ATAR Notes: Forum

VCE Stuff => Victorian Education Discussion => The VCE Journey Journal => Topic started by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 11, 2019, 01:38:38 am

Title: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 11, 2019, 01:38:38 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Aaron on January 11, 2019, 02:57:59 am
Welcome to ATAR Notes Lexie - we definitely like to see younger students on here... In fact, over the past couple of years I have seen an increase in the # of middle secondary students joining and participating (Years 9-10.. some even younger). Definitely would recommend having a look at the sub-forums dedicated to this.. and you've managed to find the Year 10 one already, which is fantastic.

Please get involved with our great community - we welcome you with open arms.

Good luck!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 11, 2019, 10:58:56 am
Thanks Aaron! Will definitely have a look! :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 12, 2019, 06:30:04 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 17, 2019, 10:02:22 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on January 17, 2019, 11:01:13 pm
Woah! my last post did score some points didn't it! (bursts into fit of laughter). nah its all good. Anyways, I am going out tomorrow, I have 16 resumes and 16 references printed, in folders ready to go, bad thing is, I have exactly 7 places I want to apply for a job. So now I handball it to you guys! where do you work? where is a good place for a first job? any tips for interviews? help of any sort would be great xxx

I read it, clicked away thinking "hmm I'll think about it and answer later" annnnd completely forgot. So my apologies for that

my responses
I'm from Vic too.

I love immersing myself in nature, am an avid reader, and am also an altruistic keen learner. Unsurprisingly, these things make me happy - as do my friends.


The most important things to me are that I follow my values (my top 2 are empathy and determination) & moral compass. Careerwise, I hope to expand not just my knowledge of the ocean but also the world's knowledge of marine environments too.

If you're interested in getting to know other regular ANers reading and responding to their journals would probably help a lot :)


Hmm..

can't really think of many job places aside from the standard retail, fastfood jobs


For interviews, it's a good idea to practice how you'll respond to common questions eg "what would your friends/classmates say about you?" "what's your greatest weakness/strength?" as well as thinking of examples of when you've demonstrated things like teamwork, initiative etc.  researchng the place you're applying for as also a good idea too!


Good luck :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: lacitam on January 17, 2019, 11:12:44 pm
Woah! my last post did score some points didn't it! (bursts into fit of laughter). nah its all good. Anyways, I am going out tomorrow, I have 16 resumes and 16 references printed, in folders ready to go, bad thing is, I have exactly 7 places I want to apply for a job. So now I handball it to you guys! where do you work? where is a good place for a first job? any tips for interviews? help of any sort would be great xxx
i work at woolworths and cashier is probably the most stale job in the world. other than the job being boring, everything's alright (except for rush hour. oh god i hate this moment)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 18, 2019, 02:19:00 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 18, 2019, 02:21:37 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 19, 2019, 09:27:27 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 25, 2019, 04:46:06 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on January 25, 2019, 05:05:09 pm
Hey Lexie, it's really great to have you here! :) Have enjoyed your posts so far. How are you finding the heat today? Haha.

So, I'm new...annnnd we don't really know much about each other. Well I don't with you guys. Tell me a bit about yourselves.

Where ya from?
What are your interests?
What makes you most happy?
What do you want to achieve and be in your life?

I'll start...

I am from Victoria.

My interests are reading, sleeping, walking, being social and being helpful in any way is can

What makes me most happy would certainly be puppy dogs, sitting beside water with a good book under a tree, my friends and shopping.

Like 70% of most teen girls, I want to travel Europe and see the world, but I also want to dedicate my life helping people in need, or helping anything in anyway I can to improve or make it better.

I'm from Victoria, too! I enjoy sport, design and reading. What type of books do you like best? I also love playing with my puppy! His name is Neville. 🐶

heyo!!

me again....

I start school really soon and am studying "To Kill a Mockingbird" in English. From past year 10's who have had to study this, is it worth prereading? like before school starts? will it help me understand more or is it not really worth it? ....and yes I know prereading isn't a word, roll with it  ;D

How are you feeling about school going back?

In terms of To Kill A Mockingbird, there's no harm in giving it a bit of a read! I wouldn't stress too much about it either way, but I'd encourage you to give it a shot - I actually think it's a pretty enjoyable book! Haha.

Looking forward to your next post. :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: AngelWings on January 25, 2019, 06:05:52 pm
I start school really soon and am studying "To Kill a Mockingbird" in English. From past year 10's who have had to study this, is it worth prereading? like before school starts? will it help me understand more or is it not really worth it? ....and yes I know prereading isn't a word, roll with it  ;D
I remember studying this a long time ago (like Year 8 ). My recommendation for TKAM is to start at Chapter 7, read to end and come back and read from the start to Chapter 7. This method actually gives you everything in sequence. (And yes, it's probably worth a short read through to understand the setting of the book.)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: lm21074 on January 25, 2019, 06:19:33 pm
So, I'm new...annnnd we don't really know much about each other. Well I don't with you guys. Tell me a bit about yourselves.

Where ya from?
What are your interests?
What makes you most happy?
What do you want to achieve and be in your life?

I'll start...

I am from Victoria.

My interests are reading, sleeping, walking, being social and being helpful in any way is can

What makes me most happy would certainly be puppy dogs, sitting beside water with a good book under a tree, my friends and shopping.

Like 70% of most teen girls, I want to travel Europe and see the world, but I also want to dedicate my life helping people in need, or helping anything in anyway I can to improve or make it better.
Hi Lexie! Just read through your journal so far and I'm looking forward to your future posts! :)

my responses
I'm also from Vic and I'm in Year 10. I like science, animals, and surrounding myself with good people. I think the things you've listed are pretty lit too. 8)
Like you, I'd like to travel the world and maybe go interrailing around Europe. :)
Overall, I think what you wrote really sums up what I want to achieve:
I also want to dedicate my life helping people in need, or helping anything in anyway I can to improve or make it better.
 

Any specific places in Europe you'd like to see?

Good luck for the job applications and I hope school treats you well!  :)



P.S. TKAM is a great book. I think you'll enjoy it!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Yertle the Turtle on January 25, 2019, 06:23:39 pm
So, I'm new...annnnd we don't really know much about each other. Well I don't with you guys. Tell me a bit about yourselves.

Where ya from?
What are your interests?
What makes you most happy?
What do you want to achieve and be in your life?

I'll start...

I am from Victoria.

My interests are reading, sleeping, walking, being social and being helpful in any way is can

What makes me most happy would certainly be puppy dogs, sitting beside water with a good book under a tree, my friends and shopping.

Like 70% of most teen girls, I want to travel Europe and see the world, but I also want to dedicate my life helping people in need, or helping anything in anyway I can to improve or make it better.
Hey Lexie!
Nice to meet you!
About me
I also am one of the special people who consider Victoria their home (though at present in India ::) )
I am extremely interested in life, though I'm not sure I'd miss it if I didn't have it. :P My serious interests are in nature, practical philosophy and the true sciences (Physics and Chemistry). I also make a habit of studying the people around me, which is quite a good hobby, in my opinion. I also spend copious amounts of time drawing, as well as following my other major hobby, which I share with you: sleeping.
I find myself happiest at times when I'm around my close friends and family, as well as when wandering in nature, particularly in places like the Grampians. I must agree with you also about being around puppies, I think you'd have to be the grouchiest person to not feel happy around them.
In life I just want to be happy with people who I get on well with, and I would love to visit a) the UK b) Yellowstone and c) the Alps.

I really look forward to reading about your journey, good luck for this year, and as you head on in life :D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 25, 2019, 07:33:37 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 26, 2019, 12:12:02 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 28, 2019, 10:05:05 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on January 28, 2019, 11:28:26 pm
yeah, you may hate me because I am a newbie here and omg she is already opening up and thinking she belongs here. and I hate to make anyone feel that way. I guess for a long time I have wanted somewhere to belong.
There's nothing you could say here that would make us hate you. You do belong here - don't doubt that.

What you've written here sounds incredibly similar to how I felt in year 10 and 11. It got to the point where at the end of year 11 I started distancing myself from a lot of my friends because it was just too stressful to be around them - not that I'm saying that's what you should do, it's just what I did.

I guess something you should try and remember is that you're not responsible for anyone else. That might sound kind of harsh, and it's totally fine to want to help other people, but if it's getting to the point where that's hurting you then sometimes you just need to take a step back.

From what you've said it sounds like you're trying to figure out who you are. Back when I was in year 10 I tried to do that by being alone a lot, I used to go riding my bike around the city, or just go exploring areas I hadn't been to - much to my mum's annoyance haha -  and it helped at the time, being away from people who knew me. By being around strangers I could really try and figure out who I wanted to be without being confined by how people expected me to act.

