ATAR Notes: Forum

VCE Stuff => Victorian Education Discussion => The VCE Journey Journal => Topic started by: dedformed on September 22, 2020, 02:21:13 pm

Title: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 22, 2020, 02:21:13 pm
Hello peeps

I started this journal as a way to document my VCE. I've always loved to write and this was my place of catharsis. When I started this journal I was a Year 11 student, aspiring to study medicine. I didn't really think I would make it (and if you read this, you'll discover, I didn't, no fairy tail surprises there), but I also thought that not getting in would be the most terrifying thing to happen to me (which is not true at all).

This journal is my little niche of the internet where I came to when I felt really overwhelmed. It's got a lot of ups and downs. You'd think I'm a really serious and sad person, which I wouldn't call an accurate impression, but I think that's okay. It's raw, because I mostly wrote to lift my mood or get something off my chest. I like it this way, reading back on it reminds me of who I was as a person when I started and how I have changed. Because it was so raw and a little bit of the really raw side of me I even considered deleting it, but I figured, if you're in this very narrow alley of ATARNotes titled "VCE journey journal" and you've scrolled as far to click on mine, you're probably someone taking the same nerdy road I was two years ago. Maybe you're like me, who was trying to get braincells to squeeze a tad of serotonin in lockdown inflicted holidays, and you discovered a new need to express your thoughts and reflections, and you're looking for inspiration on where to get started. Maybe you're feeling alone and that VCE is this helpless abyss (which not gonna like, is a pretty good description of how it felt at times) and you want something relatable. Maybe it'll help you feel less alone, or better. I don't know, maybe you'll like my weird little gigs here and there. It's a lot of feeling hopeful, accomplished, and then feeling really, really low. I ended up doing pretty okay, even though at times I felt like I needed to drop out because of how much pressure I had put on myself.

 I'm now in uni (and of course, have a journal) studying radiography and medical imaging. I don't know where my uni journey will take me, but by the time you read this I may have dived deep into my little pond in the sea that education is.

If you're reading this, take care of yourself. It's a long road, but it's got an end. And it's just the end of the road, not the world. It's like taking a train to Flinder's street. If you miss one, there's always transits, and a few other routes. Maybe you'll be a little late to your destination, but you will get there. The most important thing is, look after yourself. If there's places to sit on the train, don't call yourself emo and just stand in the name of coolness. I started VCE waking up at 3am and saying sleep was a waste of time. I started by doing 28 practice exams for Bio in Year 11, but still got basically the same score for Chem in Year 12 with 8. It's not quantity. Don't compete with others, set standards for yourself. Everyone takes different train lines. Take rest. Stare out the window, and explore the world outside.  Sanity is important. VCE is already going to be harsh on you, so be good to yourself. Feel free to share reflections with me, I love talking lmao. I used to think this was cringe, self care was cringe, but, it's really, really important. Take breaks, you're not a machine. And take care.

Good luck to you!





my Year 12 front page
After receiving my Year 11 results, I decided to edit this entry because it no longer reflects my goals or progress for VCE.

You can call me Penelope. I'm now in Year 12 (class o'2021)

I love:
- art,
- chocolate,
- people
-learning.

I'm also getting into Arabic calligraphy but that's still in progress. After high school I want to pursue medicine because it's cool (hope I have more to say on my application!) I also know how to clap my feet, yes, I'm flexing.

In terms of my subjects, I completed Biology and Extended Investigation for 2020. In 2021 I'll be doing English Language, Maths (Specialist), Maths (Methods) and Chemistry.

My ATAR  and study score goals are... I don't have any. I just want to get the best I can possibly get and work the hardest I can. For 2020 I set study score goals and I was quite off. If I was sitting the Chemistry exam and set for 90%, it doesn't mean I would stop at the 90th percent because I've achieved my goal, right?  I don't find it helpful to set study score goals. I just need to make sure I'm getting the highest I possibly can so I don't regret it later. Perhaps once things start rolling and I get SACs back I can put in 'expectations' but that's a while away.

My goals for 2021 are:

- Be a better version of me that's more organised, cheerful, and get more sporty.
- Not sacrifice my art life and maintain some extracurrics.
- Spend quality time with family and on my spiritual and mental health.
- Find out what the hell I do in the undergrad if I don't get medicine (I'll definitely do the post grad pathway but I want to have a backup plan in case things don't turn out well).
- Stay clean (like not in my pjs all the time) and keep my desk uncluttered (this is by far the hardest thing on here).
- get a sense of humour


I hope this is somewhat inspiring or useful to other people going through VCE and useful for me to refer to in the future so I can hold myself accountable.

Cheers and beans!
Penelope :)
my Year 11 front page

So I was attempting to study and I opened my laptop for something school related and completely went off tangent and read, like, twenty journals from people that graduated. I vicariously lived through the joys of being accepted into courses, the disappointments that came along the way. I made it into Medicine and Arts, then flunked the UMAT but got accepted. Such glory, such pain. The tender muscles of my heart thumped through twenty experiences, then jolted when I realised: I have a bio exam coming up and I have been literally procrastinated for an hour.

EpIC.

But it's too tempting to start my own journal. Might as well procrastinate a little more - I guess for accountability, but also to see if it's going to do any good. If I become overly obsessed with this place, then I might stop. I feel like being a part of communities like this is good, but then again, I'm experimenting. I hate social media, I am afraid of wanting attention. I'm going to be super honest with myself here, and try to make it a real journey.
So yeah thanks for coming to my ted talk. This took me an hour to write. I am doing so well studying. LOL.

A bit about me

I'm a Year 11 student - you can call me Penelope. idk how I became Penelope online but somehow it went from a random joke about my friend to a universal internet username, so there's that. I'm gonna be class of '21, nice. I like having existential crises, dreaming about getting a chancellor's scholarship, spending time with fam, and secretly watching kdramas since I'd be the last person my friends would think is a rom-com stan. Like I used to not be into it but idk how I got here.


My current subjects/ VCE plan

SOO basically right now I'm doing 2 3/4s: Biology 3/4 and Extended Investigation. Can't believe I'm doing the latter, despite only having one assessment left. Like I wanted to do it since Year 9 lol, even moved schools for its sake; it's such a cool experience y'all - just hope that scaling saves me since it's a small cohort.
Next year's plan is: Eng language, Methods, Specialist, Chem. I also might do HHD if my study scores decide to destroy me
A rant about my goals, and a rant in general
Unlike other people, my goals are different. If you saw my subjects, you probably noticed my amazingly unique choices. Unlike pretty much half the kids in Victoria,  I'm the kid who wants to get into Medicine. Surprising, right? I know, I get that a lot. I tend to have original life plans.

Yeah nah, I don't really know if it's a realistic goal to have. I want to do Medicine. It's something I've wanted to do since I was a kid - but everyone says that. I want to help people. I've been fascinated by the body. I wanted to give back to my community. I've known sick people that I wish I could help. Original, eh? I'm really your average kid. I don't have any special reasons to stick out as 'unique'. I'm book smart, I guess, average As, but I failed the selective entry high schools test. Attemped a UCAT with medentry this morning, got 35th percentile LMAO. 9/36 on QR. I can make the excuse that I panic really hard in assessment conditions (get shaky and all, have not been diagnosed with anything, just to be clear), particularly if it's a computerised test with computerised notes and my first Uni Degree is at stake on the 120 mins (who even designed the UCAT?)  It's so sad. I think I can manage a high 90s ATAR (most of my subjects are just regurgitating information), but do I even deserve medicine? LMAO. I don't even know what I'm talking about how did this turn into a depressing storyline.

2020 study score expectations
ANYWAY  VCE goals
I'd like to get a 99.95 atar. Everyone does. That's the 'like'. I'm expecting around 97+ ish. But idk. I have goals below but to be fair, I want a 50 in everything. These are what I'm realistically "expecting".
2020:
Biology: My initial goal was to get a 50, but I messed up a few assessments (yes, I'm looking at you, Google Forms). At this rate, I'm going for 45+. I asked my bio teacher and he said he expects 45 (we've done all the sacs, so idk how it'll work since I sat half of them at home so scaling might be weirdd)

Extended Investigation: I'm aiming for 45. But to be honest, it's a bit scary since the cohort is so small. I have the oral presentation next month (wish me luck, I have a writer's block rn). I think I've been averaging really well (94) but idk how good that is compared to my cohort. A lot of things are based on the external assessment, and although I've finished the critical thinking exam and the final report, and I think I did well but then I read other people's report and it's like WOAH people are just so amazing they deserve more than me lol.
2021 goals
2021 Obviously I don't know how good I'm gonna do so I bunged my expected average grades from the past few years into study score calculator and this is what it returned:

English language (40) - I've been doing really well in Eng lang even though it's my easy going (like I do the bare minimum) but I think that's because I
Methods (38) I might also get a 10 study score my maths grades are less predictable than Melbourne weather.
Specialist (32) ^
Chemisty (41)
Health (45) - I would like to assume bio is harder than health and I found it fun, so I think I can manage a good score here. A 50 would be good, but realistic! gotta do that.

So based on these^ apparently I can get a 98.3 ish based on (https://atar-calculator.deakin.edu.au/. Don't know if any med uni will take me with that, but I don't find myself struggling with general school subjects. I just suck (SUCK) at psychometric tests and probably am the only person in the world with a negative IQ not because I'm stupid but because I panic really hard when I'm doing them. Like grades wise I'm your A+/A but idk why I do so poorly (or have this bias that coils my intestines) against tests like UCAT.
UCAT goals
UCAT goals
At this point I want to get 80-85th percentile (Obv 95+ would be amazing but I'm trying to be realistic - I want Monash but any uni taking me would be fine). I feel like that's the impossible task. I brought this book off Amazon with thousands of questions for 50 bucks and like I just spend 20 mins per question (for comparison, the Abstract reasoning section is 13 mins with 55 questions). That's something I really want to figure out.
I'm still trying to figure out how to prepare for it. I feel so bad because my dad paid so much for my tutoring for selective entry high school (he never mentioned it to me, but I saw) despite being unemployed at the time, just because I wanted to try out. And I just flunked it up. What a disappointment. I think I was younger and overestimated my abilities and didn't study outside tutoring at all, but I don't want my parents to have to pay again, although, gratefully, they're back to work. They wouldn't mind paying, but I don't want to let them down again. SO I'm still trying to figure this part out.
[/spolier]

Edit: I changed my username and name details for privacy reasons.

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on September 22, 2020, 02:29:08 pm
Sounds really interesting! However, enjoy studying for bio :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 22, 2020, 02:42:22 pm
Sounds really interesting! However, enjoy studying for bio :)

thanks Cat in the Hat! It's actually fun once I get into the zone :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on September 22, 2020, 07:23:16 pm
You’ll definitely be able to get 80th-85th percentile in the UCAT!!!! Especially since your already interested. Hmmmm E.I huh? That’s a very rare subject speaks science school to me- don’t worry I won’t put you  ;)

Good luck with bio and E.I I’m sure you’ll smash it!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 22, 2020, 09:30:40 pm
You’ll definitely be able to get 80th-85th percentile in the UCAT!!!! Especially since your already interested. Hmmmm E.I huh? That’s a very rare subject speaks science school to me- don’t worry I won’t put you  ;)

Good luck with bio and E.I I’m sure you’ll smash it!
thanks, nice person. The UCAT stuff is super draining me though, like I start doing stuff, realise how bad I am and just give up. Gotta get that resilience in so I can flex to my great-grandchildren
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on September 23, 2020, 09:44:32 am
thanks, nice person. The UCAT stuff is super draining me though, like I start doing stuff, realise how bad I am and just give up. Gotta get that resilience in so I can flex to my great-grandchildren
Guess that's what practise is for? :) (note I didn't/haven't/won't do the UCAT, so I dunno what it's like) Don't give up, because practise is what makes you better at it :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: bluebird on September 23, 2020, 01:37:21 pm
hey penelope, i'm just a random year 10 but i can't wait to follow your journal. u sound like you'll do amazing for bio and everything else. but i relate so much with the medicine thing and getting to AN  ;D. i've been so active on AN bc i'm procrastinating a lot lol. u got this penelope  :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 23, 2020, 02:36:48 pm
hey penelope, i'm just a random year 10 but i can't wait to follow your journal. u sound like you'll do amazing for bio and everything else. but i relate so much with the medicine thing and getting to AN  ;D. i've been so active on AN bc i'm procrastinating a lot lol. u got this penelope  :)

thanks, fellow bean  :)

Guess that's what practise is for? :) (note I didn't/haven't/won't do the UCAT, so I dunno what it's like) Don't give up, because practise is what makes you better at it :)

practice! I'm really hoping next year me gets to reread this and know that i followed your advice
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 23, 2020, 04:20:41 pm
So hello beans, welcome to my first update since I'm in a big journaling mood this week and it's almost cathartic to be on here. Thanks to everyone that encouraged me to journal! Like, in the morning when I don't feel like studying I read people's 99 atar stories and get pumped to study (but just end up reading more stories instead lmao). Only gonna post about 3/4s since 1/2s are pretty mundane rn - except English Language I cannot tell you how much I enjoy the content. I LOVE the study design and I can't wait to do it next year.

I guess I'll try doing weekly/ fortnightly/ monthly updates depending on how much is going on around VCE. Here's the tea.
 
Nucleotidying up that biological understanding

tl; dr: I've revised all the content, am doing practice exams and had a massive epiphany. I need to get better at connecting all the dots. Goals are to finish practice exams.

I created a Google Classroom for myself using an email account and posted up tasks and deadlines. It's good because then I can get notifications on my phone for every task, which is two birds in one stone because: a) I get reminded to do my work and can see all my prep at once, and more importantly, b) I get notifications on my phone which makes it seem like I have friends. Also, I created powerpoints using each study design key knowledge point from U3 (since U4 is still fresh in my mind). Highlighted what I didn't remember in red (basically the whole study design lmao), forced myself to remember it by attempting to articulate it, failed, then studied the powerpoints again. Fun times. I won't complain though, I picked my VCE course because I thought I'd enjoy Biology, so I'm not bored - it's fun to make the powerpoint look cool and I even made posters when I got sick of it.

While all that must have prepared me for the exam. 100 study score, here I come! But no. It helped build the base, but I realised I'm nowhere near done.
Because I opened my first practice exam. That's not what they assess at all. They don't want me regurgitating the exact steps for transforming bacteria or neurotransmission - I need to know all that, but what they assess is the application. I realised that instead of looking at individual stars, I need to look at their position and importance in the constellation as a whole (that phat wisdom tho).

For instance, this question from the 2003 exam asked why people with allergies can sometimes be treated by injecting them with particular antigens. I couldn't answer this at all, since I was only thinking process. I wasn't thinking application.
Injecting people with more antigens would mean their antibodies would be exhausted and thus fewer  would be available for immediate reactions, thus decreasing the severity of an immune response.
To anyone else doing biology, I'd recommend not wasting too much time on writing down random notes (unless you don't understand something, then clarify those grey areas first) and get right into old VCAA exams. They tell us to leave the most recent ones to last, but the study design hasn't changed a whole lot from the start of the exams (at least for bio) so even if you skip half the questions on the 2000s exams, they're worth attempting as a starting point.

I was gonna get an edunlimited subscription for accessing practice papers but my teacher sent me 50 practice exams. So gotta do those. Also lmao this is super random but I tried getting people to make a padlet for my bio teacher's birthday (since he's a legend and he deserves it) but my class is so dry I had to write multiple anonymous comments on my own to make it look less empty. We stan sadness.
 
let's talk Extended Investigation

Having a massive writer's block for my oral presentation script. I got really good on the oral presentation we did for proposing our study in Unit 3, so I want to reuse some of those elements. Thing is, VCAA, being kindhearted as they are, cut down the time from 10 mins speaking time to 9 mins speaking time (and that might not seem like a lot, until you have to explain a whole year's worth of research to someone who knows nothing about you while being somewhat nervous and evaluating your work with "critical thinking"). Thanks, VCAA. They did the same thing for the report - usual word count is 4000 words, with 10% tolerance. That might seem like a lot, but trust me, you have so much to cover you'll end up with double that amount in the first draft. This year they cut it down to 3500 - so harsh! They could have just expanded the tolerance to 20% :(

Anyway, I'm trying to dream up ways to present while being engaging. I want to have some quirky stuff in there (I presented my previous SAC as a "saga" where the literature review was a "plot summary" and my report was "fanfic" - teachers loved it, but not sure if that's a good idea for an external assessment) but I don't have enough time! There's so much to say I'll have to rap at this rate. I'm lovin' EI but also I'm just stuck behind this massive boulder on my path that I still haven't figured out.

Yeah so goals are to get that script ready before the end of the holidays.
my marriage with UCAT
Still in a bad position. Gonna try doing a few practice questions later today. Things I need to get better at:
- panic: this is my main enemy. The maths can be piss easy if I had all the time in the world and I was calm. I need to clear out my thoughts and learn to get into the zone. I need to enjoy it. That's my way of engaging with things. I love doing biology papers because I genuinely love biology. I need to make this relationship work. I will love UCAT and keeping that coquetry running.
- time management: links with above. Need to calm down and see what I'm doing. I feel like I reread the question two million times because I'm not paying attention - bit game spoiler when I have only so many minutes
- consistency: I need to get onto questions more often. I know a lot of people start a month or two before the UCAT, but I'm not someone 'naturally' smart who'll get perfect scores if I don't study. I need to be consistent. I'm aiming to finish the book I got by the end of this year so I can get more prep material going next year. Realistically, I probably won't have as much free time next year (hopefully quarantine will be over!) so I need to stop making excuses. I think the questions are good so I need to get it moving.
-motivation: I need to remember and remind myself why I'm doing all this. MeD. Surgery. GOTTA HIT THOSE ORGANS!
le GAT
I want to get better at writing task 2. Lol. Anyone volunteering to write a practice task (or swap tasks), I welcome thee. Please hit my pms and let's hit those writing tasks!

ALSO does anyone want to practice writing for the GAT with me?


Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on September 23, 2020, 07:06:48 pm
Your approach to bio sounds solid! Makes me wanna actually (properly) learn unit 4! I’m worried my understanding is superficial and the exam will call me out.

Your the exact opposite of me! Unit 3 I have every single dot connected and quite enjoy those exam questions but unit 4🤯🤯 what is evolution? That stuffs completely called from my brain. I couldn’t tell you features of primates if my life depended on it.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 23, 2020, 08:53:10 pm
Your approach to bio sounds solid! Makes me wanna actually (properly) learn unit 4! I’m worried my understanding is superficial and the exam will call me out.

Are there specific areas where you're finding it hard - happy to have discussions about u4 since discussions really help me get a more in depth understanding?
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 25, 2020, 08:05:47 pm
I'm in an update mood again.

random anecdote
This morning when I was still quantum phasing between sleep and wakefulness,  I wanted to tell Siri to snooze my alarm, but I was dreaming about something random. I really can't remember, but it was something to do with numbers, specifically, the number "4". I know I blabbered "Hey Siri" and something after that, but I think I fell back asleep for the two seconds she took to comprehend my sentence.

I don't know what happened but the next thing I heard her say was "calling emergency services."

What a great way to wake up. My brain went into panic mode and I aggressively tapped cancel while saying "cancel it" like I was possessed.  I saw my eye snort shining over my sleep-swollen eyes reflected on my cracked screen as I realised I was successfully awake and I had successfully managed to cancel the emergency SOS.

Great.
Okay so I decided that while I'm here, I'm gonna do some self-improvement things. I'll not set too many goals at a time so I don't get overwhelmed. But here's this week's idea.
 
acquiring high frequency lexemes
So when I was moving to Australia my vocabulary was literally turd. Like I knew everyday domestic vocabulary but not sophisticated phat stuff that would embellish my writing. So I did this thing where I would open up a random page in a dictionary and write down the first word I didn't know. I ended up compiling a mini 300 word dictionary with some nice words. I think it was cool because I tried to employ those words into everyday vocab and diary  entries (yeah, I'm one of those people - I have an email account I sent journal entries to so I can cringe over my past self). I ended up telling my mum to stop 𝒷𝓊𝓇𝑔𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝑔𝓇𝒾𝓃 when I was mad at her, so I had quite a phase with that.

So basically I decided to do that again. My vocab is now faeces - better than turd, but still shit - so I need to up the level. So here's the catch: I'll do it again. One word for every journal entry, and I have to use that word somewhere in the entry. It could be a new word or a word I think I should use more often.

the current word is "quintessential" - seen it in so many EI reports and I think it makes me sound 𝓯𝓪𝓷𝓬𝔂. Also please read my entries in a posh accent, the quintessential English dialect when it comes to being 𝓯𝓪𝓷𝓬𝔂

Subject Update

Extended Investigation
I FINALLY confirmed the first draft of my oral presentation script and the slides that go with it! I rehearsed once, and it was finally 9 minutes 45 (will probably cut it to 8:30 once I speak without the constant need to think about what I'm reading and my flow is more natural).
BUT I HAD BEEN DYING
and now I still dying but to less levels. Everyone has apoptotic genes but mine just got downregulated. BCL 2 ftw.

