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June 26, 2022, 03:04:42 pm

Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 525767 times)

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Natasha.97

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1275 on: September 26, 2017, 06:18:02 pm »
Quote
Hiya!
I've read the rules on posting for essay marking, and I know that I have WAY less than 50 posts- but I am getting a bit desperate  :( My english teacher has yet to reply to my last email, which was around 5 days ago- if there's a way that you would be able to look at my Mod A essay, it would be greatly appreciated!

Hi KeelzeyMac!

Unfortunately, the post count requirement is set in place to allow the markers to prioritise marking essays (they can't mark 24/7!) Due to the high demand of essay marking, no exceptions can be made. Sorry!
Life is weird and crazy as heck but what can you do?

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1276 on: September 26, 2017, 06:27:36 pm »
Hi KeelzeyMac!

Unfortunately, the post count requirement is set in place to allow the markers to prioritise marking essays (they can't mark 24/7!) Due to the high demand of essay marking, no exceptions can be made. Sorry!

Yeah second this - We feel for you, we really do. Like, I think all the markers have been in your shoes. But if we make one exception, we make two, then five, then twenty, if you know what I mean. Like, I expect to spend about 45 minutes a day minimum marking from now until the HSC, and even that is a big chunk of time!

We can only do so much marking, so we have to prioritise somehow :)

That said, maybe post your essay as a new thread and ask for some feedback from your peers! Even if the mods don't get to it, nothing stopping one of the other many knowledgeable members from lending a hand :)
« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 06:29:12 pm by jamonwindeyer »

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1277 on: September 29, 2017, 02:32:20 am »
Hi I was wondering if someone could have a look at my practise response for a exam question please

Hey! You know the drill - Comments in bold, take my non-WACE comments for what they are worth :)

Spoiler
Question 3 (20 marks)
Explain how Curtin constructs a sense of voice to convey family relationships in Text 3 and compare this representation with Text 1.


In both extracts from the short story Synapses by the American author, Amanda Curtin and the memory The invention of solitude by American author, Paul Auster the representation of family relationships are explored. However, the two texts differ in that the author of each text depict family relationships in differing ways. Good introduction - I'd like more detail on HOW they differ as well as a more explicit link to voice, to match the question.

In an extract of the short story ‘ Synapses’ by Australian author, Amanda Curtin, the author uses a variety of language conventions to construct the narrator’s  voice. You've got an inconsistency - Is the author Australian or American? Either way, once you've said it in the intro no need to re-say it. The extract is written in what can described as a childish voice, although it seems somewhat mature at certain parts. Why the changes in these parts? The author's deliberate choice of simple diction conveys a relaxed and comfortable tone. This can be seen in the use of words such as ‘little’ and ‘pretty, which create the effect of the author portraying the thoughts of a innocent child. Good. The author utilises first person to describe the loving familial interactions between father and child such as when the father calmly and softly ‘withdrew the hook’ from the child’s hand to emphasise the child’s admiration and love for their father. This is sort of relying on the plot of the text a little much, rather than looking at how voice is created. The overall effect of the voice used in this extract is that of an young child sharing a memory of an everyday outing with their father, a simple yet significant interaction for the child. The use of this detail suggests the author is deliberately trying to appeal to the reader’s sense of connection and familiarity towards the significance of familial relationships. Solid paragraph, seems to answer the question well. I'd like more specifics on what EXACTLY the author is saying about family relationships. Good analysis of voice.

However, the extracts differ in that the short story Synapses by the American author, Amanda Curtin presents familial relationships in particular father and child relationships as of utmost importance to a young child whereas the invention of solitude by American author, Paul Auster presents familial relationships as somewhat irrelevant and unnecessary. Make sure titles are in quotes (or similar) for clarity. In an excerpt of the memoir ‘the invention of solitude by Paul Auster , the author uses a variety of language conventions to construct the author’s voice. You're saying the title way too much! Should only appear in full once. Auster’s use of colloquial and plain diction in ‘I was remarkably prepared to accept this death, in spite of its suddenness.’ constructs the narrator’s tone of detachment despite the knowledge of the author’s father being dead. The impact of crafting a tone of detachment in the author’s voice evokes a sense of shock by challenging the preconceived expectation of grief towards the death of a parent. Good. The author utilises first person to describe the author’s thoughts ‘I did not shed any tears, I did not feel as though the world had collapsed around’ to enhance the tone of detachment from the death of the author’s father in the author’s voice. Slightly awkward expression here. In addition, the use of first person narration in describing the author’s duty to ‘write about my father’ as simply a ‘an obligation’ further enhances the author’s voice and a tone of annoyance by the author’s nonchalant acceptance of his father’s death. How does first person narration contribute to this? Having a better technique here would be advantageous. The overall effect of the voice used in this extract is that of an emotionless son describing his thoughts about the death of his father as somewhat of a annoyance and a burden. This detail suggests the author lacks intimacy with his father and simply does not have a strong and founded relationship. Good - This is a better paragraph in terms of specific ideas about family, perhaps not as good on analysis of the voice.

theblackswan

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1278 on: September 29, 2017, 01:07:03 pm »
Thanks for the feedback! Can you have a quick look at my Mod A intro? Mod A is tricky because you have to add context and intertextual connections and whatnot so I have a full time job of not knowing what's going on. Thanks! Appreciate it (haha see what I did there)

Essay Q: In what ways is your appreciation of both texts enhanced by a comparative study of passion Mrs Dalloway and The Hours?