Obviously that's really hard to do in high school. I thought I'd figured out how to be me in year 12 - but really I hadn't, even just being out of school for a few months has helped.

in high school? you worry about everything. your hair, what food you eat, the way you dress, the money you have, the way people see you, everything. since high school I have become the most insecure, stressed, sad person I know. and nothing has happened to make it happen. it just did.
Despite how much it seems like everyone is judging you, really the majority of people are too busy worrying about themselves. Something I said in year 11 - originally out of anger, but I still stand by it - was something along the lines of 'you're going to find something to hate about me anyway, I'm only going to change me if I'm annoying myself.' That's easier said than done, but really, no matter what you do there's going to be someone who'll hate your hair, or your clothes, or your makeup, or the way you walk, and there's no point trying to please everyone - you won't succeed.

I'd encourage you to spend some time thinking about who you want to be - not what other people want you to be, or how you want others to perceive you - but what makes you comfortable and what makes you feel like yourself (if that makes any sense). Don't expect to figure it out straight away - it takes ages, but if you give it a bit of time and try a lot of different things eventually you'll start to figure out what makes you feel good - whether that's what clothes you like, or how you act, or any other variable.

It can certainly help to write down how you're feeling - both to force yourself to think about it, and to get a perspective from others on it and it's really great that you feel safe enough here to do that - and I hope you know that you're welcome to write down how you're feeling at any time, there'll be no judgement from us.

You might also find it helpful to talk to a teacher or your school's welfare department - I know you've said you appreciate the anonymity on here, if that's also the case with talking to adults then Kids Helpline have a phone number (1800 55 1800) which you can call anytime - they can be pretty helpful ^-^
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: mango8 on January 29, 2019, 01:08:16 am

this is a bit of my story I guess.

hey there.

Firstly, no one hates you here, from what I’ve read from all your earlier journal posts, you are a bright and beautiful soul. We all want to belong somewhere, and for some of us, it takes a long while until we finally feel at peace with who we are and who we are surrounding ourselves with. You will always have a place here, everyone who comes here does. You matter, don’t ever doubt that.

High school is often filled with many fake, toxic people who bring you down and there very few people who are genuine. From my experience (this is a small proportion of people compared to the real world), girls, can really be too much, judgemental, slanderous and addicted to gossip and posting millions of pictures for attention, to get validation they so desperately seek, because deep down, they’re insecure. Guys, on the other hand, are a thousand times better and so much easier to talk to and you actually can enjoy spending time with them. And high school at the end of the day, is such a tiny part of your life, that will be so insignificant in a few years. You will find your place, and your people. We all change so much throughout life and only really find ourselves much later, our true selves emerge when we find our people and are comfortable being our true selves.

I understand what you mean completely. I just wrote all about that, I know what it’s like to give your all and always be there for people, only to get the bare minimum or nothing in return. To keep trying and trying but waiting for someone to fight for me and love me the way I do them. People don’t get that you can be surrounded by crowds of people, many whom you may consider friends and still always be on the precipice, like you’re watching everything through glass and you aren’t being seen. And you have to remember, you can’t solve everyone’s problems because you’ll just burn out. You can only do the best you can but you can’t be expected to give your everything all the time, it drains you, so for those people who really matter, let them know you care but that you can’t always be there to carry all their emotional baggage because then you’ll have nothing left. You need to look after you first.

You are capable and you can do anything. You have a fire inside of you and you will make amazing things happen. There will come a day when what people think doesn’t matter and you just won’t care anymore. Anyone who acts like nothing bothers them and they have such impenetrably thick skin and nothing can get to them is just lying to themselves, it’s just a shield to protect them from getting hurt, they put on the tough act, but really they hurt more than those who are ‘thin-skinned’.

One day you will look in the mirror and smile and love yourself and just be who you are when you figure out who that is. All this high school stuff, it’s all temporary. All those toxic people who we spend so much attention on, they won’t get anywhere in life, they won’t mean anything, because you don’t get anywhere by poisoning others around you, it’s people like you Lexie, who will be remembered in life. A time will come in a few years when you’ll find people who see your light and value and appreciate and adore and love you and won’t be able to imagine their world without you.

In the meantime, you will find people here who understand and care about you. Writing is extremely beneficial to let all the thoughts and feelings bogged down in our mind out and it means we can also try to offer our views and help out. Do all the things that bring you joy everyday and spend lots of time with dogs, who never judge you or care about who you are or how you speak or dress or look, all they want is you and your heart and that’s why dogs are the best thing to exist in this world because dogs are so pure and beautiful and perfect and will always love you. 

Hold on until then sweetie, this isn’t forever, we are rooting for you.




Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: YangChiFan on January 29, 2019, 01:45:56 am
It's totally fine to be feeling what you're experiencing now.

As mentioned before from the other posts, high school is really filled with toxic and fake people.
As a fun anecdote, I remember in year 8, there were a group of girls that kept on bullying me. I never did anything but take their shit for the whole year. Anyways, fast forward a bit and I finally asked why they were doing the shit they did to me, and their reply was something really bullshit (can't remember too much) All my male 'friends' didn't really do anything even though they saw me always getting hurt, so I just disassociated myself with them. Follow up, the girls did kinda make amends with me (I even dated one of them, which later on sparked an unpleasant rumour throughout my whole entire cohort, but that's for another story).

I definitely experienced what you were feeling back in high school. I was self-conscious about myself and I always thought people were talking about me behind my back. You just need time to know who you really are with the help of elders or any other means. It gets better soon, I promise.
All the best.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 29, 2019, 02:27:08 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 29, 2019, 02:38:56 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 31, 2019, 04:02:52 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on January 31, 2019, 04:08:27 pm
Hey!

If you replace the word "SAC" with "test", that's pretty much what it is haha. It's just a fancier word for pretty much what you would have experienced in earlier years. Typically the same sort of "exam conditions" will apply, but this will depend a bit on your school. But yeah, a drink bottle should be totally fine. If your school is super stringent, it might have to be see-through and with no labels, but this was never the case at my school.

I don't think it's weird, btw! I had a drink bottle in every single SAC and exam through Year 11 and Year 12. I think it's a great strategy! ;D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on January 31, 2019, 05:13:59 pm
Hey,


I'm glad to see that you've been able to find some support and relief from reaching out here - I know it can take a lot of courage to be open and share things, especially when you may have a frame of mind telling you the community doesn't want that (you're certainly allowed to talk about your experiences in your journal - including unpleasant ones - and you are part of the AN community).

It sucks that you didn't find KH very helpful the first time - good on you for giving it a shot though. In my experience it took talking to a few different counsellors (this was at school not over KH) for me to find someone who I connected with and worked well for me (& I have friends who have also found that it took them a few tries to find a mental health professional who was a good fit); so, as hard as it can be, I would recommend that you keep trying to find a better fit for you. Definitely no judgement here for struggling with that - I just want to help you aid yourself.


As for your questions: 
- J41 has it 100% correct. It might help to know that SAC stands for School Assessed Coursework
- I'd probably wear it up if hot weather is forecasted. What's least effort/time and most comfotable for you?
- I always wear short socks so I'd go with that. Maybe consider the weather and what you'd be most comfortable in?
- I've make up a grand total of twice in my life so I'd go with no BUT if anyone judges someone for "trying too hard" I'd consider that to be an incredibly not valuable opinion and try not to pay it any attention. In fact, I might pity them for time & energy they're wasting on those thoughts  and the opportunities that's denying them.
- yeah, I clearly have no idea where they are but best of luck finding them
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 31, 2019, 11:30:41 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on January 31, 2019, 11:49:19 pm
So even in yr 12 exams (like the major ones) your aloud a drink bottle?

anyways I will give an update tomorrow about my first day! should probably head to bed, I am getting up early to stop my first day jitters!
Yep you're allowed a drink bottle in any SAC or exam - for the year 12 exams it has to be a clear bottle with no labels though.

Good luck for tomorrow!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Poet on January 31, 2019, 11:57:00 pm
(darn, Phoenixx beat me to the waterbottle thing  :D)

Good luck for tomorrow!! We'll be cheering you on and ready to lend support from here. You'll be fine. ❤️
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 01, 2019, 10:17:16 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on February 01, 2019, 11:31:48 pm
I started my day off bright and early, dressed (back in that fucking school dress 🤮), done my hair. (This one is for mini turtle.... I wore my hair down, and my long socks 😂😂) I chucked on some mascara and brushed my teeth.

Haha glad you were able to decide in the end 😂

-----
Lots of people change a lot during highschool so hopefully you can - maybe if not connect with - at least be comfortably around some of your peers that haven't left the best impression on you. Maybe you won't (I'm not going to pretend I was best friends with everyone in my cohort) but I've learnt that sometimes people I've initially think I'd never be friends with can turn out to be great people.

I'm glad that everything seems to be going ok so far :)

I'm having a pretty boring weekend but hopefully someone else has a more interesting one to share!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 03, 2019, 07:41:15 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 05, 2019, 06:33:28 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 08, 2019, 05:04:05 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 14, 2019, 10:48:49 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: zuijinde on February 15, 2019, 12:01:24 am
Check your PM :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on February 15, 2019, 09:58:58 am
Hey,

I'm not back at uni yet but I've been doing some uni-related stuff and so far so good! 

