Someone help

[chemsetnikki]

I'm so shattered atm
I'm doing my second half of year 11 at a school I started at on Monday and before that I just missed out on my final semester exams at the uni I was at previously because of moving house
Now last year I moved house again and basically still passed year 10 but with not as good a marks as I know I can get
I've been asking myself am I not trying hard enough or if I just should give up on certain subjects
I spent so long crying this week because I came to the realisation that my strength is in English and languages but since year 7 I've only done Italian til year 9 and did quite well considering there was people in the class who stated in primary school
I had a lot of issues going on at home which weren't my fault but it took a lot of energy to deal with them and even after placing first in my second attempt at a nation wide writing competition served as nothing to my family. I'd often use the dictionary all on my phone much like others use Facebook and I was fascinated by entomology. Latin Spanish Italian and French as well as Dutch and pretty much any language I wanted to learn. But it was seen as showing off, useless or 'why are you so special' by my family and school staff. I felt held back. If it wasn't for moving around a lot, missing a year and having an uneducated unsupportive family I'd hate to imagine how much better I'd be performing/feeling 
Since it's half way through the year now and they're already asking at my school what year 12 subjects to do
Without fully being able to grow in my interest of language and not having resources and the stability most people have I honestly feel like my dreams of getting a 99.95 ATAR are not even on the card at all and 100% ruled out and with people scaring me off math subjects and chemistry for vce I haven't taken them though I was interested I just had a shit family situation which poured out into school and I was seen as a problem student when I just had no break from that other than class. I was finally able to live in supported accommodation as of around three weeks ago but not I just feel horrible because #1 I'll be 20 when I finish year 12 if I repeat year 11 again to catch up because the year before I was enrolled in school but when I moved too far out of the zone they rejected me and the rest were full and I didn't know what to do so I just went out a lot to deal with other pressures 2# I almost got rejected just because I am turning 18 this year 3# all my life I just wanted to go to a normal school and not be moved around and placed here and there and have more options because I know I'm better than what my past has been but I just hate that without a safe place to study in the past and with language and math seen as a 'don't worry there's someone always better than you'/'they're useless interests because you're a girl' thing from the people who had the power to help me flourish I'm heart broken. I know that even if I get perfect study scores of 50 in any subject I might do they cannot give me any higher than perhaps 99 and I'll probably be too far behind in the pre requisites for any medical course straight from high school. So pretty much the subjects I was interested in and excelled at in year 7 and 8 and primary school were discouraged because it was like well I won't do that good. When the only reason why I wouldn't was because I wasn't given a chance and also my family never saw study as important they thought that an education would scare a good man away -__-
In short I feel severly disadvantaged and I have a chance now and I'm not having to deal with my family anymore but now I'm already a year older plus perhaps 2/3 years behind in maths and the same amount of years behind in the Italian I did until year 9 (then it was not offered at school and my parents would never put in the effort to look at other pathways)
Without the negativity and having to go into survival mode up until a few weeks ago I have no idea what it's like to have everyone helping you and eating well getting fit and doing the whole social life thing as well as getting good grades which comes from recognition of abilities and improvement of weaknesses. But if I needed to improve on something that was seen as failing and I had to juggle my emotions which were seen as nothing and having to push through the way my family was. Basically being asked to be perfect and excell but with immense emotional manipulation and barriers. I feel so sad because I don't even know if it'll be worth trying to do chemistry and maths like I always loved to be better but was living in fear of asking for proper help or getting shut down when I said I wasn't getting what I needed. So now it's almost year 12 and I just want to cry every day. Doesn't help that a girl from my old high school killed her self in year 11 because of vce and other pressures that nobody she told did anything good enough about. It's like my future has just crumbled and I haven't had an A on my report since like 6 years ago. None of my subjects even coincide with my natural interests or wanted career path of medicine. Because I know people who have been able to go into medicine but ended up making a fortune from Instagram. But I may not even have any other option of breaking my family chain of poverty besides doing well at school. I'm stuck between how I can get help to possibly either maybe try picking up Italian which I haven't been exposed to since 2015 or getting back into maths and physics. I hope this post makes sense and I appreciate your time 

[katie,rinos]

I really want to give you a hug. I'm so sorry that your feeling this way, and wish I could do more to help.
I can't really help you heaps with VCE stuff because I do the HSC, but I know that the community on ATARNotes is really supportive and helpful. There should be question threads and essay marking for all of your subjects.

