50 in English, available for queries :)

[literally lauren]

Comments are below. In the future, you can post this on the submissions board and just send me a PM if you want my input. I'd rather keep this thread for questions and advice only

Spoiler

The stage drama ‘No Sugar’ set in Northam, Western Australia during the Great Depression in 1929-1934 by Jack Davis, presents indigenous issues in a potent mannerphraseology is weird here. 'Potent manner' doesn't really tell us anything; what issues is the author dealing with, and how? by using inventive staging, themes and characterisation. I realise this was part of the task, but avoid listing wherever possible. It stands out as lazy signposting. Davis juxtaposes the verbal language used by Nyoongar-Aboriginal families, commonly referred to as Nyoongah in this theatrical production, You can assume your marker has read the text, don't summarise too much and the European Australians' (plural possessive) colloquial language through conflictual conflicting (both are right but 'conflicting' is the widely accepted form) values of power and cultural identity. ‘No Sugar’ challenges the readers’ values by providing a voice for the Aboriginal people, confronting European Australians with the past, restoring Aboriginal culture and exploring the importance of equality due to the impact of government controls on Australian Indigenous peoples. The issue of power is an indomitable issue which is used as a way to convey its message to the audience. This part reads more like a T.S. for a body paragraph. The sentence before this one was very good; either integrate this line earlier on or just cut it. And try not to repeat a word like 'issue' twice in one sentence when there are plenty of synonyms. Self-editing should pick most of these errors up.
Also, avoid generic phrases like "which is used to convey its message to the audience." Assessors know they're filler, and in the exam you won't have time to pad out an essay because (hopefully) you'll have so much to say and so little time.

The Nyoongah language forms the themes of cultural identity and power to alienate the audience and other characters in the drama to empathise with the Aborigines. “He’s my gnoolya, sir” is an example of Nyoongah language in the play. Sam uses this dialogue in the courtroom scene to answer the Justice of the Peace’s question, however, the Justice of the Peace fails to comprehend Sam’s statement and so too do the audience. This places the audience in a state of temporary confusion until being briefed that “gnoolya” means brother-in-law. The theme of power is manifested as both the reader and other characters do not understand what is taking place. How? This isn't fully explained. This is a reversal of the events the Aborigines had to endure in the sense that when the Europeans colonised Australia, the Aborigines hardly voiced a word of English. Sam later opposes conforming to the Western style of life when he says “Koorawoorung! Noyoohngahs corroboreein’ to a wetjala’s brass band!” The collaboration of “white mans” English and the Aborigines Nyoongah in Sam’s sentence, highlights the theme of cultural identity as the Aborigines have not completely conformed to the western lifestyle, having also kept their cultural heritage. This creates a unique culture of its own towards the audience as the Aborigines have not abandoned their traditional language and culture but have merely incorporated it into the Western style of life.
Aim for greater fluency between paragraphs. At the end, link back to your contention/the prompt, then in the next paragraph start back from the contention and work your way into your next point. eg. ''
Australian’s colloquial language  Australian colloquialisms (?) is used to construct the stereotypes of white Australians and also to help shape the theme of power and influence the Aboriginals way of life. Frank’s “No, there’s about ten other blokes” is quote that reveals an informal, laid-back use of language. The fact that he chose to use the word “bloke” instead of man or male constructs a stereotypical character, as bloke is predominately implemented within Australian society and hence reveals a laid-back type of character. Sergeant Carrol also uses colloquial language when he wants to say something of the record and on an intimate level. As the Sergeant uses phrases such as “next time I’ll nail him” and “The last bloke I nabbed for supplying is doing three months hard labour in Fremantle.” He loses his status of power and brings himself to a common hierarchy instead of one of authority. The fact that he uses this language when he wants to speak on a casual basis implies towards the reader, that the use of colloquial language is used to construct a character of equal power and at an informal level, the traits of a stereotypical Australian. This paragraph probably isn't showcasing your ideas in much detail. It's basically just a long-winded way of saying: 'Certain characters employ trademark Australian colloquialisms like "bloke" and "" ' So what? When you're given these sorts of structural essay questions about the use of >something< within the text, you need to do more than just acknowledge that technique is in the text. How is it used to create meaning? Does this language dichotomise, marginalise, or isolate other characters? What does this mean for the audience? Above all else: have a clear contention in response to the prompt about what theses structural features are doing, then refer back to this idea (implicitly or explicitly) throughout your essay to give you direction.