Kudos for managing to stay ahead and complete work when you're finding it hard to take care of your health - that takes a lot.  I found that when I was struggling to eat that breakfast was important to set me up for the day (even though this could be hard with feeling nauseous) BUT what I would really highly encourage is seeing a doctor. It's possible that the root behind this is biological and/or psychological and we could only have rough guesses while a doctor could help you understand what's actually going on and what to do about it.  Not getting enough nutrition can impact you in a lot of ways, and I would love to see you get healthier sooner.

Year 10 was a turning point for me where I really opened up to someone about things trapped in my mind for too long.  I hope that you experience the same relief,  trust & support that I did.  That being said,  as much as I admire the courage it takes to open up and believe it can really help there is no pressure to share anything on here that you are uncomfortable with.  None whatsoever. 

I'm glad your speech went well - more proof that the internal voices that try to tear people down are often wrong :)

thank you for the kind compliments - I hope that the day when you believe these things about yourself is earlier than you expect :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 15, 2019, 10:21:08 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 18, 2019, 10:20:33 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: pepper77 on February 18, 2019, 11:21:26 pm
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about how often other people post in their journals. If you've got something to say, and it's not against the rules (e.g. 'lol' and nothing else :P) go for it!

Man, it's easy to get stuck in a bad place. Do you have any strategies for when you feel yourself starting to retreat into your shell? Or are there any warning signs that come before you start feeling bad? It might help to write them down or post them in your journal so that you're more aware of them.
If it's okay, I'd like to share some things that have helped me out in the past.
Spoiler
  • Take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else! Imagine you're a cute little prep kid. You have to get into the habit of being relentlessly nice and patient, because who could hate a 5 year old? "No one loves me" I love little me. (Even if it feels fake at first, keep telling yourself that.) "I don't want to eat breakfast" That's okay, you can just eat half of this. "I really don't feel up to doing all this homework" That's fine! Just do one question/write down one idea for this essay and then you're done. "I can't do any more." You've done so well, get some rest and try a bit tomorrow.
  • Lists. I love lists. Put down a few small tasks in big writing, like drinking a glass of water, spending three minutes outside in the sun, doing two questions from the homework. Then scribble them out thickly so you get that feeling of accomplishment.
  • Easier said than done but try not to consume too much 'sad' media. I love Halsey's voice, but I found that listening to her when I was sad would make me feel better at that moment... but then I'd find myself listening to a sad song on repeat, feeling worse than ever. Sometimes listening to something catchy or really self-congratulatory can help. I listened to It's Raining Men and Mika a lot when I was down.
  • Remember that high school... doesn't really matter. It's like 6 years out of 80. 6 years is like a sneeze to an 80 year old. Your worth is not dependent on how organised you are when you're 15. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate atm and I promise, it will pass. You're doing amazing juggling it all already.
  • Most importantly: when it's getting bad, talk to someone. Posting on here is good but do you have a school counsellor or a teacher you can vent to as well? (School staff are great because they can talk to your subject teachers and ask them to lay off you a bit.) If not, there's people on beyondblue (both their forum and the support chat service) who are way better than me at getting out of their shells. It's anonymous too

I like the metaphor, crabs are seriously so adorable... if you're a hermit crab take care of yourself! Good luck with your SAC
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on February 18, 2019, 11:56:38 pm
before I go on, do I post too often? I see most peoples blog posts are not as often as me and idk, I don't wanna annoy you guys.
It's your thread, you can post as frequently or infrequently as you like :) There were times last year when I was posting in my journal every second day - sometimes twice in one day - and other times when I wouldn't post for a couple of weeks in a row. There's no right amount, just go with what feels right to you.

every now and then I get in a real shitty dark and fucked up place, I feel like shit like I am failing myself and everyone, like I am unwanted, not loved, unnoticed, hated, ignored and like I cant trust anyone. As I slowly start to creep back out of my shell and things start to get better, and I think its a fresh start and I will never go back to where I was and I deliberately go out of my way to crawl around people, and hide away and avoid anything that will make me spiral out of control and drown (ik crabs cant drown....just roll with it  :)) But just when I think things are amazing and I finally have control over me and my life and I am happy and free a kid picks me up and wants to play with me, and in an instant I am straight back into my shell, unnoticed, hidden, I suddenly get boring and the kid thinks I have disappeared like sand escaping a clasped hand. I am back In that dark place, and its one bad thing after another wether its a sick family member, a friend hurting me, a father who never understands me, an uncle who just seems to judge, teachers putting pressure, mum getting mad. its never a bit of good and a bit of bad, its either all good or all bad. but each time it gets worse and I go into a dark place, listening to depressing, sad music, feeling insecure, hardly leaving my room, not eating, I'm unorganised, I don't care anymore, I just don't care. I am now becoming used to the bruised punching bag in the gym, the disturbed crab on the beach, the ball that's kicked and hit and controlled.

every time I fall backwards like this, the feelings get worse and worse, I smile and be nice and be fake all day, to people, sometimes going to the bathroom to cry or taking extra long at my locker because I am fighting tears by how hard my life is right now. but at night, I am a total recluse. I only come out for dinner, which I hardly eat, I pretend I don't hear my mum calling me so when I come out they are half done and I can eat slowly before throwing the rest out. I just don't want to eat, I have no motivation to, im never hungry and yeah.

I have a lot of family problems atm, friend problems, school and studying, oh yeah, not to mention a SAC this week that I am studying for. I just feel I cant do it. I started this year off great and it is just slowly falling apart once again. its not a "when will it get better, or its ok lex, keep your head high, or before you know it it will be ok" no, none of that. its a "what's next, what else is gonna go wrong, what happens if I cant handle it all"

sorry for my word vomit, my whole crab metaphor and the personification I had in my head sounded much better there then it is worded here.

Hope everyone is well, and isn't as stressed and stuffed as me.
love ya's all xx

-Lex
hey Lex, we want you to be well too.
I hope that writing out how you're feeling helps, but I'd also encourage you to talk to someone who can really help you with managing how you're feeling. I know you've said before that you struggle to talk to people face to face, but I'd encourage you to try calling Kids Helpline again, or to call a different service like Beyond Blue. If you're feeling up to it, you're old enough to go see a doctor alone and they'd be able to help you find someone you're comfortable talking to.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 20, 2019, 05:46:12 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: EllingtonFeint on February 20, 2019, 06:11:28 pm
    ...one is an anxious freak, like me. we are literally brother and sister, we are close, the other one is so nice and amazing. and we have found a classroom with a dodgy window. so every recess and lunch we climb in through the window and chill, take quizzes, help each other with homework and have fun...

    Bye for now xx
Your climbing through a window comment killed me  ;D love it! I mean can WE be friends?
Kids are awful. Just literally count down the days till the end of high school.
My advice is probably quite suckish and banal or whatevs but actually find something that you get excited about!
Like something that you can obsess about...
For me, that’s usually a new mystery book coming out by my favourite author, face masking every Friday and relaxing, shopping (Virtually the IRL Cher Horowitz here)  or watching Supernatural episodes (Dean Winchester is the only thing getting me through year 12 right now!  ::) )
Something that makes you happy and gives you something to look forward to.

Hope I helped and hope you feel better! You can be my friend! :) xx[/list]
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 21, 2019, 12:11:11 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 22, 2019, 09:49:03 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on February 22, 2019, 09:54:38 am
It’s much easier to remember stuff when you see the questions. Just try and relax before then (music helps)
Good luck :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on February 22, 2019, 12:09:04 pm
I've had camp so I haven't been on here for a bit but:

I've got orientation week next week,  and the week after that classes start. 

Something that I think is great about hermit crabs is that they adapt.  The shell they surround themselves in is temporary,  and they regularly discard them and find new ones that fit them better.  It takes time to get to the new match they want,  but then they get to experience a whole new environment.

Social dynamics at highschool can be pretty terrible, but I'm glad to see that you've got two good friends. It can feel awful when people make baseless assumptions simply because of having good friends who aren't the same gender; as much as it sucks now, at least it doesn't really matter in any concrete way.

As difficult as it is to reach out, I hope that you're able to get help from a professional in managing your health and wellbeing. It can be hard to find your way to a better space, especially if you don't have a place where you can feel open, safe,  comfortable & able to rejuvenate - I wouldn't want you to feel that you had to go through this alone or without that support.

Good luck for your SAC and I hope the difficulties you're experiencing ease soon.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 23, 2019, 07:21:47 pm
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 25, 2019, 05:52:46 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on February 26, 2019, 05:59:21 pm
I GOT A B!!!! I PASSED!!!!!! 73%!!!!!!! I was so happy. I passed my first ever SAC!!!! I was so proud of myself, especially because I had left my notebook in my teachers office over the week and had forgotten all about it until it was too late.

