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#### bigsweetpotato2000

• Forum Regular
• Posts: 67
• There shall be no boundaries to human endeavour-SH
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #15 on: July 07, 2017, 07:53:51 pm »
Talk about an offer I can't refuse My comments can be found within the spoiler

Spoiler
Mao Zedong: Reformer, Tyrant or Both?
The cost of ultimate power.

Throughout the decades of historical examination and analysis on numerous personalities of the past, Communist figure Mao Zedong continues to be a character of two contradictory perspectives I quite like this as an introductory sentence . Was he a man who saw beyond the prominent ideals of democracy and capitalism that had risen during the Cold War period, or a tyrant who found pride and joy in his maniacal elimination of human lives? Hmmm not to keen on the use of rhetorical questions - this is an essay, not a speech. The Maoist period during the 20th century was the only time where terror and corruption co-existed with economical advancement, a frightening yet promising combination for the Chinese. Whilst recent historical analysis of the Chinese communist leader has showcased an increasing number of agreements "increasing number of agreements - that just sounds weird. I'd probably reword it like this "though (insert view) in recent historical analysis is becoming increasingly more accepted," something more like that. Also - why? Why has it become more accepted. I don't want you to just list the different perspectives,
what I want to see is that you can analyse and dissect why these perspectives have come to be (though the integration of various historiographical issues and concepts).

A perspective that prioritizes ethical and moral considerations can be deprived from the work of historian Jonathan D Spence, who consolidates Mao’s character in his book, The Gate of Heavenly Peace. Again, I don't want you to mention the historians in your first sentence, that just strengthens my perception that this essay is just a list of different historians interpretations. It would have been much better if you started like this: "Shared and subjective notions of ethics and morality shroud interpretations of Mao Zedong, as his potentially positive contributions are clouded by the perceived terror of his regime." With that in mind, I would LOVE a discussion upon the historical implications of letting such a subjective concept of ethics centre a historical debate! The revolutionary aspect of Mao Zedong’s implemented acts on China presents the image of a tyrannical leader who acted without remorse I don't think Mao actually has anything to do with this image - more so the historians who curated it. That isn't to say that Mao wasn't that - but it wasn't he who developed that image, and as this is a historiography essay anyway, it is better to focus on the historians contributions anyway. Mao’s determination to achieve success by decreasing the time allocated for China to rise as the dominant world power resulted in ‘him (attempting) to push in a more radical direction so as to prevent stagnation’ (Spence, 1982), resulting in the increase of deaths of civilians. Spence affirms the terrors the Chinese suffered in the 1960s, where opposition to the political agenda was controlled by the cruel physiological and physical abuse on individuals who voiced their opinions that opposed the Maoist ways. Again - this is too much history, not enough historiography. Just because a historian says this doesn't mean its historiography (in the history extension sense). Spence documents his understanding through 20th century Chinese author Ding Ling, who suffered the suppression of her political government when echoing the thoughts of the nation as she ‘called on the Fourth National’s people’s congress… to restore some levels of socialist democratic rights’. Her writings which called out the unjust and inhumane ideals behind Mao’s revolutionary plans brought ‘struggle sessions’ that consist of officers continuously implementing ‘mental strain and physical abuse’ with the intention of reeducating. Under the sole purpose of China taking a great step forward in the global community, Chairman Mao brought immense struggle to his people, ranging from betrayals to death. History essay. Katherine Reist too, agrees with Spence’s consolidation of Mao’s power as she identifies why? ‘‘Mao, removed from much of the turmoil he created, willingly paid that price. The Chinese people are still reckoning the cost.’ (Reist, 2000) suggesting Mao’s  inhumane decisions to manipulate human lives like chess pieces portrays a tyrant who yields power as his sword. Furthermore, Chairman Mao under the Cultural Revolution acts not only utilized the youth of the contemporary nation to removal those upholding the bourgeoisie ideals through tyrannical means as seen numerous individualists’ humiliation through placards stating their counter-revolutionary and criminal identity History essay. Despite the Red Guards believing they performed courageous deeds for the bright future of China, Spence highlights the transition of the common enemy character from the Japanese to each other, reinforcing the perspective of Mao Zedong as a tyrant who manipulated the nation to his liking for his beliefs. Thus it is the clarification of Mao Zedong’s speech that the policies of the Cultural Revolution were aimed to ‘definitely destroy feudal, bourgeois, petty-bourgeois, liberalist, individualist, nihilist’ (McDougall, 1980) where the idea of individualist is leveled on the same platform as the feudal does one correspond Chairman Mao with the image of a brutal enforcer of his ethnics that held no moral consideration. Like before, I don't see your opinion, or your voice at all. All I see is an explanation of other peoples voices, and only on a surface sense. Why do these historians place morality and ethics above economic progress, whereas others the opposite? They both have access to the same evidence/sources (unless they don't -then that is something you can discuss!) - it is not about the history anymore when assessing their interpretation, it is about the historians.

Communist leader Mao Zedong has carried numerous different understandings of his character and his legacy over the decades. In the words of Tim Stanley, ‘there was a big gulf between the theoretical Maoism and Maoism in practice (of Mao Zedong)’. Whilst most recognize him as the tyrant who was a disaster to mankind ironically in the form of homo-sapiens himself ? I don't really get the irony here, and appears a bit too dramatic., some choose to look beyond his social and cultural impacts on the Chinese civilians and understand his policies were merely based on the understanding that China required immediate revolution in order to be where it is at this present time. In a context where Lucian Pye confirms that ‘loss of culture and of spiritual values, loss of hope and ideals; loss of time, truth and of life, loss, in short, of nearly everything that gives meaning to life’ one cannot deviate from the characterisation of Chairman Mao as a tyrannical leader who held no ethical values. However, once considering the recognition of the truth in Mao’s words ‘the struggle to consolidate the socialist system…will take a long historical period’ (Mao, 1957) historians realise that without such suffering China would not have arrived at the stage it is at today. Yet the perspective of Mao Zedong can only be developed once aligned with self valued morals and ethics and when examined at a particular period of time. Understanding of this controversial figure is only clear when one recognises the unavoidable ramifications of every action. Thus whilst Mao Zedong the tyrant, paid with his people’s lives the cost for China’s ultimate power, Mao Zedong the reformer would not have succeeded in modernising China if such sacrifice was not made.

Okay! So I'm going to be brutally honest (as I always am with history extension major works, as they are so important), as I assume that is why you wanted me to mark your response in the first place - to make this essay the best it can possibly be I think this essay needs quite a bit of work, and potentially in a few sections to be completely rewritten. You have a month to do this, so you should be sweet! But basically, for the most part what I read was either a) a history essay, or b) a history of historiography essay. Either you focused too much on the actual, historical narrative and detail of Chairman Mao, or you just listed interpretations. I can't recall seeing your own voice or judgement at all - I couldn't tell which interpretation you agree with, disagree with, I saw hardly any mention of ideology, methodology, purpose, context, etc. etc. That is what history extension is built upon! Here is the history extension syllabus.

Part 2: History Project
The history project provides the opportunity for students to design and conduct an investigation in an area of changing historical interpretation. Students develop and refine specific questions for investigation that add to their understanding of the key questions:

• Who are the historians?
• What are the aims and purposes of history?
• How has history been constructed and recorded over time?
• Why have approaches to history changed over time?

Apart from 'who are the historians' (which is probably the least significant of all the dot points), I haven't really seen any discussion upon these historiographical issues. These questions are what makes an essay a historiography essay and not a history essay. I need to see more analysis, more dissection. I need to see you rip into the historians, suggest their limitations, their failings, their successes - rather than just explaining the evidence they use to support their interpretation. If I wanted to know their interpretation, I'd just read their book (or a summary of their book on wikipedia). What I want is for your essay to provide me with a new experience! Unfortunately in this draft I didn't really feel it

Furthermore, in quite a few sections you make some very definitive statements, particularly in regards to "truth". One of the first things you go through in history extension is the notion (and really the implausibility) of objectivity and truth. Definitive statements like "he reveals the truth, etc. etc." are just not consistent with what the subject aims to convey. No interpretation is truth. If you are a relativist, you will suggest that some interpretations are more truthful, however still not the whole truth. If you are a postmodernist, you will assert that they are all equally untrue. I need to see this kinda stuff more throughout your essay.

