Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[prickles]

hi, i need some feedback on my thesis, it's for a speech and the scope is "Ramifications of discovery may differ for individuals and their worlds". i'm saying that they will differ. I have 2 but im not sure which is better.

1)The ramifications of discoveries will differ for each individual, as the significance of discoveries is very dependent on one’s values, which can influence the degree of meaningful changes in one’s perception of themselves and their worlds.
2) The process of discoveries can reinforce one's values, and because each individual has different values, the ramifications will differ.

thanks

Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
An individual's personal values inflict a distinct impact upon the significance of the ramifications of their discoveries, which ultimately impinges upon their perception of themselves and their worlds.

[gilliesb18]

Is this a thesis or an intro?
Personally, I don't love putting techniques in an intro, I would prefer you to give a very strong overview of what you are going to talk about throughout the rest of your essay. Use the rubric to pull points out, and really 'show off'. Sure you can introduce your texts, and you have incorporated that well, but  in your intro/thesis, you really need to amalgamate your main ideas from your paragraphs in one punchy sentence, that instantly tells the reader/marker you know what you're talking about, and can integrate sophisticated language

Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...
Ok- I will change it around a bit and whack it up here again... \
Thanks heaps once again!!!

[prickles]

Sorry, sorry, its my intro... Ok righto. So take out the parts about metaphoric and emotional language? I agree its probably doesnt sound very intelligent...
Ok- I will change it around a bit and whack it up here again... \
Thanks heaps once again!!!

No that's fine about your intro  you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.

Hope this helps

[gilliesb18]

No that's fine about your intro  you have to start somewhere! I would take out the metaphoric and emotional language, and perhaps combine your final two sentences into something like "The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and Tim Winton's short story 'Neighbours', with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.

Hope this helps

Yup ok- I definitely will then...
Wow ok that does sound very good. I will work on it now, and post it up here. Thanks again...so kind!

[gilliesb18]

Does this sound better now?
The confronting and provocative process of discovery often evolves over time as an individual’s perception of themselves and the world around them is renewed. The extent of the renewal is heavily dependent on the individual’s acceptance of the discovery. The process of discovery and how one's perceptions change over time is depicted in both Robert Frost's poem 'The Tuft of Flowers' and the stimulus text, with both texts exploring discovery as an interconnected concept that is enhanced by our cultural background.  Both texts explore the idea of how one may feel so isolated, but discover through curiosity that people are so reliant on each other in life, whatever cultural background we accept to be our own. 
I have used your phrase word for word so lmk if u think I should change it around a bit!! I just really liked how it linked so well to what I will talk about... Should I be adding anything else to this? Its not very long buut maybe its not necessary?!?!?

Thanks

[tina1395]

Personally, I like the first one better, but I think it can be tightened. I would do something like this, but it is in no way limited to what's below, and others are more than welcome to put their thoughts forward.
An individual's personal values inflict a distinct impact upon the significance of the ramifications of their discoveries, which ultimately impinges upon their perception of themselves and their worlds.

thanks so much!

[nin.jas17]

Hi! I'm currently in the process of preparing for a discovery in class essay and I've started an introduction for the following practice essay question :

To what extent are intensely meaningful discoveries evoked by curiosity?
In your response make detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Intro : The unpredictable nature of discoveries, evoked by curiosity, spark a reflection of current values, resulting in renewed judgments. Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning for the individual emotionally or spiritually. William Shakespeare’s The Tempest exhibits the transformative nature of discovery through the new worlds and values stimulated by human ambition and the dynamics of human relationships. Similarly, discoveries in Kate Chopin’s The Story of an Hour evoke liberation and fascination towards future possibilities as the protagonist and audience undergo emotional and spiritual enlightenment, thus showcasing the relativity and impact of truth. Both text demonstrate an individual’s curiosity, as well as their desire and wonder as prominent catalysts of discoveries. Thus, the extent in which curiosity evokes intensely meaningful discoveries is limited, through it can still result in fresh and insightful understanding of themselves and others.

Any feedback would be great, thanks!

[elysepopplewell]

Hi! I'm currently in the process of preparing for a discovery in class essay and I've started an introduction for the following practice essay question :

To what extent are intensely meaningful discoveries evoked by curiosity?
In your response make detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
Any feedback would be great, thanks!

Hey there! Great work on getting a start on your introduction I think this is a great question to answer as well...

