HSC Journal- The Final Years of School

[clovvy]

Hi guys,
To introduce myself, I am currently a year 12 student studying at Randwick Boys High School... This school have a poor reputation and over the past 7 or so years it has been consistently on the 300-400 range in terms of rank and I am quiet ambitious as I want a really high ATAR to distinguish myself over the others (Minimum of 93 to be safe though I aim higher than that) and I have interest in law, science, engineering and mathematics (though this occur only recently)... I am also a huge fan of ATAR Notes...
My subjects are:
-Standard English
-Mathematics Extension 1
-Mathematics Extension 2
-Chemistry
-Physics

This is going to be my blogs where I may release all my frustrations and perhaps share my progress depending on my moods, if anyone will ever read my posts this is basically my HSC diary (not personal diary)....

[K888]

I am also a huge fan of ATAR Notes

You'll fit in well here

Can't wait to read your updates over the course of the year!

[jamonwindeyer]

Keeeeeen - Has been awesome having you around clovvy, keen to read your updates!

[Opengangs]

Keen to read about your journey on the most stressful/best year of your high school

[fantasticbeasts3]

hi, clovvy! nice to see you're writing a journal. excited to follow your updates!

[clovvy]

English, that one subject I am sure that most people would rather not do or hate it with a passion, I however do not necessarily hate this subject with a passion and I don't really mind having this subject being compulsory.. However I just find it very difficult.. I find it very confusing because I just have extreme difficulty in understanding stuff and start writing something (I notice that I have a bit of a perfectionist mindset as I often discard unfinished drafts as I do not like it)... I dropped from advanced in year 12 and now I am seeing myself struggling just as much and not see any difference or find it easier... (Because this is going to be very long, I will put my whole blog in the spoiler tag to reduce space)

Spoiler

Have anyone ever wonder why us students are forced to write 4 different essays, and make a creative piece or respond to unseen texts when most of us are not going to even do that anymore? (though the same arguments can be done with other subjects too including maths and sciences)... Or have anyone ever get frustrated for not being able to draft essays properly or having to rewrite the whole thing again, or lacking vocabulary which hinders your progress as a result of lacking in understanding? Maybe cringe over your own creative writing and keep scrapping more and more because you 'hate' your creative draft because you hate your plot? I know I do.... Maybe for most or some, you just don't want to work for english at all, me however I thought about it everyday, I read my rubrics and tried to understand it as best as I can, I literally read ATAR Notes' Standard English notes which in my opinion is very good (props to Elyse and Emily) on the train or on the bus (I did the same for other subjects) yet in vain as I vaguely remember anything to the point that it gets very frustrating.... To be honest the struggle is no different to advanced AT ALL and God I find myself in dilemmas between regrets followed with frustration for dropping and a desire to move on completely and do my best (yes, after I bombed my first assessment due to not remembering a majority of my essay with 11/20 which weigh 10% of my overall and that hurts my ranking)...

School Conditions:
Ok enough about myself, so far my progress is what I would call utterly void if I want a band 6 in this subject (Because the highest mark is 17 and everyone in my class (an ex-advanced class) got higher than me, though the average is around 7-9/20 overall)... I am seeing a LOT of competition and the fact that I know some people have already finished their drafts for module C (the next assessment is based on that and IS a listening task which happened to be my weakest) is very very intimidating.... I know that 2 people have redraft their AOS essay and I have BARELY redraft mine..... The tension in that classroom is extremely high for me...

Current Progress:
I have 3 different priorities for english at the moment, they are AOS creative writing (from my tutoring place), Module C draft (exploring transitions and personal goal (AOS essay fully edited and perfected)... I know for a fact that I lost 6 weeks in the holidays with very little done (I was half asleep/awake)
 with the bare maximum done being mathematical induction (3 & 4U) revised, 2U integration, a bit of space (physics) and very little chemistry... I did however tried to redraft my essay with very little luck as I am prone to get distracted onscreen (severe disadvantage which force me to print stuff out to avoid it and I even left my phone behind to get my attention on the books only ) with very little luck... At some point I decided to get it checked so I emailed my teacher (and no response  ), then I decided to post it on ATAR Notes and I got it marked by OpenGangs who gave me a very detailed feedback in areas of improvements which I did took and attempt to redraft it the second time (which is only partial) and post the parts that are edited (I still receive feedbacks which means there are still areas to improve)... at this point I am starting to realise that I do not enjoy using the related text my teacher recommend at all and left it at that, but couldn't find a good related text (just my luck -_-, though I did finish reading my core text for module C)....