I really think that looking at the concept of morality, and whether it can be a legitimate historiographical tool to view and judge the past would be fantastic- looking at the way in which Mao has been painted as a monster/tyrant/evil/villain. Furthermore, I think looking at the concept of race, and potentially how Western historians (many of whom would already have a negative interpretation of communism purely because of the culture they grew up in) have shaped interpretations through an 'orientalist' lens. That doesn't mean you need to present a sympathetic view of Mao Zedong, but I need more analysis of the interpretations, and why they have come to be. It isn't a matter of just "this historian assessed this evidence and came to this conclusion." There is just sooooo much more to history, and why historians construct certain narratives. But really, long story short, you just need way more analysis and links to historiographical concepts.

I really hope this hasn't discouraged you! I think you are more than capable of writing an absolutely fantastic essay bigsweetpotato2000 , your grasp on language is for the most part fantastic (that kinda stuff can really hold back an essay, but aside from maybe a few sentences your language is very sophisticated) and you clearly have done a lot of research on Mao Zedong, much of which (even though we need to cut out a lot of the "history") will not go to waste. Now that we have identified the problems, it's going to be so much easier fixing them - and with a month to go you have more than enough time!!

Good luck, if you need any help with anything please let me know!

Susie

Wow Susie you are so brutal and harsh I honestly love it! Thank you so so much! I'll get to work right away!

Bigsweetpotato Farm

#### sudodds

• HSC Lecturer
• Honorary Moderator
• Part of the furniture
• Posts: 1753
• "Seize the means of the HSC" ~ Vladimir Lenin
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #16 on: July 07, 2017, 11:18:21 pm »
Wow Susie you are so brutal and harsh I honestly love it! Thank you so so much! I'll get to work right away!

Bigsweetpotato Farm

I'm glad you appreciate it! The extension major work is so important, that I'd feel like I was cheating you if I sugar coated things. It's better to hear "harsh" criticism before you hand it in rather than after! Let me know if you need help with anything - I'm sure that in less than a month, you'll have produced a fantastic essay

Susie

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### Maraos

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 146
• Atar Notes = Productive procrastination.... right?
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #17 on: July 15, 2017, 01:39:18 am »
Hello!
I've started my major project essay and I'm planning on trying to finish a draft by Sunday. Before I go all out this weekend (staying up till 2 am like i am right now trying to finish this bloody essay that's driving me mad  ) it would be great if you could check to see if I'm going down the right track.
My synopsis is too long (should be 300 mine's like 413) so i gotta cut that. Its pretty rough at the moment however I just want to make sure I'm going down the right path.

Spoiler
Question: Critically analyse the historiographical implications of popular history

Case Study: An analysis of the Spartacus legend and the impact that popular culture may have on historical scholarship and the general public’s perception of historical truths.

Synopsis:
The 21st century and late 20th century has seen an influx of various forms of popular historical representations. Cinema, television and more recently video games have been crucial to the formation and wide dissemination of an historical consciousness of ancient history. These forms of popular histories have operated in tandem with, and more often than not in opposition to, the ancient historical records. For some, the cinema is the only form of exposure to history that they have experienced and thus their perceptions of the past are heavily based on what ‘Hollywood’ has decided to present as historical fact. Popular representations of historical events have not only been used as a method of entertainment, but they have also been utilized as a means of pushing the creator’s agenda on the audience. This has added even more layers, covering the historical objective truth behind a particular representation. The legend of Spartacus is one of the most prominent examples of the effects of popular history on historical scholarship and society. During my research I discovered a large amount of popular historical representations of the Spartacus legend. This discovery further developed the question of my essay, using Spartacus as a case study I decided to investigate the historiographical implications of popular history. This essay will focus primarily on the Spartacus legend however in-doing so I will also investigate the nature of popular history and its effects as a whole.

To address the question the essay I will begin with a general overview of the changing interpretations of the Spartacus legend, from antiquity to the modern popular interpretations. I will then go on to explain how popular culture can be used to explore the past. I will then discuss how popular culture reduces historical issues to basic, digestible narratives and how evidence is ‘cherry picked’ to make representations seem more entertaining and thus impacting historical truths. I will finish by exploring how popular culture can cloud our understanding through fictive elements and the creator’s agenda.

The content utilized in the essay includes a wide range of sources and material including; scholarly articles from online sources, academic books, films and television including the director interviews and film historian’s and websites. As with most academic assignments traditional sources (eg: academic books, scholarly articles) must be utilized as to maintain a high quality essay. The use of film and television material including information from directors and film historians is critical for my essay, due to the nature of my question (popular history).

Essay:
The Spartacus legend is perhaps one of the most prominent examples of the impact that popular history may have on historical events. The perception and portrayal of the historical figure of Spartacus has changed significantly over time. Historian’s attitudes towards the true character of Spartacus are often conflicting, over time the interpretations of Spartacus have evolved from the Ancient perspectives who portrayed Spartacus as a criminal and bandit. This image remained mostly unchallenged in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. However from the 1700s onwards, the depiction of Spartacus changed. To many moderns Spartacus has been an outright inspiration, as pointed out by Eckstein; “There is a compelling and tragic appeal about an armed rebellion of the utterly downtrodden, which aimed at freedom.” However, beyond historical scholarship, the Spartacus legend has been re-ignited through popular culture. As pointed out by Cornelius; “prior to Kubrick’s film and Kirk Douglas’ portrayal of the man, Spartacus was a figure known in historical-political circles but hardly prevalent as a zeitgeist in popular culture. The film altered this; as a result, Spartacus became a name that most members of the general public could identify.” Therefore through popular history the Spartacus legend has been kept alive, as further argued by Cornelius; “The historical figure enabled the creation of the fictional figure and, in return, the fictional personage of Spartacus has ensured the legacy of the historical person.” This raises the question of the impact that popular history may have on ‘historical truths’ and whether or not popular representations are slowly diminishing the quality of historical scholarship. Furthermore, one interesting result of this interdependency between history and fiction is the insistent nature of the Spartacan narrative to be utilised as more than just a vehicle of entertainment. The narrative is, in most cases, connected to larger social issues related to the time in which the fictional versions of the history have been created. As argued by Carr, this raises the question of whether or not the historian or content ‘creator’ can ‘divorce himself from the outlook and interests of his age.’

Thanks! And also thanks for the awesome ancient lecture on Tuesday it really helped
« Last Edit: July 15, 2017, 01:41:09 am by Maraos »
2016 HSC:
Mathematics
(1 down 6 to go... )

2017 HSC:
Physics
Extension 1 Mathematics
Design and Technology
Ancient History
History Extension

#### sudodds

• HSC Lecturer
• Honorary Moderator
• Part of the furniture
• Posts: 1753
• "Seize the means of the HSC" ~ Vladimir Lenin
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2017, 12:37:15 am »
Hello!
I've started my major project essay and I'm planning on trying to finish a draft by Sunday. Before I go all out this weekend (staying up till 2 am like i am right now trying to finish this bloody essay that's driving me mad  ) it would be great if you could check to see if I'm going down the right track.
My synopsis is too long (should be 300 mine's like 413) so i gotta cut that. Its pretty rough at the moment however I just want to make sure I'm going down the right path.

Thanks! And also thanks for the awesome ancient lecture on Tuesday it really helped

Hey Maraos!
Happy to have a look over everything (as this is really only your synopsis and intro, I'm not going to count this as an essay marked, so I'm not going to take 25 posts off your count ). My comments can be found in the spoiler below!
Spoiler
Question: Critically analyse the historiographical implications of popular history interesting! A super conceptual, I like it!

