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March 29, 2024, 09:22:20 pm

Author Topic: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce  (Read 45521 times)

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caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #135 on: February 13, 2020, 06:53:18 pm »
+14
Hi all! Thanks for the reminder to update this (@Ionic and Jimmmy)! (And for the great advice Jimmmy!) I've been meaning to since school started back, but just haven't had a lot positive to write, so I wanted to wait until I had some happy things to share.

My subjects:
This is my assessment timetable for the next month from what we've been told thus far, (although I'm expecting that there will be a chemistry test as well as another methods test to add in).


methods
So... I've already had two tests for methods! The content does move REALLY fast, but luckily I felt pretty on top of the content by the test (and even finished all the work too). The tests were Tuesday and today, so finally a little break without homework!

spesh
I'm VERYYY behind. There's a tiny bit of holiday homework I haven't done, and then I've done no work since school started because I've been focusing on methods. AHHHHhhhhH! But, it's okay, the work is actually easier than spesh. I'm suprised I'm not sick of having the same teacher eight hours a week yet, but I actually really like her. She's getting the spesh class a kettle, hot chocolate powder and biscuits!! I love having a tiny class.

chemistry
Our chemistry teacher is very on top of things, and I've been finding it really motivating. I feel like I'm understanding things and very on top of it. There's a fair bit of homework, but I'm pretty ahead. I'm hoping to get some Edrolo done over the weekend, and we did a prac looking at the reactivity of metals today so I'll need to write up that prac report.

food tech
Oh my goodness! I love food tech! This week we cooked little apple and nut filo pastries and they were delicious! The work is really easy, and the next task is to pick a region, research it, and make a dish from it. I'm going to make miso soup with my own ginger, mushroom and seaweed stock! I'm very excited!!

literature
Literature is another subject that I really like! I love the teacher and I love the content. There's a lot of terminology, but it's certainly fascinating. We're studying Browning at the minute. He writes very interesting poems from all sorts of crazy perspectives.

biology
Oh my goodness! I feel like we've done nothing, but I'm already behind. There are so many things to do; powerpoint notes, worksheets, edrolo, textbook notes and questions and studying for the quiz tomorrow. Also, I have people to sit with! ;D

My life:
I've been busy and anxious. So nothing's changed really. I worked four full days in a row, followed by a training day for work on the Tuesday-Saturday leading up to going back to school, so I was actually really tired by the time Monday came around. Coupled with a bad panic attack the night before, I felt really shattered during the first week. But I'm doing better and feeling more on top of things at the minute.

I finally had a party for my 16th last Saturday! It was wonderful! We had homemade bubble tea and I got to hang out with lots of my friends! ;D

I'm also making some healthy changes. I'm working towards going vegan and zero waste for the environment and my health. At the minute, I'm slowly phasing out single-use things and trying to significantly reduce the waste I produce. I'm also working on cooking more vegan food, although I am already vegetarian.
I'm also going sugar-free (or at least obvious sugar, like chocolate and cakes, free), starting tomorrow!
Please wish me luck! ;D

Also, I'm addicted to Survivor. I had to not watch it on Monday and Tuesday to do homework, so I spent Wednesday binge-watching episodes! How good is All-Stars!!

How has everyone else's start to school been?

How are you finding that 10 day timetable?
Thanks Jimmmy! We've always had a 10 day timetable at school and I quite like it, because when you have things that happen on certain days at certain times, you don't always miss the same class. We moved to a five period system (from four) last year, and I still don't particularly like it. I'd much prefer we switched back, but I guess I'm used to it now. It feels like there's never enough time to do homework.

Bri MT

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #136 on: February 13, 2020, 08:44:40 pm »
+8
I'm also making some healthy changes. I'm working towards going vegan and zero waste for the environment and my health. At the minute, I'm slowly phasing out single-use things and trying to significantly reduce the waste I produce. I'm also working on cooking more vegan food, although I am already vegetarian.
I'm also going sugar-free (or at least obvious sugar, like chocolate and cakes, free), starting tomorrow!
Please wish me luck! ;D

Wishing you luck!

Piece of advice - I'm relatively close to zero waste (no glad wrap or foil use for more than 6 months, only plastic I get in toiletries is toothpaste, no plastic when grabbing produce etc.) - and as you might remember I'm vegan -  I do NOT recommend you go 100% zero waste and vegan at the same time. In particular, if you're avoiding all food packaging and doing things like making plant based milks yourself what you make will not be fortified with b12 and you will need to supplement it.  I don't think this is an argument against veganism since often the b12 content of animal products is artificially increased but it is something you should be aware of. You might have already known this but I think it's worth emphasising anyway.

