journey to self discovery

[AngelWings]

Jus going to leave this spoiler here to answer your questions.

SEAS Questions

Asking here or on the VTAC Discussion board both work.

1. It depends on the circumstance you’re applying with, besides the underrepresented school and you’ll have to have enough evidence to support your claim  (more info on Category 4 here). To be honest with you though, I’d probably apply for more categories rather than less and let VTAC decide whether it is valid or not.

2. You can (a) apply and hope for the best (they just won’t take Category 4 if they don’t believe it counts, but will still consider you for other categories regardless and can be successful there instead), or (b) contact VTAC to confirm. VTAC (and the institute you apply for) usually take it as a case-by-case scenario, so they’ll be able to determine from your evidence whether you have a valid claim for difficult circumstances.

[angrybiscuit]

//

Thank you so much AngelWings

Will probably put my application through for both Categories 1 and 4 and just see whether or not they'll consider my circumstances

[angrybiscuit]

July 25th 2020
Warning: A long and rather drab update

So I just the sat the UCAT and spoiler alert it was bad. I just expected something better and expected myself to be better (this is probably why I have low expectations of myself because when I do have high expectations, I don’t meet it). Now I’m stuck in a situation which I will get on to later.

It’s not a bad score, but it’s good either. According to last year this will get be a 90th %ile, this year is probably lower. It’s not bad, I’ll admit, but it won’t give me the peace of mind that I am guaranteed an interview (you need around 95+). I don’t know if this score is good enough for an interview.

Everyday it seems my chances of med is getting smaller and smaller. This UCAT score just affirmed two things: I’m not as capable as I think I am, I’m probably not cut out for medicine. I know you’re thinking how melodramatic I am, but seriously, this is an aptitude test. It was my chance to prove that I’m more than just booksmart but it proved that I’m nothing more than that.

A couple of weeks ago my school informed me that I am their nominee for the UoM Principal’s scholarship. At the same time, they know my dream of Monash medicine. I have to let them know whether or not I’m set on Monash so they can find another nominee if ever. In my case, it’ll be smarter to go to Melbourne and accept the scholarship. With SEAS, I will be guaranteed into Science at Melbourne with 85 ATAR or below. This chance is so much greater than getting into medicine with a mediocre UCAT and a mediocre ATAR. I’m determined to continue working towards medicine, but I also need to be realistic.

I'll need to let them know of my decision soon. If I tell them I'll be accepting the scholarship, I have to be certain to have UoM as my top preference in VTAC which means that I've given up on my dream course.

Huge shoutout to whys for answering my countless questions, to Seamus Wong, ashmi and Coolgalbornin03 for their encouraging words. You guys are the best <3

[whys]

The UCAT is a culling tool, if anything. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or you aren’t cut out for med. It’s just an easy way for unis to lower the number of eligible students. A cut off like 50th percentile, for example, already eliminates 50% of potential candidates. It also doesn’t mean you’ll be a good/bad doctor - again, just a nice and easy way for them to lower the pool that apply. I definitely think you shouldn’t give up, you still have a chance at med if you work on your ATAR. Your score isn’t at all bad either!! It’s always important to have back up/alternative options you’re happy with but I don’t think you should abandon trying for monash med yet.

Congrats on finishing the UCAT! Now you can take that well-deserved break.

Also, happy to help!

[ArtyDreams]

Please please please don't be too hard on yourself angrybiscuit! I totally understand that it can be so disheartening, but you are worth so much more than your UCAT score and I'm positive that you can achieve anything you want to.

Everything will fall into place as it comes, and don't give up on your dreams! Anything is possible and no matter how, you WILL make it.