Case Study: An analysis of the Spartacus legend and the impact that popular culture may have on historical scholarship and the general public’s perception of historical truths.

Synopsis:
The 21st century and late 20th century in order to cut down words, you can just say "The 21st, and late 20th centuries..." has have seen an influx of various forms of popular historical representations. Cinema, television and more recently video games love the inclusion of video games here - people often forget them but they are becoming an ever crucial creative medium, particularly for history. have been crucial to the formation and wide dissemination of an historical consciousness of ancient history Just ancient history? I feel like all history has been widely impacted by popular history! Maybe, just to make it a tad clearer "dissemination of a historical consciousness of human history, in particular Antiquity.. These forms of popular histories have operated in tandem with, and more often than not in opposition to, the ancient historical records. For some, the cinema is the only form of their only exposure to history, that they have experienced and thus their perceptions of the past are heavily based on what ‘Hollywood’ has decided to present as historical fact. Popular representations of historical events have not only been used as a method of entertainment, but they have also been utilized as a means of pushing promoting the creator’s historical producers agenda on their audience. This has added even more layers further distorted, covering the historical objective truth behind a particular representation. The legend of Spartacus is one of the most prominent examples of the effects of popular history on historical scholarship and society. Great integration! During my research I discovered a large amount of popular historical representations of the Spartacus legend such as?. This discovery further developed the question of my essay Using Spartacus as a case study, I decided aim to investigate the historiographical implications of popular history. This essay will focus primarily on the Spartacus legend however in-doing so I will also investigate the nature of popular history and its effects as a whole.Last two sentences are a bit repetitive, you could probably cut out some words there!

To address the question the essayI will begin with a general overview of the changing interpretations of the Spartacus legend, from antiquity to the modern popular interpretations. I will then go on to explain how popular culture can be used to explore the past. I will then discuss how popular culture reduces historical issues to basic, digestible narratives and how evidence is ‘cherry picked’ to make representations seem more entertaining and thus impacting historical truths. I will finish conclude by exploring how popular culture can cloud our understanding through fictive elements and the creator’s agenda.

The content utilized in the essay includes a wide range of sources and material including; scholarly articles from online sources, academic books, films and television including the director interviews and film historian’s and websites. As with most academic assignments traditional sources (eg: academic books, scholarly articles) must be utilized as to maintain a high quality essay. The use of film and television material including information from directors and film historians is critical for my essay, due to the nature of my question (popular history).

Essay:
The Spartacus legend is perhaps one of the most prominent examples of the impact that popular history may have on historical events. I think your introductory sentence should just focus on the impact of popular history, then in your second sentence you can introduce Spartacus! The perception and portrayal of the historical figure of Spartacus has changed significantly over time. Historian’s attitudes towards the true character of Spartacus are often conflicting, over time the interpretations of Spartacus have evolved from the Ancient perspectives who portrayed Spartacus as a criminal and bandit The continued "Spartacus" "Spartacus" "Spartacus" reads a bit clunky - might sound super simple, but refering to "Spartacus" as "him" or "they" a few times may make this sentence a little bit easier to read.. This image remained mostly unchallenged in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. However from the 1700s onwards, the depiction of Spartacus changed. To many moderns moderns? Spartacus has been an outright inspiration outright inspiration is too colloquial., as pointed out by Eckstein; “There is a compelling and tragic appeal about an armed rebellion of the utterly downtrodden, which aimed at freedom.” However, beyond historical scholarship, the Spartacus legend has been re-ignited through popular culture. As pointed out by Cornelius Conrnelius who?; “prior to Kubrick’s film and Kirk Douglas’ portrayal of the man, Spartacus was a figure known in historical-political circles but hardly prevalent as a zeitgeist in popular culture. The film altered this; as a result, Spartacus became a name that most members of the general public could identify.” Therefore through popular history the Spartacus legend has been kept alive, as further argued by Cornelius; “The historical figure enabled the creation of the fictional figure and, in return, the fictional personage of Spartacus has ensured the legacy of the historical person.” This raises the question of the impact that popular history may have on ‘historical truths’ and whether or not popular representations are slowly diminishing the quality of historical scholarship oooooo nice!. Furthermore, an interesting result of this interdependency between history and fiction is the insistent nature of the Spartacan narrative to be utilised as more than just a vehicle of entertainment. The narrative is, in most cases, connected to larger social issues related to the context in which the fictional versions of the history have been created. As argued by Carr, this raises the question a bit repetitive - you used the same phrase a few sentences ago of whether or not the historian or content ‘creator’ can ‘divorce himself from the outlook and interests of his age.’

Great work Maraos! Definitely think you're on the right track, and is looking a lot better than what you suggested you were intending to write a while back! Not much for me, just go through my comments in the spoiler and that should cover everything that I was thinking while reading your response Only piece of general feedback would be to be a bit more careful with language and sentence structure. It was by no means bad, however as this is your major work, you want to make sure that every word you use is well thought out and considered, and there were a few moments where I believe you could boost up the sophistication of you language a bit

But overall, fantastic work! It was so lovely to meet both you and Katie on Tuesday, I'm so glad you enjoyed the lecture, and felt like you got something out of it I had a lot of fun delivering it!

Susie

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### Maraos

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 146
• Atar Notes = Productive procrastination.... right?
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2017, 01:04:54 am »
Hey Maraos!
Happy to have a look over everything (as this is really only your synopsis and intro, I'm not going to count this as an essay marked, so I'm not going to take 25 posts off your count ). My comments can be found in the spoiler below!
Spoiler
Question: Critically analyse the historiographical implications of popular history interesting! A super conceptual, I like it!

Case Study: An analysis of the Spartacus legend and the impact that popular culture may have on historical scholarship and the general public’s perception of historical truths.

Synopsis:
The 21st century and late 20th century in order to cut down words, you can just say "The 21st, and late 20th centuries..." has have seen an influx of various forms of popular historical representations. Cinema, television and more recently video games love the inclusion of video games here - people often forget them but they are becoming an ever crucial creative medium, particularly for history. have been crucial to the formation and wide dissemination of an historical consciousness of ancient history Just ancient history? I feel like all history has been widely impacted by popular history! Maybe, just to make it a tad clearer "dissemination of a historical consciousness of human history, in particular Antiquity.. These forms of popular histories have operated in tandem with, and more often than not in opposition to, the ancient historical records. For some, the cinema is the only form of their only exposure to history, that they have experienced and thus their perceptions of the past are heavily based on what ‘Hollywood’ has decided to present as historical fact. Popular representations of historical events have not only been used as a method of entertainment, but they have also been utilized as a means of pushing promoting the creator’s historical producers agenda on their audience. This has added even more layers further distorted, covering the historical objective truth behind a particular representation. The legend of Spartacus is one of the most prominent examples of the effects of popular history on historical scholarship and society. Great integration! During my research I discovered a large amount of popular historical representations of the Spartacus legend such as?. This discovery further developed the question of my essay Using Spartacus as a case study, I decided aim to investigate the historiographical implications of popular history. This essay will focus primarily on the Spartacus legend however in-doing so I will also investigate the nature of popular history and its effects as a whole.Last two sentences are a bit repetitive, you could probably cut out some words there!

To address the question the essayI will begin with a general overview of the changing interpretations of the Spartacus legend, from antiquity to the modern popular interpretations. I will then go on to explain how popular culture can be used to explore the past. I will then discuss how popular culture reduces historical issues to basic, digestible narratives and how evidence is ‘cherry picked’ to make representations seem more entertaining and thus impacting historical truths. I will finish conclude by exploring how popular culture can cloud our understanding through fictive elements and the creator’s agenda.

The content utilized in the essay includes a wide range of sources and material including; scholarly articles from online sources, academic books, films and television including the director interviews and film historian’s and websites. As with most academic assignments traditional sources (eg: academic books, scholarly articles) must be utilized as to maintain a high quality essay. The use of film and television material including information from directors and film historians is critical for my essay, due to the nature of my question (popular history).

