ATAR Notes: Forum

VCE Stuff => Victorian Education Discussion => The VCE Journey Journal => Topic started by: coldairballoon on April 08, 2019, 10:24:20 pm

Title: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 08, 2019, 10:24:20 pm
At first I wanted a nice title for this journal, but I'm pretty unimaginative, and it's accurate enough to say that the first thing I think of when it comes to VCE is OH MY GOD FAILURE anyway. I wanted to start this way earlier, but I've been putting it off because I love procrastinating and the idea of using a forum scares me (2003 kids rejoice). How many [ ] do you even need?? I'm learning though.

I'm going to try make this journal kind of be the big dumpster that I mash all my thoughts about VCE into. That's basically just lots of rambling, ranting, and Sad Boi HoursTM. (hopefully the formatting worked). If I actually have the commitment and motivation to continue this thread until the end of next year it'll be pretty fun to look at.

If anyone else is actually reading this, hi?? Hey?? Hello?? Howdy?? How are ya?? Nice to meet you. I'm Ashley. (My dad humour suddenly reminded me that a great response to this would be "Hi Ashley, I'm Dad".). Welcome to whatever this is going to turn out to be.

If you scroll down I've got my future aspirations below!

Edit number n, where n ∈ N: The amount of times I have edited this...unreal. I keep changing the format so much. Technology is really out to get me.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Bri MT on April 09, 2019, 05:59:14 am
Hi Ashley (I'm not dad)

Never too late to start & honestly wouldn't hold not being very productive in the days of break against you - just try make some progress today if you can. 

You do have an audience and we wish you good luck for your VCE & the failures you'll encounter along the way.

Welcome to atarnotes :)

Do you have any goals or motivations for what you want to get out of VCE?
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 09, 2019, 10:19:08 am
Hi Ashley (I'm not dad)

Never too late to start & honestly wouldn't hold not being very productive in the days of break against you - just try make some progress today if you can. 

You do have an audience and we wish you good luck for your VCE & the failures you'll encounter along the way.

Welcome to atarnotes :)

Do you have any goals or motivations for what you want to get out of VCE?

Hi Bri!

Thanks for the welcome. In terms of goals and motivations, I'd say that I've got big goals, but not enough motivation to fuel them. I'm working on that.
When I first 'started' my VCE journey, the plan was to do Chinese 3/4 and Methods 3/4 in year 11 - but then I quit Chinese because I sucked at it and I hated it and hhhHHHHHHHHH. Just no. (there's a cute little 'J' on my VCAA record because of that now, but eh).

So now I'm doing bio and methods 3/4 this year!! I'm a bit hesitant about bio because I'm jumping straight into the 3/4 without the 1/2 but most people tell me that's not a problem - we'll see :( and I'm not too scared of methods, because I've learnt a lot of the 3/4 content by myself already. Overconfidence? Maybe. It ironically works nicely with my low self-esteem.

That being said, my current goals (overall) are:
As for now they are VERY. subject to change.
(I'm getting a hang of this formatting!! The internet can't defeat me yet)

Everytime I look at them I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I'm just gonna try bulldoze my way through. For 2019 I'm okay with flopping all my 1/2s as long as I can do well in my 3/4s but that hasn't been going great. In general I'm quite impartial to my 3/4 subjects but I really love some of my 1/2 subjects - English Language, Latin, and Chemistry. They all just slot together nicely and they're quite clean-cut, if that makes any sense. But because I like them so much I've been putting more time into them than I need to - time I should've been using to improve my yr 12 subjects - so that's one thing that needs to change.

I just don't want to fail (;-;)

That being said, I'm forcing myself to make myself productive for today at least. I don't know how long I can keep it up, but I'll try. Here's virtual battle cry for us all to do well:

hhhhhhhhnnnnnngggggggghghhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH.

I'm off to charge into some chem homework. Cya.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Erutepa on April 09, 2019, 11:06:53 am
Hey Ashley!
Good to see another VCE journal pop up!
So now I'm doing bio and methods 3/4 this year!! I'm a bit hesitant about bio because I'm jumping straight into the 3/4 without the 1/2 but most people tell me that's not a problem - we'll see :( and I'm not too scared of methods, because I've learnt a lot of the 3/4 content by myself already.

Add me to the list of people who say you'll be fine, just as long as you are willing to put in a little extra effort here and there (and you Do seem up to the challange. But really, 1/2 really isn't crucial and a few of my friends have done 3/4 without 1/2 and have gone just fine.
Also, it's good to have confidence going into methods this year, but just don't let that confidence prevent you from learning from mistakes (but you seem to be pretty aware of this)
For 2019 I'm okay with flopping all my 1/2s as long as I can do well in my 3/4s

While this might seem a good strategy going into year 11, I would personally not recommend this. For one, if you flop all your year 11 subjects you may very well find yourself starting year 12 very unmotivated and disliking your subjects (but this is just how I would feel, you may be different). I would think that treating this year as a whole year to get even a bit ahead on your next year's 3/4 subjects by doing well in your 1/2's would be a better idea. In my case, I did 3/4 bio last year and while I did focus on that, I still did plenty of hard work in my other subjects and even managed to cover some 3/4 content that made it easier and made me more motivated to start year 12 this year. Maybe this offers a little different perspective.