I believe in you

[Chocolatemilkshake]

Hi angrybiscuit,
First of all, your UCAT score is far from horrible and doesn’t indicate your worth or intelligence at all! I know it’s hard to get over disappointment but we all still believe in you and med is certainly still an option

Also a massive CONGRATULATIONS on being nominated for the UniMelb scholarship at your school. You should be proud of yourself and even if you decide not to accept it, it’s still a fantastic achievement and proves you are more hardworking and smarter than you think. Whether you should accept it is definitely a difficult decision but whatever you choose I’m certain that your future holds incredible things. Just make sure it’s YOUR decision 

All the best, you’ve got this and I look forward to the next update

[angrybiscuit]

The UCAT is a culling tool, if anything. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or you aren’t cut out for med. It’s just an easy way for unis to lower the number of eligible students. A cut off like 50th percentile, for example, already eliminates 50% of potential candidates. It also doesn’t mean you’ll be a good/bad doctor - again, just a nice and easy way for them to lower the pool that apply. I definitely think you shouldn’t give up, you still have a chance at med if you work on your ATAR. Your score isn’t at all bad either!! It’s always important to have back up/alternative options you’re happy with but I don’t think you should abandon trying for monash med yet.

Congrats on finishing the UCAT! Now you can take that well-deserved break.

Also, happy to help!

I'll definitely keep that in mind. It's quite silly of me to use UCAT to determine whether or not I'd be a good doctor or not 😅

Thanks for your wisdom whys!

Please please please don't be too hard on yourself angrybiscuit! I totally understand that it can be so disheartening, but you are worth so much more than your UCAT score and I'm positive that you can achieve anything you want to.

Everything will fall into place as it comes, and don't give up on your dreams! Anything is possible and no matter how, you WILL make it.

I believe in you

Hi Arty!
Thank you so much for your advice <3 I'll definitely try to stop playing the numbers game.
Your belief in me means SO much to me (it's super motivating  )

Hi angrybiscuit,
First of all, your UCAT score is far from horrible and doesn’t indicate your worth or intelligence at all! I know it’s hard to get over disappointment but we all still believe in you and med is certainly still an option

Also a massive CONGRATULATIONS on being nominated for the UniMelb scholarship at your school. You should be proud of yourself and even if you decide not to accept it, it’s still a fantastic achievement and proves you are more hardworking and smarter than you think. Whether you should accept it is definitely a difficult decision but whatever you choose I’m certain that your future holds incredible things. Just make sure it’s YOUR decision 

All the best, you’ve got this and I look forward to the next update

Hi choco!
I guess I've always been stuck with this mentality that UCAT = intelligence which is what killed my morale in the first place. Regardless THANK YOU for your kind words, I will see the nomination as a win for me even if I don't accept it


Wow okay so I've had some time to digest things and looking back at my last entry I can't help but cringe. I sounded so dramatic and sounded like a real brat. I'll look on the brighter side and see it as a good lesson for me, that not everything that I want, I will get. I'll have to learn that disappointment is okay and I shouldn't dwell on it too much.

I've decided not to accept the scholarship, I'll keep my head high and see where things take me. Hopefully there will be other opportunities for a scholarship down the road (in UniMelb or Monash). This decision was a pretty big deal because it's pretty much my OWN decision. If you've read from the start of my journal, I'm very indecisive. If I can, I'll try to avoid huge decisions that will significantly impact my life. Though this decision is far from absolutely life-changing, I can be satisfied with the fact that I made it with absolute conviction (haha small steps)

Regardless, thank you guys so much for helping me keep things in perspective. To those who reached out to me and did not judge me at all for such a melodramatic episode, thank you. I'm seriously the luckiest

[whys]

//

Hey, you shouldn't apologise for being 'melodramatic' - it's very normal to feel disappointed when you don't meet your expectations (which can end up exacerbating how you feel about everything else). I also want to remind you that your UCAT score is very very far from 'bad' and I, including others, are very proud! To me, you sounded real, not like a brat and not at all cringe. And that's what I really appreciate reading in journal entries, because it's okay to feel upset and write about it - that's what it's all about! We support each other when we feel disappointed and celebrate when we achieve what we want to achieve.

Also, good on you for making a decision! I can also relate to being very indecisive (I'm a libra heheh). I can never decide on anything and it stresses me out a lot (one time I had to choose between two birthday cards and it took me ages and I still wasn't sure if I'd chosen the best one lol). I recently I had to make a decision on whether I wanted to continue training with the adults or become a youth leader at St John Ambulance (I volunteer there) and it was the hardest thing in my life... I don't even think I'm satisfied with my decision haha. Proud of you for making a decision you're happy with - small steps are the way to go.