Essay:
The Spartacus legend is perhaps one of the most prominent examples of the impact that popular history may have on historical events. I think your introductory sentence should just focus on the impact of popular history, then in your second sentence you can introduce Spartacus! The perception and portrayal of the historical figure of Spartacus has changed significantly over time. Historian’s attitudes towards the true character of Spartacus are often conflicting, over time the interpretations of Spartacus have evolved from the Ancient perspectives who portrayed Spartacus as a criminal and bandit The continued "Spartacus" "Spartacus" "Spartacus" reads a bit clunky - might sound super simple, but refering to "Spartacus" as "him" or "they" a few times may make this sentence a little bit easier to read.. This image remained mostly unchallenged in the Middle Ages and Renaissance. However from the 1700s onwards, the depiction of Spartacus changed. To many moderns moderns? Spartacus has been an outright inspiration outright inspiration is too colloquial., as pointed out by Eckstein; “There is a compelling and tragic appeal about an armed rebellion of the utterly downtrodden, which aimed at freedom.” However, beyond historical scholarship, the Spartacus legend has been re-ignited through popular culture. As pointed out by Cornelius Conrnelius who?; “prior to Kubrick’s film and Kirk Douglas’ portrayal of the man, Spartacus was a figure known in historical-political circles but hardly prevalent as a zeitgeist in popular culture. The film altered this; as a result, Spartacus became a name that most members of the general public could identify.” Therefore through popular history the Spartacus legend has been kept alive, as further argued by Cornelius; “The historical figure enabled the creation of the fictional figure and, in return, the fictional personage of Spartacus has ensured the legacy of the historical person.” This raises the question of the impact that popular history may have on ‘historical truths’ and whether or not popular representations are slowly diminishing the quality of historical scholarship oooooo nice!. Furthermore, an interesting result of this interdependency between history and fiction is the insistent nature of the Spartacan narrative to be utilised as more than just a vehicle of entertainment. The narrative is, in most cases, connected to larger social issues related to the context in which the fictional versions of the history have been created. As argued by Carr, this raises the question a bit repetitive - you used the same phrase a few sentences ago of whether or not the historian or content ‘creator’ can ‘divorce himself from the outlook and interests of his age.’

Great work Maraos! Definitely think you're on the right track, and is looking a lot better than what you suggested you were intending to write a while back! Not much for me, just go through my comments in the spoiler and that should cover everything that I was thinking while reading your response Only piece of general feedback would be to be a bit more careful with language and sentence structure. It was by no means bad, however as this is your major work, you want to make sure that every word you use is well thought out and considered, and there were a few moments where I believe you could boost up the sophistication of you language a bit

But overall, fantastic work! It was so lovely to meet both you and Katie on Tuesday, I'm so glad you enjoyed the lecture, and felt like you got something out of it I had a lot of fun delivering it!

Susie
Thanks so much for the feedback (and for not counting towards my posts haha ).
And yeah i completely agree, it is a bit clunky atm, I'll defs improve my vocab and structure.

Thanks again! I'll be sure to post the final essay draft once I'm done
2016 HSC:
Mathematics
(1 down 6 to go... )

2017 HSC:
Physics
Extension 1 Mathematics
Design and Technology
Ancient History
History Extension

#### sudodds

• HSC Lecturer
• Honorary Moderator
• Part of the furniture
• Posts: 1753
• "Seize the means of the HSC" ~ Vladimir Lenin
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2017, 11:28:37 am »
Thanks so much for the feedback (and for not counting towards my posts haha ).
And yeah i completely agree, it is a bit clunky atm, I'll defs improve my vocab and structure.

Thanks again! I'll be sure to post the final essay draft once I'm done

No worries! And yes! Would love to see the final essay draft, whenever you're ready

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### olr1999

• Trailblazer
• Posts: 44
• School: Trinity Anglican College
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #21 on: July 17, 2017, 01:00:06 pm »
Hey! It would be amazing if you could give me some comments on my major work essay!
Thank you so much in advance

#### sudodds

• HSC Lecturer
• Honorary Moderator
• Part of the furniture
• Posts: 1753
• "Seize the means of the HSC" ~ Vladimir Lenin
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #22 on: July 18, 2017, 08:07:26 pm »
Hey! It would be amazing if you could give me some comments on my major work essay!
Thank you so much in advance
Hey olr1999!
So keen to read through your essay, however you need a few more posts before I can do that! You may have missed it, but due to the increase in forum activity, so we can keep up we had to increase the post spend to 25 posts for an essay mark. You're super close, once you've reached 40 posts you'll qualify - once you've done that, nudge me and I'll get to marking your response ASAP!

Susie

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### bigsweetpotato2000

• Forum Regular
• Posts: 67
• There shall be no boundaries to human endeavour-SH
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #23 on: July 19, 2017, 01:27:45 am »
Helloo

Mind if you can challenge my word dump again? I hope it got better in terms of Ext history essay approach wise - the words are still mumble jumble because I want to get the style of writing correct first
And you were right - I rewrote my whole essay but I think in the beginning I was slowly working towards writing it in that approach so it's still a bit...****. (You can fill in the gaps )
AND I have one week left exactly - I'm kind of screwed.

Thanks Susie! So much appreciation for you

Spoiler
Throughout the decades of historical examination and analysis on numerous personalities of the past, Communist figure Mao Zedong continues to be a character of two contradictory perspectives. Numerous debates surrounded the character of a man who saw beyond the prominent ideals of democracy and capitalism that had risen during the Cold War period, yet were counteracted with the slaughtering imagery of a tyrant who found pride and joy in his maniacal elimination of human lives.  The Maoist period during the 20th century was the only time where terror and corruption co-existed with economical advancement, a frightening yet promising combination for the Chinese. The brutality suffered by the Chinese have led to countless paintings of the Chairman as a ruthless murder, these conclusions drawn from the focus on the price the civilians unwillingly paid with their lives for the nation. However, the ideology that such tyranny serving as sacrifices for the greater good in recent historical analysis is becoming increasingly more accepted, as historians have stepped away from painting the western understanding on the implications on the East. Yet despite this debate surrounding the actions and activities which shape one’s understanding of Chairman Mao’s character being an inconclusive argument, historians are able to come together and recognize in the words of Historian Jonathan Spence ‘Mao’s beginnings were commonplace, his education episodic, his talents unexceptional; yet he possessed a relentless energy and a ruthless self confidence that led him to become one of the world’s most powerful rulers.’. Thus historians take into consideration what they perceive held more significance, the overwhelming ambition for a country’s rapid succession or the importance of the lives who uphold the country itself to position themselves into the two sides of this controversy.

