ATAR Notes: Forum

QCE Stuff => QCE Subjects + Help => QCE Marking and Feedback => Topic started by: D-Vinci on June 04, 2020, 05:53:18 am

Title: ENGLISH: A "VERY" Persuasive Speech... I think !}
Post by: D-Vinci on June 04, 2020, 05:53:18 am

Hey there! You probably got click baited with the title. This speech is not quite that persuasive... yet ;). BUT! With your unfathomable knowledge and experience, it will definitely make the speech closer to becoming one. Thank you in advance for sparing your time and effort to annotate my speech. My main issue in English is grammar and also not trying to be needy but if you can find other ways to make it more impactful or concise (cause I'm over the time limit ;D) that would really be very generous of you. Hope you'll find my speech interesting and will enjoy reading it. Looking forward to seeing all my errors as well as your constructive feedback.

Title: Re: ENGLISH: A "VERY" Persuasive Speech... I think !}
Post by: a weaponized ikea chair on June 04, 2020, 08:44:07 am

Quote from: D-Vinci on June 04, 2020, 05:53:18 am

Hey there! You probably got click baited with the title. This speech is not quite that persuasive... yet ;). BUT! With your unfathomable knowledge and experience, it will definitely make the speech closer to becoming one. Thank you in advance for sparing your time and effort to annotate my speech. My main issue in English is grammar and also not trying to be needy but if you can find other ways to make it more impactful or concise (cause I'm over the time limit ;D) that would really be very generous of you. Hope you'll find my speech interesting and will enjoy reading it. Looking forward to seeing all my errors as well as your constructive feedback.

Hi there,

Hope you like the changes. I made. Green: I suggest add. Red: I suggest remove. Pink: May need changing. It's all up to you.

Best of luck.

Title: Re: ENGLISH: A "VERY" Persuasive Speech... I think !}
Post by: Bri MT on June 04, 2020, 10:39:12 am

Hey,

Welcome to the forums! :)

As an ecology and conservation biology student who loves the ocean this is a topic close to my heart. I've also left some feedback so hopefully that helps you out!

For making it more succinct, you can probably cut down on things like:
- early on in the 2nd paragraph
- "Life will never be the same with our creation of plastic for it led us into the dystopian world where it has plagued everything further than we can even reach"

Good luck!