Could someone give me feedback on this text response essay
....any feedback would be awesome.
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(PROMPT) ‘CREATING SOCIAL CHANGE COMES AT A GREAT PERSONAL COST OF EDDIE MABO. DO YOU AGREE?’
(INTRODUCTION) Changing the social status of the Indigenous people does come at a very high price for Eddie Mabo. Rachel Perkins portrays the perspective of the film through Eddie Mabo’s eyes to show the audience the passion to create an equal society, despite skin colour. Perkins uses documentary-style footage of Eddie and Bonita’s experiences to depict the social, political and historical context of Eddie’s struggle for justice and equal rights. Attempting to ‘create’ the social change causes conflict in Eddie Mabo’s family and his relationship with Bonita (Netta), his wife, as the time of legal proceedings is intensively stressful for him. The ‘personal cost’ for Mabo involves not only being hated and rejected in his attempt, but the physical effect with cancer in his back. This limits Mabo not being able to use the airways and travel as often as necessary, therefore is seen as a setback for him. Mabo is prepared to do what it takes to own ‘his’ land, Murray Island, and his fight for justice is crushing and building his reputation all at once, making him a constant target. Mabo pushes through personal struggles, overcoming his skin colour and voicing his opinion whilst trying to create ‘social change’.
(PARAGRAPH 1) During the time of legal proceedings, Eddie Mabo is highly stressed. Mabo regrets losing the ‘growing up’ of the family, he expresses his gratitude and tells Netta he is ‘sorry I didn’t help you more’. The intensity causes conflict in his family relationships, including with his wife Bonita. The frustration of not being accepted in society overtakes Eddie’s senses when he physically strikes Netta. The high-to-low camera angle perspective shows Netta’s feelings of desperation and being powerless. This point in Perkins’ film portrays the toll it is taking on Eddie’s emotions, as his love for Netta is so strong and the conflict between them at this point is caused by the emotional strain on Mabo’s fight for equality. The strain of the fight is not only for Eddie. Netta is raising the children alone during the times of legal proceedings, however, the family support him in his ambitions regardless of this.
(PARAGRAPH 2) Although the stress is attacking his emotions, Eddie Ambo becomes increasingly old, to later discover he has cancer in his lower back. The anxiety that follows his ambitions not only has a moral and emotional effect, but strenuously attacks him physically. The fight for Mabo’s land rights was encouraged years before by a union leader who said, ‘you’ve got a voice don’t you?’. This statement was a shine of light to a coloured skinned person, intending on making a ‘social change’ no matter what ‘cost’. It gives Mabo confidence to stand, although he is getting older and becoming weaker. This is shown in the film when he is holding onto the bed, supporting himself to stand. The camera angle shows a lower perspective, but includes his pain on his face for viewers to understand his feelings. However, through the pain, he persists and continues to fight for Murray Island ownership.
(PARAGRAPH 3) Even though Mabo is prepared to do whatever it takes to claim ownership of Murray Island, his reputation during his fight for justice is crushing and being increased, making Koiki Mabo a constant target publicly. Mabo states that people like him ‘have no choice but to be troublemakers’ and if he doesn’t cause that trouble ‘[he] won’t have any pride left.’ Perkins portrays this in the scene where Mabo is walking alone and the police car approaches him saying, ‘You know the drill. Empty your pockets.’ That expression signifies he has been in trouble with police before and the camera perspective highlights the police’s authority, in a dark lonely place, the flashing bright red and blue appeal to the viewers fear and emotion. The constant hardships of ‘creating’ these social changes points up Eddie’s determination, even if it requires being a ‘troublemaker’.
(PARAGRAPH 4) Eddie (Koiki) Mabo’s ambitions to create the ‘social change’ for Indigenous Australians doesn’t only affect his family and his relationships but it also affects him personally. For Indigenous Australians to find their place in society, they were seen as causing trouble as they were expected to be under the authority of White colonisers. Koiki is warned that the path of an activist ‘[is] not an easy path’, and Perkins uses this quote to portray Eddie’s determination when Eddie replies with, “What more can they do to me that they haven’t already done?”. The film uses the close-up angle on Eddie when he says that statement to single him out, that statement stands for his disregard of what other think of his ambitions. The social change is a troublesome path for Eddie, however without his determination and ‘hot-headedness’ Eddie wouldn’t have made the history he did for the Indigenous Australians.
(CONCLUSION) The high price that comes with the creation of a ‘social change’, personally affects Eddie Mabo. The scene where he physically strikes his wife, Bonita, shows how the pressure is personally attacking him and his emotions. The pressure builds up over the course of claiming the right of owning Murray Island as it has been passed down from 16 generations. Netta supports Eddie through his journey of creating ‘social change’, even though Eddie is ‘lawless’ and ‘hot-headed’. She stands as a foundation for him to pursue his ambitions, however, the pressure comes at a high personal cost that he has to overcome. Eddie Mabo does have to pay high ‘personal cost
’ in order to pursue with forming a social transformation in the time of colonisers.