Awesome! One SAC down - great result. :)

(https://i.imgur.com/cy1vSAP.gif)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 27, 2019, 05:37:49 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 27, 2019, 09:54:35 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on February 27, 2019, 10:24:15 pm
:(

Really sucks that things are being difficult rn - hope it gets better soon.

If you want to post some stuff up you're struggling with we can try to help; sometimes I find that having a different perspective helps :)


There's plenty of stories on an about people going from really struggling to finding the success & understanding they want - I hope this happens with you.

Good luck!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 27, 2019, 10:56:17 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Poet on February 27, 2019, 11:50:47 pm
Hey, Lex!
Hope you're okay.

I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I really struggled with anxiety all throughout my VCE, and although I felt it let me down a lot, it wasn't the end of my ability to cross the finish line.

I found AN to be my safe place, too. And I hate maths and can't understand it at all! Actually, correction - I managed to understand just enough to get by. And that's all you need too. We've got a lot in common :)

Anyway, just letting you know that I read every single word of your journal and totally get what you're going through. If you ever want to talk feel free to shoot me a PM.

💙
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 28, 2019, 07:19:51 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 01, 2019, 08:48:24 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Evolio on March 01, 2019, 09:02:19 pm
Quote
I was so focused on trying my hardest and getting it done I didn't want to waste anytime on anything. I did tell them to shut up (politely), but an anxious loser like me has no power, so it didn't work. there were so many times I needed help and I wanted to ask but I stuck to the right thing. In year 12 I am not going to get help, I won't be aloud to, so I wasn't gonna get help. I managed to finish my test, I went over it a million times and changed quite a few answers. I am praying for a pass. Honestly I want to pass by a lot but my track record blurs that vision.

Don't worry about the test. By the looks of it,  looks like you knew what you were doing and you had plenty of time left to check over your answers for any mistakes and you fixed them up! That means you would be getting higher than if you didn't check over the test, so good job! You have nothing to fear. (Unlike me who never has time to check over their work and has silly mistakes all over their test that it's not even funny, it's a big problem).

Quote
More heartbreaking news, Our escape room is no longer ours
Aw, that sucks. Don't worry, I am sure you and your mates will find a new escape room soon enough that is just as good. Maybe even better!

Quote
Anyways, I helped my old mate with English and got back my French test, I got an A and I didnt even study! I guess that makes me feel great as its the first french test of the year with a new teacher. Idk why I find French so easy, I have only studied it for 3 years (this is my 4th). But yeah. It gave me more time to study for my math, that I pray helped!
That's so amazing! Good job! Are you thinking of taking  French for VCE? Do you like French? I did French fot two years and I found it a bit hard because of all the millions of tenses.

Quote
I didn't wanna mention this in case it doesn't work out but I am happy to announce I think I finally got a job!
This is amazing news! I am so happy for you! What kind of job is it?

Quote
But most will know why you are *cough* Evolio <3
I smiled so big here that my mouth hurt!
 ;D ;D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 01, 2019, 10:27:18 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on March 01, 2019, 10:45:20 pm
That sounds pretty frustrating :( I can't remember if you have talked to your teacher or co-ordinator about the difficulties your having but I would definitely try both of those if you haven't yet. Good luck

Hope you guys can find a space you're comfortable in again or find a way to be comfortable in the spaces you currently know you can access soon. It's strange how quickly the meaning of a place can change for you

Congrats on the job!! :D

It's great to see you & Evolio supporting each other; seems like you work fantastically together :)
Thank you for contributing to AN and becoming an active part of the community - it's gratifying in a cozy sort of way to see people find a deep sense of belonging and support here
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 02, 2019, 06:47:49 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 06, 2019, 05:35:31 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on March 06, 2019, 05:52:58 pm
you guys are all so sad because you totally love my rants and long stories and it totally doesn't bore you!
This, but not sarcastically.

Sorry to leave you guys hanging,
You don't need to apologise for this! I'm looking forward to reading your update whenever you find time to write it <3
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 08, 2019, 05:53:52 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on March 08, 2019, 06:26:37 pm
Woooo!! Congratulations!

I'm glad you've been able to see a reward from all your hard work :D
Seems like things are looking up despite the stress - I hope it continues that way for a while

As a Monash student I don't get a long weekend, but my ecology lab on Monday is a field trip which is nice; I hope you also (somehow) find some time to go into a natural environment and maybe reset a little :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 12, 2019, 10:23:23 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Evolio on March 13, 2019, 05:02:26 pm
I am so sorry w0lfqu33n89.
But I know that you will keep your head high.
It's going to be okay and if you need anything, anything at all, talk to me.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on March 14, 2019, 08:32:35 am
Atarnotes lectures are held at RMIT - just a little up Swanston St from Melbourne Central.
I love meeting through leadership training events and seeing their altruistic drive (especially my course mates <3 )

No need to apologise for sharing information about where you're at - we want to support you. The only part of your story I can directly relate to here is having a grandparent die before you were born. For me, this was my father's mother, and I've felt that she would've been the only person on that side of the family I would've gotten along with; I don't know if this is similar at all to you, but I doubt it's exactly the same. We aren't going to know how to best support you through this, so although we will listen with empathy (as always) feel free to tell us where we're going wrong.

You might have trouble believing me, but reading that story I firmly believe it wasn't your fault. It seems like you and your Nanna have great, incredibly strong connection; I'm glad you've been and are able to experience that and draw on your mutual support,

Good luck with work and your homework; I know you'll get through this
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 17, 2019, 08:42:39 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: lm21074 on March 17, 2019, 08:58:23 pm
Hey Lex!

It's good to hear things are going okay atm.

Enjoy the chocolate! What's your favourite kind? 8)

I'm not mt but you can find info about the lectures here.

Wishing you all the best :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 22, 2019, 11:29:56 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: AngelWings on March 24, 2019, 04:47:10 pm
Good to hear that you had a relatively alright week, Lex. :) Sucks to hear what Bagel Boy had to go through, but glad that he's okay now. Hope to hear about your friendship with Mocha again soon.

Ok thanks, asked mum about the lectures she doesn't like the idea of me going to the city alone and then trying to find level whatever at RMIT and then the room. *shrugs*
Your mum is concerned for your safety and means well. If you're still determined to go, maybe you can convince a responsible friend (or a willing older sibling-type figure?) to meet up and go with you, letting your mum know of the plans? 

In better news I got an 83% on my math practice test first go! I still decided to see a teacher for a few questions so I can try to get a better mark, because I aim to do well this week.
Woo! That's great to hear. Hope you can keep this up. 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwidj_6B4JXhAhXLuo8KHeBPAU4QjRx6BAgBEAU&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Di%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26source%3Dimages%26cd%3D%26ved%3D%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.pinterest.com%252Fpin%252F65654107047952964%252F%26psig%3DAOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx%26ust%3D1553344135030494&psig=AOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx&ust=1553344135030494

ps. not sure how to add pictures, hopefully this shows if not, how to you post pictures?
If you check out the "How to embed images into your post" section of this post, you can try following the instructions. It should look a little something like this:
Spoiler
(https://www.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/i0_yPgEFcOjYdZBM1Hc66o1xJM_CE6ukAyGQJEmD8Og/mtime:1473345162/sites/default/files/53friendshipquotes.jpg)

Alternative method for images that exist already online:
1. Find image you want on internet.
2. Get the link of the photo (make sure it's the link of the photo specifically), usually via "copy image address" or something similar. (I tend to right click on a PC. Might be different on other devices.) 
3. Click the "Insert image" button (the button above the post box with the tiny pic of the Mona Lisa on it) and insert the link between the two sets of square brackets.
4. Optional: If you like, you can adjust the width and height to make the image a different size, like I did, by adding "width=[insert number here]" and "height=[insert number here]" after "img" in the first set of square brackets. (I made it smaller above.)

Tip: It's easier on a PC than a phone, I find.
You can give it a shot in your next post, if you wish. :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 26, 2019, 08:28:47 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Evolio on March 27, 2019, 04:09:13 pm
Hey lex!
That is a phenomenal math test score! You absolutely smashed it! You got through to the end!

I agree with your rant. More time, effort and energy should definitely be put into finding cures for diseases. I mean we need to save people first before we get all advanced with out tech right? Am i right or am I right?

Good on you for helping Bagel Boy! You are a true friend!

Don't worry. Just be yourself and everything will shine through! I know this is cliche but the inside matters, not the outside.
Also I thought I would share a quote because why not:
'Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. It is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly a beautiful soul'-anonymous.

Stay true to yourself!
See ya later.
 :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 03, 2019, 10:48:26 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on April 07, 2019, 07:46:03 am
Anyways, just a side note I am not always sad and anxious and stressed, it just seems that when I am these things I find the motivation to post....idk why.
Yeah that tends to be when I update my journal too. I guess it just helps to write out what's going on when you're feeling like that.