Auber Octavius Neville is the only character in the play that uses conventional language consistently. His use of conventional language shapes his character and forms the theme of power I think the reason this doesn't work is because you start the sentence talking about the character (HIS use of language) and then zoom out and talk about themes and the text as a whole without much transition. It's good to make these links, but try to link them fluently. “My dear Minister, herewith the information requested” is an example of the formal language he uses and creates a sense of detachment towards the audience, thus discouraging the reader to respond directly to authority. Furthermore, Neville displays an arrogant trait phrasing is a bit pedestrian. Maybe 'his propensity for arrogance...' when he says “the proposed budget cut of three thousand one hundred and thirty-four pounds could be met by discontinuing the supply of meat in native rations”, Davis reflects Neville to be an individual who doesn’t care about the people he is affecting but rather wishes to benefit himself and a minority group. The fact that he possess this type of power, reinforces the audiences’ dislike of him as he is supposed to be the Chief Protector of Aborigines, and yet his ‘noble’ actions further disadvantage them. Davis uses colloquial language to shape authority and identity, as well as constructing unsympathetic characters such as A.O. Neville. Why? How? To what effect? Don't let your assessors ask these questions.

Characters such as Topsy and Billy are representations of those Aborigines who do not fight for their rights. These individuals essentially bow down to white authority, Billy who does not speak Nyoongah but mild English, is content to work for the white authorities tracking down members of his own race who escape their clutches. Milly’s response to the Sergeant when he tells her that her conundrum is she has three grown men budging off her, who are too lazy to work, is by asking him “Where they gonna get work?” she asks the Sergeant “Do you want em to work for nothing?” and Gran backs her up by saying “Their not slaves you know Chargent!” This is all summary and doesn't really lead into your next point at all. The staging is also used as an added technique to provide the Aboriginal people with a voice, against the arrogance and superiority of those in authority, such as Sergeant. Davis utilises Topsy and Billy to confront the audience with characters who prefer to stay within their comfort zone, and not challenge white supremacy. Thus, the audience is disinclined to respond towards the passivity of conscience Billy and Topsy ultimately adopt.

Throughout the play, Aboriginals are marginalised as they are told where to go, what to do and how to go about life. The play was staged on a perambulate model, meaning that the action of the play shifts between many locations. Assume your assessors are relatively intelligent; this is quite a common word in academic circles. There is the town of Northam with the Police Station and two Cells, the Main Street and the Government Well Aboriginal Reserve. Further away, there is the Moor River Native Settlement with the Superintendent’s office, the Millimurra family’s tent and the Aboriginal camp at Long Pool. There is also the Chief Protectors Office and the Western Australian Historical Society in Perth and an area by the railway line. This is not necessary!! Again, this may as well be summary. Your paragraphs seem to have this structure of: 1. Topic sentence that overtly states what you're going to talk about. 2. One or two quotes that often aren't integrated, and 3. Actual analysis and commentary (should be more of this) This allows for Davis’ conception of marginalisation between the audience and the play. This can be perceived as an incumbent motivator for the marginalisation that the Europeans forced upon the Aboriginals. <-- this is all good, try to do more of this and don't let the summary or really long quotes clog up your writing. Marginalisation is a major issue that develops throughout ‘No Sugar’, and Davis successfully brings to life this concerning issue, that still applies today throughout modern society.

Davis uses conventional, colloquial and Nyoongah language to shape the themes of power and cultural identity as well as constructing characters both stereotypical and non-stereotypical. These evoke the audiences’ views of equality and challenge our attitudes when it comes to injustice, violence, racism, identity, dispossession, poverty and ultimately family. Plz don't list. It's lazy, assessors hate it, and you can do better. If you must, at least use the rule of threes; eg. 'when it comes to injustice, identity, and equality.' Sounds much neater than a rambly sentence with 6 or 7 themes, some of which you haven't fully explored. Moreover, the inventive use of staging assists the play’s emphasis on promoting the Aboriginals cause for justice and provides Australian Indigenous peoples with a collective voice against the government.