I absolutely love that you're trying to change things for your sake and the environments sake; please do your best to do this in a way that's sustainable for you. Aiming for progress > aiming for perfection.

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #137 on: February 13, 2020, 09:44:19 pm »
+8
Wishing you luck!

Piece of advice - I'm relatively close to zero waste (no glad wrap or foil use for more than 6 months, only plastic I get in toiletries is toothpaste, no plastic when grabbing produce etc.) - and as you might remember I'm vegan -  I do NOT recommend you go 100% zero waste and vegan at the same time. In particular, if you're avoiding all food packaging and doing things like making plant based milks yourself what you make will not be fortified with b12 and you will need to supplement it.  I don't think this is an argument against veganism since often the b12 content of animal products is artificially increased but it is something you should be aware of. You might have already known this but I think it's worth emphasising anyway.

I absolutely love that you're trying to change things for your sake and the environments sake; please do your best to do this in a way that's sustainable for you. Aiming for progress > aiming for perfection.
Thanks Bri! I'm already close to vegan and zero waste, so I'm just trying to take a couple more steps to get closer. I started DIYing toiletries like toothpaste, deoderant, body lotion ect. a couple of weeks ago, and I'm definitely mindful of the plastic and packaging that food comes in, but I do find it hard. I find it easy to avoid gladwrap and foil, but things that are almost only ever sold in packages mean that my family and I inevitably accrue some waste.

Planning to DIY some plant milk this weekend! But yeah, the B12 will be a thing to watch.

How do you find/use zero waste stationary, particularly pens? I HATE grey lead pencils, but I don't mind coloured pencils and crayons, so I'm happy enough in that department. I also currently use a lot of whiteout, but I'm trying to be more mindful of that as well!

ArtyDreams

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #138 on: February 13, 2020, 09:51:37 pm »
+5
Thanks Bri! I'm already close to vegan and zero waste, so I'm just trying to take a couple more steps to get closer. I started DIYing toiletries like toothpaste, deoderant, body lotion ect. a couple of weeks ago, and I'm definitely mindful of the plastic and packaging that food comes in, but I do find it hard. I find it easy to avoid gladwrap and foil, but things that are almost only ever sold in packages mean that my family and I inevitably accrue some waste.

Planning to DIY some plant milk this weekend! But yeah, the B12 will be a thing to watch.

How do you find/use zero waste stationary, particularly pens? I HATE grey lead pencils, but I don't mind coloured pencils and crayons, so I'm happy enough in that department. I also currently use a lot of whiteout, but I'm trying to be more mindful of that as well!

Just about the stationery thing, perhaps you can try using a fountain pen? They arent 100% environmentally friendly, but they are good in the sense that you can continue using the barrell and just need to refill the ink. It can be better than having plastic ballpoint pens lying everywhere. Not to mention, they are super relaxing to write with!!

Bri MT

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #139 on: February 13, 2020, 10:04:47 pm »
+4
Thanks Bri! I'm already close to vegan and zero waste, so I'm just trying to take a couple more steps to get closer. I started DIYing toiletries like toothpaste, deoderant, body lotion ect. a couple of weeks ago, and I'm definitely mindful of the plastic and packaging that food comes in, but I do find it hard. I find it easy to avoid gladwrap and foil, but things that are almost only ever sold in packages mean that my family and I inevitably accrue some waste.

Planning to DIY some plant milk this weekend! But yeah, the B12 will be a thing to watch.

How do you find/use zero waste stationary, particularly pens? I HATE grey lead pencils, but I don't mind coloured pencils and crayons, so I'm happy enough in that department. I also currently use a lot of whiteout, but I'm trying to be more mindful of that as well!

You're absolutely welcome :)

Nice! :D

I've been thinking about what to do when my current toothpaste runs out but that's a bridge I'll deal with closer to then. Might hit you up to see what your experience is :)

Yeah food packing is 100% the hardest imo. Whenever I go food shopping I drop off what I can (& can't be normally recycled) to redcycle but even if that's counted as non-waste it's hard to eliminate all food packaging.

What type of milk are you making?

I haven't had my pens run out for a long time so it doesn't really come up, probably because I mostly use my laptop for notes. That being said, when I handwrite notes it's almost always with a mechanical pencil which means only the leads need to be replaced & no need for white out as it's erasable. You can also get pens made from recycled plastic or refillable ones to reduce your impact.