A comparative study of the intertextual connections has enhanced our understandings of how passion is realised through human experiences and serves as a catalyst for social change. Consequently, we are implored to appreciate the texts and the content shaped by their respective contexts. The emergence of individual passions can be prompted by the lack of experiences, due to social constraints. The desire to be liberated from these social constraints reverberate through all societies and can be seen as a passion expressed by humanity as a whole. Inspired by WW1 and the impact of its discord upon humanity, Virginia Woolf's modernist novel 'Mrs Dalloway' (1925) insightfully explores the passion driving desire for self – autonomy in women, the increased value of choice and an appreciation for life. Similarly, Stephen Daldry's post – modern film 'The Hours' (2002) enriches our appreciation for such creativity by revising their merits through three distinct time periods. Although both composers work to advertise the significance of passion in conjuring creativity, it is the intertextual connections which ultimately urges us to appreciate and acknowledge passion as the impetus behind social change.

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1279 on: October 01, 2017, 12:27:22 am »
Thanks for the feedback! Can you have a quick look at my Mod A intro? Mod A is tricky because you have to add context and intertextual connections and whatnot so I have a full time job of not knowing what's going on. Thanks! Appreciate it (haha see what I did there)

Essay Q: In what ways is your appreciation of both texts enhanced by a comparative study of passion Mrs Dalloway and The Hours?

A comparative study of the intertextual connections has enhanced our understandings of how passion is realised through human experiences and serves as a catalyst for social change. Consequently, we are implored to appreciate the texts and the content shaped by their respective contexts. The emergence of individual passions can be prompted by the lack of experiences, due to social constraints. The desire to be liberated from these social constraints reverberate through all societies and can be seen as a passion expressed by humanity as a whole. Inspired by WW1 and the impact of its discord upon humanity, Virginia Woolf's modernist novel 'Mrs Dalloway' (1925) insightfully explores the passion driving desire for self – autonomy in women, the increased value of choice and an appreciation for life. Similarly, Stephen Daldry's post – modern film 'The Hours' (2002) enriches our appreciation for such creativity by revising their merits through three distinct time periods. Although both composers work to advertise the significance of passion in conjuring creativity, it is the intertextual connections which ultimately urges us to appreciate and acknowledge passion as the impetus behind social change.

I feel that you could elaborate and be more specific about your introduction when explaining the Hours. Maybe briefly state the connection between the two, how the shift in context extends to a more welcoming environment for women to strive for autonomy or something along those lines. Your sentence on The Hours is quite vague, I don't quite understand "such creativity".  I like your final sentence, it addresses the question quite well. Your introduction is clear though, I get the 3 main points you'll write about further down. The only thing is the use of inclusive pronouns, I've been told to avoid that for English but it hasn't been a set rule. Doesn't detract from it's sophistication though!

Hope it helped! Feel free to cross-examine me at any point.
Heavy Things :(

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1280 on: October 01, 2017, 12:29:20 am »
I've taken a completely fresh and new approach to my Yeats essay and got it marked by my teacher and received a 15/20. Was wondering if anyone here could provide some quick feedback in time for Paper 2 :)

To what extent is this sort of imagery integral to the view of life that Yeats presents in his poetry?



Through extensive critical study of Yeats’ poetry, it becomes clearly evident that part of its ability to continually engage with the reader is drawn from his use of natural imagery to express the value of life, a question universal to the human experience. Yeats’ treatment of natural and descriptive imagery within The Wild Swans at Coole and Easter 1916 allows for the universal appeal to a modernist audience while maintaining the structural integrity of romantic poetry. Easter 1916 contrasts sacrifice against the worth of life.  Likewise, The Wild Swans at Coole engages the reader through a confronting presentation of the ageing process, mortality and life’s purpose. Both poems are a testament to the holistic nature of his works, illustrating the integral nature of his masterful use of imagery in constructing his view of life.