Anyways, good luck with your chemistry and I am looking forward to hearing updates in the future.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Joseph41 on April 09, 2019, 05:08:31 pm
Hey Ashley,

Great to have you here. :) Nice subject mix! Obviously a little while away (and sorry if I've missed it somehow in this thread), but do you have any goals for after Year 12 atm? Or just like, y'know, do as well as you can over the next couple of years and then take it from there?

EDIT: And lol yeah, the forum can be a little tricky at first. Let us know if you have any questions at all!
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 09, 2019, 10:41:34 pm
Anyways, good luck with your chemistry and I am looking forward to hearing updates in the future.

Thanks for the advice, Erutepa. I was exaggerating a bit when I said I was okay with flopping my 1/2s (I'm really not, I'd actually be mortified if that happened haha) but you're absolutely right. As for how my chemistry homework went...well. I decided to do some catch-up work for bio instead (FINALLY. I have conquered signal transduction. I think.) but I SWEAR I'm about to start chem! Really. I am. (trying to). My inner procrastination monkey just doesn't want to choose a research question to make a poster for. But I'm going to choose between 'What is the evidence that living things are made of stardust?' and 'How are nanomaterials used in medicine and research?'. Leaning toward the second one because there's more concrete stuff that I could write about, but the idea of nanotechnology intimidates me. We'll see what I end up with.

Hey Ashley,
Great to have you here. :) Nice subject mix! Obviously a little while away (and sorry if I've missed it somehow in this thread), but do you have any goals for after Year 12 atm? Or just like, y'know, do as well as you can over the next couple of years and then take it from there?

Aww, thanks dude. I'm pretty happy with the subjects I chose too - maybe I'm just weird but I like the way they look and sound together. Not to mention some of them I genuinely enjoy.

About careers and the future. Ideally, my parents want me to follow after my dad and do something in medicine. It's something that I wouldn't mind doing, because I find certain parts of the human body fascinating (bones! I love bones. They're lit. I'm going to make a whole appreciation post for bones sometime, I swear. Just amazing.), but the journey to medicine sounds so daunting. First off there's the UCAT, which some people consider a VCE subject of sorts in itself. There are actual tuition classes for that stuff and those Facebook ads keep harassing me and telling me that I should be doing tons of prep for it. If I can get a nice UCAT score and do undergrad med at somewhere like Monash, that'd be nice. But if my UCAT scores suck I can still try to rely on my ATAR to get me into biomed so I can apply for post grad medicine. Sounds easy but we all know IT'S GOING TO BE SUPER HARD, TAXING AND COMPETITIVE AND I DON'T THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO DO IT.

Not to mention, WHAT ABOUT GAP YEARS?? I want one, so I can get a year to myself before I succumb to society's expectations and spend most of the rest of my life studying and working and probably settling down with a family and kids and eewwwwww no thanks, but my mum thinks it's unnecessary and I'll forget about everything I learnt in Year 12 so when I actually start my uni course I'll have zero (0) brain cells left, and honestly I'm a bit scared of that because there's a bit of truth value in that. Also I don't want to be left behind by my friends, or be the oldest in the cohort.

Moreover, I'm a bit obsessed with the UK. I really wanted to study there - specifically either Imperial College or Kings College London (Oxbridge is so out of reach that I haven't even considered applying), but there's so much in the way. Firstly, my school doesn't offer IB (that's why I'm here on Atarnotes after all), and even aside from that I'd have to get at least a 99.85 atar (according to their website) which frankly makes me feel insecure, oops, and also sit the BMAT or UKCAT, fly over for an interview, and have letters of recommendation from teachers - which is going to be hard, because I'm not really close with any of my teachers and I doubt they have much experience writing recommendation letters for UK unis. I'll need to do that as well as worry about what happens if (when) I don't get in - applying for domestic unis, sitting the UCAT, etc.

Also the fees?? I want to be financially independent from my parents as soon as possible but without scholarships, med schools in the UK charge more than $70,000AUD a year for international students. Not to mention financial aid, particularly for international students, is practically non-existent in the UK. 6 years of undergrad, plus living expenses is going to be just under $500,000AUD, and I'm actually going to expect it to be more than that because of Brexit and inflation. It's definitely an unrealistic ambition, one that I struck down quickly enough in Year 10 after meeting with my school's career advisor. Hopefully I can still do something in the UK in the future though. Maybe research? Wouldn't mind that.

