I honestly feel like I've been hit in the face with a brick.
We are graduating in November. We are almost done. 13 years of schooling coming down to the ATAR. I might be happy, I might be sad. Who knows. I hope I'm happy but I feel like that I haven't done enough so far.
I was in SOR1 today and our teacher asked us to do this HSC question. SOR1U is pretty much the subject I care the least about... but anyway. I realised I have to work for this, this counts toward my mark. If I don't like it, I will just have to keep studying. Last year I did hardly anything! I still got good marks and a good rank (To my teachers disappointment) but I didn't work hard enough. It was fourth period when I had an attitude change. Well, my teacher made me change my attitude because we weren't doing what we were supposed to. I know, I'm so bad! I realised that everything he was saying was right. I was there to get a good mark and a good ATAR, this did count and it mattered. It wasn't some subject to brush off like we all did in year 7, 8, 9 and 10. This really mattered and I wasn't working.
What the hell am I doing? I thought to myself. I want to do well. I want to get a good ATAR. What am I doing? Nothing. Why? Just because I hate the subject. IT COUNTS YOU IDIOT. WORK. I literally wanted to scream it at myself. Luckily it was lunch next period. Then Engineering where I couldn't concentrate because I was thinking about what I had really done in year 11 and term 1 of year 12. Yes, I had worked in the subjects I liked and wanted to get good marks in such as English, Ancient, Engineering, Math and Art (Pretty much every subject) but RE? Really? No. I want to turn this around.
This afternoon I spent 1hr 30 on an essay we have to write in SOR (Thankfully not an assessment) but I needed to work to stop worrying. I'm that type of person that gets something on their mind and it stays there until you satisfy its hunger (Is that a good analogy?). If I don't do enough study sometimes, I can't sleep (Especially in holidays) and if I still worry the night before the test I haven't studied enough.
I remember the one time in year 10 maths I got 100%. I was in the top class then (Still am in the top 2U class) and I remember going in feeling satisfied with whatever study I had done. Yes it was year 10 but math was one of my best subjects. Another time I went in feeling satisfied and got close to 100%.
Then I hilariously think back to year 11 beginners French where I totally fluked the yearly exam cause I didn't study very much (I dropped it for year 12) and got close to 95%. I hated french so much I wanted to fail but didn't? It's weird but I got 12/12 for a HSC question my teacher put in it. I came 4th in French (Out of 12 people). I really like learning languages but I was just annoyed by French. Maybe it was the teacher? Idk.
So in conclusion! I actually need to get my head in the game and start getting really serious with some of my subjects (Maybe it doesn't help with who I sit next to?) otherwise I will bring myself down and my mark. I want to get a good ATAR and I want to get into UoN and I WILL!
*Whispers* Get your arse into gear Caitlyn. You can do it *Whispers*