It is historically evident that all human beings are subjected to the life cycle of growth and decay. Yeats while acknowledging of the natural process attempts to explore life’s purpose as he reconciles the ageing process with his natural imagery. Yeats begins The Wild Swans at Coole with the natural metaphor “ the trees are in their autumn beauty” which establishes a tone of regret in response to aging. He expresses his sense of regret and unease with the natural imagery “the nineteenth autumn has come upon me” which reiterates the tension he holds between life and the afterlife through the romantic imagery of autumn. Furthermore, Yeats draws upon his experience as a mystic by juxtaposing the mythical allusion to the swans in “upon their clamorous wings” with the aging process in the motif of “autumn” where the “wings” symbolise Yeats’ jealousy towards the swans as they seem to be immortal. Yeats effectively uses natural imagery to communicate his cyclic view of life and further emphasises his sense of regret and unease towards the ageing process.

The cyclic nature of the soul is reflected throughout The Wild Swans at Coole and effectively contributes to helping the audience understand Yeats’ view of life. When Yeats is “hearing at twilight” he reflects upon his age and the aging process and feels that his “heart is sore” reinforcing his struggle to reconcile his acceptance of death. Yeats’ portrayal of the collective swans at Coole is a reminder of the vitality and youth he once experienced which he acknowledges by saying how he “trod with a lighter tread” which reiterates his struggling conflict with the natural aging process. The stark natural contrast of “but now they drift on the still water, mysterious, beautiful” is a reflective statement from Yeats as he envies the swans’ vitality and seeming immortality in comparison to his age and mortal existence. Yeats’ fear of age and above all death, is envisioned in the closing stanza through his questioning “ to find they have flown away?” which alludes to the cyclic nature of the world again and emphasising that how the previously immortal swans may also one day disappear. Throughout the composition of The Wild Swans At Coole, Yeats has attempted to reconcile his theories surrounding mortality and only accepts the possibility of death in the concluding line. Yeats’ numerous attempts to understand and accept the cyclic nature of life engages a wide viewership to the modern day as the integral nature of his imagery allows him to continually explore his perspective of life.

In direct contrast to The Wild Swans at Coole, Easter 1916 differs from the trend of solely using natural imagery and instead uses a mixture of both natural and descriptive imagery as well as violent language to assist in his attempts to reconcile the value of sacrifice. Yeats acknowledges that the sacrifice made by the rebels was one that prompted change through the anadiplosis of “All changed, changed utterly” which represents Yeats’ renewed perspective by praising for the rebels for their participation in the rebellion. Yeats further acknowledges that the rebellion was positive for Ireland holistically through the central paradox “ A terrible beauty is born” which illustrates Yeats’ conflicted view on the sacrifice. Yeats views it as a sacrifice that achieves an outcome of “beauty” however the process in attaining the beauty is “terrible” clearly alluding to the violent nature of the rebellion. Yeats continues to reconcile his tension between life and sacrifice through the natural metaphor “enchanted to a stone” which alludes to how Yeats believes that the legacy of the rebels is one they will take to their “stone” or grave. The stone reinforces the importance of the sacrifice as it represents the longevity of the marty’s actions and alludes to the idea of it being “set in stone” and a part of history that cannot be removed. Yeats’ consistent use of both natural and descriptive imagery allows him to effectively communicate his view on the value of human life and assists him in reconciling his tensions between sacrifice and life.

Yeats continues to reconcile the value of sacrifice when describing and acknowledging each of the participants in the rebellion. The eulogistic nature emphasises his indecisiveness on sacrifice of human life and is epitomised in his ambiguous description of Markievicz’ time spent as “ in ignorant good will”  which presents Yeats’ interpretations of the rebellion, one of ignorance with the intent of doing good. Yeats’ questions the value of Markievicz’ sacrifice again with the rhetorical question “ when, young and beautiful, she rode to harriers?” where the sentimental imagery evokes a heightened emotional response from the reader as a result of the innocent image constructed by Yeats. Similarly, Yeats’ symbolic clouds in “a shadow of cloud on the stream changes minute by minute” asserts the notion that change in Ireland was inevitable and prompts Yeats to question the value of  the sacrifice of the marty’s and whether the change would have been possible without sacrifice. Yeats further emphasises the passion solidified within the martyr's with the extended natural metaphor “stone of the heart” but juxtaposes it with the rhetorical question “o when may it suffice?” to further emphasise his still uncertain view on the rebellion as a whole. Yeats’ effective usage of both natural and descriptive imagery effectively allows him to convey his view on the value of human life while also reconciling the inherent worth of the sacrifice.

Yeats’ idiosyncratic portrayal of the political situation in Ireland reveals to the audience the true mutability of the human life. By sustaining ambiguity throughout his works Yeats’ poetry remains relevant regardless of context. Yeats evokes interest in the reader by using a blend of both natural and descriptive imagery, a direct result of his unique poetic style, one that dances between modernism and romanticism. Yeats’ masterful use of language allows him to emphasise the integral nature of imagery which is present throughout all his poetry.
Heavy Things :(

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1281 on: October 01, 2017, 04:34:32 pm »
Pretty generic essay, think it'll suit being moulded to other questions. Left it short so I have room to adapt. Concerns:

1. Should I be so obvious in responding to the question in English? Should I use some other way of saying "engage the audience" or is it fine to keep repeating this so they know I'm considering the question?