The legacy of Mao Zedong is shaped by the interpretation of his achievements and contributions to his country, for these understandings arise when historians’ ethical considerations prioritize what actions were implemented, rather than what the personality reflects. Stuart R Schram, an American Mao Scholar states that his views are shaped only by the accomplishments that advanced the contemporary nation, as ‘his virtues and vices, whether public or private, will be touched on only to the extent that they affected what he was able to achieve’ (Schram, 1994), this teleological understanding recognizing the importance for such modernization to be obtained in China. Thus Mao’s recognition of the need for radical reform in China since his early years established his attainment of an   advanced understanding of the requirements for a struggling country to evolve in the 20th century, which allowed Schram to recognize Chairman Mao as a great leader who would be remembered for his efforts to improve China. By approaching Mao Zedong from Schram’s political prioritizing point of view, one gains understanding that his purpose and goals which were indeed, for the greater good for China as the nation faced constant suppression from Western superiority. Schram asserts that Mao’s work provided ‘a very substantial industrial and scientific base’ for the growing nation at the contemporary time, which allows Schram to characterize the Chairman as a modernizing despot alongside Stalin. Despite his methods wrecking countless lives of the innocent, his achievements such as securing their global market for economical exports allow Schram to outweigh such sacrifices.   As a political scientist that prioritized the nation’s growth over its people, Schram recognizes that ‘by shaking p the ancient patriarchal, stratified world of China, Mao opened the way for the emergence of new ideas and institutions.’ Thus Schram applauds Mao’s recognition of the beneficial relationships with other countries and escape from being a ‘self-contained kingdom’, as such isolation would never give rise to extreme success; another accomplishment which allows Schram to reinforce  Mao Zedong’s image as a reformer. Despite the attacks on Mao Zedong’s progressive deterioration of legal human rights of expression and freedoms in the Chinese society during his rule, Schram through his understanding of Mao through Mao’s own texts only recognizes that such acts had potentially reflected the intended truth of Chairman Mao’s goals. He argues that the government’s response to the rebellious acts of rising confrontation through such immoral acts were the only solution to resolve the increasing foreign aggression placed on China at that period of time, ‘a successful modernizing despot’. Thus historian Tim Stanley affirms the necessity of the communist leader’s suppression as ‘Mao’s greatest fear was that his country would succumb to the bureaucratic style of socialism practiced in the Soviet Union’ (Stanley, 2012) highlights Schram’s belief that the Chairman’s priority was his country’s economical and political stance in the global environment. Yet whilst numerous historians turn to the ideology of Chairman Mao being the vigorous force who brought incredible destruction to his country, Schram’s recognition allows clarification of his perspective that Chairman Mao was a idealistic reformer, a thesis formed through his defined prioritization of the political agendas and the success of Mao’s liberating acts implemented in China during the Post War period. Therefore Schram’s viewpoint that Mao’s ‘merits outweighed his faults’ sheds lights on Chairman Mao’s legacy as a skillful reformer, however such a political view and Schram’s fascination with Mao Zedong’s character leads to a sense of biasness and a narrow interpretation, hindering the validity of such a perception.

Shared and subjective notions of ethic and morality have often been utilized to shroud interpretations of Mao Zedong, as his potentially positive contributions are clouded by the perceived terror of his regime. Historians such as Jonathan Spence present their subjective view of Chairman Mao as a tyrannical leader who acted without remorse through their interpretations of the primary recounts of suffering from the people. This verification can be denoted in Spence’s understanding that ‘him (attempting) to push in a more radical direction so as to prevent stagnation’ (Spence, 1982) becomes a confirmation of the immoral Maoist acts that brought astonishing death rates during the contemporary period. Furthermore, Spence’s detailed analysis of his extensive range of sources brings to attention his focus on the terrors suffered in 20th century China, highlighting his affirmation of the cruel suppression of the government to those opposing such implemented political agenda. His documentation of 20th century Chinese author Ding Ling showcases his ‘scrupulous attention’ to the ‘solid and sedulous readings’ his work is created upon. The explicit detail of the cruel psychological and physical abuse on intellectuals such as Ding Ling who voiced self opinionated reasoning in Spence’s book clarifies his conviction of Chairman Mao’s tyrannical leadership, as he states that she ‘called on the Fourth National’s people’s congress… to restore some levels of socialist democratic rights’. Yet a voice that called for equality and justice was met with inhumane ideals that brought ‘struggle sessions’, a horrific suppression of individuals as Spence reinforces the Maoist acts that implemented ‘mental strain and physical abuse’ with the intention of reeducating. Dr Katherine Reist too, agrees with Spence’s careful consolidation of Mao’s power as she identifies ‘‘Mao, removed from much of the turmoil he created, willingly paid that price. The Chinese people are still reckoning the cost.’ (Reist, 2000) finding a certain extent of validity in Spence’s work through his exploration of extensive sources. Whilst the Red Guards continue to label their deeds as courageous acts benefitting the new world, Spence highlights the transition of the common enemy character from the Japanese to each other, reinforcing the perspective of Mao Zedong as a totalitarian who manipulated the nation to his liking for his beliefs. Despite Spence’s acknowledgement of the cultural, social and political ‘uniqueness’ on a balanced viewpoint, Chairman Mao’s achievements continue to be unappreciated as his immoral ethnics undermine the humane right of freedom of speech. Finally, as Spence’s interpretation is validated in the words of Mao Zedong as the policies of the Cultural Revolution were aimed to ‘definitely destroy feudal, bourgeois, petty-bourgeois, liberalist, individualist, nihilist’ (McDougall, 1980), the idea of individualist aligning with the feudal allows correspondence of Chairman Mao with the image of a brutal enforcer and so, further establishes his tyranny.

However the political agendas of Mao Zedong despite the painted tyrannical ideologies expressed the intellectual understanding of the Chairman

Communist leader Mao Zedong has carried numerous different understandings of his character and his legacy over the decades. In the words of Tim Stanley, ‘there was a big gulf between the theoretical Maoism and Maoism in practice (of Mao Zedong)’. Whilst most recognize him as the tyrant whose machinations brought death to civilians, some choose to look beyond his social and cultural impacts on the Chinese civilians and understand his policies targeted the economical and political advancement. Chang and Halliday along with Spence all aimed to present the Chinese understanding and perspective of Mao Zedong as a tyrannical leader who held no ethical values. In contrast, Schram and Deshpande look beyond the surface infiltrated by stories of the sufferings and acknowledge Mao Zedong on his ability to achieve political and economical advancement. However, Chairman Mao’s controversial character cannot be with reformer or tyrant, but both. Once considering Mao’s words ‘the struggle to consolidate the socialist system…will take a long historical period’ (Mao, 1957) realization that without such suffering China would not have arrived at its current stage arises. Yet such recognition of Mao Zedong’s character can only be developed once aligned with self valued morals and ethics and when examined at the particular period of time. Understanding of this controversial figure is only clear when one recognizes the unavoidable ramifications of every action. Thus whilst Mao Zedong the tyrant, paid with his people’s lives the cost for China’s ultimate power, Mao Zedong the reformer would not have succeeded in modernizing China if such sacrifice was not made.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2017, 01:34:08 am by bigsweetpotato2000 »

#### sudodds

• HSC Lecturer
• Honorary Moderator
• Part of the furniture
• Posts: 1753
• "Seize the means of the HSC" ~ Vladimir Lenin
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2017, 12:08:12 am »
Helloo

Mind if you can challenge my word dump again? I hope it got better in terms of Ext history essay approach wise - the words are still mumble jumble because I want to get the style of writing correct first
And you were right - I rewrote my whole essay but I think in the beginning I was slowly working towards writing it in that approach so it's still a bit...****. (You can fill in the gaps )
AND I have one week left exactly - I'm kind of screwed.

Thanks Susie! So much appreciation for you
Don't mind if I do! It definitely is very tricky, so don't lose faith if you're finding it hard - it is hard. It's history extension

My comments can be found in bold within the spoiler

Spoiler
Throughout the decades of historical examination and analysis on numerous personalities of the past, Communist figure Mao Zedong in particular continues to be a character of two contradictory perspectives. Nice! Numerous debates surrounded the character of a man who either saw beyond the prominent ideals of democracy and capitalism that had risen during the Cold War period hmmm they were around a long time before the Cold War!, yet were counteracted with the slaughtering imagery of a tyrant who supposedly found pride and joy in his maniacal elimination of human lives. The Maoist period during the 20th century was the only time where terror and corruption co-existed with economical advancement, a frightening yet promising combination for the Chinese I like how you have emphasised this juxtaposition. The brutality suffered by the Chinese have led to countless paintings of the Chairman as a ruthless murder, these conclusions drawn from the focus on the price the civilians unwillingly paid with their lives for the nation. However, the ideology that such tyranny serving as sacrifices for the greater good in recent historical analysis is becoming increasingly more accepted, as historians have stepped away from painting the western understanding on the implications on the East I love this as a discussion, but sentence is a bit messy and confusing. Yet despite this debate surrounding the actions and activities which shape one’s understanding of Chairman Mao’s character being an inconclusive argument, historians are able to come together and recognize in the words of Historian Jonathan Spence ‘Mao’s beginnings were commonplace, his education episodic, his talents unexceptional; yet he possessed a relentless energy and a ruthless self confidence that led him to become one of the world’s most powerful rulers.’. Thus historians take into consideration what they perceive held more significance, the overwhelming ambition for a country’s rapid succession or the importance of the lives who uphold the country itself to position themselves into the two sides of this controversy. Why do they perceive certain things to be more significant though? I'm hoping that comes through in your essay. However a MUCH stronger intro already bigsweetpotato well done!

