My creative on discovery

[jessica mo]

hi everyone.
i have a creative i just recently used for my test and previously for an assessment
i would appreciate it if you gave me some critic for my creative and how to improve..
thanks!

[dcesaona]

I love your story! The dialogue is incorporated into your story brilliantly. I don't have a lot of time to go through your creative and pick stuff out (got an art assignment coming up) so I've just skimmed and I'm writing the first things that come to mind, so take my pointers as guidance rather than legit comments haha!

- With the line, "she longed to see the blue sky and to touch the velvety green grass" maybe transcend this descriptive sentence to something 'more'. The reader knows the colour of the sky and grass so maybe take the description to the next level and comment on how the blue sky made the character feel, what shade of blue was it? I like the description of the velvety grass though
- Nothing comes to mind right now but maybe change the line "wait on edge" and consider another way of describing the feeling of waiting anxiously because the markers will appreciate descriptions that are new, fresh and exciting

I really love your concept so the only comments I would make if I had time would be to just change some descriptions here and there. These changes will enhance your story even more! Hope this helps