2. I don't know why but it seemed appropriate to use verbs in the introduction for module B like "emphasising" as if I were talking about techniques. Should this be avoided?

3. Only one mention of textual integrity, does pointing out that it resonates with contemporary responders count or should I say textual integrity specifically?

Question:
Spoiler
Shakespeare’s Hamlet continues to engage audiences through its dramatic treatment of struggle and disillusionment.
In the light of your critical study, does this statement resonate with your own interpretation of Hamlet?
In your response, make detailed reference to the play.

Answer:

Spoiler
Shakespeare’s Hamlet portrays the struggle between chivalric duty and Renaissance-era morality. Therein, feudalistic concerns for honour pressure Hamlet to enact revenge, eventually leading to a genuine delusion. The prince is characterised as a philosophical humanist, reflecting disillusionment with the medieval social fabric of the Danish state. Ideological conflict accentuates Claudius’ regicide, his manipulative tendencies emphasising Hamlet’s morality and the corruption of the state in which the prince finds himself trapped. Through Hamlet’s perceptive characterisation in attempting to resolve the injustice and understand our mortality we are positioned to empathise with his struggle, Shakespeare’s portrayal of his quest enabling the drama to engage audiences through intricate characterisation, integral to the tragedy’s textual integrity.

From the first act Hamlet is positioned as utterly disillusioned with Claudius’ corruption and life in general through portrayal of a putrid, rotting society. The prince labels Denmark an “unweeded garden,” imagery emphasising Hamlet’s malcontent with the “speed[y]” marriage of his mother and his father’s death, disillusionment with Claudius’ control of Danish power structures elucidated through metaphor of Denmark as a “prison.” Moreover, Hamlet compares his father to “Hyperion,” saying he is “like the herald Mercury” while describing Claudius as a “satyr,” juxtaposition through mythological allusion highlighting the injustice of the king’s regicide. Indeed, Hamlet’s uncle is characterised as a repugnant villain, diction in labelling Hamlet’s grief “unmanly” illustrating the villain’s egotism. The prince labels him a “…treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain,” cumulative listing emphasising his malevolence and the prince’s discontent. The motif of decay continues as Claudius admits his offence “is rank” and “smells to heaven,” reinforcing the pervasive corruption of the king’s reign. Thus, Shakespeare explores a fundamental disillusionment with the powers-that-be, Hamlet’s grief engaging the audience as we are encouraged to empathise with his struggle.

While coming to terms with Claudius’ guilt, Hamlet finds himself forced to resolve the injustice as the son of the victim. The prince’s disillusionment with chivalric duty is reflected from the first meeting with the ghost, after which he laments “O cursed spite / That ever I was born to set it right.” Rhyming couplet expounds Hamlet’s humanist philosophy, as he curses the medieval customs which pressure him to enact revenge. Indeed, the ghost symbolises external pressures, demonstrating the conflicting forces the prince must reconcile. As the prince finds Claudius in prayer, he remarks “A villain kills my father, and, for that / I, his sole son, do this same villain send / To Heaven.” Parallelism of “father” and “son” emphasises the significance of filial duty in the Elizabethan era. However, Hamlet resists, ambivalent tone in “Now might I do it pat” denoting resistance to external expectations to avenge his father. We can trace the prince’s fall into genuine madness from this point forward, as he is overcome by the emotional anguish precipitated by his dilemma. Metaphoric comparison of a human being to “a rat” conveys the abandonment of Hamlet’s moral codes, as he kills Polonius in an errant display of irrationality. He later tries to excuse the murder to the victim’s son: “Was’t Hamlet wronged Laertes? Never Hamlet.” Illeism contrasts starkly with prior usage of first person pronoun “I”, subversion denoting the tragic hero’s ultimate failure to reconcile humanist ideals with filial duty and his resulting downfall into genuine madness. Polysyndeton in “Sith I have cause and strength and will and means / To do’t” further reinforces Hamlet’s madness, as he is under armed guard and has no “means” of acting on his words.  Hence, Shakespeare encourages the audience to empathise with the prince’s struggle, his tragic fall into delusion and untimely death continuing to resonate even with contemporary responders.