The legacy of Mao Zedong is shaped by the interpretation of his achievements and contributions to his country, for these understandings arise when historians’ ethical considerations prioritize what actions were implemented, rather than what the personality reflects A bit confused what you mean here?. Stuart R Schram, an American Mao Scholar states that his views are shaped only by the accomplishments that advanced the contemporary nation, as ‘his virtues and vices, whether public or private, will be touched on only to the extent that they affected what he was able to achieve’ (Schram, 1994), this teleological yisssss  understanding recognizing the importance for such modernization to be obtained in China link it back to the actual concept of teleological history as well - Schram's teleological perspective is shaped by his belief in progress, and moving forward. Thus Mao’s recognition of the need for radical reform in China since his early years established his attainment of an  advanced understanding of the requirements for a struggling country to evolve in the 20th century, which allowed Schram to recognize Chairman Mao as a great leader who would be remembered for his efforts to improve China. By approaching Mao Zedong from Schram’s political prioritizing "political prioritizing" sounds weird point of view, one gains understanding that his purpose and goals which were indeed according to________, for the greater good for China, as the nation faced constant suppression from Western superiority they didn't face suppression from Western superiority, more so the West's belief in their superiority!. Schram asserts that Mao’s work provided ‘a very substantial industrial and scientific base’ for the growing nation at the contemporary time, which allows Schram to characterize the Chairman as a modernizing despot alongside Stalin. Despite his methods wrecking wrecking is too colloquial countless lives of the innocent innocent lives, his achievements such as securing their global market for economical exports allow Schram to outweigh such sacrifices. As a political scientist that prioritized the nation’s growth over its people, Schram recognizes that ‘by shaking up the ancient patriarchal, stratified world of China, Mao opened the way for the emergence of new ideas and institutions.’ Thus Schram applauds Mao’s recognition of the beneficial relationships with other countries and escape from being a ‘self-contained kingdom’, as such isolation would never give rise to extreme success; another accomplishment which allows Schram to reinforce Mao Zedong’s image as a reformer. Just a question is Schram a communist/communist sympathiser? Just because marxist ideology focuses on this idea of the collective good, which may be another reason why he presents this sympathetic view of Mao, because he believes he was doing a collective good for society, even if individuals at the time were negatively impacted.Despite the attacks on Mao Zedong’s progressive deterioration of legal human rights of expression and freedoms in the Chinese society during his rule, Schram through his understanding of Mao through Mao’s own texts only recognizes that such acts had potentially reflected the intended truth of Chairman Mao’s goals. He argues that the government’s response to the rebellious acts of rising confrontation through such immoral acts were the only solution to resolve the increasing foreign aggression placed on China at that period of time, ‘a successful modernizing despot’ whats the purpose of this quote?. Thus historian Tim Stanley affirms the necessity of the communist leader’s suppression as ‘Mao’s greatest fear was that his country would succumb to the bureaucratic style of socialism practiced in the Soviet Union’ (Stanley, 2012) highlights Schram’s belief that the Chairman’s priority was his country’s economical and political stance in the global environment. Yet whilst numerous historians turn to the ideology of Chairman Mao being the vigorous force who brought incredible destruction to his country, Schram’s recognition allows clarification of his perspective that Chairman Mao was a idealistic reformer, a thesis formed through his defined prioritization of the political agendas and the success of Mao’s liberating acts implemented in China during the Post War period. Therefore Schram’s viewpoint that Mao’s ‘merits outweighed his faults’ sheds lights on Chairman Mao’s legacy as a skillful reformer, however such a political view and Schram’s fascination with Mao Zedong’s character leads to a sense of biasness I think I said this in the last one - really not a fan of this word, particularly in this context, as it suggests that other sources aren't biased. ALL sources are biased, no matter what their perspective. and a narrow interpretation, hindering the validity of such a perception. SOOOO much better bigsweetpotato1 Like - so much better. There is way more of a focus on historiography here Yayayaya

Shared and subjective notions of ethic and morality have often been utilized to shroud interpretations of Mao Zedong, as his potentially positive contributions are clouded by the perceived terror of his regime. Historians such as Jonathan Spence present their subjective view of Chairman Mao as a tyrannical leader who acted without remorse through their interpretations of the primary recounts of suffering from the people. This verification can be denoted in Spence’s understanding that ‘him (attempting) to push in a more radical direction so as to prevent stagnation’ (Spence, 1982) becomes a confirmation of the immoral Maoist acts that brought astonishing death rates during the contemporary period. Furthermore, Spence’s detailed analysis of his extensive range of sources brings to attention his focus on the terrors suffered in 20th century China, highlighting his affirmation of the cruel suppression of the government to those opposing such implemented political agenda. His documentation of 20th century Chinese author Ding Ling showcases his ‘scrupulous attention’ to the ‘solid and sedulous readings’ his work is created upon. The explicit detail of the cruel psychological and physical abuse on intellectuals such as Ding Ling who voiced self opinionated reasoning in Spence’s book clarifies his conviction of Chairman Mao’s tyrannical leadership, as he states that she ‘called on the Fourth National’s people’s congress… to restore some levels of socialist democratic rights’. Yet a voice that called for equality and justice was met with inhumane ideals that brought ‘struggle sessions’, a horrific suppression of individuals as Spence reinforces the Maoist acts that implemented ‘mental strain and physical abuse’ with the intention of reeducating. Dr Katherine Reist too, agrees with Spence’s careful consolidation of Mao’s power as she identifies ‘‘Mao, removed from much of the turmoil he created, willingly paid that price. The Chinese people are still reckoning the cost.’ (Reist, 2000) finding a certain extent of validity in Spence’s work through his exploration of extensive sources. Whilst the Red Guards continue to label their deeds as courageous acts benefitting the new world, Spence highlights the transition of the common enemy character from the Japanese to each other, reinforcing the perspective of Mao Zedong as a totalitarian who manipulated the nation to his liking for his beliefs. Despite Spence’s acknowledgement of the cultural, social and political ‘uniqueness’ on a balanced viewpoint, Chairman Mao’s achievements continue to be unappreciated great discussion of limitations!as his immoral ethnics undermine the humane right of freedom of speech. Finally, as Spence’s interpretation is validated in the words of Mao Zedong as the policies of the Cultural Revolution were aimed to ‘definitely destroy feudal, bourgeois, petty-bourgeois, liberalist, individualist, nihilist’ (McDougall, 1980), the idea of individualist aligning with the feudal allows correspondence of Chairman Mao with the image of a brutal enforcer and so, further establishes his tyranny. Again, so much better! However, in both paragraphs, I'd like a bit more of a discussion on the actual historians contexts, and how that impacts upon their interpretations. I think a discussion upon the subjectiveness of morality as a concept would be good as well here - is morality a valid argument, if it is inherently not objective? (though personally I don't think any history is objective lol)

Communist leader Mao Zedong has carried numerous different understandings of his character and his legacy over the decades. In the words of Tim Stanley, ‘there was a big gulf between the theoretical Maoism and Maoism in practice (of Mao Zedong)’ Nice!. Whilst most recognize him as the tyrant whose machinations brought death to civilians, some choose to look beyond his social and cultural impacts on the Chinese civilians and understand his policies targeted the economical and political advancement. Chang and Halliday along with Spence all aimed to present the Chinese understanding and perspective of Mao Zedong as a tyrannical leader who held no ethical values. In contrast, Schram and Deshpande look beyond the surface infiltrated by stories of the sufferings and acknowledge Mao Zedong on his ability to achieve political and economical advancement. However, Chairman Mao’s controversial character cannot be with reformer or tyrant, but both. Once considering Mao’s words ‘the struggle to consolidate the socialist system…will take a long historical period’ (Mao, 1957) realization that without such suffering China would not have arrived at its current stage arises. Yet such recognition of Mao Zedong’s character can only be developed once aligned with self valued morals and ethics and when examined at the particular period of time. Understanding of this controversial figure is only clear when one recognizes the unavoidable ramifications of every action. Thus whilst Mao Zedong the tyrant, paid with his people’s lives the cost for China’s ultimate power, Mao Zedong the reformer would not have succeeded in modernizing China if such sacrifice was not made.

