Heyo guys!
I hope everyone has made a smooth transition into the 2021 year and that we are all enjoying it so far!
I had an issue that I have been struggling with for quite a while now… And I was hoping to get any advice from anyone who has dealt with any of these problems before as well…
I developed an eating disorder in year 9 as a result of being bullied by a senior student at my school (and I eventually ended up telling my teacher that this had happened, but when she asked me to tell the student’s name… I couldn’t muster up the will to tell her)...
So for the past year I have been struggling to maintain healthy relationships with my friends (who I have been friends with since year 9). And at the time when I first befriended these people, I REALLY appreciated them because they were all so funny and had a bubbly personality. I really loved them in the sense that they gave me physical strength and energy (at the time, I would often fall down walking, lose sight for minutes while studying and experience transient ischemic attacks but never told anyone because I didn’t want them to worry over me)… During this time, I got two guinea pigs and they really helped me with my recovery.
In Year 10, I took up a casual job at Maccas, walked the Kokoda track, and did work experience. About halfway through the year, one of my guinea pigs became ill and passed away, and I think that after that I just disintegrated under the stress of work+school… I started skipping days on end because I couldn’t get myself out of bed… then I started talking to a counsellor over the phone.
Last year (year 11), I became really stressed out as a result of remote learning and being stuck at home all the time… I broke down in front of my English teacher at the beginning of the year and told her that I was being affected by the extremely negative atmosphere that my friends had created… She was really considerate about it and promised to help me out with all of my assessments until I was in a better headspace… And from then on I made the decision to confront my friends about the atmosphere they had created.
By the end of the year when exams came around (I did Biology and Further), I was too focused on prepping for them to even think about talking to my friends. And I should mention that by this time, most of my teachers had realised that I was struggling… During two of the practise trial exams that we did at school, my teacher came up to me and asked me if I was feeling okay. And during another class, I heard him talking to another teacher and specifically saying, ‘[My name] is struggling, its obvious.’
Just to clarify, my friends are NOT toxic… They would never say anything they know is rude, impolite or inconsiderate towards me. I think the problem is that they often think way too negatively about school.. They make repetitive (and now regular) jokes saying ‘I want to die’, ‘I want to throw myself into a bin.’ ’Screw this school.’
I have come into year 12 wanting to do the best that I can… but I honestly feel like I won’t get anywhere if I keep hanging around with them.
They often rely on their hatred for school as a way of connecting with each other… I think for them its okay, but for me…having been struggling with the stress of an eating disorder whilst trying to do my best in my studies, it has been impacting my self-esteem negatively and I’m terrified of telling them about it.
Right now, I think its best for me to go see the school counsellor (she is a lovely person, I’m just really socially anxious and it takes courage for me to do something like that).
Having been on here for a while now and seeing all of the lovely people on here, I was hoping to get advice from anyone who has dealt with anything like this… I’m still wondering if the way I feel is all in my head or if I’m just exaggerating? I dunno..
Thanks! (P.S. Sorry for making it so long!)