Moreover, Shakespeare encourages the audience to engage with Hamlet’s struggle through the prince’s insightful metaphysical analysis of our mortality, reflecting the Renaissance-era rejection of the traditional understanding of death. Indeed, metaphor of an “undiscovered country” delineates Hamlet’s willingness to question fundamental Christian notions of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. The tragic hero asks whether it would be better “To die, to sleep / To sleep, perchance to dream,” infinitive verb highlighting disillusionment with the corruption of the state and Claudius’ malevolence. Hamlet notes “Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust,” allusion demonstrating a realisation that death is the ultimate leveller of all humans, rejecting the idea of an afterlife. Indeed, Hamlet’s epiphany foreshadows the violent catharsis, repetition of “dies” in stage direction conveying the blunt finality of death as Claudius faces the consequences of his regicide. Therefore, Hamlet’s insightfulness in the struggle to understand our mortality encourages the responder to side with the enigmatic prince, engaging the audience in Shakespeare’s exploration of regicidal greed. 

In Hamlet, Shakespeare portrays a humanist misfit struggling for justice in a decaying Denmark. The prince’s perceptiveness expounds his disillusionment with the state and with flawed Christian notions of our mortality. Furthermore, Hamlet struggles to reconcile internal concerns for the morality of taking a human life with chivalric filial pressure to avenge his father, catalysing a genuine delusion which engages the audience to empathise with his fall from grace.


Thanks!
« Last Edit: October 05, 2017, 02:45:19 pm by _____ »

Ciararonq

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1282 on: October 02, 2017, 05:22:15 pm »
Ciara Ronquillo
Question: Discoveries regardless of their type (personal, historical, social, intellectual or cultural) have the capacity to be transformative for the individual and/or broader society. Explore how this idea is represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related texts of your own choosing.

Discovery has a unique quality to transform an individual's ideals, attitudes and beliefs towards self and others. These ideas can stimulate an individual to develop new ideas and speculate about future possibilities, exemplified in Ernesto Guevara's novel , The Motorcycle Diaries, and John Keats poem, On First Looking into Chapman's Homer. It is evident within these texts that discovery can stimulate new ideas, being transformative for the individuals and for a broader society.

The experience of discovery may transform personal values because of the heightened emotional responses they evoke. In turn, this forces individuals to reconsider their understanding of values and norms. In Ernesto Guevara’s novel, The Motorcycle Diaries, his pursuit through Latin America confronts him with the true plight of the poverty stricken classes and the injustices which exist. The tactile and olfactory imagery presented in the quote, “The poor thing was in a pitiful state, breathing the acrid smell of concentrated sweat and dirty feet that filled the room”, highlights the empathy Guevara holds for the woman prompted by this confrontational experience as he witnesses the injustices that exist within the social system. Consequently, Guevara’s encounters with the indigenous people of Latin America catalyse his political awakening, sparking his revolutionary outlook and need for change. Guevara’s exaggeration of emotions is highlighted in the hyperbolic language and superlatives, “It is at times like this, when a doctor is conscious of his complete powerlessness, that he longs for a change”. Such experiences with the injustices that face the Indigenous people of Latin America places an emphasis on the emotional nature of these encounters, revealing that these discoveries provoked Guevara to establish change. The emotive encounter with the woman triggered his consciousness as he was confronted by his own helplessness in the face of social inequity. The social injustices that Guevara internalised provoked a formation of his changed values and attitudes leading to his political and social awakening.

Similarly, John Keats’s poem, On First Looking into Chapman's Homer displays the provocative nature of reading Homer’s work. This experience results in an epiphany for Keats, who after being confronted with the amazement of his discovery is provoked by passion and zeal to write this poem. “Much have I travell’d in the realms of gold, and many goodly states and kingdoms seen”. The metaphor in ‘travell’d in the realms of gold’ implies Keats is well travelled in the literary world, using visual imagery of ‘gold and ‘kingdoms’ to suggest he has been exposed to the many treasures of literary culture and the importance that it has on his life. Keats experience of reading the work of ancient Greek author, Homer, transformed his outlook on the world of literature. This established his desire to devote his life to poetry, as he considers it the artist’s job to recreate moments of wonderment for all of wider society to enjoy. Filtered through his perspective, Keats believes the power of literature is immense and can have a far-reaching and transformative effect on society.

Discoveries can be fresh and intensely meaningful, triggering actions that are transformative for the individual and broader society. “Their stone block stand enigmatically, impervious to the ravages of time/ The gray stones grow tired of pleading...now they simply show an inanimate exhaustion”. The personification of the stone block applying emotive diction highlights Guevara’s awe for the cultural objects of the Inca race, serving as a metaphor for his admiration of the resilience of the Indigenous people in the face of exploitation and oppression conducted by the Spaniards. Such an emotive discovery facilitated by this cultural exposure results in an epiphany for Guevara as he considers new ideas and future possibilities. His discovery of their resilience and the courage exemplified by the Spanish conquistador’s guides him to the new idea of unifying the natives. Consequently, he believes a new Latin America can be established. Comparatively “Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes/ He star’d at the Pacific…” The use of simile likens Keats discovery to that of Hernan Cortes, the famed Spanish conquistador, who Keats believed discovered the Pacific for the Spanish. In turn, Keats proposes that his discovery of Chapman's’ Homer is comparable to discovering a new world, one of literature. ‘He star’d at the Pacific’, alludes to the potential discovery of a new trade route in the West Indies as discovered by Cortes, and is reflective of Keats’ vision of future possibilities after being exposed to this new world of literature. Keats accentuates the limitless worlds, ideas and future possibilities presented by literature. This discovery poses to him great potential not only in poetry but within himself to produce better works of literature. Hence, the ramification of particular discoveries can stimulate far-reaching ideas allowing individuals to speculate about future possibilities within themselves and the societies they inhabit.