I really, really want to make it to top talks. I LOVE public speaking. This year I've barely done any debates since I moved to a different schools and nobody seems to care about debating (though I did manage to have a mixed team for Monash Asian Debating comp because I convinced the organiser to let me have people from another school in my team (highly recommend it if you're into debating such a rewarding experience).
Biology
I've been doing at least one practice exam a day for the past week and for now my exam expectation is okay, but not okay enough. I need to smash the practice exams so I do the best on the biology exams. Sometimes I think I can really smash it and do well on the exam and get my highest possible score (48 according to study score calculator from Deakin), other times I think I'll end up in the 30s*. I'm just scared to disappoint myself. I'm really nervous about the whole thing. I hope I'm working hard enough - same thing for EI. I know I put in a lot of effort, but idk if it was enough effort. That hinders my confidence sometimes, but at least it's better than complacency and not thinking about the potential to improve.
*note: I don't think 30s are a bad score, if someone is aiming for 30s, that's amazing, but the course I wanna do needs a high ATAR and knowing me, I'd want biology to be in my top four so I have higher expectations.

A convoluted paragraph
Every second of my life that I'm not studying I feel like I'm wasting my time but I continue to gluttonise internet garbage by constantly visiting random pages and going on discord and reading people's statuses (literally). I'm about to finish my current kdrama (been so interrupted by busy schedule it takes me two days to get through a full episode lol) and now I'm debating if I should continue my watch list just give them up overall. I know that wont work since I didn't watch anything (no youtube, no instagram, no nothing) for all of Term 2 - studied all of unit 2 content and unit 4 content I needed for subjects - and I had a massive burnout where I binged 7 kdramas in a fortnight and only studied minimally (but my bio grades were still somehow higher than term 2 and everything else stayed the same since I'd studied ahead in Term 2 lol)  I somehow use the commute time I save during quarantine (3hrs a day) to justify the time I waste on entertainment.

kdrama update, if you're interested
I'm watching Lawless Lawyer. First drama where the entire theme isn't the guy going "I will protect my woman" (note: it's still there to some extent, just less) and the woman having no roles - the villain is a woman. I'm on epi 14, seems like they've dragged it a bit but the amount of woman input into the plot is driving me to keep watching it.

So yeah, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.


Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on September 25, 2020, 08:15:11 pm
Hey I’m sure you’ll get at least 40 in bio and EI you work so hard!!! About being worried about not getting good scores think of year 11 as a “test” run. If this year doesn’t work out you can do a 5th subject next year and cancel out on of the bad ones this year. I’m only doing 5 subjects and (was) aiming for a 97-98 the difference between me getting 25 and 35 in Methods (my 5th subject) is minimal. English + the other 3 is important so good to see you working on vocab! My exams in 6 weeks and I wish I could turn back time and Aquire non basic vocab  :(
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on September 25, 2020, 08:17:10 pm
Are there specific areas where you're finding it hard - happy to have discussions about u4 since discussions really help me get a more in depth understanding?

EDIT: I just saw this. I literally struggle with human evolution(like Australopithecus and homo erectus features as in the difference between these humans like controlled use of Fire first ones simple tools etc)  and just all of that stuff *sigh*. I guess I still have a week left to become super confident with it. Maybe also the biotic/abiotic stuff.

Hey I’m sure you’ll get at least 40 in bio and EI you work so hard!!! About being worried about not getting good scores think of year 11 as a “test” run. If this year doesn’t work out you can do a 5th subject next year and cancel out on of the bad ones this year. I’m only doing 5 subjects and (was) aiming for a 97-98 the difference between me getting 25 and 35 in Methods (my 5th subject) is minimal. English + the other 3 is important so good to see you working on vocab! My exams in 6 weeks and I wish I could turn back time and Aquire non basic vocab  :(
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 25, 2020, 08:37:30 pm
Hey I’m sure you’ll get at least 40 in bio and EI you work so hard!!! About being worried about not getting good scores think of year 11 as a “test” run. If this year doesn’t work out you can do a 5th subject next year and cancel out on of the bad ones this year.
Definitely considering a 5th subject to buffer any bottoms I get this year, thanks for your kind words :)
replying to Coolgalbornin03

My exams in 6 weeks and I wish I could turn back time and Aquire non basic vocab  :(
From experience I will tell you this: vocab doesn't mean good writing. I'm doing Eng Lang now so things are different but most of my Year 9/ 10 English essays lost marks for obfuscation. Vocab isn't the same as analysis, VCAA assessors are more impressed if offer thorough analysis, which you still have time to work on- I'm sure your English essay is gonna be great!
The reason why I'm doing the vocab thing is because I'm a fan of big word for some reason lol and I think it's cool to see how descriptive English can get (since it's not the only language I speak).

EDIT: I literally struggle with human evolution(like Australopithecus and homo erectus features as in the difference between these humans)

I'll try summarising it here - I don't think you need to know in too much detail, maybe check with the other thread but:
Australopithecus features
The genus Australopithecus (gracile and robust)
- small brained
- large toothed
- bipedal
- their gracile structures suggest that they were ancestors to modern humans
Lucy was an Australopethicus

Homo erectus
H. erectus was the first hominin to spread beyond Africa.
- Oldest fossil evidence outside of Africa
- Not ancestral to H. Sapien
- Larger brained and smarter than Australopithecus
- controlled use of fire
- crafting of more elaborate stone tools
- evidence of systematic hunting
Maybe also the biotic/abiotic stuff.
not sure what you mean? biotic = living, abiotic = non-living. could you give context?


Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 02, 2020, 06:42:16 pm
Note: I changed my username, and will now refer to myself as "dedformed" since I'm a) willing to be dead for med and b) privacy concerns.

Hello beans,

Welcome to another episode of me ranting about my life and issues and doing barely anything to get past them. I was hesitant on doing an entry today because I was so guilty of not being accountable. Last week was (somewhat) mega productive, I did at least 3-5 hours of work everyday and got a good balance between studying and chilling. This week, I attended Congress 2020 (annual student voice meeting, look it up, it's super cool) so my days were quite occupied - it took up 4 hours of my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Today, so you would expect me to spend the rest of the time doing some level of work, right?

Except, no, I just lazed around.

 I did a few Bio exams and practiced a bit for EI, but I'm two chapters behind in Chemistry and I haven't even started my Methods holiday hw.  For UCAT, I've been working on QR but it's, like, five questions a day and that's what ten minutes? Not nearly enough. I just waste my time on youtube and watching kdramas and then feeling miserable about how I'm not as "smart" or "knowledgeable" as some of the people I look up to. Without doing the groundwork, I feel like I expect myself to soar the heavens. I blame quarantine for my emotional instability and honestly have been feeling very distant from my friends too. I feel like I'm not a genuine person and a fake. Like, sometimes I ask my friends about how they're feeling but I'm not sure if I really care (if you want to be my therapist check second spoiler lol). I don't find myself connecting to people at my new school and my friends (more like singular: friend) from my previous school have moved on. Similarly, sometimes I say I'm passionate about medicine, but am I really? Do I really care? I don't even put it that much effort into my work - not nearly as much as I should be, so do I even deserve to be a doctor? I'm super clumsy and keep making silly mistakes, and have been like this for as far as I can recall. In fact, I'm quite known for my clumsiness at home too, because I keep tripping and breaking stuff - can I really handle the fragility of dealing with life and death matters? Do I deserve to? Am I even mature enough to? I've just been ruminating this and it really bothers me how much time I waste thinking about crap when I haven't even received an offer. 

Woah, that's a bit of a rant. But it hasn't ended - I'm just not sure at this point. I know with my bio grades, I can get around 48 if I try really hard to minimise my mistakes (my SAC average around the year was 90, and that's what my practice exams average out to be too) but I just keep repeating them. Honestly even dream about getting my score back.  What if I'm overestimating myself? I feel like I'm gonna end up with a 35-45 and a 90 ATAR, which will barely get me through***

**** As I've said before, these aren't bad grades, but for medicine, the threshold is higher.  Not everyone has the same perception of success, and please don't feel offended or take this as me being condescending.

word of the week
The word is "pernicious" . My thought process is pernicious.

give me life advice, am I being immature?
My friend had been going through a hard time with her relationship and I gave her (what I believe was) as much support as I could, a listening ear. I respect her problems even though I can't always relate to them, and sometimes I tune out a little bit, but I always try my best to make her feel better. Until last week I texted her time to time, asking if she was okay, and when she asked for a time out I gave her space.

Last week, my mum and my grandparents (living overseas) tested positive for COVID. I don't find it cathartic to dump my emotions on others (haha, not like I'm not doing it rn), but I was really distraught with the news. Like, because of how the media portrays it as  a "battle" against the virus, how am I supposed to feel when my mum - someone I'm so close to - had to fight alone? Therefore, with soggy eyes, I impulsively spammed my friend and told her how upset I was. She told me it was going to be okay, but never texted me after that.

And that really annoyed me.

It's not like this is a bartering system, right? Then why do I feel so irritated because she didn't ask me how I was? I'm grateful my mum/ grandparents only showed very mild symptoms (they're still recovering though), but I just can't help being annoyed at the fact that the only friend I shared my issue with didn't bother once to text me and ask if I was alright. Just one text, of all the ATP you generate in every cycle of respiration, a few wouldn't cause famine. It's annoying that I feel this way, because I know she's had a lot on her plate because of her relationship, so she may have forgotten my text. But I just don't know if I'm being selfish or what.
Yesterday, a week after my mum tested positive, I texted my friend first and asked how she was. I don't know why I'd been waiting for her to ask me. I don't know why I asked that, because I'm not sure I cared. I don't know if it's PMS or what but I've just been dissociating with my friends. I feel like a fake person.
 




Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: whys on October 02, 2020, 07:09:45 pm
Hi Penelope,

I've also been in the same boat as you, not doing any work, however don't expect your study routine to be perfect everyday. We're all humans and it's only normal to stuff up and end up not studying. Motivation is hard to come by in these trying times and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it (easier said than done, it took me many mental breakdowns to realise and accept this). Don't stress about the UCAT. You're in year 11, and you've got plenty of time to improve, so it doesn't matter if you're doing 5 questions a day or no questions a day, you'll have time over the summer holidays and year 12 to practise. If it's any consolation, I only ramped up UCAT prep 3 months before the exam, before that I was anything but consistent - some days I'd do no practice, some days I'd do an hour. Anyways, I digress. The point is that you shouldn't feel guilty about not doing enough UCAT practice or any study in general, a few days off won't harm your chances in achieving the scores that you want to.

At our age, it's impossible to say with certainty 'yes! this is precisely what I want to do as my future career!' and at times we might not feel like we can achieve our dreams. But, that's ok. You should not write off medicine, from what you've written it seems to me like you're feeling upset and pessimistic, which is okay, but recognise that it won't be like this forever! No 16-18 year old is mature enough to deal with things doctors do, so don't feel pressured to be a certain way to fit into a preconceived mould. Making silly mistakes and being clumsy are all very human things and shouldn't write you off any career (unless it's like a tightrope walker or similar!) and you've still got a year and a bit to figure out what direction you want to take after school. Your thoughts are normal and valid and it's okay to have them, but try not to worry over them too much.

Spoiler
I'm not going to comment too much on this, but what I will say is that it's okay to want support from others, regardless of whether you've helped them or not. We all need support in our lives, and I can understand that you'd be feeling upset when someone did not comfort you to the extent you wanted regarding the issues in your life. If you cannot find this within your friend, think about if there is anyone else who can give you that support - we all need a shoulder to lean on at times. However, the best thing to do would be to tell your friend directly how you feel and discuss your thoughts to prevent any further emotional distress from both parties! Explaining how you feel and why you want her support could be the first step to solving the strain in your relationship with your friend.

I hope your mum and grandparents continue to recover well. <3

Stay strong, Penelope.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 02, 2020, 07:23:00 pm
Stay strong, Penelope.[/spoiler]
Thanks for that, whys. I'm trying to be better but it can be a very meticulous journey sometimes. I also appreciate your reply to my 'spoiler' about my annoyance at not getting the response I wanted. I agree with your advice about bringing it up directly rather than marinating my feelings - but I don't want to make anyone feel guilty (after all, she was not obliged to text me), so I'm just trying to let it slide. In ten weeks, it won't seem as big of an issue so I'm probably exaggerating in my mind. But I'm feeling a lot better after your response - cheers!

Good luck with next term, busy (but exciting) term ahead of you!

Penelope.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: bluebird on October 06, 2020, 11:11:01 am
Hey Penelope, You are not alone.
I'm just going to echo what a lot of other ppl have said but almost everyone I've talked to is strugggggling to do work just because that's the way lockdown goes for them. Including me. I feel terrible because so many people seem to be excelling in lockdown. Srsly, don't beat yourself up. For me, whenever I feel pretty pessimistic about the future (which is a normal human feeling, that I often feel bad for doing) I think of how much I have improved and grown as a human in my years of schooling. I never would have imagined thinking in ways that I do now in year 7 or year 8. I feel like in the years in the future, even if I still procrastinate and feel terrible about myself, I will still be able to look back and see how much I have grown in ways that present me cannot imagine. I hope that made sense...
I'm positive that as lonely and isolating as life is right now and as uncertain as the future feels (especially for us Victorians) you are more than capable of overcoming all of the challenges you are and will be facing. 
You got this penelope! We are here to support you!!!  :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 20, 2020, 06:06:40 pm
Helloooo beans!


First off, thanks to everyone that replied to the earlier entry made by me during a mental crisis -

You got this penelope! We are here to support you!!!  :)
I really appreciate the fact that you acknowledged how I felt as being a normal part of VCE and it was somewhat comforting to receive your replies. I sound like a youtuber so I'll stop.

Wondering why I'm here today instead of doing work? Yes, the EI oral presentation is tomorrow. The full stop to the journey. the UAG to my AUG. I've got the stuff ready to go, and my heart is a little shaky but I'm very excited! It's going to be so cool! Apparently we get to wait for our turn in this quiet room with this Russian dude in a tuxedo that tells us to do breathing exercises. Fun times heheh

School has been so overwhelming because I'm getting back into the routine of commuting 3 hours a day and the mental and physical exhaustion that comes from it takes some time to get accustomed to. I love being busy, it's just that my migraine pops into existence whenever I make changes in lifestyle and after two months of rolling in bed and only photosynthesising for an hour, I'll be a while before things return normal.

Although the spike of motivation I had to do one exam a day has lowered for biology - the content has become repetitive even though I still keep making silly mistakes - I know I'll gain some more momentum after tomorrow is out of the way. My brain is obviously occupied with EI but I'm also immersed in biology. Like when I walk down the street, I think about what I should do with my arms while I'm walking. Then I think about Lucy, the first bipedal hominin, who used her hands for good. Her progeny manipulated tools for cultural evolution, while she carried children during migration. I too must use my bipedalism to my advantage and manipulate my pen, for it is mightier than a spear. I cant walk without being aware of my foramen magnum. I cant stop thinking about histamines being released by my mast cells every time I clumsily stub my toe against my desk. It's an intriguing world, and my dad keeps wondering why I'm always smiling and amazed.

I might update this journal tomorrow after my presentation since the venue is a solid hour and a half away (by bus) from my place so I'll have lots of time to overthink everything I said and whine about how I could have done better.

new word
abjure, it means to renounce something





Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Bri MT on October 20, 2020, 09:34:07 pm
I used to commute a lot for uni and it is draining. That being said, I hope you're not photosynthesing - more like having UV light catalysing the vitamin D production :D  (I actually love the amount of bio references you make in your posts btw)

Best of luck for EI tomorrow!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: angrybiscuit on October 20, 2020, 10:05:25 pm
Your posts (and your bio references) make me smile :) Indeed bio has only made me realise how incredible our bodies are. Such little nuances that keep us going and in such a delicate balance that I always wonder why it all works and how we're all alive.

I have a vendetta against public transport because it absolutely drains me. So kudos to you for doing it daily, I barely survived a short period. I hope that your body adjusts to the new routine soon and good luck for EI!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 21, 2020, 01:07:15 pm
This was an update I wrote instantly after I finished my oral but now I'm overthinking everything I said and could have said - was I being too chatty? Was I overtime? Yada yada. Every moment in the next seventy days (till dec 30) my self perception of the oral with be downgraded because of my overthinking;-; but I'll keep this here so I can laugh about it when I fail to/ succeed to achieve my study score goals

Okay so update:


I just finished and I am SO happy because I genuinely think I nailed it. I had a reference for eveything they asked, and ended with "thanks for coming to my ted talk" . I know it's bad to celebrate early but I am celebrating because so much effort went into  this subject and it's not about the study score anymore as much as it is about the amount of experience I gained and the stuff I learnt. I'll obviously be disappointed if I get a low score but this subject was worth all the mental crises from the word blocks.

POV I walked into the hotel where they were doing it and the said Russian dude gave us a nice pep talk. I think I needed that. He reminded us that were were in control and that our brains are slave computers that eat feelings and how we're in control of out body language. What a legend. The room was surprisingly well lit and modern for what the hallway leading up looked like - the small corridor could be used as a set for a horror film set in the 80s. The door was so heavy I had trouble pushing it lol. But Russian dude's spirit allowed me t sort myself out.

Also this is such a beautiful quote :
bio has only made me realise how incredible our bodies are. Such little nuances that keep us going and in such a delicate balance that I always wonder why it all works and how we're all alive.

Bri MT and angrybiscuit - Public transport sucks butt ;-; then again we're blessed to have it and I actually enjoy sleeping on the trainride home so it can have perks too:)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on October 21, 2020, 03:48:28 pm
Omg congrats on finishing EI!!!!!!!! It’s okay to celebrate! You just did a subject that not many people do.....and did it well ;D ;D

Same with after bio....I’m sure after you smash it you’ll totally be allowed to celebrate!

Spoiler
P.S how did you find the bio trial exam if you did it? I did it last week and although I didn’t do great I’m still quite happy as it [was] a month before the exam! Q4 was something else WASnt it? Reminded me of a reference you made here one time.

EDIT: also yeah I travel for 3 hours a day and it’s so bad that I’m doing nothing because I have FIVE 3/4 exams coming up! (6 including methods lol). So it’s completely okay if sometimes your too tired to do work. Your in such a good spot right now so a little rest is well deserved, good luck Penelope/dedformed 💕
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 23, 2020, 10:37:14 am
coolgalbornin03Lo

Quote
Omg congrats on finishing EI!!!!!!!! It’s okay to celebrate! You just did a subject that not many people do.....and did it well ;D ;D


Thanks! I'm just trying not to overthink hehehe but it's hard when I cherished my project like a baby for literally nine months. It's my brainchild xD


Trial exam was quite sad actually, I reviewed it yesterday and the number of silly mistakes I made was just so annoying;-; I managed to get q4 right but only because I'd seen something very similar before, so dont be too harsh on yourself if you didn't get full marks on that one.

Quote
I travel for 3 hours a day and it’s so bad that I’m doing nothing because I have FIVE 3/4 exams coming up! (6 including methods lol). So it’s completely okay if sometimes your too tired to do work. Your in such a good spot right now so a little rest is well deserved, good luck Penelope/dedformed

I commend you on getting so far with such a chaotic year. You'll be fine, I think we're all giving ourselves a tough time and as long as you're getting something done, don't overstress. Sometimes having a mental break can be more productive than just forcing yourself to study. Thanks for coming to my pep talk.

Also, good luck with the exam, I'd love to hear how you went!

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 01, 2020, 05:38:19 pm
Helloo beans,

I figured that I'm halfway between when my Ei oral ended and my Biology exam so might as well procrastinate by marking my existence here.

Updates:
Biology
CAN YOU BELIEVE I'LL HAVE SAT MY BIOLOGY EXAM TWO WEEKS FROM NOW? *internal yelling to the point my neighbours complain*

I've been slacking off a little bit for biology. Maybe even getting a bit complacent. I think Year 12 is more about consistency than being "smart" - I need to persevere and hold on until the end. I'm obviously sick of doing so many practice exams, but I'm still not getting 100%s, mainly due to silly mistakes.

I'm going to try to manually read out each question and annotate the hell out of some exams and see if I still manage to fail. I think reading the question after answering it is really important. This year I left out so many marks because I forgot to address everything in the question, even easy stuff I knew about. Not going to let that happen again. Can't let it happen again. I can't trust EI with scores, so I need to have Biology in the high 40s. At the current rate, I probably don't even deserve a 45+. All I do is feel miserable about how much I'm not doing.

So yes, I need to get my butt moving. Actually. I'm gonna set small goals for this week and check in a few days from today to see if I've done enough.

- do two practice exams and annotate each question before I answer: "what is this q asking me?" and after I answer "have I answered the question with the right key terms (highlight these)."
- make posters about experimental design and evolution. Condensing my memory of these will be useful, especially the stuff of trends in hominin evolution ; I confuse those a lot.
- Finish 2017 VCAA and 2017 VCAA sample exams in addition to top exams.



