Use of too many words, help

[Ed_ward]

Hi,

I have noticed (and had many comments about it too) that to say something, I write more than what I need. I don't know if it makes sense, but I use too many words/explanation to say something. Am I the only one? Do you have any advice?

Thank you

Edward

[K888]

I was really bad when it came to this in VCE English! Honestly I only cut down after I sat down a number of times with my teacher and went over my writing and we scratched out all my unnecessary words. That way, I could see exactly where I was going wrong and I could address the problem at its root.

I think it's important to always ask yourself whilst you're writing "what's the significance of what I'm writing? does it serve a purpose?" - if it doesnt serve a purpose, then think about ways you can condense your words so you get to your point quicker.

Honestly, it just takes heaps of practice and evaluation of your work. I also tried to live by a saying my teacher told me: "ban the boring bits!" and I always repeated that to myself when I was writing haha.

All the best, hope this has helped a bit.

[Bri MT]

I would advise actively scrutinising your work and asking "is there a more succinct way to say this?"
There might be regular patterns that you use, such as intensifier + descriptor (eg. "really good" "very important") rather than using a stronger descriptor (eg. "brilliant" "crucial").

If you struggle with that, you may also find that you use long, complex sentences with many separate parts rather than breaking them into individual sentences which can reduce the clarity of your writing and make it less reader friendly 
-> If you struggle with keeping your writing concise, you might also find that you use long complex sentences. This can reduce the clarity of your writing - making it less user-friendly. To avoid this, consider breaking these sentences into separate parts.

Both of the above variations have 40 words, however the first version appears more "rushed" and is more ambiguous.

Consider examining your sentences to see what "dotpoint idea" they express - how much extra do they have? can it be eliminated?


To illustrate some of the things to look out for, here's an excerpt from a blog (The author doesn't mind me using this):
"These factors may not come as a surprise, but they should. We cannot afford to become accustomed to and complacent about systemic disadvantage — if we do we may never see fairness. We have to strive and hope to become a society where a child’s education is based on their aptitudes and not a mould they were put in." (57 words)

Here's a poorly edited version:
" The above-listed factors may not come as much of a surprise, but it is evident that, in fact, they should. We as a society comprised of caring individuals who value education cannot afford to become accustomed to systemic disadvantage and complacent about systemic disadvantage - if we do we may never see a fair society in relation to these individuals and their education. It is apparent that we have to do our best to strive and hope to become a fair society where the education of a child is primarily based on their attitudes and is never based on a mould that society put them in." (105 words)

Some of the differences you may note between the two:
- unnecessary specificity in the 2nd one  ("These factors" vs "the above-listed factors")
- additional words in the 2nd one (eg "but they should" vs "but, it is evident that, in fact, they should")
- unnecessary levels of detail that could be inferred (eg "We" vs "We as a society comprised of caring individuals who value education")
- minor repition of ideas in the 2nd one (eg. "fair society"  - they were already told in the previous clause that to be a fair society this action needs to be taken)




Hope this helps!