Discoveries can facilitate a renewed understanding of people’s perception and the world around them. Consequently, the process of discovery has a significant influence on an individual’s sense of self. “The person who wrote these notes passed away the moment his feet touched Argentine soil”. The third person narrative distances Guevara’s previous, naive self, foreshadowing that discoveries he made led him to form a renewed perception of himself leading to his political and social transformation. Moreover the idiom presented in, “He grew increasingly aware of the pain of many others and allowed it to become a part of himself” foreshadows how Guevara’s understandings of the world acquired through associated social discovery of Latin America resulted in a renewed perception of himself. Through Guevara’s journey in Latin America, his encounters with the native people led him to reevaluate his understanding that the Indigenous people endure. These experiences acted as a catalyst for self-discovery, allowing Guevara to transform into the revolutionary the public remembers him by. Like Guevera, Keats feels reborn in the moment of his encounter with Chapman’s Homer. “Deep brow’d Homer...bards in fealty to Apollo hold”. Keats employs allusions to Greek literature, reflective of his renewed desire to become a great poet, after having been offered this new understanding of the power of poetry. Consequently, discovery can encompass an individual reevaluating their perception of themselves and others, ultimately leading to acts of change within themselves and a broader society.

Despite discoveries being intensely noteworthy in ways that are emotional, intellectual, cultural or spiritual, such experiences have a profound impact on an individual and a broader society. These encounters trigger a significant change on an individual's actions and perception of themselves, leading to a renewal of life and catalyse actions to establish change within the societies they inhabit. Indeed, it is evident through both texts that discovery has a unique nature to transform an individual’s pre-existing values and beliefs, in turn allowing individuals to establish change within themselves and a broader society.



fantasticbeasts3

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1283 on: October 02, 2017, 05:25:58 pm »
Ciara Ronquillo
Question: Discoveries regardless of their type (personal, historical, social, intellectual or cultural) have the capacity to be transformative for the individual and/or broader society. Explore how this idea is represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related texts of your own choosing.


hey! not to rain on your parade, but you need 50 posts to have an essay marked by one of the markers here. your peers will mark it for you, if you'd like, but to have it looked over by a marker, it's 50 posts - sounds like a lot, but they do accumulate quickly!
HSC 2017: English (Standard) // Mathematics // Modern History // Legal Studies // Business Studies
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lilivincent

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1284 on: October 03, 2017, 08:38:49 am »
Hey guys I really need some feedback on my MOD C Essay

caitlinlddouglas

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1285 on: October 04, 2017, 06:30:21 pm »
Hey! Sure thing, obviously can't do comments throughout so I'll pop my thoughts in dot points below:

- First sentence is probably a taaad long, maybe break it up a little, pop a full stop after "environments" perhaps?
- Good introduction of texts in the intro, links them to their importance to context/values well

- I really like how you approach the macro-structure, the first paragraph on how personal connection is achieved is excellent. Nice change from the typical 'conceptual' structure, and I think it works well for the question. However, doing one paragraph on both texts, then separate paragraphs for them following that, does feel a tad awkward.
- Watch the length of your quotes - You'll obviously have less time than you used in the exam so you'll need to really cherry pick the important bits, make your quotes no more than a line wherever possible.
- The Atwood paragraph on politics isn't as good as the previous, it needs more techniques/analysis and less broad explanation - There's only one technique I can see. Good recognition of her personal and historical context, however!

Oh woops I think I'm missing a page on Lessing maybe! Could you check over the images and I'll finish the feedback when I get what is missing?


Hey thanks so much! I only just saw this, i posted the other photos on page 84 (it wouldn't let me post all of them at once) if you still wouldn't mind having a look at it? Thanks again :)

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1286 on: October 04, 2017, 07:33:28 pm »
Hey guys I really need some feedback on my MOD C Essay

Hey!! You'll need 50 posts on the forums to qualify for an essay marked, you can read the details here :)

Hey thanks so much! I only just saw this, i posted the other photos on page 84 (it wouldn't let me post all of them at once) if you still wouldn't mind having a look at it? Thanks again :)

Yep I saw those, but your first picture in the second set is a duplicate of the last picture in the first! :)

caitlinlddouglas

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1287 on: October 04, 2017, 09:06:39 pm »
hey so sorry about that jamon, don't want to waste your time!
here is the missing photo,
Thanks heaps!  :)

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1288 on: October 04, 2017, 11:47:32 pm »
hey so sorry about that jamon, don't want to waste your time!
here is the missing photo,
Thanks heaps!  :)

All good, no worries at all! So comments on this last body paragraph:

- I like that you are combining multiple techniques into one analytical statement: Definitely elevates your response considerably!
- Be careful to actually link the technique to the effect on the audience, not just mention them in the process. What is the purpose of the juxtaposition? Why did the composer choose to include direct dialogue rather than just discuss the issue directly? What does the technique add?