...this is all assuming that I can get into medicine in the first place, of course. I wouldn't be mad if I didn't - natural selection and all that jazz, you know? I'm just afraid of letting myself and my parents down. My mother of course, being the typical Asian parent, says it's okay if I do law too, or maybe commerce. Love those options. I'm not into law, because for all the philosophical articles I like to read I genuinely am bad at things like arguments and public speaking. And even though I find economics quite interesting I hate the idea of working at a desk for the rest of my life. So I've exhausted all the options my parents gave me. Yay.

I think if I can't get into medicine (but bones!!!!!! I love bones so much ugh) I wouldn't mind finding a career in some other subjects that I like and am Not Bad at - things like Latin, philosophy, linguistics and sociology/anthropology. Wow I sound like a snob. But the thing about departments like those is that it's hard to find a job in them that's not 100% deskwork, and also high paying (unfortunately that's a requirement both my parents and I have - albeit for different reasons). I wouldn't mind being a teacher, because I'm quite passionate about education, but I'm just scared of the stigma that comes with it (yes I'm a coward fight me (please don't)).

I also have a mini bucket list of things I want to do when I'm older, but some of them are reliant on what career path I choose. Some general ones though are:

I think overall, like a lot of other people, my motivation and confidence goes up and down in a disgustingly melodramatic way. One day I feel on top of the world and the next I know that ultimately I'm just an insignificant person who probably can't accomplish anything as big as what I hope for - and sometimes I don't care, which isn't great.. I found an article on that last year actually, it's something that some people call 'acedia' - essentially: not caring about anything and not having dreams, and being depressed about it because you want to care and you want the motivation and you do have big dreams - but the want and motivation and dreams don't come and it's just a cycle that you keep digging a bigger hole for yourself with and it SUCKS. Wow, that almost got too deep. I never realised I could ramble this much. Anyways, that's pretty much what I think about my career, and my future.

Now that was a long post. Guess my touch typing course from year 3 finally came in handy. Aaaaaaaaand now I should mention that I've wasted too much time procrastinating again (I have specific slots for that). Time to put my head down. An abrupt ending but it is what it is. If anyone's reading (sorry for my rambling), enjoy your evening:))
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 10, 2019, 08:33:54 pm
THIS IS SO TRAGIC I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF aaaaahhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH WHY DOES MY STUPID BRAIN DO THIS. I'm actually kinda really mad at myself in the sense that I'm so mad that I'm just completely defeated and over it right now because uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufasd;jkaf;jskdlj;aksfldjaf;sdkladhl

It's been almost a week since the holidays started which means it;s been almost two since my chem teacher introduced our projects for us to complete by the first week of term 2 and i haven't done a goddamn THING. We were meant to have chosen our research question by the second lesson but nooooo my dumb brain and the stupid procrastination monkey inside of it decided to just muck around in class and I'm mad at myself. I know it's the holidays and I can take it easy for the most part in regards to school work but we had a whole week to work on it before the holidays, which I now have to make up for, and it's due on the first lesson back. Which is the first day back. Which means I can't even get help from my teacher about it because I've been sitting around doing SQUAT. I don't know what to do lmaoo guess I'm gonna leave it to the last minute again. And because I'm an idiot I can use my two 3/4s as an excuse to flop chemistry. Of course I know it's a shit excuse but what can you do?? I might force myself to read a bit on whatever topic I force myself to choose before I sleep tonight but we'll see. I sound kinda agitated and panicked for no reason. I feel kinda agitated and panicked for no reason.

Also: I MET WITH MY BIO TUTOR FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!! Even though we're about to start term 2 I only decided to find one recently because of my tragic sac score :(( her name is Kylie and she's pretty nice. Even when my eyes started watering because I suddenly got Hella SadTM she didn't even flinch, and she finally helped me figure out the whole action potential thing (turns out my school just sucks at teaching it and they also use bad diagrams, oop). I'm a bit worried about whether or not it'll be worth it though - is $80/hr expensive? I just don't know if I want to spend so much money only for it to turn out to be a waste. Fingers crossed?

And because I'm a DumbassTM who loves wasting money and time that I know will only cause me more stress later I took a bus to Chadstone by myself (what kind of sad 16 year old goes shopping on the other side of the city by themself??) and walked around. I bought some track pants that have buttons along the leg that you can undo to make them flappy (I showed them to my bro and he hates them) and a huge breadstick that I'm actually eating now.