So my 98% soon vanished as my brother got 100% on his math test, so I kept getting teased by my family when they know how sensitive I am about math (honestly, with all the breakdowns I have and how its so easily for me to think they are judging I would of thought they got the memo by now.) even my mums coworker said it as a joke to me and I laughed at it but I had not felt so down in ages after that.
Ooft. Yeah that's shit. Do you think you could try telling them that comparing you to your brother hurts or would that not make a difference? (Totally get if it wouldn't help though - my family wouldn't care at all).

Idk what's happening with all the juniors at work, the new one,(who I like and is super nice) hasn't been rostered back on in two weeks and my boss really liked her as well) this week we have an open day on Sunday so people can see all the greenhouses that aren't generally open to public so we have a lot of staff on and not just me this week, which will lower my anxiety about answering peoples questions and strengthen my anxiety about meeting my coworkers.

I have had the past 2 days off school, not feeling to stable mentally and we have had PTI's.
I went to Bagel Boy's house Tuesday with Milk Man. I am really worried about BB as he isn't the best, and he forgot to take his medication that day so he was very drowsy. Today I mostly slept and cried... like legit in a cycle. I didn't eat at all. and Idk if any of you peeps can relate but you just look in the mirror and fill yourself with self hate and just react with grabbing scissors and cutting your hair... well my hair is now much shorter, I cut off like 1.5 inches and idk why I did it. I am messed up. Like it looks fine but like the fuckkkkkk.
Is there anything you enjoy that you could do as a distraction when you start to feel like that? Drawing or playing a game or writing or something?
I've almost cut my hair short so many times maybe I'll actually do it someday but I kinda like the aesthetic I've got going at the moment so not just yet

I just want this term to be over. My room is such a mess I havent done any homework and its all due tomorrow, I have to finish my essay, there is just so much drama and I am spiralling into old habits. idk. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it rn. so hi guys!
(also when I do this stuff I don't expect anything in return and its not a cry for help...its merely my way of getting it out, like how some people scream into a pillow or throw axes at targets I write....and write.....and write.)

Eh... I should probably go now!

Don't forget to like and subscribe! and comment down below! (hehe sorry)

Au revoir tout le monde!
Got any plans for the holidays? Are you going to the meetup tomorrow?
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on April 07, 2019, 09:45:44 am
Things might be a mess & it might be hard to see yourself making progress but if you keep trying you eventually look back and see how much has changed.

Hope being on holidays helps you stop the slide soon :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 08, 2019, 01:37:32 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on April 09, 2019, 05:25:12 pm
Who'd you see at the Comedy Festival? :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 09, 2019, 06:44:49 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on April 11, 2019, 05:13:31 pm
Me and MM saw the Buttsmarn. There were soooooo many people, it was chaos. But it was so great. Have you been at all to the comedy festival?

Cool!

Yeah, I think twice. I saw Tim Minchin many years ago, and Paul Foot maybe last year or the year before. Enjoyed both!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 13, 2019, 09:26:36 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on April 20, 2019, 08:51:41 pm
Hola!!!!!

how is everyone? how are your holidays going?....or to you uni students, how is uni? don't fit those categories? Then how's life ma dudes?
I'm a uni student who is also on holidays haha.
I've gotten an unsurprisingly small amount of study done these holidays lol

But yeah. slowly getting through my homework...for once I might have it all done before the night before school...holy shit WHATTTT!? Ik Lexie what is happening darling?
How are you going with it? I think I only ever finished all my holiday homework once haha

anyways, I wanna start some conversations.
Whats one thing you are proud of yourself for doing or achieving in the last 2 weeks? I wanna make some people smile!
I've actually managed to relax a bit and do some fun things, which I'm normally really bad at :) Also I made memes that people seemed to find amusing and I'm proud of that lol
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on April 21, 2019, 10:00:24 am
Uni student on mid-semester break (1 week holiday).

I'm pretty good. I've been coping with the stress of assignments pretty well & have been improving my sleeping patterns :)

I'm proud of achieving 14/15 on my website assignment - I didn't expect to get such a high mark (no one really get 100%s on assignments in Impact through Science units). I can also see why I couldn't have gotten 100% which is nice :)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 28, 2019, 09:39:46 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: zuijinde on April 28, 2019, 10:25:39 pm
I am slowly building up some courage and confidence to post a video of me singing on instagram. (fuckkkkkk).
I'd honestly love to hear you sing! Don't feel pressured to if you eventually change your mind though :)

Anyways, I am stressed out affff. This week I have an Open Night where I am helping the French faculty to answer any questions that people have and everything. I have a sac and a dissection and then another sac the next week! I am so stressed plus all of my other subjects that need to be done, have a major assessment in Lit, an upcoming math test, we are doing genetics in Sci and it is full ON like I am so intrigued but it is so much to take in.
I feel your pain... I'm working like 20+ hours every week plus I need to balance uni stuff. Not fun if you ask me.

  this term is hectic as we have so much going on, plus my work experience and I feel like I am just crumbling under pressure. every class this term already has started off with "This term is going to be hard." I am literally dying on the inside. Had a breakdown last night and was in a bad mood all day today. ARGHHHHHHH. which is a struggle when you have to be pleasant to customers. 
If you need to, take a break from work. I was extremely greedy back when I did VCE that I neglected my insanity tolerance lol, I kinda wished I took breaks to focus on my schoolwork and other stuff.

I had heaps more to report but I am so brain dead from all my homework. I am so sorry guys. Don't know when my next update will be. I hate just writing quick stuff like this I like to think about what I wanna say and take time in my updates! 
Keep up with the updates! Your journal is great to read and one of my favourites out of the bunch
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 02, 2019, 07:04:16 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on May 02, 2019, 07:28:01 pm
^I think J41 will be there (or at least I think he's gonna be there for some of the days), he's probably the only person you'd know though.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 02, 2019, 07:31:29 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 04, 2019, 10:37:49 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 07, 2019, 08:51:24 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Joseph41 on May 08, 2019, 10:01:56 am
Friday I attended the careers expo, I actually had lots of fun, I went around with my mates and visited all the uni's and even wandered past the AN booth! I just ended up being an anxious idiot and didn't say much. I saw a guy and girl there though and asked if the books were for sale...I literally bought like $10 so I couldn't get one. So Joseph 41 if that was you....hi!

Yeet - yep, that was me! ;D

How did you find the Expo overall?
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 08, 2019, 07:55:35 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 10, 2019, 01:15:21 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on May 10, 2019, 06:54:42 pm
Having a mind blank in an assessment sucks :( I don't have too much experience with this but doing a bunch of practices where you only plan + write the intro might help train you to overcome this? 

That sounds like it could be really rewarding - I hope your work experience goes well!

I'm thinking I'll update my journal over the weekend so there'll be more detail there but next week I've got an Academic Mixer (networking event) and I'll be meeting some people I'm going overseas for a leadership program with on :D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 10, 2019, 10:00:06 pm
Having a mind blank in an assessment sucks :( I don't have too much experience with this but doing a bunch of practices where you only plan + write the intro might help train you to overcome this? 

That sounds like it could be really rewarding - I hope your work experience goes well!

I'm thinking I'll update my journal over the weekend so there'll be more detail there but next week I've got an Academic Mixer (networking event) and I'll be meeting some people I'm going overseas for a leadership program with on :D

Maybe I can try that! Thanks MT!

Thankyou!

Will definitely be on the lookout for an update then xx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: mango8 on May 12, 2019, 07:33:48 pm
Hey Lexi!! Remember me? I've just come back onto your journal and can not think of a better way to spend my Sunday night than read one of my fav journals!! I am so thrilled to be back and catching up on all your posts! Hope life isn't too hard and you're going to keep going honey, I have so much faith in you, I think your heart and soul is just beautiful  💝💕
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 14, 2019, 10:18:49 pm
Hey Lexi!! Remember me? I've just come back onto your journal and can not think of a better way to spend my Sunday night than read one of my fav journals!! I am so thrilled to be back and catching up on all your posts! Hope life isn't too hard and you're going to keep going honey, I have so much faith in you, I think your heart and soul is just beautiful  💝💕

Hey Mango! Yeah I remember you! Awwwwwwww maaaaaa gawdddddd!!! Way to spend your Sunday night? Well honey you just made my Tuesday night, made me a little teary. I love you 😘
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: mango8 on May 15, 2019, 06:07:37 pm
Hey Mango! Yeah I remember you! Awwwwwwww maaaaaa gawdddddd!!! Way to spend your Sunday night? Well honey you just made my Tuesday night, made me a little teary. I love you 😘

Well honey I'm gonna be here for the rest of the ride, because I saw from the start how much of gold you have inside of you. You deserve the world and people who see that in you. 💖💖
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 16, 2019, 12:12:41 am
Well honey I'm gonna be here for the rest of the ride, because I saw from the start how much of gold you have inside of you. You deserve the world and people who see that in you. 💖💖

