Module A- intertextual connections

[Lilabear123]

Hi!

Attached is my Mrs Dalloway + The Hours essay. i'm doing the elective intertextual connections.

Also, my topic sentences are a bit strange, however i double checked with my teacher and she said they were fine? A bit confused about that.

I'm mostly worried that my essay doesn't discuss intertextuality enough.

Thank you

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi Lila! I'd be happy to give this some feedback - Sorry I didn't get to it over the weekend!

- Watch for punctuation! Some of your sentences need better pausing/pacing. Read the essay aloud and listen for where you naturally pause, and put a comma there. Where you take a breath, perhaps a full stop?
- I feel your Thesis is just a little bit all over the shop, all the pieces are there but it isn't quite coherent in my eyes. The ideas are a little vague. I agree with the person who wrote the comments in that this could probably be helped by linking to the module aims in the first instance!
- Similarly, don't start your paragraphs with a contextual statement. Start with a concept, then bring in context and explain how it influences the concept.
- Great work using techniques, but I'm feeling a bit of a disconnect between those techniques and what they accomplish in the first paragraph. How does asyndeton show the concept of the invisibility of women? How is emphatic tone to do with the social definition of marriage? Try to link techniques to their impact - Imagery allows the responder to better visualise ________, use of profanity shocks the responder with _________, use of simile draws comparison to ________. You do this much better in the second paragraph!
- Make sure you never attribute a technique to a character, always the composer! In general, avoid describing character actions and how they relate to a concept. Never repeat what happens to characters. Should always focus on techniques - You should never go a paragraph (or even more than a couple of sentences) without referencing the composer
- Easy ways to make your analysis flow better: Only quote once in a given sentence (you shouldn't need to do something like, the repetition of "__" in "____"), and always put the technique and quote in the same sentence.

This is a really strong essay! A bit of work on the concepts in the intro will give your essay better direction and help you frame your analysis more effectively - You show really strong textual knowledge, well done