Intro : The unpredictable nature of discoveries, evoked by curiosity, spark a reflection of current values, resulting in renewed judgments. Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning for the individual emotionally or spiritually. I like and agree with all of this except one little part - "Ultimately, the significance of discoveries is not based on its catalyst but rather its ability to provoke meaning..."
 The bit about "based on its catalyst" is a little bit of an odd phrasing. Perhaps you mean, the significance of discovery is not determined by the catalyst,
 or best characterised by the catalyst, but rather... I hope this makes sense! William Shakespeare’s The Tempest exhibits the transformative nature of discovery through the new worlds and values stimulated by human ambition and the dynamics of human relationships. Similarly, discoveries in Kate Chopin’s The Story of an Hour evoke liberation and fascination towards future possibilities as the protagonist and audience undergo emotional and spiritual enlightenment, thus showcasing the relativity and impact of truth. I love the way you've brought in truth here, it's really relevant but unique.
 It's not something many people will explore. Both text demonstrate an individual’s curiosity, as well as their desire and wonder as prominent catalysts of discoveries. Thus, the extent in which curiosity evokes intensely meaningful discoveries is limited, through it can still result in fresh and insightful understanding of themselves and others.

Great introduction! I only really have one area for improvement that I mentioned. I think this is a really awesome introduction and it definitely sounds like the strong basis for the beginning of an essay!

[NowYouTseMe]

Hi can someone help me with forming a thesis on this q please

"Unexpected Discoveries may emerge from a process of planning"
explore this statement in terms of your set text (Dobson) and a text of your choice.

idk if they're talking about a discovery being planned and an unexpected discovery emerging from that, or something else. pl help.
I was thinking of something along the lines of planned discoveries resulting in more unexpected discoveries, compared to an unplanned one, as the individual kinda psychologically immerses themselves to actively discover and seek-- and hence are more likely to make unexpected discoveries.

If you think of discovery as a process (catalyst ->journey/events ->discovery itself ->ramifications), I'd say that this question's asking you to talk about the unexpected discoveries that occur in within the process of a planned discovery in that during the process of a planned discovery, the discoverer discovers something unexpected. I'm not 100% on that though, so take it with a grain of salt haha

[as111]

but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?

[jamonwindeyer]

but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?

I'd say the 'may' allows you to interpret. Maybe they do, maybe they don't - You could argue one side or both. Your call

And yep, focusing on unexpected discoveries revealing hidden aspects of ones personality definitely answers the question

[Mada438]

but how do we deal with the 'may' aspect. do we have to say unexpected discoveries do occur from planning, and then say it doesn't? if we just talked about planning resulting in unexpected discoveries of say one's personality or something non physical like that would that answer the q?

Jamons pretty much said it!
The "may" allows you to argue either way, it means you can interpret how you please, gives you freedom. If they only wanted you to argue a specific way with the question, it'd be worded differently
Still not sure? Perhaps this guide might help
Either way, good luck!

[gilliesb18]

Hey!

Just wondering if someone could look over my intro and see if it makes any sense...

The confronting and provocative process of a discovery has the potential to transform one’s perception towards human nature and society. The transformative nature of discovery is one that many people fear, and this is demonstrated in the short story by Kate Chopin, ‘The Story of an Hour’, and Robert Frost’s poem, ‘Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening’. Both texts explore the personas initial reaction to the discovery, how our relationships change throughout the discovery, and in reflecting back, the contrast of freedom and confinement.

I don't know if it sounds like i'm repeating myself over and over or if it actually makes a bit of sense!
Any help is greatly appreciated!!

Thanks...

[kaustubh.patel]

Hey guys need some help with critical articles, I'm doing motorcycle diaries for my prescribed text and i don't know where to get critical articles. Really appreciate any help.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey!

Just wondering if someone could look over my intro and see if it makes any sense...

The confronting and provocative process of a discovery has the potential to transform one’s perception towards human nature and society. The transformative nature of discovery is one that many people fear, and this is demonstrated in the short story by Kate Chopin, ‘The Story of an Hour’, and Robert Frost’s poem, ‘Stopping by the woods on a Snowy Evening’. Both texts explore the personas initial reaction to the discovery, how our relationships change throughout the discovery, and in reflecting back, the contrast of freedom and confinement.

I don't know if it sounds like i'm repeating myself over and over or if it actually makes a bit of sense!
Any help is greatly appreciated!!

Thanks...

I think the ideas you've raised in isolation are really great! But I'm not seeing a real consistent train of thought, so like, how does the transformation of perception towards human nature relate to the contrast of freedom and confinement, for example? Essentially, I feel it's too much stuff - Try and hone in a bit on a single idea or group of ideas