So overall, an okay day?? Not completely sure about that. I'm trying to at least get SOME schoolwork done tonight because a third of the holidays has already passed and the only thing I've done is rewrite my Latin notes from last year (I don't even know why). Currently the thoughts in my head sound something like:

chemIchemshouldchemfocuschemonchembiochemandchemmethodschembutchemthere'schemalsochemsochemmuchchemelsechemtochemdochem

Also I feel like this is important to say: during dinner tonight my brain put together a mAsHuP of the alphabet song, twinkle twinkle little star and ba ba black sheep because they all have the same tune (thanks Moazrt my bro) and it went smth like this:
Twinkle C D have you any wool
Yes sir wonder ella mella pee.

It's been stuck in my head since dinner. Go figure.

Gonna go on a mini Youtube marathon and then try do my work. Try.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Joseph41 on April 11, 2019, 10:06:13 am
Quote
I'm a bit worried about whether or not it'll be worth it though - is $80/hr expensive?

I think the nature of tutoring is there's no objective cut-off point where a certain rate is too expensive. It's obviously totally up to you, and if you find it useful, then awesome!

Personally, I wouldn't pay $80/hour - but again, it IMO depends so much on so many personal factors. For reference, I charged $30/hour for the most part when I tutored privately.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Lear on April 11, 2019, 10:24:15 am
is $80/hr expensive? I just don't know if I want to spend so much money only for it to turn out to be a waste.

80 per hour is definitely considerably above average. For reference, I have heard rumours that the chief examiner for Chemistry charges $80 per hour.
I hope the person you are with has some insane credentials..
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Evolio on April 11, 2019, 05:10:57 pm
Quote
THE PROCRASTINATION MONKEY ALWAYS WINS. ew)

Wait, is this from the ted talk 'Tim Urban: Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator'? That tedtalk was one of the best I've seen.
 :D
Hi Ashley!
I'm a bit late but nice to meet you!
I'm doing the same subjects as you, biology 3 4 and methods 3 4! What a coincidence!
Which of them is your fav and why?
 ;D
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 13, 2019, 07:19:22 pm
It's been a while, and would you look at that, I've gotten some work done! I finished my methods homework, so now I just have to revise and do practice questions until my brain is spinning (f u n). I've also finally forced myself to get some stuff down for chem. Go figure. Even if I still have tons to do (latinexamprepspecialistmathshomeworkenglishlanguagehomeworkmhsmunprepBIOSACPREPswinburneearlyleadersprograminterviewprepandsomuchmore) I feel like I've started to get the ball rolling, and stop the snowballing from going further down the hill. Finally.

(A bit ironic that I'm doing this now instead of my work now though - let's call it a break that yours sincerely believes she deserves.)

I also decided to start some new things in my life! I accidentally cut my toe so I can't do my daily exercise for the time being (or, at least, I'm giving myself an excuse not to do exercise for the time being ha) I started to pick up the piano again! I stopped taking lessons in year 6 but I've kept it as a hobby I occasionally go back to (like, once a year). Recently I've been putting a lot of ragtime piano on my study playlist, so I decided to find some easy ragtime pieces to play and............. let's just say that I'm definitely quite rusty. My dog hated it too, started howling like someone just insulted her great aunt. But I enjoyed myself at least.

Wait, is this from the ted talk 'Tim Urban: Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator'? That tedtalk was one of the best I've seen.
 :D
Hi Ashley!
I'm a bit late but nice to meet you!
I'm doing the same subjects as you, biology 3 4 and methods 3 4! What a coincidence!
Which of them is your fav and why?
 ;D

Hi Evolio! I love that TED talk too :)) In fact I love Tim Urban's stuff in general - do you know about his blog 'Wait But Why'? It's hilarious and sooo informative at the same time. I also just love TED talks in general - it's my favourite way to 'productively' procrastinate because technically I'm still learning, just learning about the wrong things (oop), and I can go for hours on end. In terms of bio vs methods, I would say that I'm definitely better at methods, considering I actually did unit 1/2, and my teacher also taught us some of 3/4 then as well, but I like bio's content better. Even if I'm not FlourishingTM at it, a lot of the stuff is pretty interesting. What's your fav then?

80 per hour is definitely considerably above average. For reference, I have heard rumours that the chief examiner for Chemistry charges $80 per hour.
I hope the person you are with has some insane credentials..

Hey Lear, thanks for the reply! The tutor I found has marked the VCE bio exams a few times in the past and is/was head of bio at a pretty good school. She's given me a few resources and seems to know her way around the exams pretty well too. I wouldn't say they're insane insane, but hopefully she's worth it! If not,,,(let's not think about that).

A n y w a y ... I also went to a chem lecture today, for revision of Unit 1 and a headstart on Unit 2. I had to leave early since I had to meet with my methods tutor. I wouldn't say that the revision part of it was particularly helpful, but maybe that's because I'm already pretty comfortable with how much I understand the content.