[Jono_CP]

Comments are below. In the future, you can post this on the submissions board and just send me a PM if you want my input. I'd rather keep this thread for questions and advice only

Spoiler

The stage drama ‘No Sugar’ set in Northam, Western Australia during the Great Depression in 1929-1934 by Jack Davis, presents indigenous issues in a potent mannerphraseology is weird here. 'Potent manner' doesn't really tell us anything; what issues is the author dealing with, and how? by using inventive staging, themes and characterisation. I realise this was part of the task, but avoid listing wherever possible. It stands out as lazy signposting. Davis juxtaposes the verbal language used by Nyoongar-Aboriginal families, commonly referred to as Nyoongah in this theatrical production, You can assume your marker has read the text, don't summarise too much and the European Australians' (plural possessive) colloquial language through conflictual conflicting (both are right but 'conflicting' is the widely accepted form) values of power and cultural identity. ‘No Sugar’ challenges the readers’ values by providing a voice for the Aboriginal people, confronting European Australians with the past, restoring Aboriginal culture and exploring the importance of equality due to the impact of government controls on Australian Indigenous peoples. The issue of power is an indomitable issue which is used as a way to convey its message to the audience. This part reads more like a T.S. for a body paragraph. The sentence before this one was very good; either integrate this line earlier on or just cut it. And try not to repeat a word like 'issue' twice in one sentence when there are plenty of synonyms. Self-editing should pick most of these errors up.
Also, avoid generic phrases like "which is used to convey its message to the audience." Assessors know they're filler, and in the exam you won't have time to pad out an essay because (hopefully) you'll have so much to say and so little time.

The Nyoongah language forms the themes of cultural identity and power to alienate the audience and other characters in the drama to empathise with the Aborigines. “He’s my gnoolya, sir” is an example of Nyoongah language in the play. Sam uses this dialogue in the courtroom scene to answer the Justice of the Peace’s question, however, the Justice of the Peace fails to comprehend Sam’s statement and so too do the audience. This places the audience in a state of temporary confusion until being briefed that “gnoolya” means brother-in-law. The theme of power is manifested as both the reader and other characters do not understand what is taking place. How? This isn't fully explained. This is a reversal of the events the Aborigines had to endure in the sense that when the Europeans colonised Australia, the Aborigines hardly voiced a word of English. Sam later opposes conforming to the Western style of life when he says “Koorawoorung! Noyoohngahs corroboreein’ to a wetjala’s brass band!” The collaboration of “white mans” English and the Aborigines Nyoongah in Sam’s sentence, highlights the theme of cultural identity as the Aborigines have not completely conformed to the western lifestyle, having also kept their cultural heritage. This creates a unique culture of its own towards the audience as the Aborigines have not abandoned their traditional language and culture but have merely incorporated it into the Western style of life.
Aim for greater fluency between paragraphs. At the end, link back to your contention/the prompt, then in the next paragraph start back from the contention and work your way into your next point. eg. ''
Australian’s colloquial language  Australian colloquialisms (?) is used to construct the stereotypes of white Australians and also to help shape the theme of power and influence the Aboriginals way of life. Frank’s “No, there’s about ten other blokes” is quote that reveals an informal, laid-back use of language. The fact that he chose to use the word “bloke” instead of man or male constructs a stereotypical character, as bloke is predominately implemented within Australian society and hence reveals a laid-back type of character. Sergeant Carrol also uses colloquial language when he wants to say something of the record and on an intimate level. As the Sergeant uses phrases such as “next time I’ll nail him” and “The last bloke I nabbed for supplying is doing three months hard labour in Fremantle.” He loses his status of power and brings himself to a common hierarchy instead of one of authority. The fact that he uses this language when he wants to speak on a casual basis implies towards the reader, that the use of colloquial language is used to construct a character of equal power and at an informal level, the traits of a stereotypical Australian. This paragraph probably isn't showcasing your ideas in much detail. It's basically just a long-winded way of saying: 'Certain characters employ trademark Australian colloquialisms like "bloke" and "" ' So what? When you're given these sorts of structural essay questions about the use of >something< within the text, you need to do more than just acknowledge that technique is in the text. How is it used to create meaning? Does this language dichotomise, marginalise, or isolate other characters? What does this mean for the audience? Above all else: have a clear contention in response to the prompt about what theses structural features are doing, then refer back to this idea (implicitly or explicitly) throughout your essay to give you direction.

