Thanks for being so honest w0lfqu33n89! It sounds like you went through a really, really tough time, but I am so glad you are feeling a little better.
Having a panic attack at work must have been really awful, especially if the people around you weren't very helpful.
ok so anyways. My mental health took a bit of a turn, I am at this point now where basically I know I have anxiety and maybe a bit of depression but I am too scared to get 'tested' 'medication' 'help' and all that because I am a) socially awkward b) find nothing about opening up to a stranger in person comforting in any way and c) I struggle to accept the fact I need help when I spend my life helping others.
There is absolutely no shame in seeking help, and as weird as it may seem to talk to a stranger, it will be super helpful. Even if they don't give you medication, they can just give you strategies for when you are feeling certain ways. Often these can be just as effective as medication and can equip you to deal with life in general better. There are so many different things you can try when feeling anxious or having a panic attack, and if one thing doesn't work, you can always try another thing. For me, not everything works every single time, but generally one of my strategies helps.
I know how it feels when you are generally the "strong" and "helpful" one, but having a balance is a good thing too. You can have relationships where you give and take equally; this is where strong friendships are formed. And when you need to do a little more "taking" sometimes, that is okay too (as long as you still have healthy boundaries).
It sounds like you have taken some really great steps by understanding that you are struggling and looking for a new job, as well as being on your way out of the hole of self-destruction! I can't wait to hear all about your yellow dress!
My PMs are always open babe! <3