Extended Investigation
Obviously, nothing much has happened in the realms of tangible existence regarding EI. We watched a movie in class and I talked to my EI teachers and they were super excited about everything. But in terms of how I'm feeling about it, it's quite ambivalent. Now there's 59 days left till I get my results back and my score will be such a mystery number - I could get anywhere between 30 and 50, and although I'd love the latter I cannot even be sure which of the two I'm closer to due to the nature of assessment.
Sometimes I'm super excited and I believe I'll score in the 40s and this may be a top fours subject. Other times, I'm wondering if I even did enough and if I'm just overestimating my abilities and will land in the 30s. During the year, I definitely was possessed by some productive demons at times but they were exorcised by my innate laziness. I know there's no point in overthinking (and that's how I convince myself to keep pushing through other subjects) but the wait is just too long ;-;
On another note, I really want to gift my EI teachers with something to show them I appreciate the amount of encouragement and feedback I've received. I don't know what to give them. No mugs, stationary or diaries, they probably get tonnes of those. I wanted to paint them something but I'm not sure if I know them well enough. Last year my maths teacher spent half the lesson talking about Van Gogh so I painted him my version of Starry Night and although it looked like it was from a pre-schooler, my old teacher really appreciated it. And even then, I realised someone else had done the same thing because I saw two Van Gogh paintings on his desk saying "to Mr (teacher)" so it's hard to be original, oof.

random anecdote 1
Someone randomly delivered food to my mum's house and she called the company name on the box but they rudely hung up on her. Mum said it was delicious. lol.

random anecdote 2
I got smacked by a magpie. At least it didn't hit my eye.

random anecdote 3
I met one of the other people that journal here IRL! We discovered we go to the same school so I gave them cues about what I look like. AND we met. They were sooooo nice! I was a bit confused - on the screen everyone feels like a bunch of pixels that disappear when I turn my screen off, but putting a tangible face to each username is such a cool experience. I was just staring at them like I'd never seen a human before. It's almost like meeting a book character IRL.

random anecdote 4
We had this biology exam prep class with the whole cohort and they made us do pair activities. I was just paired with this random year 12 idek and he was on his phone the whole time. He said he wasn't even sitting the biology exam on the 13th because he had three exams in one day so he rescheduled his to another day in late November. I told him that couldn't be true, but he was pretty convinced.
I'm feeling bad because I don't think he'll show up to the exam in his misunderstanding. I only know his first name and he didn't even bother asking for mine - so I can't contact him. I just hope he realises his exam date and confirms with a teacher - I think I told him to double check, and that should be my bit, right?

word!
EDIT: I forgot the new word. "cavil" - to make unnecessary objections to stuff. VCAA cavilled at letting students live without stress.
so yeah (that's how I end half my sentences, so yeah).
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on November 01, 2020, 06:48:21 pm
random anecdote 4
We had this biology exam prep class with the whole cohort and they made us do pair activities. I was just paired with this random year 12 idek and he was on his phone the whole time. He said he wasn't even sitting the biology exam on the 13th because he had three exams in one day so he rescheduled his to another day in late November. I told him that couldn't be true, but he was pretty convinced.
I'm feeling bad because I don't think he'll show up to the exam in his misunderstanding. I only know his first name and he didn't even bother asking for mine - so I can't contact him. I just hope he realises his exam date and confirms with a teacher - I think I told him to double check, and that should be my bit, right?
Memory says that yes, if you have three exams on one day it must be rescheduled/take a derived exam score. Not certain if you can reschedule rather than get a DES, though, since I've not got a problem with that.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on November 01, 2020, 07:15:46 pm
Memory says that yes, if you have three exams on one day it must be rescheduled/take a derived exam score. Not certain if you can reschedule rather than get a DES, though, since I've not got a problem with that.

I’m 100% sure they stopped this in like 2008 because people were cheating. I think this person will have to stay with the vcaa people in a room for a rest break if he has a clash and then take the exam.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 01, 2020, 07:17:43 pm
Memory says that yes, if you have three exams on one day it must be rescheduled/take a derived exam score. Not certain if you can reschedule rather than get a DES, though, since I've not got a problem with that.

I read the VCAA guidelines. If you have three in a day, you can request for extra time. You are also considered for a DES for your last exam, although if you do sit it anyway they see if it's higher than the DES and reward you the higher score. If you have two exams at the same time you can reschedule somewhere in the same day but you must be supervised between exams. I really don't think it's possible to sit the exam on a different day because then it's unfair because it's a state wide exam and that puts you at an advantage.  Guy was saying his bio exam would happen in late November and he had accounting and bus man on the 13th.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on November 01, 2020, 07:28:11 pm
I know for a fact bus man is Monday after (the 16th) and accounting is some other time. The only two exams that day are Further #1 and Bio both of which are at different times because I have friends sitting both.

Mystery solved  :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 10, 2020, 10:35:23 am
Hello beans,

I was a bit sick today so I'm at home. I should probably use this time wisely and for good use but I'll take a break and add a mini Biology update before my exam on Friday.

As I write this, the year 12s are sitting their English exam. So proud of Class of 2020 - their experiences are one of a kind and if you're one of them, I congratulate you. You deserve to be proud of yourselves after such an overwhelming year.

Biology
I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.

I feel like company papers are either too difficult or too easy compared to VCAA's standard. I did all Insight exams for this study design and found them quite challenging (at first it made me realise how behind I was lol). I have a friend and we basically swap an exam a week (now an exam a day) to cross mark. It helps heaps to get a different perspective, and although I mark my own exams really harshly it's still quite hard to eliminate the bias in my own work. Anyway, I digress. I found VCAA exams HEAPS easier than Insight's papers. On the other hand, I sat some Access exams and found them relatively laid back. I don't know what kind of energy I should have right now: should I boost my confidence and gain some momentum or go through some speed bumps so that I can drive carefully through my exam? I didn't do VCAA 2017 sample since I didn't find answers but my Bio teacher agreed to mark them for me so I'll do that today. 

Biology to do list for this week
- Tuesday (today): Do VCAA sample exam (full), Neap 2020
- Wednesday: Do Access 2020 (I've only done 2019) and Edrolo 2020
- Thursday: Chill a bit and go over mistakes from my practice papers. Get an early sleep for Friday's exam.

Getting there, peeps. It's finally hitting me that Biology will affect my ATAR what the hell I'm so old already. I should consider names for my grandchildren. Abcde?

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on November 10, 2020, 01:19:56 pm
Hello beans,

I was a bit sick today so I'm at home. I should probably use this time wisely and for good use but I'll take a break and add a mini Biology update before my exam on Friday.

As I write this, the year 12s are sitting their English exam. So proud of Class of 2020 - their experiences are one of a kind and if you're one of them, I congratulate you. You deserve to be proud of yourselves after such an overwhelming year.

Biology
I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.

I feel like company papers are either too difficult or too easy compared to VCAA's standard. I did all Insight exams for this study design and found them quite challenging (at first it made me realise how behind I was lol). I have a friend and we basically swap an exam a week (now an exam a day) to cross mark. It helps heaps to get a different perspective, and although I mark my own exams really harshly it's still quite hard to eliminate the bias in my own work. Anyway, I digress. I found VCAA exams HEAPS easier than Insight's papers. On the other hand, I sat some Access exams and found them relatively laid back. I don't know what kind of energy I should have right now: should I boost my confidence and gain some momentum or go through some speed bumps so that I can drive carefully through my exam? I didn't do VCAA 2017 sample since I didn't find answers but my Bio teacher agreed to mark them for me so I'll do that today. 

Biology to do list for this week
- Tuesday (today): Do VCAA sample exam (full), Neap 2020
- Wednesday: Do Access 2020 (I've only done 2019) and Edrolo 2020
- Thursday: Chill a bit and go over mistakes from my practice papers. Get an early sleep for Friday's exam.

Getting there, peeps. It's finally hitting me that Biology will affect my ATAR what the hell I'm so old already. I should consider names for my grandchildren. Abcde?
Good luck for your exam on Friday!! :D :)
And as I write this, the year 12s have finished our English exam. :D :P
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Chocolatemilkshake on November 10, 2020, 05:07:28 pm
Hi Penelope,
I don't think I've popped into your journal to say hi yet so hello :) Awesome journal and it's super cool that you've finished EI! I have no idea how this subject works at all but it sounds like one that really pushes you to think outside the box. So congratulations!

I did do my last year's checklist. I haven't managed to get a single exam with all the MCQ right even though I've done about 20 practice exams. It's just annoying because I keep making silly mistakes like saying CO2 is an input for light dependent photosynthesis or saying ATP is an input for Electron Transport Chain. Dumb mistakes, but they're gonna cost me a lot.
Sounds like you've put in a lot of work so be confident in yourself when walking into that exam room! I totally understand the frustration of making stupid mistakes within the exam and it's great that you're trying to minimise them. Just remember that you can lose a LOT of marks in biology (comparatively to other subjects) and still receive an amazing study score (I feel like a lot of times people don't realise that you can drop 10 marks and still get high forties, but you can because it's so hard to full mark a bio exam).

Anyway keep up the hard work, it's sounds like you're on a roll and getting other people to mark your exams is a super good way to improve  8) Good luck and enjoy the wave of relief at midday on Friday - you've got this  ;D
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 10, 2020, 06:46:01 pm
some replies:

Good luck for your exam on Friday!! :D :)
And as I write this, the year 12s have finished our English exam. :D :P

Thanks! I'm sure your effort will pay off! Keep pushing through guys. You can do this (and I can do Bio lol)!


I don't think I've popped into your journal to say hi yet so hello


heloooooooooooooooo

I've seen your posts around and probably binge read your journal lol, but I'm a relatively ghost-ly person here sooo hi.

lol idk im so energetic today fsr.

Also, I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. I started this year desperate for a 50 but it's okay. I know I've done my best (or maybe not lol) so I won't let the number undermine the amount of effort that went in.

Quote
Awesome journal and it's super cool that you've finished EI! I have no idea how this subject works at all but it sounds like one that really pushes you to think outside the box. So congratulations!
EI in a nutshell, if you're interested

EI is amazing! In a nutshell  (drumroll please):
U3: You decide a research question to pursue and there's SACs based on writing small components of it (mine were submitting the question and discussing significance, a literature review and an oral presentation of the proposed method).
U4: Entirely based on external assessment. Lots of self regulated research; you execute the method you proposed, analyse the results and write an overall 4000 word report (3500 this year lol idk why they thought that was a good idea). You also do a 20 min oral presentation to VCAA assessors (10 minutes content, 10 minutes questions) and this computer based external exam called Critical Thinking Test which just makes you write arguments about random questions.

So yeah, VCAA should pay me for this advertisement I'm doing but I recommend EI 10/10. 5 stars. The scaling is crap and since only about 200 kids in the state do it less than 20 manage 40+ but it's worth it since it's such a unique experience to have a solid report on the table at the end of the day. It's like a mini thesis. A brain child. You literally work 9 months on it. 





Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 12, 2020, 06:47:41 pm
A small pre-exam though scatter. Some things I want to remind my future self after I walk out of that exam room tomorrow.

A lot of people took a day off because of the exam tomorrow (like half my cohort does 3/4 Biology lol). I walked my usual commute, the air was really nice this morning. The crows sounded like they were discussing exam results. My face was warm from my breath under the mask, and my glasses were slightly foggy.

I was calm.

I can do this. I talked to my bio teacher. I asked him "Have I done enough?"

But I didn't need him to answer me. This is my first go at this. It's been a tough year. I've fallen, but I've picked myself up. There were garbage times but there were also not-so garbage times.

Tomorrow, when I'm in the hall, it's going to be me and my thoughts. I know what's going to be the exam, I've studied it all year. It's going to be a remix of the study design.

I've done over twenty five practice exams, studied for this more than I have for anything in my life. If I get a poor score, I will accept it with minimal regret. I know I slacked off a little bit sometimes, but I think overall I did hit some goals. And this was a learning opportunity. I'll go in tomorrow, and I probably wont full mark the exam, but when I walk out, I need to remind myself that how I feel after the exam doesn't really reflect anything about what score I'm going to get. If it's an easy exam, everyone found it easy and vice versa.

I'll go in tomorrow, I'll remember to breathe. I've done this a hundred times. How many exams have I sat since I started high school? SACs? Breathe in, breathe out. I need to overcome that initial pushing, the momentum after that will take care of itself. I need to remember to read each question twice, and one more time after I finish writing. I need to remember that leaving the exam early isn't an accomplishment and if others finish before me it means absolutely nothing and there's no need to panic. I need to remind myself to stay for the whole 2 hours and 30 mins, and maybe take a mini bathroom break to look at it through fresh eyes. I can do this.

I am calm. It's not about getting a 50, it's about putting all my effort. It doesn't matter if I don't get a 45+ or even a 50 (lol though ngl that would be super nice).

Good luck to everyone doing Biology! If I feel like it, I might post a post-exam reflection or something later.

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 14, 2020, 11:03:38 am
Okay so edit after 2 hours:

When I wrote this post I was still bawling my eyes out so it's very spontaneous. I feel slightly better after I emailed my teacher and he said it was normal to feel that way and to focus on my other work instead of overthinking it. My dad forced me to do gardening and at first I was fussy but it actually helped.

I know it sucks if I wont get my score but I need to pick myself up and move on. I can cry a few more buckets when I get my score back but I have my 1/2 s to worry about for now.

Here's my entry
Quote

This entry is going to sound so broken because I'm still getting myself together after yesterday.

The biology exam. So.

I was half an hour early to the venue, sitting outside. There was a lot of chatter and nervous anxiety in the room, but every now and then I could hear a "it's going to be over" and "we'll be so relieved". And to be frank, I felt the same. To anyone that was nervous, I told them to think about the relief that would flood them after so much intense work when they walked out of the hall. The sense of accomplishment they would feel after they put the final icing on this cake they'd been meticulously putting together for a whole year.

I avoided people that were too nervous, and sat outside until 8:50. I felt a ball in my stomach, but I soothed it telling it I was fine. I even wrote the entry the day before, how bad could it be? I was calm, and I was prepared, right?

I went through the exam, SA first. I smiled at a few questions because they looked really familiar. They seemed easy, just write write write. It was almost automated, once in a while my exam bubble would break and I would think "this is it, it's the exam, the real thing" or  think about how my performance then would affect my atar. I pushed the thoughts away, and kept working at it.

It took me longer than I expected, but I finished SA with enough time for Multiple Choice. I rolled through some questions, but second guessed myself. Heaps.

And before I knew it, an assessor was telling me to put my pen down. I did. I finished.

How do you feel Penelope, I asked myself?

But my chest was heavy.

I walked out, went out with my friends for a walk. Didn't talk much about bio but the stuff I discussed I knew I all got wrong.  I changed some questions last minute but it turns out my first go was right. I cringed at myself but I remained quiet. I'd told myself it was over.

I got home around five. My dad asked how I did, and I said "meh" and smiled. I felt hazy. I've had a hayfever for a while (I mentioned this in one of my previous entries, calm down it's not coronavirus I tested negative lol) so that didn't help either. I walked into my room, the same place I'd been in the morning. I was exhausted - I'd woken at 3:30am because I couldn't sleep. I hadn't eaten since breakfast at 4am. I felt like a dead person.

I sat on my bed and bawled my eyes out.

And I cried and cried, and could not stop. "It was easy" everyone said, and that's how I thought when I finished reading time, but every time I think back to the exam, I remember something I wrote wrong.

It's so unfair isn't it, how 2.5 hours of panic dictate all my effort? I thought I worked hard but I didn't. I thought I'd get a 45+ but now I'm questioning a 40, or even the high 30s. I have disappointed myself and all those people that believed in me. All those people that told me I would do well, my biology teacher, my parents, my friends who scolded me when I told them I cant get a 50.

I was supposed to be good at bio, right? It was meant to be my top fours subject. I loved the content, had hours of pun wars about it, nucleotried so hard, activated my action potential. I memorised the study design. And now I'm crying again lol.

When I walked out, I didn't feel relieved or happy. I felt helpless. I felt helpless and stupid and incapable because I tried so hard and still disappointed myself. I kept telling myself I did enough but I kept lying. I know this is hypocritical considering my last entry was all flowery, but until I walked into the exam, I was really positive about it. I have six more exams from year 11 next week  that I've neglected this whole time and I cant find myself doing any work because I'm stuck in an emotional slump.

Yes, that's the end of this rant for now.



Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Geoo on November 14, 2020, 12:13:04 pm
It's 100% okay to feel like that. Honestly you brought me back to my own bio days when I walked out of that exam room feeling like I was an idiot, and just upset that I couldn't achieve what I set out to do. If there is one thing to be proud of, is that you did put in so much effort. As you said, you put in those hours, memorised that study designed and walked in there and did the best you could on the day. It sucks to feel like all the effort is for nothing, and unfortunately with our atar system, it has to come down to 2.5 hours. You worked so hard, and at the end of the day, that is what you should be proud of.

Don't beat yourself up too much, you never really know till the day with what you'll get. Hopefully you can get some rest now without having to do crazy amounts of study, and I hope you start feeling better soon. Go do some things you enjoy, and enjoy the break from exams :)

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 22, 2020, 08:43:04 am
Hello beans,

Welcome to my update. This one will cover a lot of stuff because I want to procrastinate for my Spesh 1/2 exam tomorrow.

for everyone that replied to me

It's 100% okay to feel like that.

Don't beat yourself up too much, you never really know till the day with what you'll get. Hopefully you can get some rest now without having to do crazy amounts of study, and I hope you start feeling better soon. Go do some things you enjoy, and enjoy the break from exams :)

Thank you so much, everyone that pmed me and shared their experiences with me were really helpful. I was a bit of a mess after that exam, but now, I've accepted things as they are and am trying to focus on things that I can control. It's okay if I messed up, I have five more subjects to carry me.

I wasted so much time on ATAR calculator, looking at a range between 106/120 to 113/120. I literally redid the exam at home and compared my answers to some other people that shared responses on ATARnotes and reddit. It's ridiculous how much time I wasted obsessing over my score, which may not be anything close to what I'm expecting.

For what?

It's just an exam. I know it has value, it would be wrong to say it doesn't mean anything, but it's also not equal to my worth as a person. I was in a really bad mental state last week and I don't think it's healthy to ruminate over something that I can't change. I need to work on myself to face forward and move on. Next year, I'll have many SACs where I won't do well, but that doesn't mean I'll spend my whole year obsessing over them. I need to value my learning but without compromising my mental health.
Some reflections on Biology
I learnt a lot from doing Biology. Hopefully I'll do a more thorough reflection when I get my score back (I'm probably going to ask for the mark breakdown).

I realised that I wasn't working on quality of work as much as I should have. At the start I was quite organised but eventually it became more of a quest to thicken my stack of practice exams. I was repeating silly (didn't read the question properly kind of) mistakes and neglected them, thinking I'd proof read during my exam. I knew all the content, but I wasn't emulating reading time and proof reading during my practice exams. Yes, it seems more meticulous, but it cost me so much not to read questions properly. In the exam there was a question asking which two "species" of fish were most closely related, and I read it as "which two pairs of species", ended up writing extra info that might cost me the whole 3 marks. I do the same thing in maths, forgetting "dx" during integrals, writing 33=9, dragging my grade from high 90s into the 80s. If I want to maximise my marks, I'll need to get into a habit of fixing silly mistakes and attempting to full mark my practice exams. If I do ten exams full timed, with reading time and sit the whole two hours to fix my answers, I reckon it's more effective than doing twenty that I just cringe at about my mistakes.

Once I get into a habit of "is this correct?" , "have I answered the question?" and reread my answers, it'll become intuition. Some people tell me I might be too clumsy to be a doctor (not to offend me or anything, just talking facts), and I don't want that to be my reality.
subjects for next year and UMEP
Sooo
I read half of the Lieutenant, fell in love, had this midnight temptation to email my coordinator the night before subjects were due.

Guess who might be doing two Englishes in Year 12 (hehe)

Which makes next year look like:
English Language
Methods
Specialist
Chemistry
Health English or UMEP

Wait... UMEP?

I somehow found myself interested in University of Melbourne's History and Philosophy of Science. It's about, um, the history and philosophy of science (what a surprise). Super interesting course, and most of it is online! Who doesn't love learning about how science has shaped society through time. Also, the assessments are all essays, which I love because it's like doing EI again (I love, love, love writing - the only reason why I didn't want to do English was that my last year's grades were complete outliers from my past experiences.). So I applied for it, but I'm not sure how getting in works, so it's not confirmed.

If I get into UMEP, I'll drop English (otherwise I'll end up with a total of 8 3/4s, which is a big flex but my muscles will explode).

Either way, I know I love writing. I won't regret my choice even if my English/ UMEP score is slightly low, I want to improve on them, and I'll give it my best go. I'll enjoy it and thus be more likely to put effort. Health just felt too underwhelming and unstimulating to me.
procrastisaurus, a bit of a ranty confession
I was expecting to come home from Biology last week with rainbows in my nose, riding a unicorn of joy on my way back. I was expecting to revise for all my 1/2s and study for them properly so I wouldn't fail my exam on the 20th.