Not melodramatic. I appreciate the realness in your entry.

Have a great week! (oh no, I just realised the weekend is over)

[angrybiscuit]

//

Hey whys!
It's awesome to be able to express myself freely without fear of judgement and I thank you and other AN users for that

Ahh decisions, decisions, why do they have to be so hard  Like why not both? Good on you for making such a hard decision, I'm sure you've made the right one

Hope you have a great week!

August 2nd 2020
I am sure you're all aware of the rising cases, and there is a real possibility that we will return back into online learning. I know many people are hoping to go back to lockdown but for myself, online learning was SO DIFFICULT. Nothing stuck to me and to this day I am still relearning those I learnt in lockdown because I did not consolidate them properly. But, safety is first and foremost and whatever decision happens I'll readjust and readapt.

English
NEXT

Maybe I'm an absolute clown for not reading the study design but I just found out that the comparative is worth 60 marks??? Out of the whole 70 marks for Unit 4??? God I am so crap at comparative and it's literally my entire Unit 4 mark 😂 🤐

Biology
Did I say that I hated evolution? I was SO wrong. Human evolution and interrelatedness of species is actually such an interesting topic (granted, my teacher did say that a large chunk of content that was not very fun to learn was taken out). I mean like isn't crazy that our ancestors were like hunting and gathering while I'm here typing this journal??? Crazy. We’ve moved on to genetic engineering and emergence of new diseases. Learning about the spread of diseases and pandemics while currently experiencing a pandemic just hits different. Biology is by far my favourite subject, rarely do I actually enjoy all area of studies in a subject.

Psych
Initially was bored at our mental health topic but is actually super interesting More importantly, it helps me look out for myself, aiming to prevent myself from getting too severe when times get tough (I promise I do not attempt to self diagnose myself but it’s good to be aware). I find psychology so funny to learn. I’m stressing learning about stress like lmao.

Methods
Okay okay. For once I’m confident in my abilities for a subject. But as always, am let down by silly errors. At least I have the skills down pat, now I just need to get rid of RIDICULOUS errors.

Let me list down the silly errors I made that cost me 6 marks 🤐
> I didn’t simplify (yep)
> I didn’t show enough working out for not one but TWO questions
> I had to dilate f(x) by a factor of 2 from x axis. FOR SOME REASON I didn’t multiply ALL parts of the equation by 2… grr
> I had to label the coordinates as integers but labelled an intercept in fractions.. WOW
> I missed an asymptote (yes it was y=0)

… Yes I wrote all this from memory. Yes I am mad. Yes I am determined to do better.

Spec
I’m getting there. Almost done with the content and hope to refine my skills because my previous SAC is nowhere near the level I am happy with. I am very happy about the fact that there is no more probability and the mechanics and kinematics stuff are something that I’m enjoying and it’s something I actually understand.

A journal that isn’t radiating with negative energy? Wow who is she. Anyways being at school helped me get over my little ’slump.’ Motivation is not up there but it’s picking up at a steady rate for SACs.

[homeworkisapotato]

Hi angrybiscuit! I totally get your anger over silly mistakes as I am the queen of silly mistakes ahaha
keep powering through, you're doing great!

[mi-xao-14]

August 2nd 2020
I am sure you're all aware of the rising cases, and there is a real possibility that we will return back into online learning. I know many people are hoping to go back to lockdown but for myself, online learning was SO DIFFICULT. Nothing stuck to me and to this day I am still relearning those I learnt in lockdown because I did not consolidate them properly. But, safety is first and foremost and whatever decision happens I'll readjust and readapt.

English
NEXT

Maybe I'm an absolute clown for not reading the study design but I just found out that the comparative is worth 60 marks??? Out of the whole 70 marks for Unit 4??? God I am so crap at comparative and it's literally my entire Unit 4 mark 😂 🤐

Biology
Did I say that I hated evolution? I was SO wrong. Human evolution and interrelatedness of species is actually such an interesting topic (granted, my teacher did say that a large chunk of content that was not very fun to learn was taken out). I mean like isn't crazy that our ancestors were like hunting and gathering while I'm here typing this journal??? Crazy. We’ve moved on to genetic engineering and emergence of new diseases. Learning about the spread of diseases and pandemics while currently experiencing a pandemic just hits different. Biology is by far my favourite subject, rarely do I actually enjoy all area of studies in a subject.

