English Persuasive Speech

[nnguyen15]

HELLLOOO, Just wondering if I could recieve any last minute feedback for my persuasive speech. What I am hoping to recieve feedback in is whether my topic is seen contensious (I tend to struggle with that) and if it suites my target audience: The Feed (aged to 16-39 well-wellinformed people) who are interested in controversial and contensious topics. Lastly, is my grammar good? I have prooread myself but i still tend to make some (a lot) mistakes as its my second language lol (on the outside I'm skrrt skrrt, but on the inside i'm hurt hurt). Anyways whoever reads and accepts the challenge to read and check this you are a legend thank you so much

[Bri MT]

Hey,

I can definitely see the improvement from your last draft

When you are considering whether a topic is contentious audience is very key. Imo this topic isn't particularly contentious in Australia as there isn't much awareness or discussion of it but it would likely be far more contentious in the US. Narrowing your audience to well-informed people (as you have indicated) increases the chance that they will have a strong view on this topic. However, that's still a very broad audience so it's difficult to meaningfully say much about it.

A few grammar points to be careful of:
- your (belonging to you) vs you're (you are)
- when you use "worth" don't place "of" immediately after it. (e.g. "Their economy is worth $x" rather than "Their economy is worth of $x.")
- "sceptic" is a noun, "sceptical" is an adjective.  (e.g. "I am a sceptic" and "I am a sceptical person" are both correct but "I am a sceptic person" doesn't work.)


Other notes:
- the grammatical structure of this sentence: "Pyrrhic as in victory inflicting such a devastating toll, however, taking huge sense of achievement upon." doesn't make much sense. A pyrrhic victory occurs when victory/success is achieved however the cost is so high that it's hard to consider it a victory at all.
- "a sacrifice" implies that there will be only one loss. "The sacrifice" would probably work better in your introduction.
"One of this year’s most recent attacks was the planning of dropping levies onto Chinese imports". It would make more sense if it was "...the plan to drop levies..."

I haven't caught everything in this read through but I hope you find this useful

[caffinatedloz]

Similarly to what Bri mentioned, this speech looks awesome and could definitely be considered contentious by those in the US or China, or those who are well informed.

I'd also point out some grammatical things that you could change to make your speech even stronger.

Converse. Nike. Apple. Sound familiar? These are our millennials and Zenial generations favourite brands (this phrasing seems a little clunky. coudl you shift the word order so that the sentence flows more smoothyly? for example: These brands are favourites of our millennial and Zenial generations.) exported and owned by Chinese and American companies. Yes, (it is) not surprising that the two strongest and largest countries in the world’s economy, own brands that practically fly off the Myer’s store shelves (once again, shifting the word order here might help the sentence flow better. for example: own brands that are flying off the shelves of many Australian department stores). With both countries dominating (the word dominate implies one force being in charge, maybe you could say that both countries are competing/racing to dominate over the world's wealth, each loaded with limitless numbers of...) over the world’s wealth, loaded with a limitless number of resources and minerals, this can only mean one thing. One man will be left standing. which This brings us to the China and US trade wars. But what extremes will they go to, to be the best, will it be worth a sacrifice? (you could strengthen this by starting the sentence like: We are all left to wonder what extremes... sacrifice?)

I've only gone through the introduction, but modifying the order you are using words to help things flow clearly is an easy way to improve the quality of your writing.

Looks great!

[nnguyen15]

Hey,

I can definitely see the improvement from your last draft

When you are considering whether a topic is contentious audience is very key. Imo this topic isn't particularly contentious in Australia as there isn't much awareness or discussion of it but it would likely be far more contentious in the US. Narrowing your audience to well-informed people (as you have indicated) increases the chance that they will have a strong view on this topic. However, that's still a very broad audience so it's difficult to meaningfully say much about it.

A few grammar points to be careful of:
- your (belonging to you) vs you're (you are)
- when you use "worth" don't place "of" immediately after it. (e.g. "Their economy is worth $x" rather than "Their economy is worth of $x.")
- "sceptic" is a noun, "sceptical" is an adjective.  (e.g. "I am a sceptic" and "I am a sceptical person" are both correct but "I am a sceptic person" doesn't work.)


Other notes:
- the grammatical structure of this sentence: "Pyrrhic as in victory inflicting such a devastating toll, however, taking huge sense of achievement upon." doesn't make much sense. A pyrrhic victory occurs when victory/success is achieved however the cost is so high that it's hard to consider it a victory at all.
- "a sacrifice" implies that there will be only one loss. "The sacrifice" would probably work better in your introduction.
"One of this year’s most recent attacks was the planning of dropping levies onto Chinese imports". It would make more sense if it was "...the plan to drop levies..."

I haven't caught everything in this read through but I hope you find this useful

thank you both soo much this was very helpful