I expected wrong.

I was so drained by that exam I didn't study anything. ANYTHING.

I didn't do bad on English language and Chemistry exams though, I knew all the content and I'd done all the classwork so I don't think I failed, just that my grades won't be really high.  Also somehow I spent some time out of class asking my teacher for help with a random question. Somehow that conversation increased my knowledge by at least ten marks on the exam (the first two pages were somehow exactly what I asked my Chemistry teacher).

I let myself slack off a little I guess, knowing I've already passed everything (the exams are just tokenistic formalities) and that I'll never be able to slack off again for a while. I've never not studied for an exam, but for some reason I'm finding myself quite complacent with my 1/2s. I know I'll scrape 70 percent (maybe 80?) + for everything (not that I should be happy with doing the bare minimum) but I do want to give my brain a break.

Also my teachers seem not to want us to drop marks either, one of the questions on my English language exam looked something like this:
Quote from: my english teacher that wanted everyone to full mark the exam
A dialect is
a. Broken English
b. Just another variant of English
c. All of the above
d. None of the above.
Like it seems like they didn't even try.

A point to take away for next year is that I must not leave anything to study after my first exam. I'm going to be too dead. I'm so grateful my 1/2 teachers held lots of revision sessions in class that I was able to use. I've done two or three practice exams for everything, so it's not like I'm completely unprepared.


Yeeing my haws,
Penelope
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on November 22, 2020, 09:26:01 am
The way you were like after Bio is exactly what I've found with exams, to my surprise (doing practise exams wasn't as draining, even though I replicated the conditions). I left a lot of study until between exams; for Methods, where I had a week-long break from Wednesday to the next Tuesday, I only really started studying properly on the Friday. And I did not have that time to waste (had massive amounts of content to learn). Similar length of reaction after Methods, as well (I have another exam soon).

However, if you're feeling exhausted, don't undervalue simply reading textbook/notes! I had two consecutive exams and between them all I did was reread my notes (and took time off, but for actual study, all I did was read notes). It was very helpful.

Enjoy your Spec exam tomorrow! :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Bri MT on November 22, 2020, 09:52:34 am
hello,

It's nice to hear that you've been able to pull some learning out of this and that you're feeling better.  It's also worth remembering that - especially given your future study and career goals - learning and appreciating biology has more value than just the study score.

As painful as this time was, I hope it does help you in your future exam prep.

Love the honesty about procrastinating for spec; I've got my last uni exam on Wednesday (it's a bio one) and I did a bit of revision for it yesterday but I lowkey don't want to study for it.

Good luck for spec!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: homeworkisapotato on November 24, 2020, 07:37:22 am
Hey! I have no idea why I haven't commented on your journal and this is such a late reply but CONGRATULATIONS! The Bio exam was a bit funky so I'm happy we finally moved past it into Year 12.

8 3/4's is SUCH a flex but so is 7 BAHAHA!

Looking forward to the next update and hope the 1/2s went well <3
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 24, 2020, 08:40:04 pm
Hello peeps,

I know I just poster a few days ago but I felt like setting some goals for the holidays. I only have a methods cas 1/2 exam tomorrow and I'm not really stressed about it because I'm repeating Methods 1/2 (I moved schools this year and my new school didn't accept that I'd done 1/2 because I "wasn't from macrob".

Before that,
replies
However, if you're feeling exhausted, don't undervalue simply reading textbook/notes! I had two consecutive exams and between them all I did was reread my notes (and took time off, but for actual study, all I did was read notes). It was very helpful.

Enjoy your Spec exam tomorrow! :)
Thanks for that advice, Cat In The Hat! It makes sense to do something instead of completely backing off from work.

Ahahah I bigtime took that advice to enjoy the spesh exam. It was hilarious because I noticed three mistakes in the last minute that I fixed. The supervisor said "pens down" and I was still racing my shaky hands and scribbling over my incorrect work. And I thought I didn't care.
I really don't know how to fix my clumsiness.
hello,

It's nice to hear that you've been able to pull some learning out of this and that you're feeling better.  It's also worth remembering that - especially given your future study and career goals - learning and appreciating biology has more value than just the study score.

As painful as this time was, I hope it does help you in your future exam prep.

Love the honesty about procrastinating for spec; I've got my last uni exam on Wednesday (it's a bio one) and I did a bit of revision for it yesterday but I lowkey don't want to study for it.

Good luck for spec!

Hahah hope you enjoy that Bio exam tomorrow! I'm trying to work on reflections and try not to repeat the mistakes from this year.

Hey! I have no idea why I haven't commented on your journal and this is such a late reply but CONGRATULATIONS! The Bio exam was a bit funky so I'm happy we finally moved past it into Year 12.

8 3/4's is SUCH a flex but so is 7 BAHAHA!

Looking forward to the next update and hope the 1/2s went well <3

It's so weird because I'm so familiarised with your posts/ journal entries that I couldn't believe we haven't interacted here before, lol. The best part of having a journal is that there's this sweet little niche where I get to tell myself: this is all normal and everyone goes through this. I'm not being dramatic when I say I have this strange connection with everyone that journals here.

Okay so onto actual goals, in no particular order.

I want to make something of my holidays. These are the mega VCE pre 3/4 holidays and a very busy year will ensue once they're over so I must not waste my time. So here's some goals I've set for myself. It's a small list, but I want to make it achievable.

1. Do UCAT prep. I've bought a whole UCAT textbook and only completed about 1/3rd of it so far. I want to spend at least 1 hour everyday in the holidays to finish this book so I can move on to the legitimate UCAT website practice exams.

2. Do more art. I love painting and drawing and I want to get better at sketching things from weird perspectives. I suck at creating depth, so I'm gonna try focussing on that. Maybe I could add a little art to my journal.

3. Do more course research. Obviously I must strive for med like my life depends on it but also, there's good chances I'll disappoint myself. I want to have a proper backup plan. Also in terms of med, I want to have a clear cut idea of my application (even get started on some) so I'm not worrying about that later in the year, when I should be worshipping exams.

4. Not watch more than 1 kdrama episode a weekday and 2 on weekends. This one is going to be hard. I don't want to take away the freedom of entertaining myself completely, but I need to be able to control myself to do that without failing.

5. Work more on my little self research project (I'm doing a little research thing on the place where I'm from so I know more about the history of my culture (it's so sad that I know so little and the information is quite hard to find)).

6. Work on a podcast. Two of my friend circles want me to collaborate with them on a podcast. It's not gonna be huge but I think it's cool stuff. Maybe it's not going to happen at all but I can try.

7. Run at least once a week. I do not exaggerate when I say I get short of breath walking to the  fridge to get my mac n cheese. Not good enough. I'm the least sportiest person on the planet and I must fix that.

8. Increase my Indigenous awareness. As someone who's from another country where land was taken forcefully and our language removed from curriculum, I understand the importance of understanding the value of traditional custodians of a place. I'm a migrant to Australia and that means I must put in at least some effort to improve my awareness of Indigenous Australian issues. Less importantly, if I apply to James Cook University I might need that knowledge anyway since it's going to involve working in rural and Aboriginal communities.

9. Work a little bit on U3 AOS 1 content of subjects (at least familiarise myself with the topics).

10. Start doing English Language practice exams. I know it's a bit early but I LOVE linguistics, so I could put that love to good use. I could incorporate so much metalanguage into my research project.

I won't stress too much on U3/4 academic stuff. I have next year to worry about that, but I do want to make myself a more disciplined and organised person as I step into year 12. Obviously I'll finish the holiday homework but I only really skimmed over Biology in the holidays and still did quite well in U3 and 4 (minus the exam, of course).

Yeah so watch me do none of that. I must try, at least.

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: whys on November 24, 2020, 11:43:01 pm
Okay, I seriously contest that you’re the least sporty person. I take one step and I already want to go back to bed and stuff my face with donuts. Really good that you’re planning to exercise, it’s good to keep healthy and it’s also what I’m doing these holidays too!

I’d love to see some of your art on the journal to spice it up ;). Whenever I hear someone else also likes drawing and painting I can’t help but get super excited - it’s an amazing way to unleash creative freedom and it’s honestly really fun.

It’s really great to hear you’re wanting to increase your awareness of Indigenous Australians and your own culture, and taking proactive steps to achieve this. Wanting to learn more and admitting you don’t know much about something isn’t done as often as it should, and it makes me happy to hear!!

Don’t stress tooooo much about academics and med but definitely try get a head start. Most importantly, rest up and enjoy the calm before the storm.

Have a great break (once 1/2 exams are over of course!!)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: homeworkisapotato on November 30, 2020, 07:13:57 pm
It's so weird because I'm so familiarised with your posts/ journal entries that I couldn't believe we haven't interacted here before, lol. The best part of having a journal is that there's this sweet little niche where I get to tell myself: this is all normal and everyone goes through this. I'm not being dramatic when I say I have this strange connection with everyone that journals here.
This is very VERY true!

First of all, I am the least sporty person ever! I get tired after jogging to the kitchen literally!
I second what whys said- it's great that you're prioritising your health which I should also do.
It sounds like you have a great plan for the holidays so I hope you have a fantastic break <3
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on December 30, 2020, 09:11:42 am
Hello beans,

I thought to do an update since it's THAT day. I was gonna write a long ass entry building up the suspense for my scores but honestly when I saw the email I was really underwhelmed and can no longer muster up the motivation. My arms had been shaking and this was it? Okay?

I'm satisfied with my scores, although I could have worked harder. I got what I expected though and I'm very grateful.

Biology - A+ A+ A+  42
Extended Investigation -  A+ A+ A+ 43

(haha stalk me now with that small EI cohort). No, I'm not wealthy so if you rob me you'll probably feel bad. Yes, I'm a bit overweight so you can't kidnap me. Don't even think about it.

I'm still processing my Bio score. Some of my friends that were doing so much better (and deserved a higher mark because they were working harder than me) somehow got a lower scores than me. I don't know how that works but I felt really mad because there's such a long process to request the grades of the exam and ask for feedback. It's so explicit that it's more about the competition than learning and improvement and it makes me mad.

For EI, I really wanted 45+ but I'm still very satisfied with my score. I didn't expect to score higher in EI than Biology but somehow that happened and now I'm just here like 0_0 I have nothing to wait for anymore. I literally had a timer on my phone for the past week counting down to this moment and my arms are still hyper aware (yes, my arms exhibit consciousness) because of my nerves.

I got really crap (I think?) GAT scores? I don't understand what 'scaled' and 'raw' scores mean though. One thing I do know is if I'd used my hayfever as an excuse to not attend the Bio exam I would have received a lot lower.

Hopefully I'll write a proper journal entry soon. Good luck to everyone else with their university offers!

Cheers,
Penelope
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: humanbeing on December 30, 2020, 09:14:45 am
I got really crap (I think?) GAT scores? I don't understand what 'scaled' and 'raw' scores mean though.
In the e-mail you got, in the table, there's "raw" scores and "standarised" scores.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: homeworkisapotato on December 31, 2020, 07:57:20 am
Hey!! CONGRATULATIONS for those amazing scores in Bio and EI! So proud and happy for you <3
Have a brilliant holiday!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: whys on December 31, 2020, 07:08:23 pm
Penelope!!!!

A massive congratulations on your scores!!! I'm so happy for you - you worked hard this year and you've got some pretty sexy scores to prove it. 8) The 'I could have worked harder' is super relatable, and I feel like no matter how much you study, you'll always come out of the year thinking you should've and could've done more (at least, this is how I always feel :P). Sometimes we don't get what we expect at all, and it's okay. Your mindset is brilliant though - and that EI score is super inspirational!

How did you manage to have a timer and not die of impatience and nerves? I'm truly astounded. All I did was pretend the 30th of December didn't exist ;D. Don't worry too much about the GAT - those scores barely matter despite the hullabaloo about the fact that they're supposed to matter more this year, but I really don't think the GAT 'moderated' my study scores anyway.

All the very best for year 12 and beyond. Have a wonderful 2021!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: eloisegrace on December 31, 2020, 07:20:25 pm
Hey Penelope!!
Congratulations on your bio and EI scores, they are incredible 🤩

I think you have worked super hard to get those results even if you don’t think so ❤️

Also, dw about the GAT, I did absolutely awful in one of the sections but it really doesn’t effect your SS if you do the exam so it’s fine! My study scores were both better than all 3 of my GAT sections :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: angrybiscuit on December 31, 2020, 08:14:22 pm
Penelope,
Massive congrats on your achievements. To do them in year 11 and during COVID is incredible :)
There will always be regret, even if you achieved perfection so let that feeling slide away. But it is perfectly normal.

Good luck for next year and for your holiday studies ;D
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on January 04, 2021, 02:33:45 pm
replies

Hey!! CONGRATULATIONS for those amazing scores in Bio and EI! So proud and happy for you <3
Have a brilliant holiday!

Thanks Potato! Your scores are incredible too! Cant wait to see how our paths unfold :)

Penelope!!!!

A massive congratulations on your scores!!! I'm so happy for you - you worked hard this year and you've got some pretty sexy scores to prove it. 8) The 'I could have worked harder' is super relatable, and I feel like no matter how much you study, you'll always come out of the year thinking you should've and could've done more (at least, this is how I always feel :P). Sometimes we don't get what we expect at all, and it's okay. Your mindset is brilliant though - and that EI score is super inspirational!

How did you manage to have a timer and not die of impatience and nerves? I'm truly astounded. All I did was pretend the 30th of December didn't exist ;D. Don't worry too much about the GAT - those scores barely matter despite the hullabaloo about the fact that they're supposed to matter more this year, but I really don't think the GAT 'moderated' my study scores anyway.

All the very best for year 12 and beyond. Have a wonderful 2021!

Thanks whys! I don't like waiting for things, I really wanted to face my scores regardless of how I did - I'm really impatient lol. "Hullabaloo" is the perfect way to describe how everyone was going nuts practising for the GAT (especially for EI) because it apparently counted so much. VCAA never fails to surprise.

Hey Penelope!!
Congratulations on your bio and EI scores, they are incredible 🤩

I think you have worked super hard to get those results even if you don’t think so ❤️

Also, dw about the GAT, I did absolutely awful in one of the sections but it really doesn’t effect your SS if you do the exam so it’s fine! My study scores were both better than all 3 of my GAT sections :)

Thanks eloisegrace! There's always "I could have done more" but it's important to own my scores, even if they're lower than how I wanted them to be.

Penelope,
Massive congrats on your achievements. To do them in year 11 and during COVID is incredible :)
There will always be regret, even if you achieved perfection so let that feeling slide away. But it is perfectly normal.

Good luck for next year and for your holiday studies ;D

Thanks! I find that the regret will fuel my motivation to do better, so while it's sometimes sad to look at, there's so much I learnt this year that I can implement to make my learning in Year 12 more effective.
I decided to spice up the formatting for my Year 12 journal. Just trying to make it look fancee (read: procrastinate more on ATARnotes).
Year 12, Episode 1: Fresh Start. 

she's reflecting on 2020 VCE outcomes
I'd been waiting for my study scores for days. I legit could not stop talking or thinking about them. I knew they'd come out early, so I kept refreshing my inbox. My friend, who I'd been studying with the whole year, texted me. When they said they were out, my stomach rumbled. I felt sick and my arms got shaky. My heart was racing like crazy and I clicked on the email.

Two numbers.

They're not that bad. Not disappointed, but at least I didn't get below 40 (which was my biggest nightmare because I wanted these two to be my best subjects - below 40 aren't bad scores, they're just a lot lower than what I would have liked. Everyone has different goals).

Then I went back to discord and saw what my friend said about their grades. I was devastated. This friend studied for the exams with me. They were acing the trials. They were (pretty surely) close to Rank 1. Everyone expected a 50, never would I have thought we'd get the same score or myself get higher than them.

But it happened.

That gave me a bit of imposter syndrome. I felt like I didn't even deserve a 42 (even if it was lower than what I expected). My school's Biology cohort stuffed up big time. The highest was in the mid 40s (compared to multiple 50s in previous years). Very few people got 40+. My friends were disappointed big time. We don't know what happened.

In the year there were a couple of times when my teacher accidentally rewarded me marks for questions I got wrong. When I kept telling him to change them at the SAC review at the end of the year, the teacher got annoyed and told me they knew what my performance was like. Now I can't help feeling like my grade is unfairly high, even though I was idealising 45+. Even if it didn't change things that much, I keep wondering if I deserve my Biology grade.

On the other hand, EI was a surprise. I told myself I wasn't anticipating anything but seeing how I felt on seeing the 43, I guess I was expecting a lot. I'm not disappointed by my score but, like Biol, I wanted it to be in my top four.

But it iz what it iz.

she's looking forward to crapping her pants
Guys. What. The. HEck. It's 2021. How. How can this happen? I still remember 2011 (read in old lady sounds). I still remember 2001. Maybe not 2001.

But like, woah. I'm turning 18 this year. I'm actually in Year 12. It's gonna be a long year. A deciding year for my first career pathway. It's not the be all end all, but it is something. There's excitement. There's purpose. There's nerves and crapping bricks. There's going to be emotional rollercoasters, probably some unexpected grades. Perhaps my preferences for Uni will change. Who knows?

I'll be learning to drive. I still haven't got my Ls yet (haha, what a sad story but COVID didn't let me book at 17 and I was a dumbass in Year 10 so I didn't apply for the test). I'm sitting the test (finally!) in late March (which was the only available time for the next four months in my area.

This is a new year though. I want it to be kinder than 2020. I want to be a better person. I liked how whys put it on their journal so I'm stealing the quote.
Congratulations to the classes of 2020 and 2021, we did our exams and got through this year. It’s a new day, and a new year. A blank slate to rewrite another chapter of our lives.... there is a whole new world awaiting us - a new beginning


she's setting goals for 2021
I don't want to stress this year. I want to keep learning and be a good VCE student. Maintain social relationships and leadership.

Honestly, all I want out of this year is to be more hardworking, resilient and a medical student. For the former, that's self development that will be thrust upon me if I survive 2021. For the latter, I don't care what uni takes me. I just want medicine. Never have I ever wanted to do something more passionately. I just want to be a surgeon. For now, it's the only way I see myself being useful to society and satisfied with myself. I don't have a specific ATAR in mind. I want to try my best. I don't think I can hit 99.95 but that doesn't mean I cant dream about it.

As for my subjects, I obviously need to work hard to push Biology and EI into my bottom two (or get kicked out if I do UMEP).
I am expecting to do best in Chemistry (I love science) but who knows (see attachment),
then English Language, then Spesh,
then .... (x100),
then Methods.
methods note
[(Because I repeated Methods, this time around I put minimal effort in it and studied for other subjects during class. First time around I was an A+ student. This time I'm surprised I even passed my U2 exam. I think it's also because it was the day before the Biology exam but still, my confidence has gone down a lot. I hope my outlook for Methods changes. I like Spesh a lot more, and I don't know why).
For UMEP expectations, I don't know what to think, so I'm excluding it from VCE goals. I'm doing UMEP more for University experience. I've always been interested in Philosophy but I can't say I'm good or bad at it until I experience it. The assessments are all like mini EI reports, which I'm looking forward to a lot. I loved EI. If I could do it again (like, have it count twice to my ATAR) I would probably pick it up.


Overall, I can't wait for 2021 and to get right into the real world. VCE is going to be annoying but I'm gonna look back at it in 20  years and laugh about myself being a dumbass. It's okay. I'm ready to face it.








Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Evolio on January 08, 2021, 05:01:05 pm
Hey Penelope!  ;D

I just wanted to say: a big congrats on your amazing results! You've worked incredibly hard and I'm so happy that it's come to fruition.

All the best for year 12!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on January 25, 2021, 12:03:19 pm
Hey Penelope!  ;D

I just wanted to say: a big congrats on your amazing results! You've worked incredibly hard and I'm so happy that it's come to fruition.

All the best for year 12!

Thanks bean! I congratulate you on your scores as well! I wish you the best of luck with your uni endeavours :)


Year 12, Episode 2: Undiscombobulating. 

This is da week when school starts so I thought to do a little reflection on how my Year 12 prep is going.

(https://imgur.com/a/NDvyXrK)

Question: How is my year 12 prep going?
Answer: No.

So yeah, that's out of the way.

goals in detail
1. Do UCAT prep. I've bought a whole UCAT textbook and only completed about 1/3rd of it so far. I want to spend at least 1 hour everyday in the holidays to finish this book so I can move on to the legitimate UCAT website practice exams. - Did I do the book? Haha no. I did purchase medify however and did about a 1500 questions. While that does sound like some work, it's really not when one question is about half a minute. I only really focussed on QR because that was my worst section at the start (now it's my best lmao, but it's still not good enough). I want to sit a mock this week and see how much I improved.

2. Do more art. I love painting and drawing and I want to get better at sketching things from weird perspectives. I suck at creating depth, so I'm gonna try focussing on that. Maybe I could add a little art to my journal.
 I did heaps of this. Art is my creative outlet and it's my emotional outlet. I even created an art journal and an instagram art account lol.