Auber Octavius Neville is the only character in the play that uses conventional language consistently. His use of conventional language shapes his character and forms the theme of power I think the reason this doesn't work is because you start the sentence talking about the character (HIS use of language) and then zoom out and talk about themes and the text as a whole without much transition. It's good to make these links, but try to link them fluently. “My dear Minister, herewith the information requested” is an example of the formal language he uses and creates a sense of detachment towards the audience, thus discouraging the reader to respond directly to authority. Furthermore, Neville displays an arrogant trait phrasing is a bit pedestrian. Maybe 'his propensity for arrogance...' when he says “the proposed budget cut of three thousand one hundred and thirty-four pounds could be met by discontinuing the supply of meat in native rations”, Davis reflects Neville to be an individual who doesn’t care about the people he is affecting but rather wishes to benefit himself and a minority group. The fact that he possess this type of power, reinforces the audiences’ dislike of him as he is supposed to be the Chief Protector of Aborigines, and yet his ‘noble’ actions further disadvantage them. Davis uses colloquial language to shape authority and identity, as well as constructing unsympathetic characters such as A.O. Neville. Why? How? To what effect? Don't let your assessors ask these questions.

Characters such as Topsy and Billy are representations of those Aborigines who do not fight for their rights. These individuals essentially bow down to white authority, Billy who does not speak Nyoongah but mild English, is content to work for the white authorities tracking down members of his own race who escape their clutches. Milly’s response to the Sergeant when he tells her that her conundrum is she has three grown men budging off her, who are too lazy to work, is by asking him “Where they gonna get work?” she asks the Sergeant “Do you want em to work for nothing?” and Gran backs her up by saying “Their not slaves you know Chargent!” This is all summary and doesn't really lead into your next point at all. The staging is also used as an added technique to provide the Aboriginal people with a voice, against the arrogance and superiority of those in authority, such as Sergeant. Davis utilises Topsy and Billy to confront the audience with characters who prefer to stay within their comfort zone, and not challenge white supremacy. Thus, the audience is disinclined to respond towards the passivity of conscience Billy and Topsy ultimately adopt.

Throughout the play, Aboriginals are marginalised as they are told where to go, what to do and how to go about life. The play was staged on a perambulate model, meaning that the action of the play shifts between many locations. Assume your assessors are relatively intelligent; this is quite a common word in academic circles. There is the town of Northam with the Police Station and two Cells, the Main Street and the Government Well Aboriginal Reserve. Further away, there is the Moor River Native Settlement with the Superintendent’s office, the Millimurra family’s tent and the Aboriginal camp at Long Pool. There is also the Chief Protectors Office and the Western Australian Historical Society in Perth and an area by the railway line. This is not necessary!! Again, this may as well be summary. Your paragraphs seem to have this structure of: 1. Topic sentence that overtly states what you're going to talk about. 2. One or two quotes that often aren't integrated, and 3. Actual analysis and commentary (should be more of this) This allows for Davis’ conception of marginalisation between the audience and the play. This can be perceived as an incumbent motivator for the marginalisation that the Europeans forced upon the Aboriginals. <-- this is all good, try to do more of this and don't let the summary or really long quotes clog up your writing. Marginalisation is a major issue that develops throughout ‘No Sugar’, and Davis successfully brings to life this concerning issue, that still applies today throughout modern society.

