Hey everyone!
So I read this yesterday and weeped a little and then I didn't know what to say so here I am, with a bowl of pumpkin soup doing this whole Sunday night reflection thing.
ATAR Notes has been honestly incredible for me. It's one of those "you never know where life is going to take you" situations because I couldn't grow up wanting to work for ATAR Notes because it didn't exist growing up. And then in my HSC, AN started to trickle into my life. Then the opportunity came up very randomly to work for AN as a lecturer. I applied, then never got back to Brenden with my resume, he followed me up, I was in COMPLETE PANIC AND STRESS MODE ABOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE AND ITS DIRECTION in this immediate-post-hsc-exam period, I sent Brenden the TEMPLATE resume rather than my completed resume. He assured me at the time he would forget the template resume, but a year or so later revealed he pulled the two up side by side to scrunitise the two to see where I made the adjustments (tres embarrassing and very questioning of Brenden's use of time..
)
Then I wrote the legal notes (to this day, my favourite set of notes) and then did my first lecture. My first lecture was genuinely the most proud day of my life up until that point. I spilt coke on myself on the train home and tried to dip my chip into my phone instead of the aioli sauce because I was SO EXHAUSTED and just completely in a world of bliss. I truly felt like I had made a difference to the students in the room, academically and otherwise. I remember at one lecture, and it wasn't the first lecture, that a very soft-natured girl came up to me in the break (or at the end) of a lecture and waited in line to say,
"Thank you so much for standing up the front and being unapologetically outspoken and still kind. A lot of people say girls can't be funny, and girls can't be as clever or as confident, but you showed me you can be."
Then she literally
scurried away before I could even question her "WHO SAYS THIS GHASTLY THINGS ABOUT GIRLS HUH BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL WRONG" and instead I was completely gobsmacked and then probably went on to answer a question about the division of powers or mandatory sentencing. So I suppose this is one tiny tiny tiny example of how I've fully recognised the platform ATAR Notes has given me to make a difference, in all kinds of ways. I've received such supportive feedback about lectures, content explaining, creative writing feedback, the notes, lecture intermission banter... I'm so thankful.
Online has been something else. In my first year online the forums I experienced all kinds of disruptions - it was my first year at uni, I was commuting further than I ever had before, I'd taken on an internship, a new role at ATAR Notes, had several significant personal issues, and a house renovation. ATAR Notes was a place I quite literally visited every single day, bar maybe four or five days, for an 8 month period. Some days extensive essay marking, some days just reading and upvoting (a lot of what I do now - you all make me smile and upvote until the cows come home). Then in my second year, I went overseas. In retrospect, I realise how lonely my first few weeks were in Italy. But don't think of lonely as a bad thing, think of lonely as time very much needed to be spent in solitude. I'd gone through a break up of an almost-five year relationship a few months before, then promptly managed to single handedly and disastrously dismantle the new relationship I'd formed (spoiler: we're together now and very very very happy. Hello Jake, if you're reading this, because I'm about to send you the link to this thread so you can see the nice things people said about me). I didn't speak Italian, it was COLD, and I was jetlagged. But every single day at the beginning I spent a few hours on ATAR Notes - it felt like home. Home I could take with me. And I did, I took ATAR Notes to Italy, France, Croatia, Spain, Germany, UK, Ireland, Prague, Amsterdam, Belgium...
And then this year: a time for change. I've started packing my room to move out of home, I'm coming towards the end of my degree (and holy shit I feel the burn), I've left my job at woolworths (6 YEARS OF CATCHING THIEVES LATER) and it's time to take on new roles and challenges. The time is now. My pumpkin soup is making me sombre. I'm eating liquid for dinner.
Thank you ATAR Notes. This thread says a lot about how I've helped people, and the reality is that ATAR Notes has helped me even more. I'm so incredibly bloody honoured to be able to help, love, laugh, talk, banter, and grow with you all. The magic of seeing new vibrant cohorts come through and still get to learn from the AN legends.
So to some forum members...
Jake and Jamon - thank you for doing less than raise me, teach me, laugh with me, and grow with me.
Brenden - thank you for writing me a handful of amazingly solid job/scholarship references. You believe in me a million more times than I do myself and how lucky I am to have you as a mentor. And for the record - I got an internship of Brenden's reference, and I've also been awarded a full scholarship for a media tour of South Korea in July thanks to another solid letter. You have inspired me from the very beginning. Now you're literally walking across three countries and that's mental.
The Nat, Vic, and NSW mods: You are the most intelligent people I've ever had the pleasure of working alongside. This community wouldn't be anything without your intellect, celebrations, opinions, diligence and kindness. Nick especially, I've begun to work closely with you over the last year. Your patient nature, kind heart, clever thoughts and humour are especially what I value, and what I learn from you.
NSW Lecturers around: I love you guys.
Everyone else: thank you for being fantastic. Imagine I'm Oprah giving you all badges for your amazingness. YOU GET A BADGE, AND YOUUUU GET A BADGE
Anyway. I'm crying. Not even a little, like a complete snotty blubbery mess and my heart feels so full. But this definitely isn't a goodbye. I'm still here. I'm so thankful for your kind words above, and I'm also going to take happiness in the upvotes to Nick's OP - I LOVE YOU, YOU UPVOTERS!
Thanks family. <3