Psych
Initially was bored at our mental health topic but is actually super interesting More importantly, it helps me look out for myself, aiming to prevent myself from getting too severe when times get tough (I promise I do not attempt to self diagnose myself but it’s good to be aware). I find psychology so funny to learn. I’m stressing learning about stress like lmao.

Methods
Okay okay. For once I’m confident in my abilities for a subject. But as always, am let down by silly errors. At least I have the skills down pat, now I just need to get rid of RIDICULOUS errors.

Let me list down the silly errors I made that cost me 6 marks 🤐
> I didn’t simplify (yep)
> I didn’t show enough working out for not one but TWO questions
> I had to dilate f(x) by a factor of 2 from x axis. FOR SOME REASON I didn’t multiply ALL parts of the equation by 2… grr
> I had to label the coordinates as integers but labelled an intercept in fractions.. WOW
> I missed an asymptote (yes it was y=0)

… Yes I wrote all this from memory. Yes I am mad. Yes I am determined to do better.

Spec
I’m getting there. Almost done with the content and hope to refine my skills because my previous SAC is nowhere near the level I am happy with. I am very happy about the fact that there is no more probability and the mechanics and kinematics stuff are something that I’m enjoying and it’s something I actually understand.

A journal that isn’t radiating with negative energy? Wow who is she. Anyways being at school helped me get over my little ’slump.’ Motivation is not up there but it’s picking up at a steady rate for SACs.

Wowowowow we're doing the same subjects, except I do chem as well, did psych last year, and I love it (despite the amount of work tho *cough*)!!!!!

I haven't gotten up to human evolutions yet, just finished fossils stuff, which aren't my thing tbh.

Comparative, oh boy ripppppp, I am still at the start of reading my novel, and we just started this area hahahah............ Yeah it can be p tedious cuz it's very time consuming, but I enjoy analysing in English heheh.

MENTAL HEALTH!!!!!!! My favourite topic in psych cuz it's such an interesting topic, especially where it has helped me understand ppl better and be more sympathetic towards them, and it has kinda influenced my career paths, and I wanna do research in drugs (hopefully one day I will get to do that cuz I'm kinda already leaning towards Engineering and Arts, ooooooft, triple course choices).

Awww mannnnn, I feel ya, silly mistakes grrrrrrr, that happened to me in the second part of my methods SAC jdgaegajwpeojspdjgadgpj!!!!!! It pissed me off so hard gahhhhhh!!!!! I easily make silly mistakes, idk why man, I'm just such a dumbass for that bahahahah.

Oooooooo, spesh, yep, I mean idm probability, but thank you for cutting out the study design. I need more time to consolidate my spesh (and all my subjects). I mean I'm alright at it, at least not my weakest subject, but I don't find myself confident enough at it, unlike in methods. It's been my fav subject since yr 11 cuz it's challenging but manageable, which makes it soooooo interesting!!!!!! I just feel so good whenever I'm able to figure something out whoaaaaaa!!!!! (Yeah, don't mind me sound like an eager 5-yr-old lmaoo).

Man, hard lockdown, crappppp. I rlly hope you'll survive in this, especially us yr 12's, online learning, yikessss. It is going to be a lot harder than ever, so good luck with it, don't let your motivation slide away too much!!!!!

mi-xao-14 ^^

P.S. thanks a lot for replying to my dead ass journal, I appreciate that heaps!!!! : )))))

[angrybiscuit]

homeworkisapotato, mi-xao-14

Hi angrybiscuit! I totally get your anger over silly mistakes as I am the queen of silly mistakes ahaha
keep powering through, you're doing great!

Thanks heaps! Though I'll have to fight you for that title... my little errors are ridiculous
Hope you're all well

Comparative, oh boy ripppppp, I am still at the start of reading my novel, and we just started this area hahahah............ Yeah it can be p tedious cuz it's very time consuming, but I enjoy analysing in English heheh.