3. Do more course research. Obviously I must strive for med like my life depends on it but also, there's good chances I'll disappoint myself. I want to have a proper backup plan. Also in terms of med, I want to have a clear cut idea of my application (even get started on some) so I'm not worrying about that later in the year, when I should be worshipping exams. Did this as well. Even though it isn't as highly ranked, JCU's medical program is so appealing to me. It's not because of the UCAT or whatever, it's just cool to work in a rural environment. I was reading up some journals on MSO and how much more intense the practical aspects of rural medicine are - I would love to study med there.

4. Not watch more than 1 kdrama episode a weekday and 2 on weekends. This one is going to be hard. I don't want to take away the freedom of entertaining myself completely, but I need to be able to control myself to do that without failing. Because of my emotional mess I didn't even bother watching anything lol. I can't say I didn't break this rule, but honestly I don't even remember what I watched and how many episodes I watched. Like I said, it feels strange to me that school's starting this week - I don't feel like I got to experience these holidays. It feels like a blurrrr.

5. Work more on my little self research project (I'm doing a little research thing on the place where I'm from so I know more about the history of my culture (it's so sad that I know so little and the information is quite hard to find)). This started well, but wasn't finished. Early December I did some readings but it wasn't intense. Although I did have some conversations about etymology with my grandparents over the phone. Languages never fail to mind boggle me - how can something be so obscurely systematic? There's such cool patterns in the languages I speak and the etymology of words never fails to amaze me. You know that moment when you're trying something but it doesn't work and then somehow things magically work when you try to show someone? There's a word for that in my language.

6. Work on a podcast. Two of my friend circles want me to collaborate with them on a podcast. It's not gonna be huge but I think it's cool stuff. Maybe it's not going to happen at all but I can try. lol

7. Run at least once a week. I do not exaggerate when I say I get short of breath walking to the  fridge to get my mac n cheese. Not good enough. I'm the least sportiest (edit: least sportiest? Are you okay Penelope?) person on the planet and I must fix that. Very successful. This is the most active I've been in my whole life. Although I kinda die after 2km, at the start of last year I couldn't even run up the stairs without deflating my lungs.

8. Increase my Indigenous awareness. As someone who's from another country where land was taken forcefully and our language removed from curriculum, I understand the importance of understanding the value of traditional custodians of a place. I'm a migrant to Australia and that means I must put in at least some effort to improve my awareness of Indigenous Australian issues. Less importantly, if I apply to James Cook University I might need that knowledge anyway since it's going to involve working in rural and Aboriginal communities. Kind of worked because I was quite invested in JCU research. I didn't do a LOT of research but I learnt a few things.

9.Work a little bit on U3 AOS 1 content of subjects (at least familiarise myself with the topics). I've noticed I could work as a comedian. I tell good jokes.

10. Start doing English Language practice exams. I know it's a bit early but I LOVE linguistics, so I could put that love to good use. I could incorporate so much metalanguage into my research project. jokes on me, everyone.

the rant
In all honesty, these weren't the most productive or the best holidays of my life. I spent half of them stressfully waiting for Dec 30 (I tried really hard to keep it off my mind but I really couldn't).
The other half I spent waiting for another fam issue to be resolved. Although no physical effort was involved in all of this, I was dragging the days, sleeping to kill time. I couldn't engage with anything properly, and while my problems could be a lot worse, they're still problems, and I guess I'm still learning how to cope with life lol. I've been in this state of shock and confusion. It feels like time just blurred away and I'm so disoriented. Every day feels like it's just wasted and I'm still so behind. The thing about not being productive is that the guilt makes you go, hey, we've come so far doing nothing; what is more effort gonna do? and that's a loophole I'm trying to get out of. I've done my holiday hw (for the most part, at least), but I didn't do much "getting ahead" and studying AOS1 for everything.


the resolution
- Write a reflection to figure out what the holy-cow-that's-outta-this-world is going on. - feel so much better about this already.
- I need to suck it up, complete my holiday homework before school starts (honestly it's gonna take me three hours max. It's like two spesh exercises that I've been delaying too long)
- Perhaps take a shower.
- Sit a mock UCAT to see how much I've improved, if I've improved at all. um no i haven't
- Sleep early this week to restore my sleep schedule.
- Return to normal state before school starts so I can kick Year 12's butt (and quite possibly break my foot in the effort).

Sounds like a decent plan.




Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on February 15, 2021, 06:43:49 pm
Year 12, Episode 3.
Function: to express cHAOS.
 


Hello beans (phatic)
So much work kids, I can't bring myself to write a proper journal entry, and I haven't even started my UMEP yet! I thought I'd post something here because reflections are still productive heheheh (just one of the excuses I give myself so I don't have to work). (informal register)

How's my year 12 been so far? (phatic again, or maybe the social purpose is to build rapport with regular journalers? is that a word? - rising intonation)

SuPER busy. (paralinguistic "PER" to emphasise)

I love it! Not gonna lie I love having a dynamic schedule where I'm always up to something and learning new things. It's been a bit tough to keep up sometimes (like I might spend 4 hours on  spesh exercises (diminutive  aghhh I can never spell it right), get up to date only to have two more hours of work thrust upon me). I'm never up to date, which means nothing is ever enough. It's a constant prioritising game. (simple, short sentences).

So far I'm not regretting any of the subject choices I made. I remember thinking in the holidays that spesh might be too much for me but even though it's got the highest workload so far, it's the subject I enjoy the most. That dopamine when I finally understand a question after staring at it for half an hour - yes, just understand, not solve - that keeps me going (spontaneous, unpremeditated, almost like spoken text).

Chemistry is also fun. A lot of people hate chemistry but I think it's such an interesting subject. I love seeing materials around me interact and knowing why my omelette isn't sticking to the tefal pan. It's strange how intricate the details of the universe are, and Chemistry is like breaking the lines down. It's made me consider pathways such as pharmacy or even biochemistry as backups (med still tops it, I miss you, Biology, if you were a person we'd be conjoined twins) (humour? is humour a discourse feature?)

Methods. Um. Idk methods. It's meh. It's been the least stimulating subject so far and spesh outshines it, making it look uglier.

English language is my bean. We have a new teacher and he's a legend. Why you ask?

- he says my name correctly (Asian names thing hehe)
- he respects student input into his teaching and constantly has been modifying the course to our liking.
- he's a millennial and he knows his stuff
- he says "cringe" a lot and his icebreakers are actually not cringe.
- he gives us time to pack up before bell time so we're not fidgeting with stuff as he talks DO YOU REALISE HOW GENIUS THAT IS?

Even without him, Eng lang is still bean. Linguistics has always intrigued me - it's like the Chemistry of words. Like I said for chem, I love understanding how things come together and language has beautiful systems within itself.

So far my workload has been manageable to a point where I can go to bed at 10pm, wake up at 4 and do all my work in the morning (because I live almost two hours away from school, I'm too tired to do things in the afternoon). I don't know how I'll manage with the UMEP, but I do have some frees in the day that could be used more productively.

UCAT prep has been decent. I've gotten a bit better but I still suck. I'm trying to treat it like a subject but it always gets pushed down to the bottom if I have too much on my list. I've been using a diary to keep track of my tasks and boi does it help. 10/10 recommend it.

*phatic talk again*
a penelope that rhymes with cantaloupe. (phonological patterning, typical of informal conversation)


Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: swyic on February 15, 2021, 09:40:08 pm
Hey Penelope,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for annotating your text for me, now I don't have to when I write my AC. Your journal is intriguing, and for linguistic purposes I'd like to ask what "bean" means in this context. To my understanding, as a fellow EngLang student, EngLang is not a legume (though I could be wrong). So when you describe EngLang as a bean, I take it to mean metaphorically- but how so?

Glad to see you're liking chemistry by the way- it's objectively the best science because bio is too easy and physics is too hard really fun to go into detail (but not too much ahdfaksfljsd physics) about how the universe works. May I ask what your favourite element is and why? I feel like that is a question that doesn't get asked enough.

-- Sawyer
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on February 16, 2021, 07:04:11 am
Hey Penelope,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for annotating your text for me, now I don't have to when I write my AC. Your journal is intriguing, and for linguistic purposes I'd like to ask what "bean" means in this context. To my understanding, as a fellow EngLang student, EngLang is not a legume (though I could be wrong). So when you describe EngLang as a bean, I take it to mean metaphorically- but how so?



-- Gmorning,Sawyer


Ahahah this gave me a good chuckle.

Englang is, in fact, not a legume - I do apologise if that is offensive or disappointing to anyone here.

The complex nature of language is indeed intriguing. By colloquial (or slang, if you may) terms, "bean" is an endearing vocative. Here's the urban definition:

"used as a term of endearment, a bean is an adorable individual, usually smol and in need of many a cheek pinch and playful giggle"

Informal texts often portray word play and metaphor, and in this context, in my infatigable love for the subject, I personified "Englang" enough for it to deserve  a vocative.

Quote

Glad to see you're liking chemistry by the way- it's objectively the best science because bio is too easy and physics is too hard really fun to go into detail (but not too much ahdfaksfljsd physics) about how the universe works. May I ask what your favourite element is and why? I feel like that is a question that doesn't get asked enough.

Yes I love the facts - "objectively the best science", no there bias at all -

But I don't disagree hehe.

Sorry to say but I don't have a favourite element. They're like my children, how could I love one more than another? I love every atom of them, with their moles and their zits, though some do think they're more noble than others. Sodium is a bit salty so that agitates me sometimes but my love follows ideal gas laws and has a uniform volume across the board.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: homeworkisapotato on February 17, 2021, 04:54:17 pm
HEY BEAN!
Quote
UCAT prep has been decent. I've gotten a bit better but I still suck.
It hurts how much I relate to that ahahaha. Which section are you the best and worst at? When people ask me that I'm like '...I'm crap at everything lmao.'

I love chem too! It sounds like you're having so much fun in Eng Lang rn and your teacher sounds so cool damn, makes me wish a little that I also did Eng Lang ahaha.

Have a great week!

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on March 03, 2021, 05:50:26 pm
Year 12, Episode 4.
Social purpose: to find purpose.
 

Hello people that are somehow interested in my boring life,

I thought I'd write another update because I'm procrastinating (I can hear you sigh, I do this often as you may have realised) and this might help me get back on track.

How am I feeling about year 12?
It's actually less intense than some of my previous experiences with high school... Yet, at least. I'm only doing four subjects (I started UMEP this week, but we're still in an intro phase so the workload is very subtle) - which means I have ten frees a week. My productivity during these 500 minutes (woah, that's so much time now that I think of it!) is certainly questionable.

I'm going to keep this brief, so here we go:

tl;dr: I'm just living. Existing. I'm letting time do its thing. I'm putting work where needed (or where I can, at least). The process isn't 100% efficient but I'm getting some energy out of it anyway. I just want to get past this year so I have more to worry about than a number that quantifies my effort and the emotional rollercoaster that everyone makes out of this year.

the longer read
UCAT: I've gotten better, but I still suck. This kid in my class so me practising for UCAT during lunchtime and he assumes I'm smart now? He asks me for advice and I'm like 'yo im very inept i don't know how i can help you' but I don't know how to say it nicely. Everyone I talk to is so stressed about the UCAT. Literally all my friends are sitting it and the competition is wild, which scares me a bit. I get 10 minutes on each section in each day, which I know is not enough, but it's something. I hope to get better at things during the holidays. I can't believe I can make a booking for it already, time flies!

Englang: Love this subject like I said before. I have a SAC coming up soon and we did a drill on it yesterday, which I absolutely smashed, raw 50 for the win, I'm totally doing well... Not. I ran out of time and I seriously need to get some metalanguage cleared up before the SAC. We'll see how that goes.

Spesh and Meths: Nothing to say here, just working with the content.

Chem: Had my first SAC a while back. I think I did okay, minus the parts where I doubted myself (which just happens to be the whole SAC). I'm not overthinking it though. Last year I cried over SACs too much (literally, I was so disappointed in myself for Bio) and it wasn't even worth it. I just need to do what I can, and look at the feedback rather than the numbers I'm getting. It is what it is.

UMEP: we're learning about the demarcation problem. It's so weird to do philosophy. All my readings mention things that are so obvious and logical yet somehow seem like nobody ever acknowledges them. I'm really looking forward to this subject because a) there's like 4 assessments this semester (and another four next sem but that's if I pass lmao) and they're all take home essays.

sorry if I've been inactive. I've been ded.

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: homeworkisapotato on March 16, 2021, 07:56:25 pm
Hey dedformed! Sorry for the very late reply ahaha I totally relate to the fact that I am also just living. My life literally revolves around VCE, UCAT, and sleeping. Don't worry dude because my UCAT also sucks and I'm at my wit's end. Your UMEP sounds so interesting, what's your favourite subject so far other than that?
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on April 18, 2021, 08:06:03 pm
Year 12, Episode 5.
Semantic field: barren.
 

ATARnotes gave me a warning that "this topic has not been posted in for at least 30 days", questioning my authority here. So I figured, mayhaps, I could poke in and give testament to my literal alive-ness, even if figuratively that is questionable.

Now reading that you might think I'm in some slump. Which is true, but not to a heavy extent. I've just been a little bit disappointed in how bad I am at sticking to routines.


For English Language, we had our first SAC last term. I did super well on the practice one, my teacher was so excited from my writing and he kept telling me he was impressed. And so I worked the best I could, expecting to do equally well on the real task.
And guess what didn't happen.
I'm not disappointed in my score - it was still decently above the average, but I know (and I could see that my teacher knew) that it didn't reflect things the way it should have. I felt like I'd disappointed him, and it felt like a massive loss. Yesterday I sent him a practice sac for another upcoming assessment - the Analytical commentary - and I only managed a similar percentage as my previous SAC. Of course, there's room to improve, and I have about a week until the SAC but still, there's that disheartening feeling of putting in effort and it coming across as futile. At this rate I have begun doubting my abilities in Eng lang. I just hope I can incorporate all the feedback from the practice SAC into my skillset thoroughly so I get better.

Then there's Chemistry. I like Chemistry. It's bae. Like, every time I get a question right, the dopamine just comes flooding. It's basically carrying me right now. I love the content, and the maths all makes sense to me. The calculations are just like the quantitative reasoning section of the UCAT. I've had two SACs thus far and I've been in the okay-ish zone for both of them.

And maths. I really don't understand why I chose spesh, but I don't regret it. It's draining, boi, the amount of work I have to do to understand simple things is insane. But I like doing it, so I don't mind. I haven't been assessed on it yet, and I don't expect to be at the very top of this subject, but I would like to try my best. I genuinely enjoy the maths, and yeah, there's a scaling aspect to it, but I doubt I would benefit from it given that if I'd done something like psych I'd probably end up at the same moderated score. Methods is easy peasy at the moment (perhaps I believe so due to the stark comparison between meth and spesh lol).

UCAT prep has been going decently. I started the holidays thinking 'OH HELL YEAH let's smASHH 2000 questions' but current me says sike. I did about 800 questions, but I figured, it's lowkey fun. Timed practice is almost like this game where you're trying to get as many points as possible. And some of the VR passages are very, very interesting. I've been learning about the randomest things and the urge to start my own pad brand with VR exercises on it (like liaising with Libra) is quite intense, hmu if you're into entrepreneurship or wanna fund my business.

I'm sitting the UCAT in the second half of the July holidays, but not on the last day. I picked that day because it gives me enough time to prep in the holidays - I didn't want to sit it during Term 3 because my practice would be disrupted by school stuff - and enough time to recover from the massive mental breakdown I'll have afterwards.

Also, yes, I dropped UMEP. I loved the content - I attended for two weeks, but then I realised the amount of work that was going in wasn't gonna push my ATAR up, and at the moment I want to maximise my aggregate as much as possible. Yes, I'm playing strategically, but also, isn't everyone? That's just how the system is and as much I wanna make this year about learning rather than marks, I know deep inside that it's really just putting all of us on a standardised conveyor belt and VCAA doesn't care crap about how thorough our ~learning experience ~ is per se.

About term 2, I'm kinda excited to get pumping and rolling. I just hope I can manage my time wisely and see where it takes me. At this stage, I'm looking at ATARcalculator with my current SAC progress and thinking, this is tough. I don't see myself having a good chance but you know what? I won't put a number on my effort yet. I need to put in what I can right now and see where it takes me.

Medical school, if you were a person, you'd be like my celebrity crush. I buy all your merch and stalk your profile and followers everyday, but you don't even know I exist yet. lol.

Good luck with term 2 to everyone! I'm probably not gonna write another update for a long time. I was expecting myself to interact with everyone else's journals and be like an active poster like the cool people, and maybe make some actual friends. I don't think that's gonna happen lol.





Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on June 02, 2021, 09:43:49 am

Year 12, Episode 6.
I May be just going with the flow, and now it's June.
 

hello peeps,

I haven't written an update in ages and that's because - you guessed it, no, it's not because I'm super busy - it's because I literally have nothing new going on. Every day is a repetition of the previous, lockdown, no lockdown I stare at a SAC calendar. One's over? Good on you, there's another one. I've kinda been busy too so I have been a ghost on AN so I'm sorry if I don't appear on people's journals until I decide to binge read them after my Chem exam in November 9. I don't know how interesting my journal entries are, but I think it's good accountability and last year it really motivated me to see other year 12s on here. So I'll just continue writing and see where it takes me.

At this point I've become immune to the scores that get stamped to label every bit of effort I put in. Do I put in effort? Well most of the time, yes. I try to get in as much practice as I can for each SAC. Eng lang? Write a few practice ACs. Spesh? Methods? Practice exams. Chemistry? Grind Checkpoints.

And so far I genuinely don't know how to feel about my grades. I haven't done any spec sacs (was gonna have one friday but that got sacked haha, and lucky for me, because I'd had a sac every day last week and was too burnt out to survive another one). But I've gotten a decent few sacs back and I've stopped asking what the cohort average was. I don't know if I'm doing enough for an ATAR competitive enough to get me where I want. Sometimes I randomly jump in on ATARcalculator, fantasise some study scores and go, oh here's my range, between 97 and 98.5, but even that seems a stretch. Me? a potatoe? In the top three percent of the state, with this work ethic? No way. Then again, is that even enough? It's all a battle between self confidence and self doubt. But I rarely do that anymore. I just do the work I need to do and move on. It'll take me where I need to be. The year just seems like a long run, and I've stopped looking at how many kilometres I'm running, I know I need to finish it to the best of my ability regardless of whether I'm first in the marathon or not. And to be honest, I think that's a good mindset to have. Yes, sometimes I get disappointed by SAC scores and it's annoying, but I don't have half as many mental breakdowns as last year and I think it's been very good for my mental health. Just go with the flow and trust the process.

UCAT unwise, I'm still lacking in many aspects. I've booked in for August 3 (it was gonna be in July before but I didn't think I was prepped enough, so I moved it). That's roughly a few days before I complete my 18th revolution around the sun stuck to this rock we call earth.

It's strange how Year 12 is so hyped up and it's like THE year where your buds blower and your bosoms blossom whatever, but I've felt nothing special inside me this year. I'm the same me, a little lazy but still motivated enough to get under the deadline. I still sleep in until three minutes before I need to leave for school some mornings.  I still wake up at 3 am sometimes because I get this spike of motivation to turn my life around.

One thing I am glad about is having just four subjects. I need to write a massive recommendation post at some point this year highly promoting the importance of doing a 3/4 in Year 11, if not multiple. It's been AWESOME to have 10 frees a week.    Really, really recommend it to anyone that is able to do 2 3/4s. Just get it out of the way, if you can. It helps.

Okayyy so I'll wrap it here because I have another class to attend. Good luck to everyone! Hope y'all are taking care of yourself in lockdown:)

Yeeting my mageets,
Nelope, Pe.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on June 08, 2021, 06:46:40 am
I didn't think I'll be up here at 6am writing up a rant post buT the more you know. Edit: I just reread it and realised I've lost my sense of tenses.

I had a Spesh sac a a while ago and it went terrible. Reading my previous entry about how I'm just cruising with the flow of things, turns out that can have contradicting results if I do terrible.

You know, I sat in the test room pretty calm. I try to control my breathing during assessments because otherwise my brain goes haywire and will not fire neurons correctly. I don't have any diagnosed mental illnesses, and I'm certain there's people out there that have it worse but I usually eat my hands out by the end of a sac due to nerves if I'm not consciously aware of my fright response.

So anyway, our teacher was away and we had a sub run the sac for us. This guy clearly has no idea how the sac is meant to be started. Usually, our spec teacher would give us a lil pep talk, and make sure the room is quiet before starting reading time. This guy goes "please switch off mobile phones", which is strange given that we shouldn't have had them on us in the first place, so I'm like okay, maybe he isn't a year 12 teacher.

Reading time starts. People are still walking in to the SAC. There's someone yelling in the corridor and it's louder than my braincells trying to communicate what the words are saying.