Davis uses conventional, colloquial and Nyoongah language to shape the themes of power and cultural identity as well as constructing characters both stereotypical and non-stereotypical. These evoke the audiences’ views of equality and challenge our attitudes when it comes to injustice, violence, racism, identity, dispossession, poverty and ultimately family. Plz don't list. It's lazy, assessors hate it, and you can do better. If you must, at least use the rule of threes; eg. 'when it comes to injustice, identity, and equality.' Sounds much neater than a rambly sentence with 6 or 7 themes, some of which you haven't fully explored. Moreover, the inventive use of staging assists the play’s emphasis on promoting the Aboriginals cause for justice and provides Australian Indigenous peoples with a collective voice against the government.

Thanks Lauren for the invaluable feedback on my woeful vocabulary and general structure tips for the essay.

Indeed, in future I will either PM you or send this onto the submissions page (thanks for excusing me).

Indeed, I have to learn to be succinct and not ramble on with a summary but an actual essay. 

[geminii]

Hi Lauren!
Congratulations on your amazing score!! Do you have any tips for a year 9 starting VCE next year? 

[literally lauren]

I'll refer you back to a previous page on this thread: Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)

If you have any English specific queries let me know, but since the whole system (including the study designs) are likely to change before you get to year 12, there's not much point in learning specifics just yet. Concentrate on your weaknesses, whatever they may be.
Best of luck

[scandin9]

Hi Lauren,
Does imaginative writing have to show and not tell? Is their an issue if creative writing refrains from vivid descriptions?
Thanks in Advance!

[Rod]

Hi Lauren, can you please explain what school vouchers in America are? And why they can be used to promote creationism?

Thanks

[Jono_CP]

Is anyone going to bring in a dictionary for the English exam? Is it compulsory to bring in a dictionary?

Honestly find this pointless, but could be a personal thing.

E.g. time-wasting and causes unnecessary stress and takes up room on the desk to disrupt writing patterns.

[brenden]

Is anyone going to bring in a dictionary for the English exam? Is it compulsory to bring in a dictionary?

Honestly find this pointless, but could be a personal thing.

E.g. time-wasting and causes unnecessary stress and takes up room on the desk to disrupt writing patterns.

It is not compulsory. You'd be silly not to take one. Too bad if all four of your text response prompts had a word in it you didn't know lol. Or if the context prompt had just one word you'd never seen before.  Don't use it, it's a waste of time, but if a word is crucial and you don't know it then it's the best use of time you'll ever get in your life.

[Jono_CP]

It is not compulsory. You'd be silly not to take one. Too bad if all four of your text response prompts had a word in it you didn't know lol. Or if the context prompt had just one word you'd never seen before.  Don't use it, it's a waste of time, but if a word is crucial and you don't know it then it's the best use of time you'll ever get in your life.

Yes that is indeed true, I have changed my decision-making!

[RazzMeTazz]

What defines a creative context piece of writing?

Do all creative context pieces of writing have to be descriptive?

[Bob1001]

Hey lauren
Just wondering what your approach to king henry iv was from start to end? And do you recommend looking into the context of the play?
Thanks
Big fan

[literally lauren]

scandin 9:
Show don't tell is a good rule for good writing, but that's only part of what the assessors will be looking for. Don't compromise clarity for the sake of the story or to show off your writing ability. This isn't a creative piece of writing, it's a response to the prompt that uses the text and external evidence in creative manner. If you aren't responding honestly, clearly, and in a sophisticated way, then you won't score well no matter how well you write.
Show don't tell basically translates to 'don't make things painfully obvious' in my mind. So if you're writing an id&b piece about the difficulties of belonging, don't just write: Sharon found it difficult to belong. This is the same for expository pieces; simply writing Some people find it difficult to belong and not developing anything further or explaining why does not constitute a valid idea or argument.
On the other hand, you don't want to write a 1000+ word look into the mind of Sharon in order to communicate the fact that she doesn't belong. What doesn't she belong to? How long have things been this way? Why is this the case? What has she done to change this? What effect has this had? What can we learn from this?
If your assessors can ask these questions and not get an answer from your piece, then go back and try to fill in the gaps. It's okay to leave things open for discussion or interpretation, but the subject matter has to justify it.