Hope this helps :)

Snow Leopard

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #140 on: March 06, 2020, 11:07:50 pm »
+7
How's life Laura?

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #141 on: March 10, 2020, 06:31:14 am »
+16
Hiya Snow Leopard; thanks for the bump! ;D

Oh my goodness this week is just full of assessments, and they're all on Thursday. I have a methods test, a spesh test, a chem test and a food tech essay. Then on Friday, I have another methods test and a spesh test on the following Monday. I also have a chemistry research investigation that's due soon. For biology we're working on the pracs that we're going to use when we do our first sac, so it just feels like every class is an assessment. Literature's still pretty chill at least.

grades and other boring things
I'm actually really happy with how I've been going this year. I got a 97% on our biology quiz, and only made one stupid mistake in the multiple choice. I got an A on our first methods test and an A* on the first spesh test. I also got an A* on the literature oral. We haven't quite finished our five part food tech assessment, but I'm really happy with the marks I got for the first four parts and I'm hoping for an A*. As for chemistry, there are constant quizzes and random things due, but no assessments until this week, but I feel like I really understand chemistry and I like how organised our teacher is.

It's been a while since I last updated this journal, and it's been a month with some highs and some lows. I was made debating captain at my school, and it's so great to mentor a lot of the younger students and to keep debating. I'm really enjoying it and we won our first debate which was a nice bonus. I also got to go to a fancy awards ceremony to collect a leadership bursary which was very exciting! Over the long weekend, I got to spend lots of time with my kiddos and we went to the pool together which was amazing! I also had a very fun sleepover and shopping trip with friends from school. (So yeah, I got THAT much homework done over the last couple of days.)

Oh my goodness Year 11 is stressful; I've found that the work feels easy enough, but the pace is just really fast. I'm putting together a new anxiety management plan at the moment for school because I've found that I've been having some really tough days at school where I'm feeling really out of it and losing time, so to speak. Because I've had stress-induced psychotic symptoms in the past, I'm trying to be really proactive about managing my anxiety early.

But yeah, overall good month! (With the exception of the week that I cannot remember. I guess, for all I know, it could have been quite pleasant.)

Also, my vegan/zero sugar/zero waste goal is still coming along, slowly. I had an insane sugar withdrawal, and after 14 days, I'm back to eating a slightly less than regular amount. I'm more vegan than I was a month ago, but still not 100% vegan. As for zero waste, it's really hard. I don't think I'm creating much new waste but there are things that I already bought and own that create waste (like a pack of makeup wipes, pens that are running out, old tubes of makeup ect.). I'm just focusing on not buying more things that create waste.

laura <3

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #142 on: March 17, 2020, 10:31:49 pm »
+16
My week's been crazy; absolutely packed full of assessments. Especially Thursday and Friday last week. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I totally freaked out the day I had four assessments. I felt sick and shaky and couldn't concentrate. After stumbling through the first two (and walking out crying and hyperventilating), I ended up getting a "class pass" from the school psych and sitting under a weighted blanket in the dark, instead of doing my methods sac. So many questions from teachers (AHHHHH) as the area outside her office is a pretty abandoned area, but next to the back door to the staff room. I also missed the spesh sac I was meant to be doing that afternoon, and my teachers decided that rather than me trying to do the sacs I had on Friday, plus those two, I should catch up slowly. I did the methods one on Friday, the second methods one yesterday and the first part of the spesh one today, meaning all that's left is to finish spesh. I definitely felt awfully anxious during the catchups as well, but there's really nothing I can do about it. I'm kind of questioning whether I should have picked a couple of subjects with a less intense workload, but I am actually enjoying the content we're learning. I don't want to limit myself based on my anxiety, but I also don't want to push myself further than I'm ready for.

Grades:
For the most recent methods test I got 97% on Part A (I managed to forget to carry a root sign down into my final working, costing me the only mark I lost, unfortunately) and 81% on Part B, which is not great but not terrible. The class average for that part was 59% so I'm not disappointed or overly happy because a lot of the mistakes I made were avoidable.

For chemistry, I got a B* on the group prac and an A on the test. I'm not stoked with those marks, but I definitely wasn't having a good day when I did either of those, so I wasn't expecting much better. I was really stressed that my marks were going to be a lot worse, so it's a weight of my shoulders.

I'm still waiting on my marks for the food tech assessment, and I still have to finish the spesh one. My teacher is chill about me doing it whenever. On one hand, I want it done and out of the way, but on the other hand, I don't think I'll feel up to doing it tomorrow. (But also, there's serious talk of our school shutting down, so if I don't do it soon, it might be a while...)