MENTAL HEALTH!!!!!!! My favourite topic in psych cuz it's such an interesting topic, especially where it has helped me understand ppl better and be more sympathetic towards them, and it has kinda influenced my career paths, and I wanna do research in drugs (hopefully one day I will get to do that cuz I'm kinda already leaning towards Engineering and Arts, ooooooft, triple course choices).

Awww mannnnn, I feel ya, silly mistakes grrrrrrr, that happened to me in the second part of my methods SAC jdgaegajwpeojspdjgadgpj!!!!!! It pissed me off so hard gahhhhhh!!!!! I easily make silly mistakes, idk why man, I'm just such a dumbass for that bahahahah.

Oooooooo, spesh, yep, I mean idm probability, but thank you for cutting out the study design. I need more time to consolidate my spesh (and all my subjects). I mean I'm alright at it, at least not my weakest subject, but I don't find myself confident enough at it, unlike in methods. It's been my fav subject since yr 11 cuz it's challenging but manageable, which makes it soooooo interesting!!!!!! I just feel so good whenever I'm able to figure something out whoaaaaaa!!!!! (Yeah, don't mind me sound like an eager 5-yr-old lmaoo).

Man, hard lockdown, crappppp. I rlly hope you'll survive in this, especially us yr 12's, online learning, yikessss. It is going to be a lot harder than ever, so good luck with it, don't let your motivation slide away too much!!!!!

mi-xao-14 ^^

P.S. thanks a lot for replying to my dead ass journal, I appreciate that heaps!!!! : )))))

Can't share the same love for analysing in English AHAH I cannot for the life of me enjoy English.

Mental health made me realise how we as a society don't take mental health seriously enough  It's great that it has influenced your career path.

I feel you... it's so rewarding when I actually you solve a challenging question and you feel like mini Einstein AHAHA

Hope you're going well

August 24th 2020
Good news, I’ve adapted well to online learning aside from the procrastination brought on by times of fatigue and ✨headaches✨. Otherwise, all is well.

I’m not in too much of a hurry to complete the courses though I’m almost finished with biology, spec and methods. I’d rather consolidate the entire course first before nose-diving into practice exams. If there’s anything I’ve learnt last year it’s that spamming practice exams mindlessly won’t benefit me. I did around 25ish I think but I reckon I would’ve obtained the same SS if I did more or less. Ultimately towards the end, I saw the same patterns of mistakes I made and did nothing to rectify them (oh well I didn’t know how to rectify them) and ultimately cost me mindless marks on the real thing. I’m hoping to really reflect after each practice exam and not treat it as a worksheet that I put aside after use.

VTAC wise, medicine is up in my preferences. I didn’t apply for interstate because I’ll have to work part-time to full-time to finance it and I don’t think that’s possible with medicine. I do 10 hours per week (sometimes less, sometimes more) right now with work and sometimes it can be too much. 

If I don’t get in, it’s no big deal. Initially was going to do Science at Melbourne but right now I’m leaning towards Monash and their double degrees. And let’s be honest, a 20-minute commute is more attracting than a 1 and a half hour commute to Melbourne. Hoping to do Science/CompSci or Biomed/Commerce combo. Ultimately, I don’t want to mindlessly aim for medicine then end up unemployable despite my qualifications, I need to think long term.

There are days where I feel so pumped like I can take on the world. Other days I wish I can stop trying altogether, crawl under the blanket and never emerge again. I’ve also just realised how truly isolated I am because my social battery is always flat. Like I can only exert a certain amount of energy per day into study and socialising and I always put my energy into study as a force of habit. Not to say that I feel lonely, not at all, just an observation of mine.

Hope everyone's well Please look after yourselves.

[angrybiscuit]

October 3rd 2020
Where did time goooo??? I blinked and it's already October.

I have completely forgotten about this thing as usual. Since my last update I have: gotten my P’s, completed like 5 SACS (only 2 more to go), had a lot of work shifts and completed all my courses just before term three ended fun fun.

Work has become a well earned break. I know it’s crazy but not having to do anything with school feels great. Within the walls of my work, specialist maths and english does not exist, it’s a great therapy only I’m the one getting paid.