Rod:
My understanding (based on google/wikipedia entries) is that it functions much like a scholarship program except it's the government that's funding your education, not a school. (Most scholarships are "in-house," ie. the school pays your tuition fees for a year or something.) This seems more like the government nominates a private school (some of which teach creationism) and then students can choose to study there, though I imagine there's some selection process. Thus the taxpayers who give their money to the government are inadvertently funding creationism. So whilst the government aren't promoting anything explicitly, by selecting certain schools many people have taken this as a covert attempt to endorse creationist views, or at least expose young children to them.
Heaps of news articles on this if you need


Enigma:
Yep, Brenden said it all. In my exam I didn't see a single person go for their dictionaries, but we all had one. You never know what VCAA might throw at you, and something 'taking up room on your desk' will be the least of your concerns. I'm pretty sure you can just put it on the floor (?) unless that counts as cheating...? Idk, bring one in anyway, the benefits outweigh the risks


RazzMeTazz:
I wouldn't worry too much about the descriptors since you can blur the lines a bit with hybrid pieces, but creative piece is basically VCAA's term for 'anything that isn't expository or persuasive.' It might be a straight up short story, you might interweave different people's accounts, or you might write a reflection of sorts, but in someone else's voice. It can depend on the format too, whether you wanted to write a newspaper article, feature piece or interview (though this might border on expository/persuasive depending on your strengths.)
What do you mean by descriptive, exactly? They don't all have to be lengthy novellas that go into excessive detail about the colour of the carpet or anything, but you don't want to make it too simplistic either. Refer to the above advice for scandin 9 that should help clear things up.


Bob1001:
Start: I read the play over the summer, then read some sparknotes/shmoop notes (which are good for starters but ultimately insufficient for an end of year standard) I knew I wasn't studying it until mid-Term 3 though, so I pretty much just left it after that. In hindsight I probably could have read it once more then, but seeing as we went through most scenes in class that might not have been necessary. That said, we did have to do a pre-reading test so our teacher could catch out anyone who clearly hadn't read the play Shortly before we started studying it (might have been the holidays..?) I went through and annotated what I could. This was mostly based on other notes and sources; I'd then add my own notes as we were going through scene-by-scene. We didn't have much of a window between finishing the text and writing practice essays, so towards the end of Act 4 I had chosen some prompts I thought would challenge me, and from then on it was pretty much a combination of practice essays and consulting notes till I could recite them.
End: rereading practice essays just before the exam is incredibly valuable, but I'll be writing more on SWOT-VAC/last minute preparation closer to Term 4. Suffice it to say that by October there were scenes I knew from memory, I had tried and tested ideas about characters' motivations and what they represented on a larger scale, and I'd covered as much ground as I could in terms of prompt difficulty.
As it turns out, the prompts still sort of surprised me, but it was all very manageable once I got writing.

Re: context, YES!!! This can probably come into your initial research, though I'm sure your teacher will take you through the basics in class. And I'm including all manner of 'contexts': Shakespeare's life and times, audience responses (esp. Queen Liz I and her massive crush on Falstaff ) the rest of the tetralogy, the origins of the Machiavel and Realpolitik, and even the performativity of it. I'd highly recommend the Hollow Crown series as it takes you through the other 3 plays in the series. The version that was performed at The Globe a few years ago is even better, but I can't find a copy online so perhaps your school can provide you with one.
In the end you might not use half of this knowledge, but it will be at your disposal, and will inform your writing overall as well. Since Henry has such high averages, this sort of contextualisation should help you stand out from the rest

[Smiley_]

^
Wow! You're amazing!

[walkec]

Hi Lauren,

I was just wondering how you went about choosing what text to prepare for for the text response part of the exam. I have already done Stasiland and my last SAC for the year is on The Reluctant Fundamentalist. I really like Stasiland, but I'm thinking Reluctant might be easier to prepare for given it's the last SAC for me and there's more study guides and notes available? Thoughts?

[Rishi97]

Hi Lauren

Just wondering, how often did you write practise essays throughout the year?