Omg MARRY ME xxxxxx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: mango8 on May 16, 2019, 08:50:35 pm
"Oh, it's a beautiful night
I think I wanna marry you"

DO I EVEN HAVE TO THINK about my answer? I think not. Let's go honeyyy 😍😍

We both need to start finding and including people in our lives who truly respect, love, care for, appreciate and value us wholeheartedly and completely and not waste it on all those dumb people who are the ones who lost out for not appreciating and valuing us for what's inside of us and seeing our worth, which is priceless 💕

because we deserve it xxxxxx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 16, 2019, 10:52:21 pm
"Oh, it's a beautiful night
I think I wanna marry you"

DO I EVEN HAVE TO THINK about my answer? I think not. Let's go honeyyy 😍😍

We both need to start finding and including people in our lives who truly respect, love, care for, appreciate and value us wholeheartedly and completely and not waste it on all those dumb people who are the ones who lost out for not appreciating and valuing us for what's inside of us and seeing our worth, which is priceless 💕

because we deserve it xxxxxx

You can say that on repeat babe xx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 21, 2019, 09:04:07 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Geoo on May 21, 2019, 10:30:26 pm
Hey, I haven't commented on your journal, but have been following along for a while and thought I should say hi. Yeah I really struggled on SA:V ratio! I'm still not amazing at it but I found this video really helped me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNkP4rycLbI. A B is still an awesome mark by the way! And even though SAC stores do count, it's the rank that can mean more to VCAA. So see how well your cohort did, it may have been a harder SAC. ;)

I know it can be a real struggle this time of year with a few exams, it'll be tough and stressful but you can make it. Just think of the school holidays around the corner  ;D. Good luck with exams and try not to stress to much, it will work out in the end but i feel you pain!!!! And maths... have fun the point of my stress
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Erutepa on May 22, 2019, 04:02:56 pm
So yesterday I got my SAC result back for the digestive system, which was a 73% (B) which kinda hurts as I studied my butt of and was very confident in my SAC, but I am still happy with my score and yeah. I tried hard and I passed and I guess at the end of the day I passed and that Is all that matters in senior school.

Getting a lower result then expected does feel bad, but it's important not to just accept it. You should criticise your mistakes and really try to learn from them. Often I find my issue is with my expression, so I try to do examstyle practice.
What kinda things do you think you messed up?
This week has been slow and sad. Monday I had absolutely no motivation to do anything whatsoever. I stayed up late because I struggle to sleep when I am stressed (rip) But exams are eating away at me and I am so stressed. Like I know its only worth 5% (apparently) but we haven't even started revision week and I am loosing sleep over the stress. I am honestly scared to fail all of my exams. I know I will fail my science.
In Reguards to dealing with major stress, I might be able to give some advice. I used to deal pretty shockingly with stress, but throughout my VCE have worked on it and think I maintain a healthy level of stress. If I had to attribute it to 3 things, it would be to:

1. Find an effective routine. Routines really give you confidence in your learning and make finding motivation to study a bit easier too. My routine is to make notes (not spending too long on them), then move right onto exam style questions. While doing these I edit my notes for stuff I don't have and I will write questions I get wrong in a special book such to try and prevent further mistakes.
Whatever your routine may be, just make sure you're not wasting your precious time doing things which don't actually help you (don't read over notes instead of doing practice questions if you can help it)
Once you find a routine it just makes study seem less daunting and helps you get stuff done, thereby giving you confidence.

2. Try to expose yourself to content in advance. Even if you just read the next chapter of the textbook before the class moves onto it (not even having to make notes on it), you will find yourself much more confident when going through it in class and stressing less. I am not perfect at this, but try to do it whenever I can.

3. Do more than just study.
Have other activities outside of school that you can input your effort and time. You seem to be getting into this singing, so I hope you can keep working on it and continue to invest time in it. When study is your only focus, of course you're going to get overly stressed and lose motivation. Make sure you take breaks from it so that you can try to enjoy your study.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble and good luck on your experimental SAC!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 22, 2019, 09:25:36 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 29, 2019, 09:40:47 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: PhoenixxFire on June 04, 2019, 08:21:01 pm
to start off with my singing, I recorded a song with my cousin!!!!! Omg whatttt!?!?!? yes! this chick right hear had the confidence to sing infront of someone else! Honestly I still feel like compared to him I sounded like shit but hey! Baby steps, very small baby steps.
That's so awesome! What song did you sing?

Exams are around the corner... :( following me around like my shadow. I am so stressed and have my math exam up first. Pretty sure I'm gonna fail but what can you do when your shit....am I right?

Tomorrow I have a French oral exam and I am so mad at myself as I left my book in my locker so I have to revise at recess only. SHIT!
Onya Lexie, you dumbass!
Just remember that you don't have too long left until the holidays, and that these exams don't determine how well you'll do in future exams, or future life more broadly. Was your oral okay?

As a kid I hated the colour yellow, idk why. I just always hated the colour. Then in high school I was put into Yellow House. Hated it.
This is exactly how I felt about yellow. Didn't think I could get a worse house colour than yellow...then I moved schools and got orange ::)

- Being younger and in primary school it is just so easy to not care about anything and anyone. But as soon as I was put in high school and put in yellow house, I started being insecure, hating myself, not loving anything I have or have to offer.

Dont get me wrong I have never loved myself and have always hated who I see in the mirror. but high school has taken it to the next level.

I guess its so hard to explain because no-one ever understands when I try and explain it. I have been told "just look in the mirror everyday and say you are beautiful and one day you will believe it" and I have had people get mad at me and frustrated. But I dont know how to change. I have dug this hole so deep that I couldn't even claw my way out.
For what it's worth, uni is significantly less bad than high school in this regard. I've found there's heaps more freedom to be yourself - and to figure out who that is - and that there are other people who have had similar experiences and do understand.

Anyways. Exams start in approximately 5 days and I am shitting myself. I feel like I am just going to fail them all because I will panic. Pray for me darlings. im gonna need it. xx
Good luck! Just take them one at a time and remember that even if they go badly they're still a useful experience and you can use them to help you improve for your next test.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on September 12, 2019, 06:36:37 pm
hey guys, sorry for being MIA for a while. Been a tough few months. Hopefully I will get back soon but just checking in to let you guys know that I am ok, and I haven't left ATAR. I will be back soon. love you all xx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: r1ckworthy on September 12, 2019, 08:01:56 pm
hey guys, sorry for being MIA for a while. Been a tough few months. Hopefully I will get back soon but just checking in to let you guys know that I am ok, and I haven't left ATAR. I will be back soon. love you all xx

Heyyy! So glad you came back, and hope everything's okay ;D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on September 23, 2019, 04:34:29 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: caffinatedloz on September 23, 2019, 07:56:13 pm
Thanks for being so honest w0lfqu33n89! It sounds like you went through a really, really tough time, but I am so glad you are feeling a little better.

Having a panic attack at work must have been really awful, especially if the people around you weren't very helpful.
ok so anyways. My mental health took a bit of a turn, I am at this point now where basically I know I have anxiety and maybe a bit of depression but I am too scared to get 'tested' 'medication' 'help' and all that because I am a) socially awkward b) find nothing about opening up to a stranger in person  comforting in any way and c) I struggle to accept the fact I need help when I spend my life helping others.
There is absolutely no shame in seeking help, and as weird as it may seem to talk to a stranger, it will be super helpful. Even if they don't give you medication, they can just give you strategies for when you are feeling certain ways. Often these can be just as effective as medication and can equip you to deal with life in general better. There are so many different things you can try when feeling anxious or having a panic attack, and if one thing doesn't work, you can always try another thing. For me, not everything works every single time, but generally one of my strategies helps.

I know how it feels when you are generally the "strong" and "helpful" one, but having a balance is a good thing too. You can have relationships where you give and take equally; this is where strong friendships are formed. And when you need to do a little more "taking" sometimes, that is okay too (as long as you still have healthy boundaries).

It sounds like you have taken some really great steps by understanding that you are struggling and looking for a new job, as well as being on your way out of the hole of self-destruction! I can't wait to hear all about your yellow dress! ;D

My PMs are always open babe! <3
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: caffinatedloz on October 20, 2019, 09:53:13 pm
Heyo! How have you been? ;D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on October 22, 2019, 01:20:58 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on October 23, 2019, 08:47:36 pm
We had a question on crossing parents heterozygous for two traits in my mathematical statistics tutorial this week (tutorials are kinda like the classes you're used to in highschool) and it gave me so much energy ahaha. Kinda irrelevant to your journal but punnet squares made me think of it.

Congrats on the 100% in maths but more than that congrats for keeping on trying even though things are hard.