In other news, I ordered myself a weighted blanket online last night and I'm so excited for when it comes!! I feel like I'm never on AN anymore, but hopefully, when I feel a little more energetic I'll be around more. I'm still working on putting in place some things at school to help me do my best. At the moment it looks like there might be some conditions on how many sacs I have to do in a day, as well as more freedom about working in the library or student services (the rooms near the psych's office) during classes if I need to.

See y'all soon!
laura <3
« Last Edit: March 17, 2020, 10:34:04 pm by laura_ »

Bri MT

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #143 on: March 18, 2020, 07:20:13 am »
+5
Hey,

Really glad that you were able to go to the school psych and destress. Imo it's not embarrassing to be overwhelmed; there's a lot going on and a lot to manage - it's completely ok to struggle coping with that.

Good luck with your catch ups & more importantly good luck with your wellbeing.


Hiya Snow Leopard; thanks for the bump! ;D

Oh my goodness this week is just full of assessments, and they're all on Thursday. I have a methods test, a spesh test, a chem test and a food tech essay. Then on Friday, I have another methods test and a spesh test on the following Monday. I also have a chemistry research investigation that's due soon. For biology we're working on the pracs that we're going to use when we do our first sac, so it just feels like every class is an assessment. Literature's still pretty chill at least.

grades and other boring things
I'm just focusing on not buying more things that create waste.
Btw I 100% think this is the right approach to take rather than trying to upheave everything all at once. The most eco-friendly product is making use of what you already have :)

Snow Leopard

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #144 on: April 22, 2020, 08:16:41 pm »
+7
How've you been going with online learning, Laura?

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #145 on: May 15, 2020, 10:19:26 pm »
+12
I try to write but it's like the words won't come out write. It feels impossible to begin to comprehend how I am feeling, let alone explain it. There's a reason they call it remission; not recovery. A mix of mania and exhaustion fuelled by excessive exercise and far too little substance. Some days so sick I can barely roll out of bed to go to online classes. Nights of panic attacks and horrid fantasies that haven't haunted me for years. Solitude is stifling. The silence of melancholy mornings. Just me. One. Empty.

So behind in methods, I feel like I'll never catch up. Not enough energy to try. Not enough space in this head of mine. Cannot go more than a second without thinking. And not about what I'm supposed to. My mind wanders all the roads it is not allowed to. Coerces my hands; my body; to places it knows it should not go. Drowning in a sea of schoolwork and sadness.

I feel like I should care. But I cannot fathom how to.

And I cannot bear to think about going back to that place. Though it may give me structure, I doubt I will feel any better. At least in my room there is some pretence of privacy. Some facade of rest. I do not have enough energy to sit at my own desk and I cannot begin to imagine walking the halls of that school.

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #146 on: May 17, 2020, 07:04:32 pm »
+9
Hey Laura, I can understand that things can feel like they're eating at you right now, but I want you to know that you have a community here that can help take some weight off your shoulders. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me, I'm always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder every once in a while. ❥

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #147 on: October 09, 2020, 11:47:28 pm »
+17
Whoa, it's been a while friends!

This year has been such a rollercoaster for so many people (me included). I had so many hopes for the things I was going to do and such high expectations of myself, but I feel like I am still just trying to keep my head above water. I am so far from where I had hoped (no, truly believed) I'd be. I have a very busy week when I finally get back to school and I am feeling so horrifically unprepared.

Sunday:           - chem logbook due (haven't started that yet... whoops)
Monday:          - methods test a period one (haven't opened my maths stuff since last term)
Tuesday:         - bio trial exam (ive almost finished typing all of my notes but id still like to do some practice exams)
                        - final food tech sac prac component and theory due (only one part to go)
Wednesday:   - methods test b
Friday:            - spesh test (actually finished all the work and revision, just need to make notes)
Tuesday:        - chem poster due

I feel like I'm just scrambling each day to try and get things done in time for the next one, rather than staying on top of things. But I'm really hoping to get back on track before my biology exam.

It doesn't help that since having some panic attacks at school in March I still find certain rooms (and a whole building) super anxiety-inducing. When I was at school I'd totally blank out in those places- like my brain would completely shut off and I'd stop functioning. I'm really scared it's going to start happening again next week.