Also I lost my retainer case today...it's sparkly neon orange (wasn't my choice, don't judge me) but I somehow managed to lose it in the span of choking on my drink at ChaTime and tripping at the door of the tram. Ahaha.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: w0lfqu33n89 on April 13, 2019, 09:32:37 pm
Hey CAB! Bit late joining this bandwagon. Been reading a few of your posts...so year 10? I meet a fellow buddy! Me too!
cant find motivation and stresses way too much....ME TOO!

Can't wait to read more of your posts and updates.. I am relatively new and still getting my bearings as well if that  makes you feel better!

Tootles! - Lex
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 16, 2019, 08:31:13 pm
I feel like I've talked about this so many times already, but really, this whole Chemistry AT saps my motivation real fast : ((((((

I woke up feeling pretty good. I whipped through a practice sac for bio and did quite a bit of Latin revision, but the moment I checked the rest of my to-do list and saw chemistry....wow. The momentum and motivation I had was suddenly sucked out of the essence of my entire being.
I've been considering choosing a different research question, considering one reason I'm so hesitant to continue on it is because I don't want to do that much research of something like nanotechnology in the first place. But I've already wasted so much time on it (was assigned three weeks ago, and I've procrastinated until about a week ago), and it's due in a week. Not to mention there's so much other stuff on my to-do list that I've procrastinated on too and now it's catching up to me.

I JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING HHHRHRRRNNNNGGGHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: PhoenixxFire on April 17, 2019, 07:37:35 pm
how was I supposed to know that I had to make female pigs assume a MATING STANCE?? Just...no.
You're never going to need to know anything like that in SACs or the exam if that info isn't given in the question. Bit ridiculous that your tutor expects you to know it.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 21, 2019, 11:45:03 am
Rant:
I don't know why I'm stressing myself out and trying so hard for this chem thing. I already know that for these kind of assessments, no matter how much effort I put into it, I always only get a B at most. Waving goodbye to my high GPA :((
Honestly though this type of investigation stuff really isn't for me. I never know how to go about it so I always end up scrapping my plan at least twice, and then completely ignoring my plan as soon as I finish doing my research. And then when I actually start writing, I realise that all the research I did was useless and I need to start everything again, and so I'm left with useless scrapped plans/outlines, useless research and a whole bunch of nothing on 6 different word docs. I'm also going through that phase where I feel kinda hollow on the inside again, meaning my motivation has completely disappeared. I have a SAC and 2 outcomes in the first 2 weeks of school but I really can't bring myself to even try for them now.
I guess right now the plan is to smash out the chem AT no matter how bad it is, and just leave it. Otherwise I'll just keep changing it and getting frustrated and starting again. Pessimistically trying to adopt that 'jUsT dO iT' attitude. Happy Easter to all my Christians and Pagans.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 21, 2019, 01:27:26 pm
OKAY. AFTER MORE THAN 3 WEEKS OF GRIEF, AND TWO HOURS AT THIS DESK, I HAVE FINALLY SMASHED OUT MY INTRODUCTION. TIS BUT A MEASLY HUMBLE PARAGRAPH OF TEXT, BUT TWILL DO FOR THE TIME BEING. THE BALL HAS STARTED TO ROLL. TIME TO KEEP PUSHING.

YEEEEEEEE
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Evolio on April 21, 2019, 01:30:14 pm
You got this Ashley!
You can do it!
I believe in you!
Punch out the rest of the essay!
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Bri MT on April 24, 2019, 02:44:54 pm
Just looking around at everyone else's journals...they're all so neat and set up so well. I need to do some editing  ;D

I love that different journals have their own unique style & layout; it helps me see the personalities of the writers. Did any in particular stand out to you? 
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 27, 2019, 08:13:08 pm
Long post ahead:

It's been a while since an actual update - I tried to start term 2 nicely. But instead of hitting the ground running, it was more like being Hulk-smashed or body-slammed onto the pavement and dragged along the footpath...the moment I got back I realised just how busy this term would be - there's only 5 weeks to learn everything, a week of revision, then exams and the GAT (?!?!?!?!?! I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING PREPARATION FOR THIS BUT AT THE SAME TIME I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS???). Not to mention a bunch of SACs. Fun. Nevertheless I'm forcing myself to be optimistic and aim for my best - I promised myself that I'm not going to muck around and flop things like I did in term 1, and damn right I'm going to do my best to keep that promise.

... but next week is ABSOLUTELY HECTIC and it is making me TENSE. I have a Latin test, a specialist maths test, and I'm missing the first part of my bio sac because I'm spending a day at Melbourne High School for Model United Nations (which I still need to prepare for). I also need to go to Swinburne Uni to interview a student for the Early Leader's Program but before that I need to START doing all the reading (a whole something-teen page academic journal article with obscure and overly-formal jargon that I absolutely do not understand, as well as some other reading) and actually write the questions that I want to ask my interviewee about. After I get home from that I need to revise like mad to actually finish off my BIO SAC THAT I'M VERY CONCERNED ABOUT (don't wanna flop like last time) the next day. Also next week I start the first component of my first Methods sac (it's a take-home one). Which makes me ANXIOUSTM, because firstly it's the biggest sac out of the three that we have this year (who decided to make the first one the most important one?? whack) and because Methods is the 3/4 that I actually have some faith in, so it'd be really crushing if I did badly in it.