Then holiday season is nearly over so tutoring is on, only 5 people in that class... we are given a task to write a creative since that is 'what students tend to leave till the end'. This is where hell starts because I have to try my best to stick with the stimulus and the rubric and everytime I write something for creative I tend to discard things halfway if I disliked it (I mean it made me cringe)... this occurs 3 weeks in a row where I keep scrapping more and more papers for my creative (Yes I did read the creative writing section from ATAR Notes on how to write as a guide)... So I looked for sample band 6 creative writing which gave me an idea on what a band 6 creative should look like yet it intimidates me as it shows my lack of vocabulary or any kind of creativity to be put into words, I find Emily's creative 'terrifying' when I read it.. God I can't write like that (if any of you happen to read this you can tell from the way I write)... If I were to write freehand with no guides whatsoever, it won't even follow the stimulus and I doubt it will catch the audience's attention apart from it being 'dark' in nature.... so I am left with creative 'undone' and the last creative progress 'scrapped'.. and guess what? Next wednesday I need to get it done 'somehow' and find another related text for AOS just in case the HSC asks for TWO related,.... My tutor told me that I am somewhat a 'perfectionist' and I need to stop having that mindset because it hinders my progress (I agree, but I can't really help it), so I tried to lighten the mood for myself, asking if I could use Borat or The Dictator as my related text which she strongly oppose as 'markers won't take them seriously due to the nature of the film' then a few things just pop up in my mind, 'the boy in striped pyjamas, schindler's list, Coward!, and a few other films I have watched and enjoy and could be a potential related text.. at this point I realised some of them are perfect for Module C for advanced (Representing People and Politics)!! Shit why!!!! (btw this causes another unpleasant moment of inner turmoil within myself )

When school starts, we were told to read the core text (Simple Gift by Steven Herrick) which only took me 3 days to finish and all I need to do is draft my essay according to the stimulus (and we already have the notification of the assessment and the question given).... My classroom teacher basically 'spoonfed us everything' so I am already given list of quotes and its analysis already in hand, so I can use just that yet I think I just 'overcomplicate things myself' because knowing the fact that certain elements of my essay NOT being original also disturb me greatly and I don't know how to start it in this case (yes despite being given everything, i.e. sample thesis points, sample intro etc)... Given that my last assessment mark wasn't that great and my ranking being hurt from that it is a worry and half the time I do wonder why I even dropped in the first place since I can't make use of anything (I hate it when it gets to that because I know it is unproductive)... I admit that a band 6 in standard english right now seems a bit out of reach for me which is a worry (because of my own ambition)
 

[clovvy]

It has been weeks since the last time I had dilemmas over dropping, so I did try to convince my english headteacher to move me back up and have been turned down 2x....  I did however got offered to have my essay marked, I was told I am expecting a 'high B' while my class teacher said I should just memorise my essays... Seeing that I have bombed my first assessments (85% 2U, 60% 3U, 40% 4U, 19/30 chem, 19/40 physics and 11/20 english standard), I was devastated over the holidays though I manage to get over it eventually... I am now considering to drop out of school and do ALL of my HSC in TAFE either in 1 year or 2 years... I am not too sure yet... My teachers all urged me to stay and advised me against dropping out, the school principle also wanted me to stay till the end of the year.. My dad did support my decision and thought it is a good idea to make my study time more flexible and easier to get to the end goal of 98+ ATAR and do advanced science/law degree...  If I drop that means I pick up advanced english again no question but....   I really don't know

[fantasticbeasts3]

hi, clovvy!

don't be too discouraged by your marks, and by not being able to pick up Advanced again. doing Standard doesn't hinder your goal of 98+; you have time to improve because there's still time - ask lots of questions, practice writing, etc. as for marks, don't be too disheartened, because once again, you have time to improve. have you considered having a tutor? i don't know if it'll help, but it may be an option.

i don't think it's worth dropping out of school just because of a bad term. there are going to be times when all you want to do is give up, but you've come so far (13 years of schooling!) so you may as well finish. :-)

all the best,
fantasticbeasts

[clovvy]

