his advantage. Also, by using a building that was close to Channel 7 News, he fulfilled a motive which was to advertise and spread his “message”. At approximately 10 AM, when the first police response arrived and civilian crowds started to congregate, the hostages were forced to hold up black flags with Arabic writing, with the inscriptions saying “There is no god but God, Muhammad is the messenger of God”, which appears on several radical Islamic terrorist groups as well as the Saudi Arabian flag. In the afternoon, Monis forced his hostages to call media outlets throughout Australia to act as his spokespeople. Among others, Channel 10 reported the apparent presence of bombs throughout Sydney, but none were confirmed throughout the entire 16 hours of events, likely assumed to be a scare-tactic. However, the media did not comply with Monis’ wishes and refused to broadcast his message. By 1:30 PM, Monis refused to negotiate with the police, and his identity was still unconfirmed. By 5 PM, five hostages managed to escape from the building on their own. Monis continues to become gradually more and more agitated. Plenty of time passed, and soon after midnight struck, the first videos from inside the Lindt Café were uploaded to the internet, with hostages begging to know why the lack of compliance with Monis’ requests haven’t been upheld. At around 2 AM, Monis reached his pique of agitation and started to move the hostages in two groups. As he moved one group, the other group of six or seven made a rush for an escape door and successfully escaped. 10 minutes later, at 2:13 AM, the Special Ops squad stormed the café using flash grenades and live ammunition. In the span of 30 seconds, three hostages were injured by stray gunshots and a police officer received minor facial lacerations from a pellet. Katrina Dawson was accidentally shot by police stray gunfire and was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. Tori Johnson was shot in the back of the head by Monis, and the police quickly compensated in response by neutralising him. The wounded hostages were quickly taken care of by ambulance workers and were transported to the hospital.  After 16 hours, three were pronounced dead, two hostages and the perpetrator. Four were injured, three hostages and one officer, all of which made a full physical recovery. You can easily cut some of this down.
Definition of Area of Law, Maximum Penalty and Outcome The main area of law that this situation encompassed is terrorism. You need to be specific- is it civil or criminal? Terrorism is defined as “the unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.” As is the case with Monis, he used his motive of pledging allegiance to ISIL and held civilians as hostages whilst threatening with illegal firearms. If Monis were to be alive to be sent to the Supreme Court, the most prominent law applied would be a charge for Involvement in Armed Terrorism and the resulting maximum penalty as described in Part 5.3, Division 101.1 of the Criminal Act Code 1995 is imprisonment for life. However, since the perpetrator was neutralised during the siege, the case was followed into a post-mortem investigation in the Coroner’s court, where a proposition for a remedy for the “lack of detailed guidance on how State Protection Group officers should interact and communicate with the Police Forward Commander” by suggesting “such guidance [should] be included in policy documents and reinforced with training.”
Unfortunately, the full report was only finalized in 2017, three years after the incident, and is still yet to be debated as legislative matters as of May 2018.
The Court the Case Was Held in – Coroner’s Court As established before, the court that the case was heard in was the Coroner Court in New South Wales, which has a jurisdiction encompassing unnatural, unexpected, sudden, suspected (missing persons cases) and suspicious deaths. They are also involved in ensuring the safety following or forewarning relevant authorities as well as informing them of potential environmental hazards such as fires or explosions which did or possibly could cause serious injury and/or damage to property. The Coroner will attempt to answer questions surrounding the who, what, where, when, why and how of cases, and also attempt to establish preventative methods so as to not have a similar incident occur again. If suspected criminal matters are raised, then the Coroner’s Court will suspend the proceedings and instead forward the information to be handled by the Director of Public Prosecutions, who will then independently decide whether one person or a group of people are responsible and whether charges should be laid. You need to be specific in your answer – What’s the civil jurisdiction? What’s the criminal?
Was Justice Achieved? I do not personally believe justice was achieved following the tragedy of this incident. As much as it does take a lot of time to organize court cases of this magnitude, suggested remedies, even after four years since the incident had passed still haven’t been passed. This case falls in the same category of a frequent type of global issue, which needs to be sorted out as quickly as possible, before the terrorist groups and individual mentally unstable fanatics commit atrocities such as this again. The police forces whom accidentally caused the deaths of two innocents do not have the right to allow collateral damage to occur if at all within their controllable means, and if such a thing does occur, methods need to be reviewed, analysed and revised for future operations.
What Outcome Would You Pose on this Case? If I was the judge, were to be someone in a position where I could manage the case and its outcomes, I would push for immediate reconstruction of training in the special ops units, promote tighter communication and further increase hostage situation training. Therefore, similar situations should be handled far better and without 16 hours of waiting time. 

Hey! Just small things here, but rest is fine:)

Just make sure you're being very specific and linking every answer explicitly back to the quesitons.

2017 : Further Maths [38]
2018 : English [45] ;English Language [43] ; Food Studies [47] ;French [33] ;Legal Studies [39]
VCE ATAR : 98.10
2019 - 2023 : Bachelor of Laws (Honours) and Bachelor of Arts at Monash University

I'm selling a huge electronic copy of  VCE English essays and resources document (with essays that have teacher feedback and marks) for $10. Feel free to PM me for details!