So far I've spent the day trying to be productive but instead just sitting on my bed and scrolling on my phone. I feel guilty and annoyed about it, because I had a really good day yesterday and I wanted to keep that rhythm, but noooooooooooo. Thanks brain. I have to leave the house tomorrow though, so I'll be forced to actually get up, get changed and use my brain to understand whatever my tutor's saying, so hopefully that will help. I'm going to do some exercise too, because science tells me that it'll improve emotional well-being, increase alertness during the day, and stimulate cell growth in the learning-part-of-the-brain (Unknown Author, 2019). Unsure about that last one but the first two are definitely true. Here's to hoping for a good Sunday.

Hey CAB! Bit late joining this bandwagon. Been reading a few of your posts...so year 10? I meet a fellow buddy! Me too!
cant find motivation and stresses way too much....ME TOO!

Can't wait to read more of your posts and updates.. I am relatively new and still getting my bearings as well if that  makes you feel better!

Tootles! - Lex

I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS REPLY IS SO LATE. I don't know how but my stupid eyes and brain somehow missed it. I've read your journal too! I'm actually in year 11, but we can still be stress buddies together  ;D keep up the good work!

You got this Ashley!
You can do it!
I believe in you!
Punch out the rest of the essay!


Thank you so much!! Your reply really boosted my energy (even though I forget to get back to it asap, haha). I finally submitted it, by the way - could've proofread it a bit more, but I just wanted it to get it done with. And I feel so LIBERATED now. Chemistry can't ruin me yet.

I love that different journals have their own unique style & layout; it helps me see the personalities of the writers. Did any in particular stand out to you? 

I wouldn't say I had a favourite style, but I definitely enjoy the ones that have a little more humour in them, and also the ones that put in that little extra bit of effort and do a bit of editing/formatting! Compared to the mess that is mine, theirs are quite nice to read. Still trying to figure out how to make those spoiler bar things, so my posts can look a bit more funky and a lot less clunky (unintentional rhyming, hehe).
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 28, 2019, 10:13:25 pm
A moment of silence please, so we can all appreciate the absolutely legendary art that is beautifully packaged in a little bundle called Latin.
Have I said before that I love Latin??? Because I do. Everything just slots together perfectly and UGH every time I learn new stuff about it...bruhs the amount of joy that I feel is enough to leave me giddy for a long time after. And as always, I'm obligated to mention my favourite Latin word, vendidi.

~ v e n d i d i ~

JUST LOOK HOW PERFECT IT IS. vendidi. (pronounced 'when diddy'). ven. didi. v e n d i d i. V. E. N. D. I. D. I. What a beaut. (It means 'I sold', btw. But that's irrelevant, just look at how lovely the physical appearance and esence of the verbum is). Even though I can only stick to Duolingo language learning for less than a week at a time (unfortunately, Japanese, Russian, French, Korean, Spanish and German aren't my thing), Latin never lets me down. If I manage to get into Melbourne Uni I feel like I would definitely continue Latin as an elective (breadth?) subject there. I just...wow. Latin.

At this point you've probably figured out that yes, I am (meant to be) doing Latin homework. The voice in the back of my head is telling me there's so much more important stuff that I should be focusing on, but how dare anybody tell me to depart with my one and only joy?? (Just kidding, but let me tell you, there is NOTHING more satisfying than writing down a bunch of noun paradigms and word tables and just sitting back and looking at the ELEGANCE of the language. NOTHING.). Some other things on my list to do before I sleep are:
- Spec maths exercises (it's fairly easy, and I'm only doing a few questions from one chapter)
- Methods hw. Just 2 pages of a booklet. Shouldn't be too hard.
- Reading for the Swinburne Early Leaders' thing. (I've finally started it!! The fancy academic language is hella intimidating, but I'm bulldozing through it and so far it's been okay; hopefully I can finish it before the interview on Thursday)
- Some bio until I get tired enough to fall asleep.

I'm starting to get productive!! I'm not too concerned about going to bed late tonight, because I'm trying to exhaust myself so I can fall asleep easier tomorrow so that I can get enough sleep for Tuesday's Latin test. Not the greatest thing to do, but eh.

Something that made me happy today: I won a Kahoot. Bow down to me.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on April 29, 2019, 09:30:05 am
I wrote/ranted this last night (or this morning?) but it didn't post for some reason. Congratulations, me! This is your second major meltdown in Year 11 (my future self probably won't even remember what happened):



Ok so bit of a change of plans and mood, in comparison to my previous post.

