Even the grass that dreamt of being as tall as city skyscrapers, would lean towards motor blades every Sunday afternoon to become a part of the nicely trimmed lawns.
Very good! This really does do a good job of saying what you seem to want to say.
the safe choice
Also, very good.
She had lived amongst the unending blandness of it all for nearly two decades, longing for the day she would live in the cramped, lively congestion with the rest of the world. But just as it felt as though it was nearly time to leave, she could already see the train approaching that would force her off to live in a place like this once again. As she surveyed the area she saw, as expected, that nothing had changed. Well, nearly nothing.
This paragraph is unclear; I'm not sure what is happening.
Although it wasn’t tuned and the chords were wrong, the sound was right.
Very good. I really like it.
Mia felt the urge to chase after the woman. To escape. She didn’t want to be in a place where so few are living. She wanted to dig up her dreams. She wanted her music to be a gift. She wanted to leave. But she couldn’t lift herself from the bench. It was as if someone was holding her down, reminding her that when the audits are in, she needs to prove her worth and to show what she had achieved. By then, it was time for her piano lessons to start and the woman was already gone. Far, far away beyond her reach.
Good ending!
Overall, I like this. However, some of it feels (such as the first few sentences) rather forced, as does the ending. I was left feeling slightly confused by what was actually happening. I think if you clean this draft up a little (please take no offense!) and ensure its clarity it will be very powerful.
The theme does feel a
little forced through; again, a little change would fix that up nicely.
Hope that helped. If you want more feedback I can give it.