About people going through year 12 exams atm, please don't think that being in year 10 invalidates your exam stress. Personally, year 9 was a lot rougher for me than year 12 because by the time I was in year 12 my wellbeing and mental space was much better even though the content's harder in year 12. One metaphor for this is: whether you're drowning in 2 metres of water or 20 the physiological experience of drowning isn't really going to change so why compare the depth of your water to someone else's?


I hope things ease up for you soon
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on October 26, 2019, 05:21:34 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on October 26, 2019, 06:18:18 pm


No worries! I'm glad you found it useful :)


It's good to hear that you're focusing on your health & I hope that you start to feel more confident and comfortable in yourself soon :).
I'm far from a health professional but one thing to be cautious of is that coming from a background of family members being overweight increases the chances of developing an eating disorder. If you find that you struggle to achieve your goals I would definitely recommend you see a doctor about this; I'd hate to see you follow a fad diet or social media advice and end up in a worse place
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Geoo on October 26, 2019, 07:42:53 pm
It's awesome to hear that you are trying for better health! It really is super important, I can relate so much to what you said about body image, it really can get to you sometimes.
My biggest health thing I am trying to improve is reducing my sugar, I tend to eat alot of chocolate. Do you have that one vice that is hard to resist?
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on November 20, 2019, 10:38:55 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on November 20, 2019, 11:06:53 am
Thanks Bri and Geoo, y'all are gonna hate me though. I haven't been chugging along at all lately. My deb count is up to 14 rejections, I am at the lowest of the low with my mental health and self care and my healthy eating streak is all over the place. Ive hardly walked the last 2 weeks, I am moody and I can't sleep properly. Problems with the boyfriend still aren't the best. family isn't the best, and I have started to see a psychologist. In a nut shell, I love her, she is lovely but also says "your lost" and that I should have started seeing a psych around 2 years ago. I am still eating relatively healthy just not actually eating food regularly. my sleeping patterns are crazy, I am staying up most nights really late, my room is a mess, and I am getting so gross I am wearing the sam shirt 3 times before washing. I do have some days I put my clothes in the wash because I think its gross, and other days I don't give 2 shits. I have had so many breakdowns at school to the point I can now say I have hugged my French teacher and coordinator. OMG. The school bathrooms are my new best friend if I'm honest. I feel like everything in my life is falling apart and I no longer have control, but I have been granted VIP tickets for a gold class screening in 3D of my life falling apart. I am loosing friends and people who mean the world to me and I am scared I am just going to keep getting worse. My psych cant see me again until after xmas and the weather is getting hotter and I have like no shorts and t-shirts I have like one good pair of shorts and 3 t-shirts I wear alternating. I am just on edge all the time and I feel like I can never relax and breathe I feel like I am always aching and even in bed I cant relax, I toss and turn and really all my life consists of now is studying for exams (with a shit tonne of procrastinating), attempted sleeping, breakdowns, Netflix.
I just want to change my name, die my hair, HELL IMMA CUT BANGS BITCH, change my name, and fuck off to another country and start fresh. I feel so done in my world right now. All I do is screw everything up and ruin it myself. 

Hey,

I absolutely don't hate you. You're struggling (a lot) so you've enlisted the aid of a professional to help you with this. You're not at the stage you want to be at and you've identified particular things you want to change. Absolutely none of that would be cause for me to hate or dislike you.

It's going to continue being hard for a while but you can push through this and gradually climb back up. There'll be times when you slip and lose some of your progress but that's ok - it's part of the journey too. Please try to be kind and forgiving of yourself - you won't always succeed with this but practicing it more will help you on your journey.

And honestly, if you screw up your year 10 exams it's not going to have huge future ramifications. At the time it sucks, but it doesn't hang around for very long afterwards. Two years before I broke my school's study score record (did this w/ bio) my science teacher (who was later my bio 3/4 teacher) told me I wouldn't be able to cope with VCE. When I was able to bring myself together and be the student I wanted to be they were very supportive and were a major part of me achieving what I did. Point is, what you do now & the relationships you have now doesn't have to be what you have in a couple of years - and sometimes that's a good thing.

Sometimes it takes things falling apart to build a beautiful mosaic. I wouldn't wish this on you, but I fully believe you'll be able to get to a place that's both different and better.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Geoo on November 20, 2019, 12:27:34 pm
I second what bri has said 100%.
You are going through a hard time, and I was in a similar place last year during the same time. I can be super cliche and say that it will get better in time, but I know that it really doesn't seem like it. The good thing is is that you are getting help which is amazing, and as bri said, I wouldn't care to much about doing well in year 10 exams as they really don't mean much for the future.

At the moment all i can really advise is to look after yourself and do what you need to do to feel better. From personal experience maybe focus more on your health instead of your education, as your health is always the most important and without it, you can't really do anything else. So take some time for yourself, make small goals and take a breather. Do some things that you enjoy that are small, maybe go treat yourself with a new pair of shorts, go for a small walk, hang out with a few friends and even let them know how you are feeling.

It well get better over time, and look after yourself especially your health! PM me if you need to talk :)

Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: caffinatedloz on November 20, 2019, 05:31:56 pm
So sorry you're feeling like this w0olfqu33n. Although things feel really awful right now, I'm so glad to hear you've got some professional support. It's fantastic that you like your psych and hopefully, she'll be just one of the people in your life that can support you through this time in your life. I know it seems like a while before you can see her again (and sounds like a while too), but you only have to hold on a little longer. Hopefully, she's given you some things to try in the meantime.

Can totally relate to feeling like you can't breathe all the time. Was literally almost given an asthma puffer, before my doctor realised that I was just super stressed and anxious. It's not a nice feeling, but it is something that will eventually pass. When I was really struggling, I thought that there was no way things would ever get and better, but then I woke up one day, looked back, and realised that things were better than they had been a month ago, and a lot better than they had been the month before that. You'll start making progress, and before you know it, this will be behind you.

Although this phase is dark and gloomy, remember that the sun is just behind the horizon, and will come again. <3

And like Geo and Bri said, focus on you at the minute. (Stuff those exams; they mean literally nothing.)
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Evolio on November 21, 2019, 06:53:41 pm
Hi w0lfqu33n.
I agree with everyone above.
I just wanted to say that hang in there and you will get through this dark time. I know it looks like there's no way out and it's a neverending cycle but the cycle will break sometime. Believe me, I've experienced dark times as well and they do get better. Just stay strong. I know you are strong! You can beat this.

Quote
I feel so done in my world right now. All I do is screw everything up and ruin it myself.
I feel like this sometimes as well. But, you know what, you just got to persevere and stay strong and time will heal you. Just give it some time.

Also, about your exams, they literally mean nothing and your mental health is priority number one so I would focus on that.

Keep shining!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Snow Leopard on November 29, 2019, 08:18:05 pm
Hey w0lfqu33en, I hope you're well!

Have you finished Yr 10 Exams?
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on December 07, 2019, 01:54:27 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on December 22, 2019, 08:28:40 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on December 22, 2019, 08:58:58 pm
Hey Lexie,

Feeling powerless is awful and painful. Finding it difficult or impossible to express yourself can make this feel more suffocating but I promise you that - however densely things seem to close on you - you still have your core of being you, Lexie. A puppet being moved in strange ways doesn't change what the puppet is made of or devalue it. Getting through this is hard but it will pass, even if it doesn't feel like it will.

I hope you have support to help you through this. Either way you'll get out eventually but you deserve support to aid you along the way.


Absolute best of luck
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on December 28, 2019, 10:03:58 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Poet on December 28, 2019, 11:17:24 pm
a question I will always and forever ask myself;

"WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING I FUCKING TOUCH"
The answer to that question:

You don't.

The world is full of ups and downs; and granted, there are consequences for everything. Sometimes it can seem as if everything you do is wrong, that even when you think you're doing something right it's not, that somehow the world is against you. It's not.

Please remind yourself that there are some things completely out of your control - that includes other people's actions. It can be difficult to not blame yourself for the things directly affecting you in the moment. But things will change for you. It may take some work, and you may need help along the way, but this feeling is not yours alone to bear. We all just have to keep reminding ourselves that with every mistake there's a lesson, and with every lesson there's improvement.

Dont be afraid to reach out for help. Don't forget that you are loved and cared for. Especially so if you are struggling to love and care for yourself.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 12, 2020, 05:52:34 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Snow Leopard on January 12, 2020, 09:28:38 pm
within a week, im heartbroken and lost, depressed and filled with anger, anxious and jumping at every noise, crying at every cute couple photo I see on instagram and crying at the sad quotes on my facebook feed.
Hey,
I don't know how helpful this would be, but maybe try staying off social media for a bit to help you reduce the triggers or at least until you feel a bit better.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: AngelWings on January 12, 2020, 09:41:06 pm
Hey w0lfqu33n89/ Lex.