Okay!!
Sosoosososososososososo so much better bigsweetpotato2000! This has significantly improved since last time, and is way more historiographical! I love how you are really delving into the limitations of these historians as well, rather than just discussing their interpretations.

1) I'd like potentially a bit more of a discussion upon some of the historiographical issues that you raised outside of Mao Zedong, so just, in a general sense, why is the context of the historian important, how is utilising morality as a historiographical tool effective/ineffective, etc. etc. Integrating historiographers that aren't necessarily focusing on Mao throughout (eg. EH Carr). That way you can show that you understand these historiographical theories, and how they apply to different historical issues.

2) Language and expression - I know you said that your word choices were a bit off, so I'm not too concerned, as you seem to be aware of this problem, but I thought I should raise it anyway. There are some sentences that don't really make sense, and that is limiting the effectiveness of your analysis.

But overall, such a massive improvement since last time! I'm super proud of you, this really is shaping up to be an excellent major work. I don't think you are "screwed" at all - this is already great, and you've still got a week to make it even better!

Great work,

Susie

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### bigsweetpotato2000

• Forum Regular
• Posts: 67
• There shall be no boundaries to human endeavour-SH
##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #25 on: July 20, 2017, 12:24:50 am »
Don't mind if I do! It definitely is very tricky, so don't lose faith if you're finding it hard - it is hard. It's history extension

My comments can be found in bold within the spoiler

Spoiler
Throughout the decades of historical examination and analysis on numerous personalities of the past, Communist figure Mao Zedong in particular continues to be a character of two contradictory perspectives. Nice! Numerous debates surrounded the character of a man who either saw beyond the prominent ideals of democracy and capitalism that had risen during the Cold War period hmmm they were around a long time before the Cold War!, yet were counteracted with the slaughtering imagery of a tyrant who supposedly found pride and joy in his maniacal elimination of human lives. The Maoist period during the 20th century was the only time where terror and corruption co-existed with economical advancement, a frightening yet promising combination for the Chinese I like how you have emphasised this juxtaposition. The brutality suffered by the Chinese have led to countless paintings of the Chairman as a ruthless murder, these conclusions drawn from the focus on the price the civilians unwillingly paid with their lives for the nation. However, the ideology that such tyranny serving as sacrifices for the greater good in recent historical analysis is becoming increasingly more accepted, as historians have stepped away from painting the western understanding on the implications on the East I love this as a discussion, but sentence is a bit messy and confusing. Yet despite this debate surrounding the actions and activities which shape one’s understanding of Chairman Mao’s character being an inconclusive argument, historians are able to come together and recognize in the words of Historian Jonathan Spence ‘Mao’s beginnings were commonplace, his education episodic, his talents unexceptional; yet he possessed a relentless energy and a ruthless self confidence that led him to become one of the world’s most powerful rulers.’. Thus historians take into consideration what they perceive held more significance, the overwhelming ambition for a country’s rapid succession or the importance of the lives who uphold the country itself to position themselves into the two sides of this controversy. Why do they perceive certain things to be more significant though? I'm hoping that comes through in your essay. However a MUCH stronger intro already bigsweetpotato well done!

The legacy of Mao Zedong is shaped by the interpretation of his achievements and contributions to his country, for these understandings arise when historians’ ethical considerations prioritize what actions were implemented, rather than what the personality reflects A bit confused what you mean here?. Stuart R Schram, an American Mao Scholar states that his views are shaped only by the accomplishments that advanced the contemporary nation, as ‘his virtues and vices, whether public or private, will be touched on only to the extent that they affected what he was able to achieve’ (Schram, 1994), this teleological yisssss  understanding recognizing the importance for such modernization to be obtained in China link it back to the actual concept of teleological history as well - Schram's teleological perspective is shaped by his belief in progress, and moving forward. Thus Mao’s recognition of the need for radical reform in China since his early years established his attainment of an  advanced understanding of the requirements for a struggling country to evolve in the 20th century, which allowed Schram to recognize Chairman Mao as a great leader who would be remembered for his efforts to improve China. By approaching Mao Zedong from Schram’s political prioritizing "political prioritizing" sounds weird point of view, one gains understanding that his purpose and goals which were indeed according to________, for the greater good for China, as the nation faced constant suppression from Western superiority they didn't face suppression from Western superiority, more so the West's belief in their superiority!. Schram asserts that Mao’s work provided ‘a very substantial industrial and scientific base’ for the growing nation at the contemporary time, which allows Schram to characterize the Chairman as a modernizing despot alongside Stalin. Despite his methods wrecking wrecking is too colloquial countless lives of the innocent innocent lives, his achievements such as securing their global market for economical exports allow Schram to outweigh such sacrifices. As a political scientist that prioritized the nation’s growth over its people, Schram recognizes that ‘by shaking up the ancient patriarchal, stratified world of China, Mao opened the way for the emergence of new ideas and institutions.’ Thus Schram applauds Mao’s recognition of the beneficial relationships with other countries and escape from being a ‘self-contained kingdom’, as such isolation would never give rise to extreme success; another accomplishment which allows Schram to reinforce Mao Zedong’s image as a reformer. Just a question is Schram a communist/communist sympathiser? Just because marxist ideology focuses on this idea of the collective good, which may be another reason why he presents this sympathetic view of Mao, because he believes he was doing a collective good for society, even if individuals at the time were negatively impacted.Despite the attacks on Mao Zedong’s progressive deterioration of legal human rights of expression and freedoms in the Chinese society during his rule, Schram through his understanding of Mao through Mao’s own texts only recognizes that such acts had potentially reflected the intended truth of Chairman Mao’s goals. He argues that the government’s response to the rebellious acts of rising confrontation through such immoral acts were the only solution to resolve the increasing foreign aggression placed on China at that period of time, ‘a successful modernizing despot’ whats the purpose of this quote?. Thus historian Tim Stanley affirms the necessity of the communist leader’s suppression as ‘Mao’s greatest fear was that his country would succumb to the bureaucratic style of socialism practiced in the Soviet Union’ (Stanley, 2012) highlights Schram’s belief that the Chairman’s priority was his country’s economical and political stance in the global environment. Yet whilst numerous historians turn to the ideology of Chairman Mao being the vigorous force who brought incredible destruction to his country, Schram’s recognition allows clarification of his perspective that Chairman Mao was a idealistic reformer, a thesis formed through his defined prioritization of the political agendas and the success of Mao’s liberating acts implemented in China during the Post War period. Therefore Schram’s viewpoint that Mao’s ‘merits outweighed his faults’ sheds lights on Chairman Mao’s legacy as a skillful reformer, however such a political view and Schram’s fascination with Mao Zedong’s character leads to a sense of biasness I think I said this in the last one - really not a fan of this word, particularly in this context, as it suggests that other sources aren't biased. ALL sources are biased, no matter what their perspective. and a narrow interpretation, hindering the validity of such a perception. SOOOO much better bigsweetpotato1 Like - so much better. There is way more of a focus on historiography here Yayayaya