I think that my deteriorating mental (and physical) health has had a big impact on how my I'm struggling to keep up. I was so in denial about my eating disorder relapse and how bad things had gotten- but unfortunately, I'm painfully aware now of how badly I was mistreating my body. I think that things started to get worse after I went back to school in May, but only recently has the fainting, hair loss and literally constant shivering really caught up with me. The worst thing hasn't been the lethargy, but the amount of headspace that my intrusive food thoughts were taking up. They stopped me from concentration on my classes or my homework, especially once I was back to doing school at home.

I'm focusing on keeping myself together for the next six weeks so that I can get through exams and have some proper time to rest and heal over summer. That means I'm trying to eat enough to fuel myself (and spent some time this evening planning some nourishing and adequate meals that I can make for myself once I'm back at school and have less time on my hands). I'm also trying to switch off my phone a bit more and spend more time tackling things one task at a time- whether that be homework or something relaxing.

It's really tricky because I think I feel calmest outside and I have found myself really enjoying running and bike rides around my neighbourhood, but quite honestly, I don't think they're safe or helpful activities for me to do at the moment. For the last six months my downtime has basically consisted of cooking for my family (things that I would never dare touching), some form of outdoor exercise or following along with youtube dance workouts. I took up skateboarding for a bit and loved it- but even then my mind wandered to the calories I was burning. So I think I need a new hobby. But I also feel like a new hobby is the last thing I have time for at the minute.

On a slightly more positive note, the GAT went really well and I'm super proud of how calm I stayed. We got an email the week before with seating allocation and opening it gave me a literal panic attack. But I stayed cool on the day and actually felt really confident walking out.

I'm running on too much coffee and half a packet of oreos. I'm ridiculously overtired and anxious. This is such a rambly mess but I feel better for having gotten it all out. I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow to work for 12 hours and then come back home and finish my chemistry logbook before the teacher checks it on Sunday. I'm sure that it will be another late coffee-powered night. So that means I should really sleep. But if I stop typing then I'll be alone with my thoughts again.

Peace and good vibes. <3

caffinatedloz

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #148 on: November 13, 2020, 06:59:31 pm »
+14
It's done! 3/4 biology is done.

I will never have to know what the lac operon is ever again. The knowledge about features in hominin evolution can officially be erased from my memory. I'm relieved. The exam was easy; it was way easier than I expected! I am very optimistic about how I went, and since I barely did any schoolwork all year, no matter what score I get it will be higher than I deserve for the effort put in. My year 11 exams start next week so I'm sure the high I'm feeling will dissipate tomorrow when I begin to study for them, but for now I'm riding the caffeine-fuelled relief that I (probably) haven't failed, and might even be looking at a 40+ study score. I plugged in my sac averages and the 95% I got on the 2017 VCAA practice exam into the deakin calculator and it gave me a 46, so things are looking good. Even a 40 would be thrilling!

My friends and I went out to a real life cafe to celebrate and had the best pizza I've ever tasted! (Yay for lockdown ending!) Everyone was talking about the exam and I realised that there were things I could have done differently, but at the end of the day I am super satisfied with how I went.

I also had my food studies exam this week, as there was a practical component so we had to do it in the kitchens during class time. The prac was straightforward and the written component even more so, so I'm feeling really good about everything.

If anyone else did the bio exam this year, I'd love to hear about how you found it!

In other news...
Our school gave out VCE subject awards last week and I was pleasantly surprised that I received the excellence awards for food studies and literature, which means I got the highest marks in the year level. I also got endeavour awards for specialist maths and biology (which are about the effort you put in). The bio one was such a joke because I hardly ever showed up to that class and didn't do any of the homework, but it was still very much appreciated.

I also got given the role of mission captain next year which is super exciting! I'm religious so it's a role that I think I'll quite enjoy and a lot of it is very social justice/mental health/wellbeing/inclusion focused which are all things that I'm passionate about.

Things are looking up at the moment! (I am still really struggling with eating but once exams and early commencement are over it looks like I'll be getting some more intense support to work through things over summer which will be super helpful.) I am so ready for exams to be over and I am so ready to tackle everything next year throws at me!


« Last Edit: November 13, 2020, 07:04:24 pm by laura_ »

Bri MT

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Re: calamity and sanity: my journey through vce
« Reply #149 on: November 13, 2020, 07:18:01 pm »
+7
Congrats!!

Also remember that it's impossible for your exam scores to make you fail year 12. E.g. One of my classmates wrote a single sentence on the English exam and they didn't get a good study score but they did pass.

I hope that that support really does help you be on an up and up trajectory :)