Although you’ll be feeling pretty terrible at the moment, remember that with time, things heal little by little. Having relatively recently broken up with someone as well, I empathise that it sucks. I imagine that it’d be even tougher being the one who had to tell them the bad news. I’m not trying to downplay the situation, because it was and is significant to you, but while negative things happen and hurt so much, there’s also the good that comes from it. You will no longer have the same issues as you were having before. Things will slowly become better as you realise that you don’t need to be with him to love again. You will be able to grow from this experience and learn that you are much stronger than you once thought.

While it is good to mourn the loss of something that you cared for so much, there’s also the other side - the figurative getting back up on your horse. You won’t be the same again, but you will also be stronger, smarter and braver one day. It may not be today but one day you’ll get there. Just take it easy and take one step at a time. Perhaps the first step is to mute/ block their number so you aren’t tempted to call him again. As always, please continue to seek mental health professionals as you have done when things get tough; you don’t have to deal with this alone and shouldn’t have to.

Here’s hoping the coming days get easier for you.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 21, 2020, 01:39:50 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on January 21, 2020, 01:51:57 pm
Hey,

nothing to apologise for. It's ok to struggle, to have intense emotions & to feel lost. I'm proud of you for taking steps to help you work through them. I'm glad that you can use this is a space to get some of that stuff out receive support back.

I hope it gets easier soon
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Evolio on January 21, 2020, 05:42:37 pm
Hello lex

Don't apologise. It's good to just let everything out and say whatever you want and just let it go.

It's great that things are getting better for you so keep fighting and things will gradually get even better. They will.

We'll always be here for you.


Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on January 31, 2020, 08:07:31 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 02, 2020, 06:08:15 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: J_Rho on February 02, 2020, 07:31:14 pm
You are inspirational and I can't wait for the next update - You got this!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 09, 2020, 07:51:36 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on February 10, 2020, 10:51:52 am
Hey,

Honestly your support through this whole journal means so much....thankyou xxxx

You are absolutely welcome


You say you can't face your insecurities and anxieties at the start of your last entry but then later in the same post you describe yourself doing exactly that in joining your school's QSA. Facing insecurities and anxieties is hard, but you have proven you can do it even though it's something that's hard for everyone. Sometimes you don't and that makes sense - it can be pretty hard to find the emotional energy to do that sometimes but for sure you are capable.

It's been a tough week but still you've been working on improving yourself and your situations.

You don't need to apologise for your entry, I understand, and thank you for sharing it with us. I hope that next week is better.
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 19, 2020, 09:30:13 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 24, 2020, 09:01:02 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 17, 2020, 09:33:40 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: caffinatedloz on March 18, 2020, 06:54:26 am
<3 <3
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on March 31, 2020, 05:48:48 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: J_Rho on April 01, 2020, 12:01:44 pm
Hey everyone, sorry for not properly updating like I said I would, I literally have no excuse!

Hows everyone going? Also hope all you year 12's are ok, life right now would be so bad and if y'all ever need anything pls let me know!

Hope you guys are staying well and safe and away from others.

How have I been? yeesh. Well cant see my psych for another 2 weeks, which I hate because there is so much I want to discuss with and talk about with her. I feel her room is literally the one place I actually am allowed to be myself and the only place I feel I can be. That is if she is still working with all this COVID-19 stuff, but she works from home so I hope so.

Tbh although I have been hiding it from most of my friends, I am so stressed about everything right now. How tf am I supposed to do school from home? what is the wifi doesn't work and I fail my class just because I couldn't connect to a group call? What if I have to be boarded up in my house for more then these 3 weeks? I hate it here. I am judged and even though I hate school and hate the toxic environment it is still some relief from home.

I miss my friends, I've started hanging out with a new group and we have a group chat and are keeping each other updated and distracted but its still hard not to be able to sit with them at lunch and talk.

Ive been trying to use this time to build on my friendship with MM, but it seems to not be working. Things just keep happening that are making me upset and angry and hurt. Idk how to feel anymore. I don't trust my feelings because of how I feel towards him. Everything is so confusing but all I know is I need to talk to my psych about it and get her opinion, she has a lot more common sense and is a lot more knowledgeable then me although I feel bad for tormenting her with my stupid teenage dramas.

My nan and best friend are both in hospitals atm (its ok y'all no COVID 19 touching my babies....haha) but im really worried for both of them. My nan was staying in Box Hill about a week ago before being transferred and they are saying 6 staff now have tested positive for corona virus. I freaked out. I called her to make sure she was ok and she told me she was fine and had already been tested....which I knew....and she was negative....I just got all anxious again and needed the words to come from her mouth. I want to go see them both but i'm locked away, have no car and no independence.

Im trying to stay calm and have distractions. I have been cleaning my room ready to redecorate it. Im hopefully getting a double bed and repainting it as well as new furniture. My room has been the same since I was about 9 and it seriously needs a redo!!

So atm i am sleeping most of the day, up all night, not eating much, stressing, drinking shittonnes of soda water (idk dont ask I literally dont know why) and am having withdrawal symptoms from school (now those are some words I thought I would never say!)

anyways I bought hair dye because im bored and it was on special. My hair is currently a burgundy/light brown. should I go dark purple or dark red.....the choice is up to you guys haha

Hey Lex!

YAY an update!
Its sucks you can't see your psych for a while, but there are people here to support you as well as some really good resources online.
Doing school from home is definitely daunting but we'll get through this, I understand how school can be a relief from home (I'm the same) but we are all in this together and we will get through this stronger than ever.
And considering we may be stuck inside for longer than 3 weeks now is the perfect time to redecorate, surely you'll take before and after photos??!! IMO I reckon dark red hair would look cool considering you have burgundy/brown hair
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on May 31, 2020, 06:53:51 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on July 08, 2020, 08:40:22 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on July 21, 2020, 09:31:21 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: Bri MT on July 22, 2020, 08:46:23 am
Hey!

Thanks for the update :)

Trust can definitely be a hard thing especially when you're feeling especially vulnerable and unsure in yourself. For me when I was both wanting to share something and also not wanting anyone to know, I found that what worked well was to incrementally share more information. Not knowing whether or not someone will hurt you and/or betray that trust can be overwhelming but something my counsellor shared with me is that taking control over how you share your story reduces its power over you. Socially alienating yourself is unlikely to be a strong long term strategy (even though it's understandable - especially with everything that's happened) and I hope you do develop strong friendships to help support you despite apprehensive you might feel about that.

btw it's a good thing that you've been able to draw that boundary with your nan and not take on a role you're suited for. I can't imagine how hard the pressure to do that would be and I'm glad you were able to recognise it wouldn't be healthy. You know your nan a whole lot better than I do obviously but you can't know she will be furious at you, maybe she will be but there's also the chance she won't. This sounds like a conversation that might be an increasingly heavy weight on you the more you hold it so please try to be careful with how long you delay it.

It's great to hear that you've been figuring yourself out and becoming more comfortable to share that with others! Labels are only as useful as you find them so it's 100% ok to prefer to think about yourself in a non-labelled way. Congratulations on learning about this aspect of your identity :D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on August 12, 2020, 06:54:06 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: whys on August 12, 2020, 07:15:05 pm
//
Nice, you dyed your hair red again! Also, it's great you're work habits are better and you're prioritising your wellbeing. Catching up with friends and making new friends is great and really helps - I often think the term 'social distancing' is a bit misleading. We should be physically distancing, but still keeping in touch socially! I don't know between bowling and movies (honestly, it's what you guys enjoy most!) but I think it'll be a while till you can do that because of the restrictions. :'(

One time I tried to make a mug cake and it didn't turn out well at all, despite them being really easy to make. It was way too sweet and I couldn't finish it, but you've inspired me to try again! A Nutella mug cake sounds delicious.

Have a great night!
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: homeworkisapotato on August 13, 2020, 11:27:28 am
Hey Lex! Just finished reading your journal and honestly your growth as a person is so inspiring. It's amazing that you're helping other people gain their confidence, and your compassion for others (and your dog) is actually really special. You're an amazing person, and I look forward to more journal updates  ;D
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on August 31, 2020, 05:29:57 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on October 26, 2020, 10:59:25 am
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: fish12 on October 26, 2020, 04:55:50 pm
IM NOT DEAD I PROMISE! - bad joke.

I will update soon with a massive update, I got a lot to flood into this corner of the web.... just focusing on my Bio Exam coming up in the 13th! Good luck to everyone on their exams! You have all done amazingly this year and have battled extreme conditions. If you can battle year 12 in 2020, you can do anything!

- Love you! - Lex xoxo
Hi! I just binged your journal and I just wanted a say a few things:
1. good luck for your bio exam ! you will smash it !
2. i hope you are feeling better mentally. i know friendships  can be tough, but remember a lovely group on AN is here for u and they care for u. u seem like such a lovely person so I'm sorry u had to go thru all of this
3. how exactly did u go about dying ur hair red... i may or may not to want to do the same thing lol
wishing you a good year xx
Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on October 26, 2020, 08:23:11 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on February 14, 2021, 12:01:27 pm
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Title: Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on June 08, 2021, 10:47:20 am
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