My opinion would be to pick subjects that you really enjoy. Pick subjects that you wouldn't mind putting heaps of effort into and therefore you'll find them interesting and want to study them. If you aren't interested in any of your subjects at the moment, you have the opportunity to change that next year-so pick the things that would make you excited to be going to school. I felt a lot of stress trying to pick your 12 subjects and I didn't have all the external factors that you had.

Congrats so much on coming first in that competition!! Your writing must be really great-which is such a good skill to have!
Have you started your new school yet? Like prickles, I think that it would be a good idea to try a friend or someone that you can really trust so then you can just talk and rant to them about your day.

Please, please now that you are in supported accomodation look after yourself (eat well, talk to people, try to do even little things that will make you happy).
I'm sorry that I couldn't help heaps and am even more sorry that you've had to go through a lot.
I really hope this was helpful. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime.
Also, if you think you are starting to feel depressed, or any mental health stuff please find a counsellor or someone that you can talk to, so you can receive help. I know that it might sound hard but if your feeling this way, it could be one of the best things that you could do.

[sweetiepi]

Hey there!
That sucks that you've been through so much, and I'd really like to offer support here on AN as well!
I definitely would go for subjects that you absolutely enjoy, as I feel that it'd give you the drive to keep going, no matter what. However I see that you want to pursue med, and I'm sure you'll be able to do extremely well. With chemistry and maths, if you do choose them, it may take a bit of work, but I'm sure you can push through and persevere, especially if you have others around you, such as people in your classes that can help- definitely ask, you may even make a few new friends by doing that, or asking your teachers, they can absolutely help you! (or on here, the forums, plenty of amazing people here to help as well!)
(Sorry for my brief reply, I do wish you the very best, no matter what! ^_^)

If you need to chat (and anyone else for that matter), send me a PM, I'll always be there for you!

[AngelWings]

I'm sorry to hear what happened (and yes, I read the entire post). I think that the fact that you typed that essay shows that you are
(1) very motivated and determined to do yourself justice
(2) have a high potential to do well if you keep going. Nothing good will happen if you give up - that's 100% certain.
Anyway, here's my advice for you: try regardless. You can only work from what you have now and grow from that. My usual advice applies to you: "You can't change the past, but you can always change the future." Unless you have a time machine, you can't go back and change things. (Whoops, that came out more harsh than intended; I only wish the best for you. What I actually meant was for you to keep looking forward.)

I think what you were trying to ask in your post was this:

I'm stuck between how I can get help to possibly either maybe try picking up Italian which I haven't been exposed to since 2015 or getting back into maths and physics.

So hopefully I've interpreted your post right, but what I believe you're asking is: "should I do Italian or maths and physics, in my given situation?"

My answer is to give either a shot. If your intention is to get into medicine, then go for the maths and physics, despite everything that has happened to you. Italian is something you can pick up again or do on the side, but maths, at the very minimum, is the prerequisite for a lot of other courses, even if you miss the mark for medicine. Remember also that your UMAT counts for undergrad medicine entry, so please also remember that ATAR isn't everything. (You could do a transfer from Biomed or Science, if this is the case. It's perfectly fine if you do Biomed or Science and then do postgrad medicine via the GAMSAT.)

Even if you're behind, teachers (and some kind students) are generally more than happy to help you out if you're struggling or feel like you're really behind. Try to find a teacher/ student to help you catch up on what you missed or teach in a way that makes you understand. Hopefully you can find one who'll become your friend and you can count upon for the rest of your high school journey. If not, we on ATARNotes will try to become the support you need.

Hopefully that helps and I answered your post accordingly. I wish you all the best.

EDIT: Several people posted as I was typing, so apologies for the repeat. I do agree with Katie Rinos' bolded final sentence wholeheartedly and would follow that advice, if necessary.