The lights are so dim I cant see. I try to look at my page but it's unfocussed, and the letters just glare back at me without emitting meaning. I know everything required to answer the questions. The semantic field pops out to me - okay, I need to use certain formulae. I analyse the register of the text, but this is a maths sac, not an English Language task.

I raise my hand "could you please turn up the lights", I say, but I don't know how that would help.

The lights go up. A little better. I drop all my things under my chair. I'm trying to bend to get them up but I don't want to bother the person next to me so I just end up leaving it.

It's ten minutes into writing time. I haven't read anything.

I don't know what's happening. I've scribbled all over the stimulus material with all kinds of mathematical jargon but I keep repeating the same things in my head, none of it makes sense to me.

My glasses are fogging up. I look at the clock. It's been half and hour and all I've been able to do is derive a one mark question by plugging it into my CAS.

Maybe I should breath. My glasses kept slipping off my face so I just put them on my desk. I stopped. Okay. Let's focus. What is the question asking me to do?

Where was I again?

Let's skip this question. And the next.

I just want to get out of here. My hands are shaking at this point and my back is clammy.

Words, numbers. Let's go with what my Chemistry teacher always tells us to do when confronted by a tough question - write down all the formulae I know. I need to prove something using a double angle formula. I saw this exact question in the checkpoints workbook last week, only the numbers were different. I showed it to my friends and it was so exciting last week because I'd figured out how to solve it on my own.

But why isn't it working right now?

Numbers. Text. I scribble. I do awkward calculations. None of them seem to make any sense to me.

"Please stop writing now". I've written jack. Half my paper is blank. There's 25 marks to gain on this SAC. I've probably gained two, and half of it is still blank.

I don't know what happened.

I walked out of the SAC, now it's a different class. The teacher is lecturing us about some other SAC coming up soon. I vaguely hear the words but it's lost in the sea of "how did you go" whispers behind my head. "Piss easy", goes one person. "Too easy", says another. And I've probably done the same thing. When I walked out of a Bio sac last year and my teacher asked me how I went, I said "oh hell yes, it was easy". And now I understand why he told me to (politely) tone it down. Because just because I found it simple doesn't mean everyone did. Pissing is a privilege. Not everyone has a functioning respiratory system.

I love spesh, right? It's the highlight of my year. I procrastinate for other things by doing spesh questions. I'm always up to date.

It's lunchtime. I'm hanging out with friends. I'm going with the flow of things, letting it cruise. How was the spesh sac? "I think I messed it a little". Oh rip. "It is what it is though, I'm not gonna stress about it". I'm not, right? That's what my entire previous entry was about: not letting it get to me.

My SAC, I left blank. I fall asleep on the tram.

I wake up and it's still there.

The feeling of nothing. I love spesh. Atar is just a number. A ducking nothing number. I don't care about it as long as I put in effort, right?

When I get home I sat. Just like that. Face in hands (of course I washed my hands first, it's covid bois). I'm not feeling miserable. My mum asks me how I am. I just had a bad SAC. Oh, it's okay, there's always next time, I worked hard for it.

Did I?

I start sobbing. I'm doing it so mum thinks I'm guilty. I'm actually not guilty, just doing it so she doesn't blame me later, you know, I wasn't feeling guilty before this? I was literally laughing with my friends after the SAC, how could I possibly have any remorse for the amount of time I've wasted this year not studying for that SAC? I'm not guilty. Am I?

"I always overestimate myself". Or do I? Maybe it's more like I'm overconfident and I don't actually put in any work, expecting things to make sense.

I don't know. I don't know anything. I've got maths all over my arm and it all makes sense, and none of it makes sense. The ink is smudging against the moisture of my face.

It's been exactly twenty minutes. I get up and wash my face.

"Where are you going?"

"I have another four SACs to go".

 - and I need to move on.

There's a great chance I failed that SAC. Not "oh no I got 80% I failed", more like, 0-20%. I've never hit so low in my life. Ever.  I know there's plenty of opportunities to make up for it - this is our first sac but still, it's heart-breaking and nobody can help me out of the anguish of what-the-hell-happened. I don't know what happened - medicine feels like a faraway fantasy that I can only afford to imagine.












Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Snow Leopard on June 19, 2021, 07:47:46 pm
Hey dedformed,

Sorry to hear your SAC didn't go well.
How have you been lately?

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on June 29, 2021, 10:52:58 am
Hey dedformed,

Sorry to hear your SAC didn't go well.
How have you been lately?



Heyya, thanks for checking in. Of course I felt quite miserable after that SAC but all I can do is move on lol this sounds like I'm going through a break up. But that's what year 12 is, really, it's a test to your resilience. I really appreciate you asking me, this really made my morning (although I saw it ten days late, I've gotten a bit selfish with atarnotes and only read without commenting much, and often only scroll by when I find time to write up a post ;-;)


Year 12, Episode 7.
Midlife crisis - or not
 

Ugh, the last time I was up on ATARnotes I was having the most miserable time having a cry, playing full edgy music because I thought I'd committed the terrible crime of not doing well on a SAC and it was the brink of the end of the world.

Alas, I was quite wrong. When I wrote that post I was going through a wave of SACs, I think I had five or six sacs just sitting on my list and it felt like everything just amounted to a bunch of hurdles I was expected to overcome while holding my breath. And of course, I can't respire anaerobically so I just ended up venting on ATARnotes.

Anyway, so life update.

It was fine.

I didn't fail lmao.

I got all my SACs for U3 back. I'm actually not doing too bad, it turns out.

Methods
I did really well for my U3 Methods SAC. It feels like a fluke tho, I kinda half guessed some things and still somehow got them right? idk it feels like I didn't put in as much work as I should have, but I did quite well? Strange, but I'm happy I guess? If flukes can carry me to along the next two SACs and I score in a similar range I might actually manage a good 40s score for methods.

English Language:
I love this subject. I love it.
I've been doing decently above average for this but I'm really enjoying the content. My teacher is awesome too. I had a one on one chat with him and he said I could do well if I maintain my scores for U4, so that's hopeful haha. Our school is a bit weak with how the Lang curriculum is delivered. I agreed with him, I was a little worried about the styles of assessment and the lack of lang teachers at the end of last year, but this teacher gives me hope. He really cares about the subject and he wants us to do well.

I'm really looking forward to U4 because I anticipate that it will fill the lack of a humanities subject that I've been feeling all year - I really regret not having done a humanities (maybe EI??) as part of my course.

Chemistry is also fun. I'm enjoying all my subjects, you see, I'm a massive nerd until it comes to assessments where I chicken out with brain blanks. I really love it, and I've been averaging near the mid 80s, so that's not too bad as long as I do well on my end of year exam.

Spesh:
Okay so I got my SAC back as a nice way to end the term.

I didn't do too bad. I actually managed to get decently above average, although I'm still disappointed at how I wasn't familiar with some of the questions in the SAC. My SAC strategy has always been to not ever walk into a SAC and see a question I've never seen before. Getting exposure is key to doing well, but I certainly did not meet that expectation for spec. I hope I can reflect on the gaps in my understanding and improve them before the end of the year exam.

Looking at how I was feeling after that sac though, I certainly overreacted a bit. I think I can still manage a decent score in the 30s for Spesh.

I know I was like, I'm not going to predict my scores or anything but I'm tempted to, given that it can be motivating at times.
Realistically, I'm thinking about
36-38 for Lang (given my school's reputation). 40ish for methods (because flukes can't carry me every sac). 42 for Chem (because that's my favourite number) and 35 for spesh (because that's the random number Siri picked between 30 and 40 when I asked).

That might land me above 98, which is an enticing number but it's entirely built upon an imaginary base, which I must admit, is a bit of a complex situation (haha, you're meant to slap your knee here). I'll see where it takes me.

UCAT wise, I'm all over the place. I was prepped in May and I was doing really well but I had this massive two month break of mental breakdowns and now I'm at square one again, or so it seems from my mocks. I've been doing quite poorly, particularly in VR, because I took a tangent with icanmed, which totally spoiled my reading strategy. Mind you, had I started in July last year and had a year to prepare, perhaps their course would have been perfect for me, but I think I already had a different approach when I started in late May and it sort of ruined my tactics. I went from getting 75% (which was already pretty average for medschool standards) to going in the low 40%s for VR and I'm still trying to recover. I have about a month until the doomsday, which happens to be a day after my next methods sac. Not losing hope yet though, gotta put my work in before getting the wage and I reckon there's enough time if I don't waste it.

One thing I do hate is the glare of the UCAT screen. It's so obnoxiously white on my screen it hurts my eyes. I've started wearing sunglasses when doing tests lol so I look like a security guard doing tests.
One thing I do like, is the VR passages have been very interesting. I've been googling all sorts of things and I discovered whay too many things that set me off on a tangent exploring stuff I read in the passages.

But everything has its ups and downs.

Agh, so yeah, here's another volume to the monologues I post here every month.

On a side note I've just been slightly disappointed by conversations I've had with a few teachers regarding VCE. There's too much stress to "play the game" and one of my teachers admitted to me that they don't care whether or not we're learning or enjoying the content as long as we're scoring well and keeping their grade average high. I found that very disheartening. I know, yes, I talk about scores like they gauge my self worth, but I do enjoy all of my subjects and that's why I'm taking them. I love learning and I particularly looked up to my Biology teacher last year who would go out of his way to answer questions regarding things that weren't even in the study design so that we'd feel interested in the content. It's not been the same this year where there's been cases where the teacher literally yelled at some of us for "being too curious" and not sticking to the study design.

I just wanna be out of the system.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on August 05, 2021, 06:49:52 am
Year 12, Episode 8A.
Pre-UCAT mess
 

HELLO BEANS (waves to my crowd)

I put so much thought into this day. I told myself, the UCAT update is going to be the 69th reply to this - clearly, unless the right number of people post here before I post my post UCAT mental breakdown, that won't happen.

But that is okay, maybe the perfect number refuses to bequeath the connotations of post UCAT pain.

I've got it all sorted. Today I get there in the morning, missing a double Chemistry, which may or may not have been deliberate on my part. I'm so behind in everything and I've become numb to it. UCAT has been consuming me, soul and everything. UCAT has bewitched me, mind and soul, Mr Darcy, I know how you felt now. It was scheduled for the 17th but I had this epiphany that I was barely making more progress and all my other VCE subjects were suffering too much because of it - perhaps UCAT wont elevate me but doesn't mean I break my other escalators. I have a Chemistry SAC on Monday and I have absolutely done no prep - all year I would be doing practice questions at least a week before each SAC and this time I haven't even read the chapter.

And it's not that I've been studying my buttocks off for the UCAT, I very much have a lot of butt left despite the frequency of "lmao" in my texts. It's just that I'm so burnt out and tired that I just need to move past it. I'll go in there today, do my absolute best, and then see what happens. VTAC applications are open and hell, I'm excited. If UCAT doesn't work, I can accept that and consider a proper back up plan. It's okay to not do well. I know I'm probably gonna cry a bit and have a bit of a crisis but who doesn't. This is VCE.

On the note of crying, I've got a bunch of options. I know there's a breakdown on the way, I'm generally a very emotional person, but I just wanna make it a bit more fun, ya know. So I've got three options post testing. I either go back to school to English Language and be a brave girl and cry when I get home, I could go home directly and cry dramatically on the train, but I spoke to my friend and she recommended something that changed my entire outlook.

I COULD GO TO MYER.

So here's the rough plan. I do makeup. I dress up like a handsome beast. I wear a little mascara, and grab expensive facial tissue. Graceful like a queen, I go into the test, stay hydrated and stress pee because why not. Then I take the test and do a post stress pee because I probably doused my insides with enough water for them to start turning hippo in the hypotonic environment (yes that's how I remembered it).

THEN I GO TO MYER.

Here I pick the most extravagant outfit I can find. Even more extravagant than what I dress up as. I donn this beauty in the changing rooms and look into the mirror. This is an emotional moment. I look into my eyes. Take my mask off, and sanitise my hands.

THEN I CRY.

This is a release of emotions. A relief. I'm happy. I'm lighter. I'm calm.

This is the end of it. The stress from the past six weeks. I'm over it.

This is the moment. My mascara smudges down my face and I blot it with expensive tissue. My snot glistens in the perfect lighting of the changing room. Maybe I could play some emotional music to make the moment more poignant. The breeze kisses my cheeks subtly, and I feel a cool tickle as the moisture of my tears glistens in the light.

The moment is perfect. I'm alone. The sun is at its zenith.

Obama is there.

And then, I can go home. Calmed down, study for Chemistry on Monday. Catch up to spesh. Get on with the rest of my life.

Because this whole thing, I'm making it so dramatic so might as well add costume and do the whole ritual. I'm gonna look back at this and think how ridiculous it was to stress over such a small thing in the big scheme of life. Might as well make it memorable.

I can do this, guys. I can try my best, because that's the only thing I can control about this situation.

I'll post an update sooner or later. Good luck, me. Perhaps also Good hard-work, because luck can only meet you halfway there.

*this post was not sponsored by Myer*
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on August 05, 2021, 08:46:37 am
Year 12, Episode 8A.
Pre-UCAT mess
 

HELLO BEANS (waves to my crowd)

I put so much thought into this day. I told myself, the UCAT update is going to be the 69th reply to this - clearly, unless the right number of people post here before I post my post UCAT mental breakdown, that won't happen.

But that is okay, maybe the perfect number refuses to bequeath the connotations of post UCAT pain.

I've got it all sorted. Today I get there in the morning, missing a double Chemistry, which may or may not have been deliberate on my part. I'm so behind in everything and I've become numb to it. UCAT has been consuming me, soul and everything. UCAT has bewitched me, mind and soul, Mr Darcy, I know how you felt now. It was scheduled for the 17th but I had this epiphany that I was barely making more progress and all my other VCE subjects were suffering too much because of it - perhaps UCAT wont elevate me but doesn't mean I break my other escalators. I have a Chemistry SAC on Monday and I have absolutely done no prep - all year I would be doing practice questions at least a week before each SAC and this time I haven't even read the chapter.

And it's not that I've been studying my buttocks off for the UCAT, I very much have a lot of butt left despite the frequency of "lmao" in my texts. It's just that I'm so burnt out and tired that I just need to move past it. I'll go in there today, do my absolute best, and then see what happens. VTAC applications are open and hell, I'm excited. If UCAT doesn't work, I can accept that and consider a proper back up plan. It's okay to not do well. I know I'm probably gonna cry a bit and have a bit of a crisis but who doesn't. This is VCE.

On the note of crying, I've got a bunch of options. I know there's a breakdown on the way, I'm generally a very emotional person, but I just wanna make it a bit more fun, ya know. So I've got three options post testing. I either go back to school to English Language and be a brave girl and cry when I get home, I could go home directly and cry dramatically on the train, but I spoke to my friend and she recommended something that changed my entire outlook.

I COULD GO TO MYER.

So here's the rough plan. I do makeup. I dress up like a handsome beast. I wear a little mascara, and grab expensive facial tissue. Graceful like a queen, I go into the test, stay hydrated and stress pee because why not. Then I take the test and do a post stress pee because I probably doused my insides with enough water for them to start turning hippo in the hypotonic environment (yes that's how I remembered it).

THEN I GO TO MYER.

Here I pick the most extravagant outfit I can find. Even more extravagant than what I dress up as. I donn this beauty in the changing rooms and look into the mirror. This is an emotional moment. I look into my eyes. Take my mask off, and sanitise my hands.

THEN I CRY.

This is a release of emotions. A relief. I'm happy. I'm lighter. I'm calm.

This is the end of it. The stress from the past six weeks. I'm over it.

This is the moment. My mascara smudges down my face and I blot it with expensive tissue. My snot glistens in the perfect lighting of the changing room. Maybe I could play some emotional music to make the moment more poignant. The breeze kisses my cheeks subtly, and I feel a cool tickle as the moisture of my tears glistens in the light.

The moment is perfect. I'm alone. The sun is at its zenith.

Obama is there.

And then, I can go home. Calmed down, study for Chemistry on Monday. Catch up to spesh. Get on with the rest of my life.

Because this whole thing, I'm making it so dramatic so might as well add costume and do the whole ritual. I'm gonna look back at this and think how ridiculous it was to stress over such a small thing in the big scheme of life. Might as well make it memorable.

I can do this, guys. I can try my best, because that's the only thing I can control about this situation.

I'll post an update sooner or later. Good luck, me. Perhaps also Good hard-work, because luck can only meet you halfway there.

*this post was not sponsored by Myer*
Hopefully you don't go into the UCAT and tell it why it is beneath you, Mr Darcy style.

I hope it all goes well. I hope you do as well as you can and don't stress too much (although stress, of course, is normal). Try your best; I know you can do it!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: wingdings2791 on August 05, 2021, 10:31:11 am
PENELOPE! Not that you need it in any capacity but I wish you THE BEST OF LUCK!!!! You'd better get in that testing room with your oversized brain choc-a-block with AR patterns, runway-worthy couture, and Pulitzer-Prize-winning poetry and absolutely SMASH that UCAT to pieces! If anyone can do it, it's you :D

I guess it's stupid, me saying not to worry too much, but don't stress out! You know what you're doing and the hard work you've put in for this test is honestly inspiration to so many of us fellow UCAT takers and year 12 students. (and remember you've always got David Jones as plan B xd) You got this!

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on August 05, 2021, 02:05:42 pm
PENELOPE! Not that you need it in any capacity but I wish you THE BEST OF LUCK!!!! You'd better get in that testing room with your oversized brain choc-a-block with AR patterns, runway-worthy couture, and Pulitzer-Prize-winning poetry and absolutely SMASH that UCAT to pieces! If anyone can do it, it's you :D

I guess it's stupid, me saying not to worry too much, but don't stress out! You know what you're doing and the hard work you've put in for this test is honestly inspiration to so many of us fellow UCAT takers and year 12 students. (and remember you've always got David Jones as plan B xd) You got this!



You willing to be a reference for my David Jones job application?

Thanks tho this made me smile hahaha

Hopefully you don't go into the UCAT and tell it why it is beneath you, Mr Darcy style.

I hope it all goes well. I hope you do as well as you can and don't stress too much (although stress, of course, is normal). Try your best; I know you can do it!

Thank you! I took the wikihows on how to breathe really seriously so it helped not to stress hehehe.

Unfortunately, to my scores, I don't love, love, love you, whoops.

Anywayyyy as promised:


Year 12, Episode 8B.
Not the 69th reply in this thread
 

Edit: omg had i not rescheduled my ucat to today I would've had to delay it by another week, im so grateful!

On my way home now. I got there superrr early. Couldn't find the place at first, it's a very cramped spot on the fifth floor of a strange building in front of China town.

There was nobody there when I walked in. Eerily quiet. The walls were kind of peeling off and a baby pink emanated through dull lights. There was a printed page that said "pearson vue" sticky taped oddly and one of the corners was peeling off. It felt like an Indian passport office my parents went to when I was five.

I wasnt feeling particularly nervous, somehow. There were toilets but it looked so shady I held my stress pee in. I had to wait about ten minutes before they opened the place and let me in. Signed some papers, took an ID photo.

They offered me to start early, and nobody was inside when I did. When I finished VR I stretched my neck and the room was full off people. It was an odd experience. Time just flew. I tended to get distracted in mocks if someone talked but today it was just me and the screen ahead (and maybe the guy 1.5m beside me that kept aggressively shaking his leg, hope you're okay). I had done enough mocks for it to feel like routine and it was okay in that aspect. Nothing new.

When I finished I was oddly energised. Obama wasn't there.
 
I didn't need the Myer ritual, it seemed.

 I walked to school, in time for period 3, my fancy boots forming a rhythm along the cracked city footpaths.

And there it was, lurking in my inbox, the email.  The end of it.

probably the only thing of interest, also they're not  med school worthy for someone like me with no seas

VR 630
DM 690
QR 730
AR  670
Overall: 2720
SJT 554

I honestly didn't know how to feel. I dont know what percentile this entails but certainly below 80th, so there's my expectations out of the window, if I had any. Oddly, I was underwhelmed. I had rescheduled my UCAT half a dozen times and I was so over it. I certainly have no hopes for Monash now but of course it is what it is and I'm gonna put in the work for my ATAR and see where it takes me.

Here I am now, heels sore in these wedged boots, considering buying myself a neck pillow to sleep on the train ride home. Tomorrow I'm turning 18 haha maybe if someone's looking for present ideas *wink wink* (although I might have to call the police if people actually figure out my address).

Cheerios:)
Penelope
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on August 11, 2021, 03:25:36 pm
Well, it's over with, now you don't have to worry about it.
I love the way you write these kinds of things, it's oddly immersive.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on August 20, 2021, 12:54:53 pm
Firstly, thank you to everyone that PM'd me and sent kind words and birthday wishes. Really appreciated them. It was a bit hard accepting my score but everyone's words and support really helped me get it together.

Well, it's over with, now you don't have to worry about it.
I love the way you write these kinds of things, it's oddly immersive.