Overall, your concepts are really really strong, but your analysis is slipping a tad as the essay goes on. Remember to constantly link techniques to their effect on the audience, and make sure to avoid more generic discussion of the speeches context/conceptual focus - It all needs to be based around those techniques ;D

It's a great response though Caitlin, and to a tough question - Good work ;D

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #1289 on: October 05, 2017, 12:26:09 am »
I've taken a completely fresh and new approach to my Yeats essay and got it marked by my teacher and received a 15/20. Was wondering if anyone here could provide some quick feedback in time for Paper 2 :)

Sure can! :)

Spoiler
To what extent is this sort of imagery integral to the view of life that Yeats presents in his poetry?

Through extensive critical study of Yeats’ poetry, it becomes clearly evident that part of its ability to continually engage with the reader is drawn from his use of natural imagery to express the value of life, a question universal to the human experience. Nice Thesis! Covers a lot in a really succinct way. I assume the start of the question was about natural imagery? Yeats’ treatment of natural and descriptive imagery within The Wild Swans at Coole and Easter 1916 allows for the universal appeal to a modernist audience while maintaining the structural integrity of romantic poetry. Easter 1916 contrasts sacrifice against the worth of life.  Likewise, The Wild Swans at Coole engages the reader through a confronting presentation of the ageing process, mortality and life’s purpose. How do these concepts relate to this idea of 'natural imagery?' Both poems are a testament to the holistic nature of his works, illustrating the integral nature of his masterful use of imagery in constructing his view of life. Really solid introduction overall!

It is historically evident that all human beings are subjected to the life cycle of growth and decay. It feels a bit strange to say 'historically evident' here without then presenting that evidence. Not that you'd need to, it's just a wording thing - Seems a bit of a false start for the marker. Yeats while acknowledging of the natural process attempts to explore life’s purpose as he reconciles the ageing process with his natural imagery. Need some commas to break that sentence up. Yeats begins The Wild Swans at Coole with the natural metaphor “ the trees are in their autumn beauty” which establishes a tone of regret in response to aging. He expresses his sense of regret and unease with the natural imagery “the nineteenth autumn has come upon me” which reiterates the tension he holds between life and the afterlife through the romantic imagery of autumn. This isn't the best example of imagery; you would need more descriptive language to substantiate that. You could perhaps include symbolism or perhaps even pathetic fallacy as an alternative? Furthermore, Yeats draws upon his experience as a mystic by juxtaposing the mythical allusion to the swans in “upon their clamorous wings” with the aging process in the motif of “autumn” where the “wings” symbolise Yeats’ jealousy towards the swans as they seem to be immortal. Again, need commas there to steer the audience through the various stages of that thought process. Yeats effectively uses natural imagery to communicate his cyclic view of life and further emphasises his sense of regret and unease towards the ageing process. Solid concept, good analysis - You've got fairly repetitive techniques here though (even with the necessary focus on imagery), good to have variety!

The cyclic nature of the soul is reflected throughout The Wild Swans at Coole and effectively contributes to helping the audience understand Yeats’ view of life. Slight issue with wording there, the cyclic nature of the soul isn't helping us understand Yeats view, the poem is! When Yeats is “hearing at twilight” he reflects upon his age and the aging process and feels that his “heart is sore” reinforcing his struggle to reconcile his acceptance of death. Techniques here? Yeats’ portrayal of the collective swans at Coole is a reminder of the vitality and youth he once experienced which he acknowledges by saying how he “trod with a lighter tread” which reiterates his struggling conflict with the natural aging process. Commas needed there - And techiques!The stark natural contrast of “but now they drift on the still water, mysterious, beautiful” is a reflective statement from Yeats as he envies the swans’ vitality and seeming immortality in comparison to his age and mortal existence. Good. Yeats’ fear of age and above all death, is envisioned in the closing stanza through his questioning “ to find they have flown away?” which alludes to the cyclic nature of the world again and emphasising that how the previously immortal swans may also one day disappear. Better analysis appearing in the second half of the paragraph. Throughout the composition of The Wild Swans At Coole, Yeats has attempted to reconcile his theories surrounding mortality and only accepts the possibility of death in the concluding line. Which is? You should quote it here. Yeats’ numerous attempts to understand and accept the cyclic nature of life engages a wide viewership to the modern day as the integral nature of his imagery allows him to continually explore his perspective of life. The analysis in this paragraph got better as it went on, the concept isn't quite as strong as the previous paragraph.