I feel as though I’m not doing enough. Not enough practice exams, not enough revision. I’m finally given an opportunity to be able to complete copious amounts of exam study (i.e. quarantine and online schooling) but I didn’t do anything significant. If anything I am studying less than I have last year. I keep pinching myself for not taking the opportunity while I had it.

Doing exams are so bloody frustrating nowadays. I get rid of a lot of questions because they’re not in the study design but sometimes it’s difficult to discern whether or not it’s not in the study design or it’s just because I really don’t know it myself. Grr my problems seem so small compared to others but I’m always so frustrated. Hence ‘angry’ in my name though it should be ‘frustrated’ but it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

English is going fine. But it’s one of those moments in TV shows where things are going suspiciously great for the protagonist and something awful happens. I feel like this is going to be one of those moments. Trying not to stress about the fact that the comparative is literally my entire unit 4 grade but it’s fine. Trying not to stress about the fact that english exam is in 37 DAYS. Cool cool cool cool cool. Everything is fine. Specialist maths is going awful. For some reason I do really well on the short answer portion but absolutely horribly on the multiple choice section? According to psychology it should be the opposite but I guess I’m backwards so I can’t really blame it.

This journal should be entitled: angrybiscuit needs to learn to be kinder to herself, she’s trying but she cannot help but hate herself: a saga.

Anyways very excited to go back to school though I can’t help but think that staying at home during term 4 to do practice exams is more enticing. But I’ve been rotting in my study for some time now so I’m more excited than bummed out.

[ashmi]

Hey hey angrybiscuit!!🥰

I'm so excited to see a journal update!

October 3rd 2020
Where did time goooo??? I blinked and it's already October.

This is a big MOOD. You are definitely not the only one that is experiencing this. It feels like I've taken a short nap in August and then BAM we are in October!!😕
Also, congrats on getting your P's!! That is a big achievement and definitely worth celebrating over😃.

Doing exams are so bloody frustrating nowadays. I get rid of a lot of questions because they’re not in the study design but sometimes it’s difficult to discern whether or not it’s not in the study design or it’s just because I really don’t know it myself. Grr my problems seem so small compared to others but I’m always so frustrated. Hence ‘angry’ in my name though it should be ‘frustrated’ but it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

I can spiritually relate to this! It is SO frustrating trying to do exams to time, especially since sometimes you can't tell if something is in the study design or not. It can get quite confusing too and don't worry, you are not the only one who is angry 🤣. Sometimes I can't tell if VCAA has made studying for exams easier or harder...

Trying not to stress about the fact that the comparative is literally my entire unit 4 grade but it’s fine. Trying not to stress about the fact that english exam is in 37 DAYS. Cool cool cool cool cool.

Let's stress together bro😭. English is that one subject that no matter how much you try, it creeps up on you SUPER QUICKLY. It's like trying to run away from a racecar sometimes🤣
On a side note, the hypothetical journal title "angrybiscuit needs to learn to be kinder to herself, she’s trying but she cannot help but hate herself: a saga." literally sounds like a whole television series you would binge-watch with a good batch of popcorn. Give yourself some self-love cause you deserve it🥰

I absolutely believe in you angrybiscuit and that you will most definitely reach your goals in style!! You have GOT THIS and it is totally alright to have a break when you need it. Thank you so much for the journal update and I'm defs looking forward to seeing another one in the future🥰

[whys]

I've been waiting for an update!

I looked at the date and wow it still feels like the middle of the year to me. Time goes so fast and everything is just going by like a blur. Congrats on getting your P's! I'm nowhere near 120 hours, so hopefully I can drive more on the summer holidays.

I definitely agree, honestly, a part of me will always wish that study designs weren't cut because it's just so much harder. I have so many gaps in my knowledge so I can't tell if it's off the SD or if I just have no idea, so I can totally relate to that. And that English exam is slowly creeping up on us... we can all share our hate for this subject together. I'm so glad I'll never have to write another text response essay in my life after this year. 37 days are going to go by in a blink though 😭 - I need more time!

Same, I absolutely cannot wait to go back to school! Although the extra revision is nice, I think I need some motivation and I want to see my friends too.

Have a lovely weekend angrybiscuit, and don't stay angry for long!