DID I JUST GET COMPLIMENTED BY CAT IN THE HAT?! I know this sounds odd but I was in the living room yesterday when I read this and I was beaming so hard my parents started questioning what was wrong with me. It's like getting an art compliment from Bob Ross himself. I LOVE your writing and this compliment is going to stick to me like that one from primary school where this really pretty girl said I have a nice nose.

Talking of compliments, why are people so conservative when it comes to expressing appreciation? We need to normalise complimenting and not feeling like it's disingenuous. 

ANyway, I digress

Year 12, Episode 9.
Reply#69: UNI PREFERENCES 
 
(I guess that's what the special number was reserved for, hehe). Yes, I am mentally 12 years old. I think this is funny. Fight me.

(https://i.imgur.com/BR9q0UO.png)

No. I'm not happy at all. We're in the middle of an extended lockdown and you're asking me if I'm happy? You serious?

My emails have been SPAMMED with unis convincing me they've got the tea for me, open day letters and whatnot. I've applied to EVERY SINGLE University that offers medicine in the country (or I'm almost there, at least) and somewhere in the process my phone number's landed in the hands of people that daily try to convince me my social security number is compromised, my non-existent bank account is locked right now and that Suzie (5km) wants to text me. I feel like a CEO. With my rising fame, the serotonin surges from notifications on my phone have been replaced with dread.

But I'm actually not sad.

I've got 4 SACs to go, one for every subject. And they're all pretty much in different weeks. Really looking forward to ending this term and getting smashing on that exam prep - which I'm really looking forward to - just questions, not balancing new content with old content while prepping for 10 different assessments.

Had a Lang SAC online this week, a Chem SAC last week. Sitting assessments in my bedroom with the TV screeching downstairs feels very bizarre and I'm still not sure how they're going to validate assessments that aren't open book? Just trust people to do the right thing? Sure. I hold myself back from breaking any rules but I know plenty of people that couldn't care less. Will leave that to the schools I guess. I can only control what I do.

I submitted my preferences for VTAC too.

So far, it goes:

(https://i.imgur.com/A7Z7cLe.png)
I've got everything to fulfil the Asian stereotype (perhaps a tad of engineering might be the cherry on top). Good news is, all these courses interest me greatly and even if I don't land any interstate offers I'll be happy with them. I am very passionate about medicine and health and will almost certainly take the graduate test later but if I have three years to do a different bachelors might as well do something different.

A lot of my friends are taking biomed but it doesn't seem to interest me as much because the only pathway down that track is research (if I don't make it to medicine later), which is very cool, but I want to explore something more unique. My dad's been suggesting I experiment with commerce/ IT a little bit but I know very little about those streams so I need to do more research. I'm happy to do things that are different - the world is full of stuff to learn and it's the learning that excites me rather than any particular field. Medicine is my top priority since it's the combination of altruistic values and aligns with my values and it feels more like a lifestyle than just a career but it's not the be all end all (affirmations, ya knowwww).

Asked my teachers if they could send me a predicted ATAR thingo but they said it's confidential ;-; Only person who was happy to estimate for me was Lang teacher, who said 41-44. Hopefully I can stick to that, just got one more SAC to go! Lang has been much more fun that I ever expected, I'm enjoying it so much and all the content is just amazing to the point where I'm considering adding some Arts to my VTAC preferences.

Maybe I'll do one last update when all my SACs are over to set some September goals. You know, so my million followers don't feel disappointed by the inconsistency. But this journaling is very cathartic - reading everyone else's stories inspires me so much, especially the old completed journeys of people from previous years. I'd love to have people read my journal if they find VCE overwhelming so they realise it's normal to have breakdowns and burnout and feel like crap and even be excited when Deakin's Study score calculator pumps out some magic study score they never even dreamt they could achieve. It's a rollercoaster and it's reassuring to remind myself that this experience isn't just me, it's every VCE student.

Good luck to people with their final assessments and stay safe! Gonna try to get vaccinated soon as well hopefully get that Bio knowledge from U3 pumping into practicality.

If you ever need support or want to rant about VCE together my PMs are forever open!

 WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS!

(i just discovered how to use images on ATARnotes - and I've been on here for at least 5 years lmao).
(https://i.imgur.com/kKs9efg.png)

<end quote>






Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Chocolatemilkshake on August 20, 2021, 01:39:42 pm
YES an update! Love this journal! Congrats on submitting VTAC (and all the other -TAC) preferences penelope, it's a step closer to next year (when you'll be free of yr 12 forever). All the best for your last 4 SACs, you're really at the final few hurdles  8)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on August 20, 2021, 02:09:51 pm
YES an update! Love this journal! Congrats on submitting VTAC (and all the other -TAC) preferences penelope, it's a step closer to next year (when you'll be free of yr 12 forever). All the best for your last 4 SACs, you're really at the final few hurdles  8)

Thank you!

Regarding "all the other "-TAC"" I wanted to point out that in WA, it's called TISC. TISC, like tsk, tsk, that sound of parental disappointment when I tell them I don't know how to spell Pharoah correctly. That one and SATAC get my nostrils flaring (the latter because they could have replaced the C with an N? - such party pooper behaviour).

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: blueycan on September 07, 2021, 02:51:49 pm
Hey Penelope! I just caught up with your journal and your posts are so entertaining I lost track of time. I hope you're doing well and that your remaining assessments are going smoothly! I noticed you put down Law as well as the med stuff in your preferences– I really admire people who have so many different interests and passion areas, even doing the UCAT is so admirable to me and I hope you're not too down on your score because I think if you put your mind to anything you'll be able to achieve it. I hope exam preparation treats you well!!

+ I'm so sorry because it's totally out of context but "pissing is a privilege" in post #61 made me quite literally spit out my water
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on September 17, 2021, 09:04:03 am
Hey Penelope! I just caught up with your journal and your posts are so entertaining I lost track of time. I hope you're doing well and that your remaining assessments are going smoothly! I noticed you put down Law as well as the med stuff in your preferences– I really admire people who have so many different interests and passion areas, even doing the UCAT is so admirable to me and I hope you're not too down on your score because I think if you put your mind to anything you'll be able to achieve it. I hope exam preparation treats you well!!

Picture a circle. Now draw a diameter on this creation, parallel to the y axis. Starting from the centre, now form a very dilated parabola inside the circle, which stops when it intersects the circle. Make it very fuzzy.

The circle represents my face. The fuzziness is the general beard trend happening with quarantine. The parabola is the massive smile you just put on my face.

tl;dr: thanks fam I appreciate it. Hope you're going smoothly too!

Quote
+ I'm so sorry because it's totally out of context but "pissing is a privilege" in post #61 made me quite literally spit out my water

Urine the right place if you want that kind of humour XD.

Year 12, Episode 10: SAC was short for SACRIFICE
 
 

GUYS.

I FINISHED MY LAST SAC.

THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY. Hit submit on my last Chem SAC FOREVER. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA CRY.

Enough paralinguistic yelling. But seriously, I wanted to cry.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the subjects I've been doing for VCE, the only problem is the fact that too much of anything is bad. I enjoy studying, just like I love chocolate. But VCE feels like someone force feeding my my fortieth bar (fortieth is such a weird word) of chocolate with gooey drool dribbling down my chin and have of it smeared across the y axis I described earlier as the y axis of my face. There's stoichiometric ratios of tears, snort and caramel everywhere. Sounds disgusting, right? That's the point. I'm so sick of it, literally. SAC after SAC. Number after number being thrown at me to somehow give me a grasp of who I am. No goals outside, because there's no time for them. Especially in lockdown, this feels a bit like prison punishment.

On that note, I'm glad SAC(rifice)s are over. I just want this experience to be done. I've had enough of year 12.

Subject wise, I'm going okay. My SAC average for Chem turned out to be a tad bit lower than my crush's which makes me sad because that means we have no Chemistry together. But it's still pretty decent and I think my hopes for a 40+ still have some oxygen to fuel them, albeit all the carbon monoxide from the partial combustion kind of suffocating me.

Specialist, as expected, has let me down a bit. I'm getting my U4 indicative grade in about thirty minutes and hell, I've become so desensitised I'm ready to take any score. I felt okay on my second SAC but the mechanics/ dynamics SAC felt like words flying over my head. I cant change anything now, just focus on exam prep, so I'll just work with what I have and try to maximise my score.

Methods is OK. For some reason it's the subject I put the least amount of work in, yet it's still pretty nice to me. I find the concepts really intuitive and I hope I'm not dreaming it up and ruined my SAC because of that. I use a CASIO at a very casist TI school - wait till CASIO users become dictators and watch us treat the school with some VIP privileges - this meant that my most recent SAC was a beautiful saga of using trial and error to calculate things to FOUR FRICKING DECIMAL PLACES because the CASIO couldn't handle the questions they'd set (and MY TRIAL AND ERROR WORKED?!) I havent got my U4 grade yet but I dont think it's going to be too bad.

Then there's bae. English Language has been the best decision I've made for my VCE, after EI. I enjoy the content so much. Politician says shitty? AYYYY CONTENT. The fact that I get to talk about memes like this:

(https://i.imgur.com/DbrOEN8.png)

And I'VE NOT BEEN DOING BAD. I thought my English was done for - moving to Australia in Year 8, my English teachers always seemed to grimace at the sight of my essays. I thought I'd hit the epitome with Year 10 English when I got a 69% for my end of year exam, never thought it was a polynomial function with various bumps.

Welcome to my ted talk.
Quote
Life, y'all, is a trigonometric graph. It has ups and downs. And you sin a lot, cos that's how it be.
[/font]
Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

And the rough patches are mostly over now. It's now all about consolidating all the info and doing the exams.

I just spent an hour compiling a massive to do list for the exam season and it turned out a lot more crowded than I thought. Person reading this, if you're in Year 11 doing a VCE subject, trust me, you have a lottery there. I was able to grind 30 practice exams for biology last year - and with a modified study design and we finished the course early -  but this year doing 5 exams per subject feels like too much work because of how much content there is. Make the best out of your year 11 vce 3/4s cuz you have a great chance of maximising your score, if you can.


OH I JUST GOT MY SPESH SCORE WHBEHJBbWGUIGBRUIBRGIRBRVB

IM OPENING THE EMAIL.

JNjirbebguibrugvn


oh.

oh.

okay.

I cant believe I spent over half an hour procrastinating here but also I DIDN'T DO BAD LOL? (relative term: if I got this score in Chem/ Lang/ Methods I would be bawling my eyes out)

Okay I went to class for a bit then.

But also WHAT?! I genuinely thought my U4 average would be the cohort average, if not lower, but it's not bad?? Of course complacency is bad but this score isn't as bad as I imagined, so I'll take that as a sign to nail it in the exams.

Let's get grinding. I think this will be my last update for the next few weeks, unless I manage a pre exam thought scatter (which is probably gonna sound like a life crisis).

(https://i.imgur.com/WsWsJDV.png)

I realised the spec u4 grade reveal entirely stuffed up my train of thought. I'm fine now. I know I said I was desensitised, and I am for the most part because any other year I would be crying with that grade because I've always expected more. But there, now we have a live time reaction of me getting a score back for the past term and a half of work.

I want to write a particular post which I'd completely forgotten about, but I'll do that in a different post now.


Year 12 gang, WE GOT THIS. ALMOST THERE. Good luck!


Sincerely, and traumatised from VCE
Penelope









Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on October 11, 2021, 07:13:25 pm
Year 12, Episode 11: Counting down, but I'm bad at maths
 
 



A bad, condescending, unnecessary self indulgent brag, but this is a journal, so that's the whole social purpose, innit?
I GOT TWO ENG LANG SACS BACK. MY UNIT 4 AVERAGE IS ABOVE 95%

I KNOW I SHOULDNT TALK NUMBERS BUT RJnujbrnuefb HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

We had an essay about societal attitudes and language and I passionately argued about a perspective on language policing and how it shows underlying misogynistic attitudes in some contexts. I kinda thought I was going off on a tangent, so when I saw my score I was SCREAMING. 



Like I've said, as a migrant, seeing how I started with this language, I never imagined I'd do well. And here it is, my comfort subject, lang, sitting along side my middle child, Chemistry, and the local bully, Spesh.

I also got some other SACs back but those are meh. I'm trying to cope and not have constant mental breakdowns at dinner, and it's kind of working at the expense of not doing enough practice exams and binging Nutella directly out of the jar while listening to garbage music, sometimes rolling its way through the recommendations. I've become so numb to it, it took me multiple complaints from my brother in the room across to realise I'd ended up on some obscure Russian metal song. Sometimes the music has stopped, I'm just zoned out. For really long periods of time, I'm involved in doing absolutely nothing. It's a weird feeling, being burnt out. It's like I have a sense of purpose but not the energy to move. I have stopped feeling guilty about taking breaks. I allow myself to chill if that's what I want. Of course, there's some degree of accountability, but the PostIt that was on my desk perjuring various oaths about doing thirty practice exams for spesh (like what was I thinking????) is scrunched up containing cake crumbs from last week's midnight snack.

We returned to school last week. There's an odd kind of quiet that's engulfed the study spaces. It's like everyone's groggy from the long slumber of lockdown, yet we're all sleep deprived. Ask "howyagoing" and the phatic either attracts the regular adjacency pair, "alright, thanks", or if you're into compromising some social distancing (which I do not recommend literally), "I'm tired". And words of comfort have become phatic too. It's all just "we're almost there", "just a month to go". We're just living with this sole purpose of finishing VCE. It's like the end of a run, when you can almost see your finishing spot, and you're tired and everything in your legs is begging for a break, and those weird stitches in your abdomen are tugging you down. Yet, you persist to run because you didn't come this far for nothing.

There's always regrets. I wish I'd done legal last year. Or PE instead of Spesh? Should I have applied for early entry into Law at ANU? I wish I had done further instead of spesh. I wish I'd studied harder for that one Chem SAC. I wish I'd... Freddy Mercury voice: sOMEtiMes I wiSH i'd never been born at all... But the run is over. Well, almost. No point complaining or regretting shoe choices this late. The foot ulcers have already emerged. You could have peed before starting the run, but you're close enough to the finishing point to pee later.

I  submitted my JCU application and got the confirmation of receipt. I was obsessed with it. I wrote multiple drafts, in my beautiful doctor's handwriting, only to submit my last version with flaws I wouldn't have imagined I'd tolerate back in January when I thought I'd get a 50 and a Nobel Peace Prize. I've grown increasingly complacent, but I guess resilient too. I dont mind a little risk. It's okay to prioritise things. When I sent it, I kept refreshing the AusPost website tracker. I imagined this envelope, with a little piece of me, flying all the way to Queensland in some small Town. I pictured the different hands passing around the envelope, unaware of what it contained. Today, when I got the receipt, I imagined someone undid the envelope I'd sealed, then perused words that came out of my printer. Ink that was stored in my pen. It's a weird existential crisis to have while trying to solve a spesh multiple choice question, then I realised I had lost my train of thought again.

I applied to LaTrobe's Aspire program a while ago. I've been involved in a bunch of extracurriculars so I thought, why not? It lowers ATAR threshold for Dentistry, which was my only preference. Last week, I got an email saying I had been accepted and I was over the moon. I remember my Lang teacher looked a little judgey as I stared lovestruck at my screen, amazed at the possibilities of what was ahead. It was a bit weird, since I received only an induction package, but no offer, but I called LaTrobe and they said they had some technical issues so the offers should be sent by the end of the next day. You see, since my only preference was for Dentistry, so I imagined, I now only needed a 94 to be accepted. That's crazy. I know I can almost certainly manage that much based on the aptitude and just past SACs. I was dancing on my way home. My heart was pounding with excitement. I got home, all bubbly and excited, and hyped my parents up too. 

I slept well that night, after a long time. It's almost like a burden off my shoulders. Dentistry. I now had a backup. Even if nothing worked out, I had a course that I really liked, and I could work in a medical career with.

Or so I thought.

Come morning, I still couldn't get over the excitement of having locked in an early offer. I was waiting for the actual offer, but I was over the moon, because when I tried logging into some of the free compliments that came with it, such as EdUnlimited, I was able to access the resources using my account. So it had to be legit, right?

Except, in the evening, when I got the email, I almost dropped my laptop.

" We are happy to be able to make you a conditional offer.

Conditional Offer Result
Bachelor of Health Science, Melbourne
Your efforts in community engagement are something you should be proud of, and we at La Trobe would like to reward you. Not only with an early conditional offer - but with many other rewards too..."

Just retyping this, my heart sank. I cannot express how I felt in that moment.

I was such a massive idiot. Excited for what? Nothing. I'd hyped my parents too. I had danced in my room. Now, I know Health is a good course too, but it wasn't my preference. My only preference was Dentistry, so of course when they'd sent the induction package I assumed I got it. Reasonable, right? I was just staring at the screen.

My mum passed by, and she said it was okay. "I'm still proud of you for trying", she said, and continued her work.

"Thanks, but I'm an idiot for making you guys excited."

"No you're not. This is just a pre offer anyway, there's so much more lying ahead."

"Yeah, I guess, I don't mind this, really."

And I thought I didn't.

I thought it was gonna be okay.

I woke up hours later, my parents worried, staring at me, confused.

I have no idea why. Panic attack? No idea. But I was literally wailing. It wasn't even me. I got up in the middle of the night, and before I knew it, I was just sitting there, and my body was crying. I felt almost detached, out of control. It was almost cathartic, the quivering of my chest. It felt like a burden come off. My eyes that had felt dry all week felt quenched. It was a strange experience.

And then it kept happening. I don't know why. PMS? Burn out? I have no idea. I don't have much reasoning to put through, except this comment: the system we're in, where we're conditioned into thinking the outcome of Year 12 defines us, somehow. And while we try to convince ourselves that it doesn't, deep down, some of us have internalised this neat, convenient way to quantify our self worth, albeit inaccurately.

I just want it to be over. I never imagined I'd feel so weak. But the stitches, the gravel road, the leg cramps, the need to relieve myself, they're getting out of hand. The mask too. Everyone goes through this, I know. Perhaps I'm exaggerating my athletic incompetence. But perhaps I'm verbalising something that needs to be said. Everyone goes through this. It needs to be said. If you're feeling like dried bull crap, you're not alone. Just make sure you're caring for yourself. And you have a support network. Lower social distance with some people, in an Englang way, but maintain the covid regulations.

We're almost there, guys. Keep running.

Penelope





Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 05, 2021, 07:34:01 pm
Before I start this I should add: I am immensely grateful to all the bean messages I got from everyone else journaling. It's so lovely to be a part of this community and even though I rarely contribute to other people's journals anymore, ghost reading them gives me a little bit of hope. Especially WingDings. Thanks for existing WingDings, who is Barracking, and also Obamaing for me. I president of the universe for you too.

Year 12, Episode 12: Should I even post this?
 
 

I have taken to doing anything but thinking about the exam at hand after I complete one. I made the dire mistake of watching the Worm’s academy solutions to the Methods Exam after I completed mine, somewhat confidently. Never again.
It’s been a strange time. Never in my whole VCE career, with all my complex number skills would I have imagined myself like this before the exam.
I’m not saying I don’t study. I put in a decent amount of work for each exam, and despite the dip in my brain function I do feel like the graph has a slightly positive gradient and I’m recovering the mental capacity to process a question, link it to pre existing knowledge and command my fingers to move in the writing motion. Which is significant progress from just three weeks ago, when my capacity was limited to containing the explosion of screeches inside my chest every time I sat at my desk.
I’m not too used to using watches or clocks, but there is one on my bedroom wall. Just a few days after the UCAT, it ran out of battery. For a while I would see it shake a little; sometimes if the wind pushed the battery a little the seconds arm would express a few quivers. Everyday was 10 am. I found it oddly poetic, to stare at how time had just stopped as the bane of my existence was dwelling on one moment. I never bothered changing it.

I replaced the battery last week. It was odd to see it moving. Time ticks by regardless of whether my clock holds it accountable. Now wouldn’t that have been an existential interpretation on the GAT’s writing tasks.
I’m not saying I don’t study. I do, but I’m just calm. Weirdly calm. I remember getting home from Biology last year, hayfever ridden, nose snorting tears and eyes puffy. I redid that entire exam and marked it with the solutions to multiple choice from some atarnotes post.

Forget Biology. That was last year. Even this year, I’d walk into a SAC, not breathing enough. Graphing for Methods SAC 1 was a task, my hands would shake so much my parabolas looked like furry necklaces. I would get up really early, sacrificing sleep for SACs. And it paid off, I’m not gonna lie. That first half of the  year I was a good 90s student, minus a little less for spesh. I was down that route to a 99 ATAR, which was the ultimate validation of my self worth. Or perhaps my gateway into Medicine.

It’s weird to think about that now. It mesmerises me how obsessed humans are with numbers. The existential crisis of generally existing is so intense people like to have some way of quantifying things. The reward of a mark not being in understanding the question and even solving it successfully, but in answering it as a decimal rather than an exact value. Little details to trip you up. And I admire people that do well, that are excelling at VCE. It’s not easy, it takes a lot of work. I’m just reflecting on how much value we’ve put into numbers.

