I guess I haven't updated my journal for a very long time since all I can do is rant and break over a long period of time, since I can handle my failures a little bit better I think I can work around things I screw up.... Anyway enough about my crap, let's go on with actual stories (yes I may be posting about stuff that happen way back (so not in chronological order)... For now it is going to be about the Careers expo and the experience I had with the 2 day visit (I will conclude with my overall opinion and experience)
1 June 2018
This is the day where ALL of my yr 12 cohort visited the careers expo... so the plan is everyone gets there together by 9:40... because of that my maths teacher decided to run the 4U maths class in the morning which finishes at 8:50... I went there with my buddy since he was also in that class (just 2 of us doing 4U), went down to kingsford and caught a 393 (I avoid tapping the opal and manage to get away with it haha)... From there I get some brochures from UNSW and UTS discuss with them about the courses that I wanted to do (though unfortunately all of the UNSW student ambassador that I spoke to cannot answer my question 'why advanced maths and advanced science cannot be combined together', I was able to extract some information about the courses that they are doing and get some new perspectives about them... (I also visited the AN area that day and I saw Susie and Isaac at the counter, and I mistook someone as naomi (can't remember who it was though haha).... and I visited the maths association nsw and get some info about info sessions they are running... Later on I visited the Defence Force area, where I get to experience the flight simulators...
To me, the most interesting out of all is the time I spend in the Defence Force area, there I get to use a helicopter simulator and it was something I am totally unfamiliar with and with my first attempt I crashed every minute (I was fully unaware that helicopters does not have any brakes).... and I am not used to the way the whole thing works (it is a totally different feeling to flying a helicopter in video games like cod black ops for example)..... Then I decided to let others have a go..... After roughly half an hour, watching other people doing it I am starting to realise that most people don't make it because they panic as they tried to land or panic as they do not know what to do next.... From there I decided to learn a little bit more about the controls, tell myself to calm down and not panic..... and have another go.. This time I did not crash and I was able to follow the objectives (like spin the helicopter, flight it higher or lower... ). Everything was good until I realise my helicopter flies backwards when I tried to get it go forward... there I realise that helicopters have to face 'downwards' for it to move 'forward... unfortunately before I could land the helicopter the time runs out as 'I failed to land on time'..... This is not something you get to experience on a daily basis.... I mean playing around with approx $4-10 million simulator (also used by the military) is really awesome.... the flight simulator experience tells a few things about myself: 1. I am an anxious person 2. I am highly impatient, and that have cost me a lot of things 3. Most of my screw up is very likely to stem from the 2 stuff I mentioned...
2 June 2018
I was given a free ticket back to the careers expo on Saturday and I know that Jamon is running a seminar that day... and I have arranged a tutoring session at parramatta for maths that day too (in the mornings)... so I have a 3 hours session (over $80 spent) at parramatta library and once done I went to the seminar straight away (by then Jamon probably started it, as soon as I arrived)... since I do not know where the seminar is held, I went to the AN bench (and I saw Susie and Isaac again lol).... I asked them where the seminar is located (unfortunately they too have no idea)... and Susie happened to look for where Jamon is so I tag along with her for a bit (and after 10 minutes or so I am finally there haha... So the session did run for quite a bit (not gonna bother to tell what happened there)... Once done I asked Jamon how to approach some of the 'extension questions' of 3U cambridge and he told me that there is no pamphlet to follow for those type and I just have to know and some I have to use logic (which I am lacking in unfortunately- yep being self critical).... Then also mention to him how HSC have become a meat grinder to me (since he mention that I rely on others a lot in the HSC- but to me I believe it is all free for all, kill each other off for the first spot until all of the internal assessments are done), and he told me to NOT look at it that way and that I will not be happy that way.. and I should enjoy yr 12 (clearly I am not atm)... and the rest just goes on like usual...
Overall
Yep getting bad half yearlies sucks, however not being able to recover is far worse I suppose? It took me over 6 weeks to recover from it and now I have assessments coming (oh great)... Giving up will exacerbate the situation for sure and being anxious is definitely not helping (something I genuinely struggle with)... Now I do have a plan of attack and I know I am in a similar situation as the half yearlies yet again (lost 6 weeks to almost nothing as I cannot remember what I've learned and the majority of time is lost cursing myself and my fate at times or daydream about the version of myself I wish I could be- super genious, state rank over 15 units worth of subjects and have super high reputation and people telling me 'are you human/are you god' etc)... I guess I have to use this 2 weeks to work around things somehow.... and trials is approaching (and the MAJORITY of content covered I am still weak at)... will I make it? I guess I'll have to see for myself... please no more stress Clovvy, OK??