I've been a bit mentally on-edge for the past few days so I knew it wouldn't be long till something burst my little happy bubble. Won't say what, just to save the unnecessary details, but it is sufficient to say that someone barged into my room, messed it up, and caused my mood to take a dive deeper than the Mariana Trench. It was only a small thing but it set loose this pile of emotions I had been holding back for a while now. And so now I feel like an annoying angsty teen. I am an annoying angsty teen. Pretty pathetic huh.

I can't bring myself to finish the work I wanted to do tonight. Right now the only thing that's really going through my head is just a mixture of irritation, emptiness and wow this is really not helping anything at all and I just wanted to tuck myself into bed and sleep, but I need to finish at least some of this work that's already been piling up and procrastinated about for weeks. I'm so exhausted, and there's too much going on outside of my mental health for this right now - I just wish this little meltdown could've happened at a better time. I have assessments in almost all of my subjects this week, I'm missing half of a sac to do two other huge events that I haven't prepared for either, and I've got too much going on. And just when I'm getting my motivation and momentum back, this crisis just makes everything worse. Took half a step forward, and was dragged a few hundred meters back. And know I don't know what I'm supposed to do??

Just realised it's Monday now. What a good way to start this week.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on May 09, 2019, 11:58:26 pm
It's been a while!

So,,,needless to say my mood is definitely a lot better than whatever shitstorm that last update was. I'm feeling better, but just so FRUSTRATED. I did my Latin test. Did my spec test. Went to MHS for MUN. Went to Swinburne. Realised that actually, my methods sac wasn't actually last week, but the VCE office just didn't bother telling anyone about the change of dates ( ::)) So I stressed about that for nothing. Then I spent the whole weekend preparing for my bio sac, which I was SO DAMN DETERMINED not to stuff up this time.

.....................and yeah I stuffed it up. What makes me so angry at myself about it is that I know I could've done so much better as well - during reading time I knew there wasn't a single question that I would have trouble with, but somehow during the actual write up I lost track of time and spent too long on trivial things such as plotting a stupid GRAPH and I couldn't finish it. I missed a substantial amount of questions, and my score is definitely going to be worse than last time. I've been trying to be a bit optimistic about it (it's only a small chunk of my SS overall), but yeaaaaaaaaaaa no. I don't even know how I'm going to face my bio tutor tomorrow, when we were both pretty confident that I'd do better this time round. I'm just so hhhhhhhhhhhhh???? And we went to GTAC today as well, and my oh-so-wonderful teacher tells us that the work we do there is also part of our next sac (FOR WHAT REASON?!?! LET AN EXCURSION BE AN EXCURSION).

Not to mention I'm agonising over my lack of prioritisation still. I got my Latin and Spec tests back a few days ago and boom. 97.5% and 93.75% respectively. I'm proud, but that same pride also makes me a bit frustrated and bitter. Top of the cohort in both, yet I probably can't even get a 70% in a subject that actually matters to me this year??? I can't deal.

I get the first component of my first methods sac tomorrow. I've got 5 days to do it, then immediately after I hand it in I get the second component, which I have a week to do, and right after that there's the actual 'test' component of it. It's going to be so exhausting and stressful, not to mention my next bio sac is on the same day as that methods test as well. And then semester 1 exams for my 1/2 subjects.

I genuinely admire some people so much. How do people who do even more extracurriculars than me even manage to cope with all this stuff, as well as regularly exercise, have a social life, turn up to class on time, and look alive??? Mad respect.

Will try to update in the next few weeks, but no guarantees (my future self is going to be like 'this timeline is full of holes and patchy af'). I'm just going to try and stumble/bash my way through and hope I make it to the other side with a nice A+. For now though, I gotta get enough sleep so I can actually drag myself to aths tomorrow (haven't gone in almost 2 weeks, yikes).
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Macrophagee on May 10, 2019, 06:19:47 pm
I genuinely admire some people so much. How do people who do even more extracurriculars than me even manage to cope with all this stuff, as well as regularly exercise, have a social life, turn up to class on time, and look alive??? Mad respect.

OMG that's so true! They are probably not human  ;D
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on May 12, 2019, 09:22:55 pm
I'm writing this in an attempt to force myself to actually start studying. I figured that as soon as I verbally express how much I have to do, I'll feel more panicked and more likely to actually do it.

I got the first part of my first methods sac! The context of it's quite amusing because they all involve our maths teachers trying to build something. For some reason, though, it's suspiciously easy?? Of course that made me paranoid and so I decided that I'm going to redo the questions on another sheet of paper without looking at what I've already done to make sure I get the same thing.

