[English] Black Diggers/Longest Memory Comparative Essay

[JR_StudyEd]

All I've written is an introduction and a body paragraph because my brain has run out of ideas. Please provide feedback, as I feel that my analysis is too shallow and basic.

This prompt is from the 2018 exam: “They painted my colour back on the day I got off that boat.” (Black Diggers) “Chapel, I wish you were white or I black.” (The Longest Memory)
How does skin colour shape the experiences of the characters in the two texts?

Although Fred D’Aguiar’s ‘The Longest Memory’ and Tom Wright’s play ‘Black Diggers’ are set in different eras, the predominant cultural view held by society in those historical periods is that white people are inherently superior to black people. Hence, the white population always tried to oppress the black population in order to assert the validity of their belief. Both in 19th-century Virginia and early-20th century Australia, the colour of one’s skin was a vital determinant of their lot in life, and this social norm was unfortunately something unable to be altered by the individuals at that time. Of course, this view was not immune to rebellion, as shown by Chapel and Lydia, as well as the black diggers.

Both texts place a strong emphasis on history, the pain of traumatic memories and how they are passed on to the next generation and future generations. In ‘Black Diggers’, Wright relates the past to the present, the fear of being “under occupation” and the irony of it, due to the fact that Indigenous Australians at that point in history were not seen as “[citizens]”. After coming home from the war, the black diggers realise “[their] war [is] never going to end”, highlighting the intergenerational suffering and trauma experienced by the Indigenous people as a whole. D’Aguiar subtly bookends his novel with references to the intergenerational nature of suffering. Whitechapel’s opening monologue foreshadows Chapel’s fate, that what Whitechapel endured for all his life is “waiting to happen” to Chapel. In attempting to erase Chapel’s violent death from his memory, it only “resurrects itself”, much like the “iron harvest” the old soldier spoke of, which Wright uses as a symbol to represent the pain and suffering elicited by traumatic memories, oftentimes as painful as the actual event itself.

[baxtaboyz]

Hey,
I was wondering, i'm doing this exact same essay topic, i was wondering could you send me your one??

[Rachelrachel]

Bear in mind I have not read the texts, but I can offer some structural feedback:

"predominant cultural view held by society in those historical periods is that white people are inherently superior to black people"

This sentence is a little wordy and longer than it needs to be. Perhaps something like "despite their different eras, antiblack racism permeates both societies"?

 "this view was not immune to rebellion"

This is good! Challenging the prompt, showing that people's experiences are not always shaped by their skin.

"Both texts place a strong emphasis on"

Topic sentences can be improved by discussing not just a general topic, but the specific statement creators are making. For example:
"Traumatic memories are inevitably passed on to future generations".
"History acts as a means through which race can shape experiences".
This technique will also help expand and refine your analysis.

"After coming home from the war, the black diggers realise “[their] war [is] never going to end”, highlighting the intergenerational suffering and trauma experienced by the Indigenous people as a whole."

This is an excellent sentence, particularly in the use of active voice and recognition of metaphor.