Confidence Struggles

[teapancakes08]

This is kind of a weird thing to ask, but are there any tips in building confidence to speak out? No matter how much I know about a topic, when I'm called upon to state my opinion in class I end up saying less than I wanted to convey or stumble over a lot of my words. I also tend to sound unsure a lot of the time, hence I mostly stay quiet and will likely not ask questions I probably should be asking. This drives quite a few of my teachers up the wall because they know that I can get very articulate with my writing (though I also tend to go on endless tangents), or they know I could answer well had I asked them prior (but I suppose this goes for most students). I'm a naturally shy person and feel bad for taking up someone's time because "ohgodIshouldknowthisbutIdon't" and even on forums like this I don't post something until I am completely sure that I have throughly edited and made sure that THIS is something I want to ask/discuss and then proceed to wait in fear for a reply in almost instant regret, before later sighing in relief in having the question explained and finally understanding something in what feels like the first time in ages...which sounds quite dramatic when I put it that way.

Hope this isn't a too ridiculous question...

[brenden]

This is kind of a weird thing to ask, but are there any tips in building confidence to speak out? No matter how much I know about a topic, when I'm called upon to state my opinion in class I end up saying less than I wanted to convey or stumble over a lot of my words. I also tend to sound unsure a lot of the time, hence I mostly stay quiet and will likely not ask questions I probably should be asking. This drives quite a few of my teachers up the wall because they know that I can get very articulate with my writing (though I also tend to go on endless tangents), or they know I could answer well had I asked them prior (but I suppose this goes for most students). I'm a naturally shy person and feel bad for taking up someone's time because "ohgodIshouldknowthisbutIdon't" and even on forums like this I don't post something until I am completely sure that I have throughly edited and made sure that THIS is something I want to ask/discuss and then proceed to wait in fear for a reply in almost instant regret, before later sighing in relief in having the question explained and finally understanding something in what feels like the first time in ages...which sounds quite dramatic when I put it that way.

Hope this isn't a too ridiculous question...

Certainly not ridiculous - and I certainly know how you feel! I used to feel really ":O" posting on the forums in case I made a horrible grammar mistake or made some sort of faux pas that I was completely unaware of until it was too late, and yeah... school class can suck hey.

Whilst not directly relevant, this sort of helps me with confidence: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

I think like... Confidence is a decision sometimes. It isn't something that needs to be earned. You know? It's not some fucking prize you get when you beat some levels or perform a few tasks or complete a quest. You don't have a strong of succeses and then go, "a-ha! I've done it! I can and deserve to be confident now!".  I think sometimes it's more just a compete fucking disregard for the BULLSHIT around you - and inside your own head - and a commitment to just *do it* - to be confident, to talk loud, to take a  determined breath before you talk and then just launch into it.

I really feel for you because it can be such a tough thing, both to experience and to get over. Like trust, I've 100% been there and go bullied a lot for being a little weird fuck. But I sort of just started to piece it together one day and realised no one was talking shit about the loud and confident person. So I was like, fkn, sick, I'm gonna be that person. But how the hell do you do that when you're scared shitless you're gonna get shamed for every move you make?

Well, you just do it. And hope a bit that nothing bad happens. You make the decision to act before you ever feel like you deserve to act that way. That's what you should try to do... The results might surprise you

[Rikahs]

Hey!

I used to think in a similar manner in the sense that I was "afraid" to get ridiculed or waste the teacher's time by asking "dopey" quesitons however, this was only for a very short period of time as I was able to reflect on the consequences of what not asking questions would do to my education. Essentially I realized that if I didn't ask questions, I would start getting some serious gaps in my content knowledge and sometimes resorting to the internet or textbooks didn't wasn't able to offer a 1-1 human interaction explanation which teachers provide.

These content gaps that would eventually form are just too costly for my future thus I decided to legit stop giving a f**k (excuse my language) of what peers thought of my questions, however stupid they might of been, because at the end of the day teachers are payed to answer your questions no matter how stupid they may seem. At first you may feel uncomfortable and may result in wanting to contact teachers out of class (e.g. ask them questions during lunch break at the staff room)  but you just have to get used to asking questions in class.

Finally to address your "forum fears", we are not the type of community that are going to critique your punctuation in your posts (unless you actually want it to get marked) and be like "wow that teapancake person is pretty illiterate", we are a community that enforces learning and improvement without any negativity attached to it. Ultimately, in this forum we won't judge you even if you don't get a sentence across clearly or with the correct punctuation and grammar, you ask question and we answer. Simple as that.

tldr: Fk what people think, teachers are here to help you, we are here to help you.