Shared and subjective notions of ethic and morality have often been utilized to shroud interpretations of Mao Zedong, as his potentially positive contributions are clouded by the perceived terror of his regime. Historians such as Jonathan Spence present their subjective view of Chairman Mao as a tyrannical leader who acted without remorse through their interpretations of the primary recounts of suffering from the people. This verification can be denoted in Spence’s understanding that ‘him (attempting) to push in a more radical direction so as to prevent stagnation’ (Spence, 1982) becomes a confirmation of the immoral Maoist acts that brought astonishing death rates during the contemporary period. Furthermore, Spence’s detailed analysis of his extensive range of sources brings to attention his focus on the terrors suffered in 20th century China, highlighting his affirmation of the cruel suppression of the government to those opposing such implemented political agenda. His documentation of 20th century Chinese author Ding Ling showcases his ‘scrupulous attention’ to the ‘solid and sedulous readings’ his work is created upon. The explicit detail of the cruel psychological and physical abuse on intellectuals such as Ding Ling who voiced self opinionated reasoning in Spence’s book clarifies his conviction of Chairman Mao’s tyrannical leadership, as he states that she ‘called on the Fourth National’s people’s congress… to restore some levels of socialist democratic rights’.` Yet a voice that called for equality and justice was met with inhumane ideals that brought ‘struggle sessions’, a horrific suppression of individuals as Spence reinforces the Maoist acts that implemented ‘mental strain and physical abuse’ with the intention of reeducating. Dr Katherine Reist too, agrees with Spence’s careful consolidation of Mao’s power as she identifies ‘‘Mao, removed from much of the turmoil he created, willingly paid that price. The Chinese people are still reckoning the cost.’ (Reist, 2000) finding a certain extent of validity in Spence’s work through his exploration of extensive sources. Whilst the Red Guards continue to label their deeds as courageous acts benefitting the new world, Spence highlights the transition of the common enemy character from the Japanese to each other, reinforcing the perspective of Mao Zedong as a totalitarian who manipulated the nation to his liking for his beliefs. Despite Spence’s acknowledgement of the cultural, social and political ‘uniqueness’ on a balanced viewpoint, Chairman Mao’s achievements continue to be unappreciated great discussion of limitations!as his immoral ethnics undermine the humane right of freedom of speech. Finally, as Spence’s interpretation is validated in the words of Mao Zedong as the policies of the Cultural Revolution were aimed to ‘definitely destroy feudal, bourgeois, petty-bourgeois, liberalist, individualist, nihilist’ (McDougall, 1980), the idea of individualist aligning with the feudal allows correspondence of Chairman Mao with the image of a brutal enforcer and so, further establishes his tyranny. Again, so much better! However, in both paragraphs, I'd like a bit more of a discussion on the actual historians contexts, and how that impacts upon their interpretations. I think a discussion upon the subjectiveness of morality as a concept would be good as well here - is morality a valid argument, if it is inherently not objective? (though personally I don't think any history is objective lol)

Communist leader Mao Zedong has carried numerous different understandings of his character and his legacy over the decades. In the words of Tim Stanley, ‘there was a big gulf between the theoretical Maoism and Maoism in practice (of Mao Zedong)’ Nice!. Whilst most recognize him as the tyrant whose machinations brought death to civilians, some choose to look beyond his social and cultural impacts on the Chinese civilians and understand his policies targeted the economical and political advancement. Chang and Halliday along with Spence all aimed to present the Chinese understanding and perspective of Mao Zedong as a tyrannical leader who held no ethical values. In contrast, Schram and Deshpande look beyond the surface infiltrated by stories of the sufferings and acknowledge Mao Zedong on his ability to achieve political and economical advancement. However, Chairman Mao’s controversial character cannot be with reformer or tyrant, but both. Once considering Mao’s words ‘the struggle to consolidate the socialist system…will take a long historical period’ (Mao, 1957) realization that without such suffering China would not have arrived at its current stage arises. Yet such recognition of Mao Zedong’s character can only be developed once aligned with self valued morals and ethics and when examined at the particular period of time. Understanding of this controversial figure is only clear when one recognizes the unavoidable ramifications of every action. Thus whilst Mao Zedong the tyrant, paid with his people’s lives the cost for China’s ultimate power, Mao Zedong the reformer would not have succeeded in modernizing China if such sacrifice was not made.

Okay!!
Sosoosososososososososo so much better bigsweetpotato2000! This has significantly improved since last time, and is way more historiographical! I love how you are really delving into the limitations of these historians as well, rather than just discussing their interpretations.

1) I'd like potentially a bit more of a discussion upon some of the historiographical issues that you raised outside of Mao Zedong, so just, in a general sense, why is the context of the historian important, how is utilising morality as a historiographical tool effective/ineffective, etc. etc. Integrating historiographers that aren't necessarily focusing on Mao throughout (eg. EH Carr). That way you can show that you understand these historiographical theories, and how they apply to different historical issues.

2) Language and expression - I know you said that your word choices were a bit off, so I'm not too concerned, as you seem to be aware of this problem, but I thought I should raise it anyway. There are some sentences that don't really make sense, and that is limiting the effectiveness of your analysis.

But overall, such a massive improvement since last time! I'm super proud of you, this really is shaping up to be an excellent major work. I don't think you are "screwed" at all - this is already great, and you've still got a week to make it even better!

Great work,

Susie

Oh my goodness you have NO IDEA I was dreading your response - Was so ready to just drop and cry if I got another 'Its horrible' response (Not saying you said that but face it, the first one was a pretty ridiculous draft.)
Okay.
No crying
Okay
THANK YOU SO MUCH SUSIE YOU HAVE NO IDEA MY LIFE LOOKS SO MUCH BRIGHTER

#### sudodds

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##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #26 on: July 20, 2017, 12:36:50 am »
Oh my goodness you have NO IDEA I was dreading your response - Was so ready to just drop and cry if I got another 'Its horrible' response (Not saying you said that but face it, the first one was a pretty ridiculous draft.)
Okay.
No crying
Okay
THANK YOU SO MUCH SUSIE YOU HAVE NO IDEA MY LIFE LOOKS SO MUCH BRIGHTER
aha oh my goodness, well I'm very glad I was able to provide some reassurance! Your last response wasn't horrible by the way - 99.99% of major works will look like that tbh, but I knew you (and everyone else on AN!) could go so much further, if you were just given a little push - and I'm so glad that I did because in my opinion this is a much better essay. So good! No crying! Only celebrating, because you're almost DONEEEEEEE

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### bigsweetpotato2000

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##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #27 on: July 20, 2017, 01:01:33 am »
aha oh my goodness, well I'm very glad I was able to provide some reassurance! Your last response wasn't horrible by the way - 99.99% of major works will look like that tbh, but I knew you (and everyone else on AN!) could go so much further, if you were just given a little push - and I'm so glad that I did because in my opinion this is a much better essay. So good! No crying! Only celebrating, because you're almost DONEEEEEEE

I honestly can't wait - Such a weight on the shoulders.

And I have forgotten to send in the question to my essay, could you perhaps give some insight if I answered the essay question well for my essay or should I edit it a bit to match my essay more?

Question:

Mao Zedong: Reformer, Tyrant or Both?
The cost for ultimate power.

Thanks Susie!

Bigsweetpotato Farm

#### sudodds

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##### Re: History Extension Essay Marking Thread
« Reply #28 on: July 20, 2017, 11:27:57 am »
I honestly can't wait - Such a weight on the shoulders.

And I have forgotten to send in the question to my essay, could you perhaps give some insight if I answered the essay question well for my essay or should I edit it a bit to match my essay more?

Question:

Mao Zedong: Reformer, Tyrant or Both?
The cost for ultimate power.

Thanks Susie!

Bigsweetpotato Farm

Hey! no worries I think you answered the question well don't worry!

2016 HSC: Modern History (18th in NSW) | History Extension (2nd place in the HTA Extension History Essay Prize) | Ancient History | Drama | English Advanced | Studies of Religion I | Economics

ATAR: 97.80

Studying a Bachelor of Communications: Media Arts and Production at UTS 😊

Looking for a history tutor? I'm ya girl! Feel free to send me a PM if you're interested!

#### olr1999

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