It has been hectic week for sure, after working my ass off for my first assessment of term 1, I thought all that hard work is in vain... Next thing I know I am being falsely accussed.
Friday, 23rd was the time of my second english assessment...  It was 15 or 20% worth I can't remember exactly now..  Everyday I spent my time editing my essays and refining them (the question was given so I literally know what to write and once it's good I can use it on the day if I remember everything)...  I send it to my class teacher she said that it is good and I only have to memorise it..  Then when I send it to the headteacher, she said I am expecting 'High B' which I am not satisfied with... But it is already a week prior so I have to work on my other subjects too... I recorded my essays with my own voice and listen to it everytime I walk or wait for the bus etc... Guess what's annoying, it was a listening task, and I have to answer two short answer responses and an essay with my unseen text as a related ON THE DAY... Under 50 minutes while the advanced kids get to listen to it the day before (4 short responses on the day and audio listened 2x, then a whole period to write their essays, they have the advantage coz they can prepare the day before)... On the day, I have a morning class for 4U class and chemistry on first period while others get a free (they have an advantage coz they can prepare...  My chem teacher threaten to give me N-award if I attempt to revise in class).... When the bell ring I knew it was exam time, I listened to the audio twice and I write notes down from the audio, I took down everything I could and quickly answer all the short responses as soon as I can... The moment I am up to my essay it was already 30 minutes... I rushed through my introduction, and quickly wrote my first paragraph (thankfully I remembered a my quotes, effect and main arguments)... Then I rushed through my second paragraph that is my related which took a bit longer given that it was unseen
.. Then in the process of finishing the third paragraph, it was 5 minutes left...  F#@K!! , I end up having to abandon parts of my quotes and finish off with the link...  Then when I was about to start  the 4th paragraph it was like 2 minutes left.... So I quickly rushed to my conclusion without finishing my 4th paragraph which is only my thesis point...  Then before I knew it the bell rang...  Then the teacher said 'pens down except for those who had my permission" , oh shit really? I managed to finish my conclusion somehow (of course it was prepared too and the related worked very well with the core text)..   Then I need to hand in the paper while 2 other people were given a bit of extra time to finish off..  I was enraged and I felt defeated...  If this was advanced I wouldn't be as worried, but this is Standard man!!!!  After bombing my first please don't tell me I will bomb another one?  I want a BAND 6 for this subject, or move to advanced and get a band 6/ high band 5!!! I heard how those in my english class were sent out early because they were given permission except for those in my chem class...  I felt devastated by this exam and how some students were given advantage over others by my teacher in my class...  I could report her to the headteacher or NESA but I don't want to given that she spoonfed the whole class and make our job easier in a way and spend a LOT of time going through our essays..  The last period was a free for me, I decided to leave school early still devastated...  The wish of dropping out and redo everything in TAFE also came back to me..  Then I bump into a friend who dropped out of school early and we decided to chill...  My friend took a snapchat of me and send it to my mates (not friend)...  Then a bunch of comments about me were made such as 'yea, fuck clovvy up for me,  he snitched on us'...  I was like WTF is going on I didn't do anything...  Then when I open my messenger, a classmate messaged me 'I didn't cheat so don't try to get people into trouble'...  At this moment I felt something was off...  My friend decided to find out what was happening, from here I realised I was being accused of reporting the principal about the whole class cheating, the related text being leaked etc (I was unaware that the class teacher leak the related on studentshare and some students manage to get their hands on it).  It was a whole bunch of mess that I never did on the day...  Then I overheard a conversation between my friend and my classmate through the phone, I heard everything, it is as though a bunch of students in my class are plotting against me or thought I did something similar like this...  I was confused..  When I asked why this classmate of mine told me that apparently I told the principal and they were approached by the headteacher...  This may lead to us having to redo the assessment again..  God this is stressful...  If I never dropped advanced or drop out to TAFE and do advanced there this would never happen...  The whole situation is a MESS!

[RuiAce]

It has been hectic week for sure, after working my ass off for my first assessment of term 1, I thought all that hard work is in vain... Next thing I know I am being falsely accussed.

I know for a fact that nobody on here is going to let that be, and neither should you. If when all you're trying to do is just take the HSC like every other student and you end up being targeted for what essentially is bullying then something needs to be done. If you have a school counsellor, they might be a good person to speak to. But otherwise, whereas not much can be said about your teacher, something needs to happen immediately regarding the bullying issue.

Right now, you're basically being wrongly accused. And it's for an issue that could be considered severe. So your first protocol could be your year coordinator, the head teacher, or as mentioned above the counsellor. Counselling is going to help regardless so it's a good idea to talk about these concerns with her. But assuming your year coordinator is another great person, it really is time to send an email so that they get notified of your situation ASAP. (Same goes for your head teacher, because they have a greater say of what happens in the exam.) If not, then worst case scenario arrange to talk with your principal/vice-principal; they'll always hear you out, and most of the time they'll also take action.

Whilst it's a painful word, you practically have been bullied by a certain gang. And especially since you can't tell who started it, you should definitely do something about it. Last thing you'd want is for all your hard work to turn into a miserable waste just because of some assholes.

With your teacher, you can't always ascertain why the other two were allowed to continue writing. However, that should still be something you deal with if you feel those 2 that were advantaged genuinely had no proper excuse to have been. If you genuinely think something's abnormal in this regard, again you have to take action; just avoid the formal paperwork until you really have sufficient evidence.

