HSC Legal Studies

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hello,

Legal Studies right now is currently my worst subject. I just can't get my head around how to write essays for Legal. I either go overboard and list too many quotes, or I overcomplicate things.

Here is a sample legal essay I wrote at the beginning of Year 12. I got a very disappointing mark of 21/30. I have a half yearly coming around where I have to write two essays, and I don't want to be making the same mistakes again. Please tell me where I am going wrong and what I need to fix, because I don't really understand the feedback of my teachers that well (they were awfully vague). I also don't know how to prepare for future Legal assessments. How should I approach and go about any Legal essay?

My half yearly consists of 30 multiple choice, 1 mini essay on Crime (600-800 words) and one big essay on Family Law (1000 words). I don't really know how I should prepare for it so please give me some expert tips on time management and how to prepare for it the most effectively! I dont really have much time left!

Thanks,

Kriti

[NowYouTseMe]

Hey, sorry I couldn't get to this earlier.
I've put my comments onto the attached document, so hopefully that will be helpful. The main issue here is that you list sources but don't do anything with them. You need to be making an argument and using these sources as evidence, as well as specifically state what the sources show in terms of your evaluation. Also, you state too much about media articles (ie the journalists who wrote them) and lack specific legislation and law reform in your writing.

To improve on further writing, I'd say that you should probably work on essay body paragraph structure, particularly on how to incorporate evidence because that's where your writing is weakest.

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hey, sorry I couldn't get to this earlier.
I've put my comments onto the attached document, so hopefully that will be helpful. The main issue here is that you list sources but don't do anything with them. You need to be making an argument and using these sources as evidence, as well as specifically state what the sources show in terms of your evaluation. Also, you state too much about media articles (ie the journalists who wrote them) and lack specific legislation and law reform in your writing.

To improve on further writing, I'd say that you should probably work on essay body paragraph structure, particularly on how to incorporate evidence because that's where your writing is weakest.

Wow thank you so much for the feedback!

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hi,

Been doing some more work on writing essays for Legal. Here is another essay I wrote on Family law, particularly in regards to domestic violence. Take a look and please give me some essential feedback (half yearly prep).

[Razeen25]

Hi,

Been doing some more work on writing essays for Legal. Here is another essay I wrote on Family law, particularly in regards to domestic violence. Take a look and please give me some essential feedback (half yearly prep).

Hi, I'm also currently doing Legal so I'm no expert but..
You should incorporate more of a balanced TEEEL structure. You're fine with your topic sentences and linking, however, you lack an explanation of what you're really talking about. I feel as if you go from topic sentence straight to evidence. Speaking of evidence, I think you have a little more than that is required. You've mentioned many lengthy quotes from Sydney Morning Herald, however they don't all justify your points. Also, when mentioning articles, you don't need to mention the journalists name unless they're of significance/provide importance to your essay. Saying "This is exemplified in the SMH article..." is fine tbh. My legal teacher always says its good to include a reference to the Themes + Challenges of the topic in topic sentence/linking within an essay for that topic, and although I'm not familiar with Family I think that would also enhance your essay!

Hopefully that kinda helps lol

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hi, I'm also currently doing Legal so I'm no expert but..
You should incorporate more of a balanced TEEEL structure. You're fine with your topic sentences and linking, however, you lack an explanation of what you're really talking about. I feel as if you go from topic sentence straight to evidence. Speaking of evidence, I think you have a little more than that is required. You've mentioned many lengthy quotes from Sydney Morning Herald, however they don't all justify your points. Also, when mentioning articles, you don't need to mention the journalists name unless they're of significance/provide importance to your essay. Saying "This is exemplified in the SMH article..." is fine tbh. My legal teacher always says its good to include a reference to the Themes + Challenges of the topic in topic sentence/linking within an essay for that topic, and although I'm not familiar with Family I think that would also enhance your essay!

Hopefully that kinda helps lol

Thanks for the feedback. But i am not sure what you mean by the TEEEL structure and how to include a reference to the Themes + Challenges. Could you please comment on my essay in word form so i know what to do exactly? Thanks razeen25

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks for the feedback. But i am not sure what you mean by the TEEEL structure and how to include a reference to the Themes + Challenges. Could you please comment on my essay in word form so i know what to do exactly? Thanks razeen25

People will give the feedback they can - You can't necessarily ask/expect people to take the time to provide comments in Word, it takes a long time!

[NowYouTseMe]

Hey, I've just added comments onto the attached word doc, as well as an example introduction and body paragraph.
Note that I'm also currently doing Legal, but it's probably my strongest subject.
The main issues are with structuring your arguments in that you seem to be substituting sources for an actual evaluation of the law, so work on that and it should be g

hope that helps

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hey, I've just added comments onto the attached word doc, as well as an example introduction and body paragraph.
Note that I'm also currently doing Legal, but it's probably my strongest subject.
The main issues are with structuring your arguments in that you seem to be substituting sources for an actual evaluation of the law, so work on that and it should be g

hope that helps

Thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate the depth and time you put into this!

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Hey, I've just added comments onto the attached word doc, as well as an example introduction and body paragraph.
Note that I'm also currently doing Legal, but it's probably my strongest subject.
The main issues are with structuring your arguments in that you seem to be substituting sources for an actual evaluation of the law, so work on that and it should be g

hope that helps

Hi,

I looked at your feedback and edited my essay again. Here it is. I tried to make use of your feedback as much as possible. Take a look, if you can, and let me know if I have improved in some way.

[NowYouTseMe]

Hey there,
Your second draft definitely reads a lot better, but your body paragraphs cut off really suddenly. As a suggestion to improve this, you could perhaps introduce the paragraph theme and explain why it is relevant to domestic violence victims/why it was introduced and only give your evaluation at the end of the paragraph. Also, this may be nitpicking but I personally don't like using 'ineffective' as a definitive measure as it establishes the law as being useless. Use 'limited effectiveness' or 'moderate effectiveness' instead. To improve the essay further, you could also counter-argue in the second half of every paragraph, which you've already tried in like 2 of them, as having counterarguments establishes an extent/specific evaluation as to the law's effectiveness. Definitely a better essay though.

[StudyBuddyKJ]

Worked on my international crime essay.

Did everything but the conclusion. Just analyse my body paragraphs and see if they work. Need feedback soon because half yearlies are coming up!

[emilyygeorgexx]

Worked on my international crime essay.

Did everything but the conclusion. Just analyse my body paragraphs and see if they work. Need feedback soon because half yearlies are coming up!

I only had a quick skim through but what I think you need to do the most is established your argument in the introduction. Yes, you can say to an extent it is effective but then you must explain why that is ONLY TO AN EXTENT. In your second paragraph the evidence of the argument of state sovereignty is prevalent, yet you didn't mention that in the introduction and didn't carry it throughout the whole essay. Also, ineffectiveness of the ICC can also be that cases are only prosecuted when the domestic courts can't or unwilling to do so. Cases to the ICC can only go there if that country has signed the Rome Statute or The United Nation's Security Council has referred them though one of their Resolutions. So developing your argument must be a strong starting point in improving your essay, which will then address the sustained, logical and cohesive element of the marking criteria.

Also for international legal systems, you may want to talk about International Tribunals such as the International Criminal Tribunal of Rwanda or the International Criminal Tribunal of Yugoslavia. You are not limited to these as there is also the International Court of Justice, etc.

Remember, your crimes essays are aiming to be approximately 600 words long so you can flesh out some more legal issues or cut down on the ones that are not so important, remembering that issues with recent laws, media and cases are preferred over older ones.

Hope this is some help!