Drama paragraph

[dcesaona]

Hi! I wrote an Australian Contemporary theatre essay under timed conditions today and was wondering if someone could have a go at reading one of the paragraphs I wrote? It's just that I feel like when I write under pressure the standard of my writing decreases and it's stressing me out  I would love your critical opinions!

The question was, 'how could the personal and social tensions between characters be expressed on stage?'

In 'Neighbourhood Watch', Katz explores both the personal and social tensions between characters in contemporary society. This is achieved through the Brechtian technique of using an uplifting song to create tension and explore the struggles of abortion and grief faced by individuals in society. The use of humour contrasts with the meaning behind the lyrics, as seen in, "all it takes is von hundred egg to cut you from me", where abortion is revealed in a gripping, yet unsettling manner, thus challenging the audience's perceptions of the personal tensions individuals face from society's pressure. In my experimentation with Katz's use of humour, I sought to heighten the impact behind the personal and social tensions between characters, whilst still maintaining an element of humour. To achieve this, I swayed my head from side to side and raised my pitch humorously high. However, when the song got to "cut you from me", I stopped swaying my head, lowered my volume to a whisper and slowed down my pace. Thus, I was able to emphasise the suffering behind the humour through the Brechtain technique of song to create tension, and connected the audience to the social and personal tensions faced by Ana in contemporary society. Thus, the use of Katz' humour and my experimentation with dramatic techniques allowed the social and personal tensions that individuals face be expressed on stage.

Any help will be immensely appreciated 

[holky]

Hey, I just had a quick read and this looks really good! I'll have a proper read tomorrow for some more specific feedback but it doesn't look like it needs much altering to me

[dcesaona]

Hey, I just had a quick read and this looks really good! I'll have a proper read tomorrow for some more specific feedback but it doesn't look like it needs much altering to me

Thank you so much! I'm really worried about if I answered the question correctly because it asks for tensions between characters but I only talk about tensions within one character hahaha. Is twisting the question that much a bad thing?

[holky]

Hey, I'm so sorry I didn't look at this properly yesterday.
I don't think there's a problem with the way you've approached the question, because you've only slightly adapted it
I think you're going to do really well tomorrow, good luck from me, and if you write the way I've been seeing you write on the forums, you have absolutely no worries