[clovvy]

I know for a fact that nobody on here is going to let that be, and neither should you. If when all you're trying to do is just take the HSC like every other student and you end up being targeted for what essentially is bullying then something needs to be done. If you have a school counsellor, they might be a good person to speak to. But otherwise, whereas not much can be said about your teacher, something needs to happen immediately regarding the bullying issue.

Right now, you're basically being wrongly accused. And it's for an issue that could be considered severe. So your first protocol could be your year coordinator, the head teacher, or as mentioned above the counsellor. Counselling is going to help regardless so it's a good idea to talk about these concerns with her. But assuming your year coordinator is another great person, it really is time to send an email so that they get notified of your situation ASAP. (Same goes for your head teacher, because they have a greater say of what happens in the exam.) If not, then worst case scenario arrange to talk with your principal/vice-principal; they'll always hear you out, and most of the time they'll also take action.

Whilst it's a painful word, you practically have been bullied by a certain gang. And especially since you can't tell who started it, you should definitely do something about it. Last thing you'd want is for all your hard work to turn into a miserable waste just because of some assholes.

With your teacher, you can't always ascertain why the other two were allowed to continue writing. However, that should still be something you deal with if you feel those 2 that were advantaged genuinely had no proper excuse to have been. If you genuinely think something's abnormal in this regard, again you have to take action; just avoid the formal paperwork until you really have sufficient evidence.

The thing is I don't really have friends at school, if I were to email anyone in this situation I may have to spill the beans which may result in severe consequences on others and myself...  This may mean my class teacher get into trouble (my whole class loved her) and if I cause anything, EVERYONE will hate me and  I might be picked on a daily basis.... I am literally scared to take actions because I don't know what to say... If I were to take drastic actions such as making reports about these, I honestly need back up and like I've mentioned before I don't have friends at school (as in genuine friends, just acquintances).... Again this is why I wonder if dropping out would worth so I don't have to deal with assholes like these (I have thought about it and decided to stay, but this situation causes my mind to shift again)...

[RuiAce]

The thing is I don't really have friends at school, if I were to email anyone in this situation I may have to spill the beans which may result in severe consequences on others and myself...  This may mean my class teacher get into trouble (my whole class loved her) and if I cause anything, EVERYONE will hate me and  I might be picked on a daily basis.... I am literally scared to take actions because I don't know what to say... If I were to take drastic actions such as making reports about these, I honestly need back up and like I've mentioned before I don't have friends at school (as in genuine friends, just acquintances).... Again this is why I wonder if dropping out would worth so I don't have to deal with assholes like these (I have thought about it and decided to stay, but this situation causes my mind to shift again)...

The more you worry about consequences, the more you're saying you need the professional help. If fear is the only thing holding you back then you're going to need the assistance of the counsellor. I'm fairly sure counsellors are legally obliged to keep your conversations with them confidential, unless you provide consent.

As far as things go, their advice is the one you should always take on board (regardless of what anyone else says). If your school doesn't have one, it really isn't a waste going looking for one.

[clovvy]

After all of anxiety I go through and the thought of my hard work being in vain, I discovered a huge surprise..
It was the last period of school on Monday 6 March, I was exhausted by then... Discouraged after discovering gaps in knowledge, keep finding more one after another throughout the week as I cannot explain MOST of the contents in physics and chem specifically from the syllabus and noticing how quickly I get rusty in maths.... This last period it was announced that everyone will get their english essay result back... Great, I was expecting 9-12/15 which is going to disappoint me..... as I got my paper it was 14/15!!!!!.. Dammit that was my VERY FIRST BAND 6 EVER IN YR 12 THIS YEAR AND MY VERY FIRST ASSESSMENT OF 2018!!! I was really happy, considering that it is arguably my weakest subject......

At last I experience morale boost, then I notice that as I cram (half yearlies is within 4 weeks), I tend to get less nervous..... I am aiming for more band 6 in the upcoming assessments, and I just hope I make it by then.... I don't really know if 4 weeks is enough to cover the massive chunk of gaps in my knowledge but judging from Jake's article it seems doable... this whole 4 weeks is going to be packed with cramming and passpaper spams within the last 2 weeks before my half yearlies...

I hope I could make it by then

[fantasticbeasts3]

Congrats on your awesome mark!!!! So well deserved :-) Work hard does pay off - keep going at it - all the best for your half yearlies, you'll do amazing.

[clovvy]

Congrats on your awesome mark!!!! So well deserved :-) Work hard does pay off - keep going at it - all the best for your half yearlies, you'll do amazing.

Thanks a lot man, considering that it was a listening task and I do not have a prepared response for my related as everyone gets it in the day (interested with the story? See my previous post, you can see how I feel then and why I was shocked haha)