Formal AC Feedback

[WON0173]

I'm trying to practice the Thematic Approach, since I initially tried out the Subsystem but didn't go too well. And after reading about how the former is apparently superior I started trying it out and wanted some feedback. Thanks

[MissSmiley]

I'm trying to practice the Thematic Approach, since I initially tried out the Subsystem but didn't go too well. And after reading about how the former is apparently superior I started trying it out and wanted some feedback. Thanks

Hello,

Attached are my comments, and I'm very sorry for being really picky!! Hope you don't mind though

I liked how your intro is sharp and short, and also the way you've analysed register. (e.g. I liked how you said what impacts of using an informal register would have been)

My major suggestion would be to understand and write very clearly about social purposes. For example, the difference between solidarity and membership...
Also, because you had one big chunk about social purpose, you often combined different social purposes together which becomes confusing. Why not break your paragraphs up into different social purposes?

Anyway, rest of the markups are in there

Thanks and good luck!