In direct contrast to The Wild Swans at Coole, Easter 1916 differs from the trend of solely using natural imagery and instead uses a mixture of both natural and descriptive imagery as well as violent language to assist in his attempts to reconcile the value of sacrifice. Natural/descriptive imagery need not be mutually exclusive - Natural is a subject, descriptive is - Well, any imagery really. Concept isn't quite right here. Yeats acknowledges that the sacrifice made by the rebels was one that prompted change through the anadiplosis of “All changed, changed utterly” which represents Yeats’ renewed perspective by praising for the rebels for their participation in the rebellion. Expression not quite right here, and a very text-focused analysis. Yeats further acknowledges that the rebellion was positive for Ireland holistically through the central paradox “ A terrible beauty is born” which illustrates Yeats’ conflicted view on the sacrifice. Still focusing on the subject matter rather than the concept! Yeats views it as a sacrifice that achieves an outcome of “beauty” however the process in attaining the beauty is “terrible” clearly alluding to the violent nature of the rebellion. Yeats continues to reconcile his tension between life and sacrifice through the natural metaphor “enchanted to a stone” which alludes to how Yeats believes that the legacy of the rebels is one they will take to their “stone” or grave. The stone reinforces the importance of the sacrifice as it represents the longevity of the marty’s actions and alludes to the idea of it being “set in stone” and a part of history that cannot be removed. Slightly more general here, but it still feels very rooted in the specific sacrifices made in the poem rather than sacrifice as a broader concept. Yeats’ consistent use of both natural and descriptive imagery allows him to effectively communicate his view on the value of human life and assists him in reconciling his tensions between sacrifice and life. Definitely not as strong as your prior paragraphs - The concept doesn't quite work, and you've got very text-focused analysis rather than conceptual.

Yeats continues to reconcile the value of sacrifice when describing and acknowledging each of the participants in the rebellion. The eulogistic nature emphasises his indecisiveness on sacrifice of human life and is epitomised in his ambiguous description of Markievicz’ time spent as “ in ignorant good will”  which presents Yeats’ interpretations of the rebellion, one of ignorance with the intent of doing good. Very long sentence there, you'll probably need more commas at the start or perhaps to split in two. Yeats’ questions the value of Markievicz’ sacrifice again with the rhetorical question “ when, young and beautiful, she rode to harriers?” where the sentimental imagery evokes a heightened emotional response from the reader as a result of the innocent image constructed by Yeats. Good acknowledgement of audience impact. Similarly, Yeats’ symbolic clouds in “a shadow of cloud on the stream changes minute by minute” asserts the notion that change in Ireland was inevitable and prompts Yeats to question the value of  the sacrifice of the marty’s and whether the change would have been possible without sacrifice. Still slightly text focused here.Yeats further emphasises the passion solidified within the martyr's with the extended natural metaphor “stone of the heart” but juxtaposes it with the rhetorical question “o when may it suffice?” to further emphasise his still uncertain view on the rebellion as a whole. Yeats’ effective usage of both natural and descriptive imagery effectively allows him to convey his view on the value of human life while also reconciling the inherent worth of the sacrifice. Better than the previous, but not as strong as the earlier two.

Yeats’ idiosyncratic portrayal of the political situation in Ireland reveals to the audience the true mutability of the human life. By sustaining ambiguity throughout his works Yeats’ poetry remains relevant regardless of context. Yeats evokes interest in the reader by using a blend of both natural and descriptive imagery, a direct result of his unique poetic style, one that dances between modernism and romanticism. Yeats’ masterful use of language allows him to emphasise the integral nature of imagery which is present throughout all his poetry.

In general, your earlier paragraphs are stronger than your latter. You slip into more textually focused analysis and the concepts don't make as much sense: You've shown what you can do in the first half and then sort of let it down in the second half.

As an easy thing - Commas. Commas. Commas. A few really long sentences that really need to be broken up properly to guide the reader - As soon as the marker needs to invest energy organising your ideas, that's a dent on the strength of your argument. From memory this is something that keeps popping up in your responses, I'd hate for 20/20 analysis to be held back on something like this - It's easy to work on! Just read over a long sentence you've just written, where you mentally pause - Add a comma, add a full stop, get your stuff organised!

In essence:
- Remove plot-focused elements from your pieces and focus on broader conceptual ideas presented to the audience. No settings, no characters - Just concepts presented through techniques.
- Imagery shouldn't be the concept, it is REPRESENTING the concept. The concept should stand alone and be properly developed as stand alone things; the imagery then just comes in as the main technique representing that concept.
- Tidy expression and organisation of ideas ;D