I completed English Language. It was a bit of a pain, I really enjoyed the subject. I’m gonna miss it a lot, and my teacher and I were good pals so it was sad to see it get done. Section A and C were okay, but I did have a bit of a confusion moment in the middle of Section B. I realised this as I was writing the last few sentences and had the biggest urge to cross everything out and restart. But I kept writing and allowed the words to  flow out of my pen. When the exam was done, I did not think about it, and I did not care. I walked out, eliminating any bad memory I had of the exam, ready to go home and sleep. Despite the thunderstorms that night, I slept okay.

And same with Methods. All year I was obsessed with the marks and grading and how my SACs would scale. I walked out of both exams having left a few bits blank, and that’s okay. I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel ashamed of it either. When a fellow friend asked how much I was aiming for and I said “I just want to survive”, I meant it. She rolled her eyes and she didn’t believe me (which I’m not surprised given that I smell like ATARcalculator) but I meant it. I was glad I finished a subject.

The first Methods lesson I had was back in 2019, when I was in Year 10. Our teacher wanted us to understand why the subject was relevant, so he started with an application question. Draw a rectangle, then cut out 4 equally sized squares from each corner? What’s the volume? He said that was the first application maths question he’d done at high school and went down a tangent about Van Gogh, whom he was obsessed with. 

Going through that first question on my exam, I could just hear his voice and the lecture on Van Gogh’s amazingness. It was soothing to solve for things, slightly worrying when my CAS gave a weird solution and I had to skip spots, but I wasn’t fussed. When the invigilator said pens down, I was calm. I felt okay. I gave it my best shot. I survived. And the same for Spesh. It’s okay not to get 40s for everything. ATAR is perhaps a shortcut into different uni pathways, but it’s also not worth more than my sanity.

I had a lengthy conversation with my parents about doing Medicine and doing well. Given my constant breakdowns they kept asking why I was pushing myself so much, so I kind of broke at one point and said “well you want me to do med and that costs a soul and a half”.

And turns out… they don’t care?

I’ll be honest, I love Medicine and the prospect of being a doctor, but as you’ve probably seen from the VTAC prefs, it’s not my only passion. I love helping people, that’s my thing, but Med isn’t the only place where that’s achievable. A big incentive in the Med pref was the fact that I thought it would please them. My parents are very lovely people and they don’t ever directly put pressure on me, but, growing up I did feel culturally and emotionally conditioned into thinking the only way to feel validated that I’ve pleased them was by doing Medicine.

They said my cultural conditioning was my own biased perception of what they wanted from me; they said they just want me to “be happy, but with pragmatic choices”. And I cannot express how badly I needed to hear that. I need to be putting in my best work, and then I can work with where that takes me ATAR wise. And sometimes, best work is not just waking up at 4am to do practice exams for Spesh. Sometimes it’s sleeping a full 9 hours and recovering my brain from all the churning I’ve put it through.

I’m just surviving these four more days, two more exams and then I can get on with my bucket list and finally start to live decently.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on November 15, 2021, 01:18:49 pm
Year 12, Episode 13: Time flew?
 
 

Hello YA BEANZ

Firstly, I'd like to start with an exclamation.
AJAVNJNGJGRNIOEGIENOEBNJBN!
(yes, I'm one of those people that type this^ as an explanation. I let my fingers dance over the keyboard and do a strange break dance, expressing an emotion words simply cannot articulate. It's not the jrwnjwrbbv itself, it's the sporadic movements of my angry fingers in unison, coming together as sort of an artwork. It's sjgbwrjgbvwbj it's an emotion. It's the jitter you feel in your brain before you smack yourself into a pillow or slam your desk with frustration. Or idk what else people do when they're frustrated. Like making moaning sounds at the back of the class but let's leave that to Year 9. Yes, let's leave that to year 9.)

Anyway, I digress.

JEFJEBJEBBEFHB!
I'm done. MOST PEOPLE ARE DONE (or will be, this week). Guys, give yourself an aggressive, non bruise leaving pat on the back. We're here. We're safe. We're sound. Someone on reddit said "left a two year toxic relationship" and I couldn't relate more. VCE has been such a pain. It's been that bit of food stuck between your molars that's hurting but you cant take it out. It's been that annoying girl that keeps shipping me with my crush in front of him even though it clearly makes both of us uncomfortable. It's been that guy that keeps sending me yo mama jokes even though I've told him it's not my type of humour. It's been a massive pimple on the back, it's been wet socks, it's been a stub on the toe, a step on a charger, a cracked new phone. It's being unemployed and having nothing to do.

And it's done.

We popped the pimple. We told our crush we like them (perhaps got rejected), and shipping girl can now shush. We dated Shrek (he's 31). We blocked the inappropriate meme guy and changed socks. We flossed. We got a part time job (I still cant believe they hired me lol). We got a new phone (or actually, that one seems promising because my current phone looks more like a mosaic).

And now here we are, stomach still sour from yesterday's eating out. Sitting on our bed, reflecting on how it all blurred past. Year 10 and Bio/ Methods 1/2, then last year with EI and Bio and this year. How I was gonna do Legal Studies. How I wanted to do Med (and perhaps, still would). How I started with History and Philosophy of science. There were so many ideals in my brain about how I would go. What I would look like at 18, and how I would act. I'd never cry. I'd have it together. I'd know how to tie my laces in the first attempt. I'd know how to cook. I'd be amazing at Spesh. I'd be volunteering here and there.

And perhaps, that fictional Penelope, she's somewhere inside me. I am not her, but she's my asymptote. And I don't mind approaching her forever and not hitting that perfect mark. It's okay. I did what I could, in this year too. We all did our best. It's a lot of hard work, a little bit of circumstance, a little bit of luck. I don't know if you believe in that, but I do. I bunged in my best run on the track. But regardless of whether I came first or not, I ran. We ran together. It's important to acknowledge that.

My brother thinks I've turned into a grandma. He had his selective entry exam yesterday, and I was all on about a parallel rant, telling him he did his best. And I'm sure he did. Sometimes, our best is cramming the week before the test. Sometimes it's studying for months. I'm not encouraging procrastination, but procrastinating is a part of the marathon. Our brains aren't machines, and we shouldn't treat them like they are.

And in fact, I don't mind. In fact, I like the idea of being a grandma. Like one of those really nice women on the bus that call you "darling". Like the nurse that calls you "honey". Those women with big bosoms and a warm hug (having both of those would be nice haha, but I'm aiming at describing the nice vibe). The maternal, loving, comforting, warming nature of being an old lady. And most importantly, the wisdom that everyone does it differently. Sometimes we get sad because we're not meeting expectations. Sometimes we get rejected, whether that's by cute boi or the "no for Bachelor of Medicine/ Bachelor of Surgery" from UoAdelaide (LOL, why does it say it like that "no for"...? I'm surprised cute boi from Chemistry is more polite at rejecting me than UoA. But that's okay *sobs*). Sometimes the Spesh exam 2 feels like I'm gonna score 20%. But sometimes, we get things the way we like. Apply for one job at a place close to home, and next day they say "you're lucky, we're short on staff and your experience matches this role" even though everyone else's been job hunting for months, and you only applied for five or six places. Mama hugs you even though your room stinks and your brother doesn't reply "shut up" when you hug him before his test. That kind of grandma wisdom is a nice card to have up your sleeve. I dont mind it at all.

So what are we doing next?

Good question.

At least I've got a job to tend to.

But I'm also doing a coupla other things that've been on my bucket list that kept me going during exams.

0. Clean my room and peel off all the VCE content from my walls. This felt as good as removing a pore strip. Heck yeah!

1. Donate blood (I DID IT! GUYS, it's SO EASY to donate blood. It takes ten minutes. And it feels so good to be helping people that way. And they have good free food!) Check it out here:)

2. Get a job 

3. Some arts and calligraphy and complete some incomplete calligraphy. I've started on this and it's working pretty neat. Just to clarify, just because I do art doesn't mean I'm good at it. But it pleases me. It is cathartic. So why not? Why not bug my mother with "mOMMY loOOK whAT I mADE" and stare as you wonder why she didn't major in drama as she contains her expression cautiously and summons a "it's nice, is that a potato?" and tries not to cry when you tell her it's a self portrait. The whole moment is beautiful.

4. Go out! I've been extremely afraid of being around people for some reason. I wanna get out of that shell and hang out with people hehe. Said yes to one birthday party and feel like cancelling every two hours, but I'm gonna be a brave old lady. We can do this. My friends appreciate me, just as I appreciate them. I'm welcomed. I honour that. I'll be okay in the crowd. It's gonna be fun:)

5. Do a fundraiser. I'm a part of this fundraising organisation and I've done zilch since September and perhaps organising a Trivia or something with the local primary school would be fun? I got a few friends on board so we'll see how that goes hehe! Really looking forward to this!

6. I was gonna do nanowrimo, but I only possess the writing skills, not the creativity or the commitment to a proper story.

7. Figure out my final order of VTAC preferences and not go on atarcalculator more often than I pee- I've been mildly successful at this and keep switching around the spesh study score from low 20s to 30 haha, and watching it make literally no difference to my ATAR. I'll be okay. I've been drinking more water as well so that I pee more often and follow this rule. Sorry if that's TMI but this far into my journal this shouldn't be news. About ordering VTAC prefs, now that I know for sure Monash Med (and most likely, interstate Med) isn't happening I need to carefully order my preferences. I'll do that a little bit later, after my brain's had a proper cool down from the hell that VCE has been.

Congratulations guys! We made it!



Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: blueycan on November 15, 2021, 02:10:46 pm
Congratulations Penelope! The bandaid is off and gone for good!
You've worked hard, and definitely deserve a gooooooood long rest and also celebration. Also congrats on the job!
I'm excited to see what you get up to next (:
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Chocolatemilkshake on November 16, 2021, 03:08:05 pm
Congrats Penelope, on finishing year 12 and getting a job! Embrace and enjoy those holidays  8)!!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on December 16, 2021, 09:42:45 am

Year 12, Episode 14: how?
 
 

Helloo guyyss

I'm living on 3 hours of sleep and my body is absolutely exhausted from not being able to sleep all night, thanks to a racing heart and my wild imagination about all the possible anagrams of 69.96 I could get for my ATAR.

I did well. I was expecting mid to high 97s, 98 if I was too lucky.

So I am grateful. A friend asked why I am grateful? It was my work and my effort? I should be proud?

And indeed I am proud, I did not imagine I'd do better than the cousin my parents always compare me to. But I am grateful. I am grateful to my parents who didn't push me more than I could bare. For lovely teachers. For good health. For getting through this very, very messy year, and somehow surviving it when so many things could have taken a bad turn. I am grateful.

Anyway, for the interesting part.

Y'allz. I did it. After UCAT I realised Med is very unlikely, and I need 93 for Monash Guarantee Radiography, so I didnt really care tooo much for atar because 97 ish seemed doable. The only thing that mattered to me was my lang grade because boi I worked my butt off and I loved it so much. I couldnt even get myself to throw my book away. I keep staring at the pages and pages of writing, admiring how much love and affection I gave this subject.


Anyway, I got a 45 in Lang. I'm really happy with that.


Other things went:

Lang 45
Methods:39
Chem: 40
Spec: 33 (lol? I thought I did much, much worse on that second exam loool)

But anyway that comes together to:

A 98.85!

And I am really happy because it made my parents smile and my mum was on the aunties group chat and someone assumed my atar was her fever temperature because she was talking about medicine, lmao, very epic moment.

Anyway, I'm gonna try and get some sleep and perhaps come back with a clearer mind to share a proper reflection.

Everyone, good job. It's been a tough, tough year. But we did it! Give yourself a rest and a pat on the back.

Take care:)
Nelopeepee cuz peepee is funny
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: tiredandstressed on December 16, 2021, 09:46:08 am
Congrats Penelope, an amazing result you've earned it!
Enjoy the rest of your summer break, wishing you all the best for your future endeaovurs!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Coolgalbornin03Lo on December 16, 2021, 09:51:55 am
I logged in after a whole year just to say YOU DID AMAZING and I’m happy that I’ve been following your journey from the start!! Rest up and have an amazing summer :)))
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: bluebird on December 16, 2021, 10:09:39 am
Your journey has been incredible to read and you should be so proud of this result!!!! Congratulations penelope and enjoy not having to think about VCE again!! Good luck with your post VCE journey I'm sure you won't need it tho :D
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: blueycan on December 16, 2021, 10:10:44 am
Huge congratulations Penelope! So amazing– make sure you celebrate !!!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: lm21074 on December 16, 2021, 10:40:55 am
Congrats Nelope! What an incredible feat :)
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Geoo on December 16, 2021, 11:27:42 am
I'm so happy for you!!!! Congratulations, that's an awesome score!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: Evolio on December 16, 2021, 11:48:25 am
A massive CONGRATULATIONS Penelope!!!! Amazing scores!!
I wish you all the best for the future!  ;D
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: somebody8442 on December 16, 2021, 11:49:11 am
Nice one Penelope! All the best for the future!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: wingdings2791 on December 16, 2021, 11:57:17 am
Hey Penelope!!

I want to say the
BIGGEST
CONGRATULATIONS

on your truly amazing results!!! We all knew you could do it and it’s just incredible to see your hard work and big brain pay off big time. You’ve really been a source of inspiration to all of us on AN and deserve nothing short of phenomenal.

<333
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: caffinatedloz on December 16, 2021, 12:31:59 pm
Congratulations! What an absolutely fantastic score! So we’ll deserved for all the hard work you’ve put in. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed lurking here and reading your journal this year. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

Also the spec study scores were wild. I feel like I didn’t answer enough of that second exam to get anything remotely good but with scaling… wow!

Best of luck with whatever you end up doing next year (whether it be ned or radiography or something else). Hope you’ve got a big rest and lots of celebrating planned!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: eloisegrace on December 17, 2021, 08:40:41 pm
Wow, EL Twins! Seriously such great results 😊
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: SmartWorker on December 17, 2021, 09:12:00 pm
You did AMAZINGG!!! Congratsss 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: ThunderDragon on December 17, 2021, 10:28:41 pm
Congrats!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: dedformed on January 30, 2022, 02:30:50 pm
Year 12, Epilogue: Not a fairy tale
 
 

Once upon a time lived a peasant girl. She was of rough stature and made a lot of fart jokes. Also poop jokes. Peak comedy.

 All her life, she'd prayed for fairy god mother VTAC to grant her wish - to link her up with the infamous Prince Medicine. She even cheated on fairy god mother VTAC with other fairy god mothers, namely, UAC, UTAS, QTAC, SATAC and one particularly agitated TISC - a chunky old lady where even her name implied the sound of disappointment.

Peasant girl was hardworking, but not extremely bright. And that was okay. The fieldwork paid everyone. Lord ATAR paid his tenants on effort more than anything. At first the thought of Prince Medicine intimidated her; there were many suitors out there that were of better calibre than herself, and the journey to the Monash Palace was long and intimidating. However,  our peasant lady wasn't one to give up. She was willing to take the route, despite the only carriages there being carried by a broker called Pearson. After all, the only other life that she could idealise was as a Bachelor of Science, where she stayed as a priestess, unwooed to anyone until our Prince Medicine saw her dedication.

So there she went, along her first challenges in district EI and Biology, giving it her best shot. Both were rewarding. Lord ATAR made one her second highest scaled while the other was weighted as her lowest, despite her earning virtually the same study score for both. There was plague and pain and vomit but she got through. She made it to a new county.

She went to broker Pearson and borrowed a horse called UCAT. He was very, very hard to tame. She kept falling off, maiming her arms, legs, knees, butt, you name it, falling off this horse. But somehow, she dragged herself through in the race to the palace. She didn't come first, not even close, but she crossed the district.

After the journey with UCAT, her legs were too injured to carry along well. She cried often, praying to her fairy god mothers and often rearranging her preference of suitors to pass time. Nights were cold, days were long. But all her life, she'd trained herself to do the work she needed to do. Perhaps her legs were not working as they used to, but she struggled with her arms to get as much done as she could. District Specialist Maths was especially hard to cross. She simply couldn't understand the logic of how to surpass it. But she did as much as she could and somehow made it through to court ATAR, who stamped her with a number.

Lord ATAR's court was terrifying and disgusting. Often people came out surprised, either from joy or shock. He had a weird kink for the sciences and he seemed to let down more of the humanities peasants than anyone. But our peasant girl had spent two years riding through science districts, so perhaps with pity, or with appreciation of her effort, he stamped her a higher bid. It still disgusted her that the prince wouldn't see her as who she was, but would consider her seemingly arbitrary price strongly in his selection of a suitor.

The bid still surprised her though. On one hand it felt insufficient to grab the Prince's attention, but at the same time, it felt wrong to be stamped such a high price. Was she really worth so much? Perhaps it was sheer luck? Or was it hard work? Either way the feeling of finding herself on the other end of the court of ATAR was disorienting enough not to think about it too much.

Then came the letter. When all the other chunky fairy godmothers - so chunky they were chunkier than ur mom - rejected her, it was lady VTAC that bore the news.

The prince of Monash wanted to see her.

HOW COULD THIS BE?  She had never expected this. She couldn't even tame horse UCAT properly. Her price from Lord ATAR was well below Monash's prestige. Excitement and disbelief flooded her brains as she prepared for what was to come.
She would meet six of the Prince's consorts for 10 minutes, and they would ask them very arbitrary questions. She read about other people who had been through this in the past, the questions would be about everything and nothing, about what she would do if her mom and grandma got into a quibble about retiring homes, about why she wanted to meet the prince, about her own life story.

She is sworn to secrecy about what the consorts actually asked her, lest they would never speak to her again, therefore, the only thing known about her MMI is that she thought she spoke well.

Then she waited.

Oh dear that wait was so long. She'd mistake random letters as those of her fairy godmothers. Often she'd ask the mailman, Mr Gmail to check his trash just in case one accidentally landed in there. No signs of anything.

You'd think this is some fairy tale about how she met her prince.

It's not.

The day of the state ball, January 14, she was up all night. Her heart was racing too fast to allow slumber. She hugged her pillow, sunken with fear. Did the consorts like her? Was she too dull? Perhaps too chatty? Could they have known she wore odd socks? That she liked pineapple on pizza?

She waited for a night that seemed to never end.

Then came a letter. It was from lady VTAC.

The prince had not sent any further correspondence.

The letter was from Mr Radiography.

Confusion.

Tears.

Mr Radiography was a fine young man that lived in Monash Palace too. He wasn't as bonny or rich a lad as Medicine, nor was his personality as compatible with hers as was Medicine's. But he seemed to like her and wanted to give her a chance.

The  peasant girl cried. She waited and waited for other godmothers to bear news, but there were only regrets and unfortunatelys. There were only medstudentonline girls flirting with their princes, posting boastful or proud instances of a little kiss stolen here, a peck given there.

Jealousy.

More tears.

But she didn't decline Radiography's order either. She had previously considered being a priestess, but it would bear her no children.

And Radiography wasn't so bad after all. His face was a little lopsided, but when he smiled, it pleased her eyes. He spoke of machines and physics and anatomy, things she was interested in, and things she didn't know she could love. His skin smelled like a hospital, as did Prince Medicine's, just that there were undertones of metallic machines in the smell.

When she held his hand the first time, in the Monash's reading library, she didn't seem to mind too much. Her interests still aligned with his. She read a book about him, and you know what? He was more charming than she could imagine.

And they dont know if they lived happily ever after. How this story will end is something she hasn't decided yet. But for now, she'll commit to radiography and see if the love she nurtures will bear any new fruit.


I don't know if I'll write a uni journal, but I just want to say thank you to everyone that's read this and encouraged me to write more. I've made so many friends here, and this has been my place of comfort and source of inspiration on so many occasions. Thank you so much for facilitating this and supporting me through my VCE journey. I will forever be indebted to everyone who has helped me, and this journal will be a core memory of my educational career.

Good luck to everyone!
Penelope:)

Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: lm21074 on January 30, 2022, 08:01:29 pm
Quote
There were only medstudentonline girls flirting with their princes, posting boastful or proud instances of a little kiss stolen here, a peck given there.
Captures the essence of the MSO offer threads perfectly 😁

This journal entry is like none I've seen before. I think if you want to do a 180 with careers, you would clearly excel at writing.

I'm sorry Lady VTAC didn't give you the letter you wanted but I hope you have a wonderful time with Mr Radiography. He seems pretty promising. I know that no matter where you end up, you will do amazing :)



Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: somebody8442 on January 31, 2022, 11:37:17 am
That was an amazing summary and I hope you succeed in your uni endeavours!
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: yorktown on February 15, 2022, 06:57:41 pm
I read the entirety of this post much faster than I thought I would. I want to say, this is very inspiring. So, thank you. Congratulations on finishing VCE.
Title: Re: penelope's (attempt at a) VCE journal
Post by: The Cat In The Hat on March 07, 2022, 10:25:59 am
Popping in after a perfect age away to say, I loved your little fairytale (beautifully written!) and I hope you enjoy your future endeavours. :) I do like your writing style; perhaps you should write a book someday, if the interest takes you.