[Shadowxo]

Hi!
I'm so sorry that you've been discouraged from doing subjects that you love, but it's never too late to pick them up. You can always ask teachers to give you a hand, or if you have some spare money you could get a tutor (I know it can be tough, if you could come to the city I wouldn't mind helping out with maths for cheap/free when I'm available).
Girls CAN excel at the maths, sciences and languages, and an education should not be seen as a bad thing #mathsnerd. Do subjects you want to do. If you don't think you can do them, do some extra work on them, get some tutoring, ask for extra help, but don't give them up. And even if you can't get straight into medicine, there are other pathways, so don't give up on that dream!
Do things for yourself, don't let anyone discourage you. And don't stress too much about VCE, just try your best and things will be alright.

You'll be alright, feel free to pm me or any of the wonderful posters here, and you can use these forums to your advantage! I think there may also be some subject content guides floating around explaining concepts like differentiation etc (maths) so check those out too Good luck!

*I did focus more on the maths as I am a maths lover, so sorry about that

[Calebark]

Hey, Chemsetnikki.

I'm happy you've come here for help. You seem pretty self-aware, and that's definitely a good start. I have quite a few things to say, so please bear with me. Others have very kindly covered subject selection, so I won't focus on that.

Don't hold yourself to impossible standards: You have some mighty high aspirations, and that's perfectly okay! It's perfectly okay to aim for a 99.95 if you so choose. However, you seem very attached to this, so it's important for me to mention that 99.95 is extremely difficult to achieve, and while it certainly takes massive amounts of effort, at such a high level no small amount is due to luck, so please know that not achieving that isn't a reflection on any lacking quality within yourself. You're going through some difficult circumstancess right now, and just to be able to pass school right now is admirable. That said, it is still certainly possible to achieve a score you would be more than proud of! Even if your family may not show pride, all of us at ATAR Notes will be glad to celebrate with you.

Go to Centrelink: You mentioned poverty and supported living. Money will definitely help with this. You can go to Centrelink and qualify for Youth Allowance. If you're over 18 and not living at home, you could get around $437.50 a fortnight, which would be immensely helpful. There's a backlog of several months for Youth Allowance, so explain your difficult circumstance to them, and they'll be able to rush it through. You're going to need to get a tax file number and supporting documents. If you cannot get them then talk to the people at Centrelink and they will be more than willing to help you.

Find a job: Again, echoing the issues of poverty and supported living, I would recommend looking for a casual job, so that way you can still find enough time to study. You can use sites such as Seek and Jora to streamline this process. Additonally, if you haven't written a resume before, this is the guide I used for mine. Lastly, there's an ATAR Notes article written by one of our lovely users that may provide some insight.

Talk to your coordinators and careers advisors: They would have dealt with such things before. Your careers advisor can help you with the best pathways into medicine (but if you feel that isn't helpful enough, feel free to try our Health Sciences board board. If you feel like things are getting tough, your coordinators can help with a management plan with your teachers to make things a bit more streamlined for you.

Make sure you apply for SEAS and other programs: SEAS is a VTAC initiative that will make up for all the 'lost ATAR points' due to experiencing difficult circumstances during VCE. You also mentioned undergrad med, so assuming you're aiming for Monash, so please look into the Monash Guarantee. Essentially, if you can get a UMAT of 180 (typically around 90%ile) and an ATAR of 94.00, then you will be guaranteed an interview for one of specially allocated spots for the Monash Guarantee. Apply for that -- perhaps it'll make fulfilling your dreams that much easier!

See a doctor: You sound very stressed and down. I implore you to visit your doctor and arrange a Mental Health Plan, where you can see a psychologist for up to 10 free sessions in a year. I feel like this is the most important point here. I personally had to split my Year 12 into two years as I spent almost half of last year homeless. I was already suffering from depression, but I decided to keep putting off until I was in a better situation (that is, not homeless), which is in retrospect, one of the worst decisions of my life. Having a poor life is draining -- I know that, I really fucking empathise -- and you may not see the damage it is doing to you, Chemsetnikki, so please see a doctor. You have potential to get out of this 'family chain of poverty' and fulfill your dreams, but only if you are healthy.

Just know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal right now, and please don't feel guilty for feeling such things. I can't understand all of what you're going through -- no one ever can -- but I had a similar home life, and I had to split my VCE, so if you ever feel like talking to someone, you are absolutely free to message me.

ATAR Notes is here for you whether it's for support inside of school or outside of school.