Also: do you think I should rewrite it in pen? That what's 'recommended', but I'm scared I'll make a mistake (and it's only 'recommended'). And what about comparing my answers with other people in the class? I want to make sure I'm getting the same answers as them, but at the same time I don't want to help them out too much if we get different answers (that already happened twice when I did that on Friday, so-).

Things I'm trying to get done by tonight/tomorrow night:
- Finish Methods sac
- Prepare for pt.2 of the methods sac
- Translate set lines from Metamorpheses
- First set of exercises for Spec
- Start bio practice questions/tests
And maybe some chem if I can fit it in. My teacher's threatening to call my parents if I don't turn in my booklets, but I'll try to duck under the radar for as long as I can.

OMG that's so true! They are probably not human  ;D

Definitely  ;D we plebs can only hope to compete with them.

Well, off I go to do some work, then.

(Also I made a really good boiled egg today. As in, like, really good. I've never tasted a boiled egg that scrumptious in my entire life. My mum hated it, but 'twas splendid.)
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Joseph41 on May 13, 2019, 04:37:04 pm
Re: pencil/pen, why not ask your teacher if it's required? I always preferred pencil for maths work, but don't see the harm in asking. :)
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on May 18, 2019, 06:16:54 pm
WAIT IT FINALLY JUST HIT ME THAT MY BIO SAC AND METHODS SAC ARE ON THE SAME DAY HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH WHAT.

(Also I got my previous bio sac back yesterday as well...77%. Bruh I can smell that sweet, sweet, raw 20 SS already.)

BUT THEY'RE ON THE SAME DAY?? AND NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY TIME. And my English test is also the day before and I don't know any of the content and wow. Just no. Did I mention both my Latin AND chem teacher are threatening to call my parents because I'm only doing the classwork and not the homework?? And that for some reason my inner circle seems to be insistent on dragging me out to have fun when I can't? feeling a bit overwhelmed but. Life goes on.

Oh, and by the way - have I mentioned that MY BIO AND METHODS SAC ARE ON THE SAME DAY AND I AM WHOLLY UNPREPARED FOR BOTH OF THEM.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Ionic Doc on May 18, 2019, 06:26:40 pm
BUT THEY'RE ON THE SAME DAY?? AND NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY TIME. And my English test is also the day before and I don't know any of the content and wow. Just no.

I LIKE TYPING IN CAPS  8)

Prioritise METHODS and BIOLOGY, English can wait . . . you're still in year 11 so won't really go towards anything

and surely you know the content . . . or maybe u don't (lol)
my suggestion: LEARN IT

GOOD LUCK
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: NomotivationF on May 18, 2019, 06:54:58 pm
I LIKE TYPING IN CAPS  8)

Prioritise METHODS and BIOLOGY, English can wait . . . you're still in year 11 so won't really go towards anything

and surely you know the content . . . or maybe u don't (lol)
my suggestion: LEARN IT

GOOD LUCK


I mean english caaaan wait, but you should still try to put effort into it. But for sure prioritise 3/4s
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: coldairballoon on May 19, 2019, 10:49:37 pm
I got the first part of my first methods sac! The context of it's quite amusing because they all involve our maths teachers trying to build something. For some reason, though, it's suspiciously easy??

Wise words, past me. You were right after all. I've gotten the 2nd part of the sac now, and let me tell you it is STUPID. RIDICULOUSLY HARD. And it's even harder to write down my explanations to the answers (imagine if you could just write 'BECAUSE I KNOW IT WORKS OK I KNOW I'M RIGHT' as an answer. My life would be so much easier). But I'm almost done so as long as I barrel through it and check my answers with someone else I should be okay. I guess?? I don't want to fail this sac and fail all of methods and fail the end of year exam and get a shitty SS and disappoint both myself and my parents and become an outcast to the family and not end up going to uni and getting a good job and becoming even more of an outcast and-
HUUUH LET ME STOP THERE. I can't be having negative thoughts now.

Also I did a practice test for bio. And, well. Just....well. Well, well, well. (It was not well.) And the little voice in the back of my head is nagging me to reply to a Very ImportantTM email that I've been ignoring for almost two weeks at this point. And I still need to make my quote sheet for the Lang test on Tuesday. And translate 20 more lines of Metamorpheses, and finish another translation exercise for Latin. And I need to update my question bank for Methods because the test component of the sac is on Wednesday. And I need to start actually doing some damn work.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: Geoo on December 13, 2019, 10:46:50 pm
Fair enough! I think a post like that would be awesome, as it would be great to hear from a different experience with different advice.

What advice in the posts almost ruined your life? I am very interested to know.

Anyway, congratulations on your awesome results and I hope to still see you around the forums.
Title: Re: FAILURE OH MY GOD
Post by: PhoenixxFire on December 13, 2019, 11:32:13 pm
I think I might make one of those 'HOW I GOT A RAW 50 IN BIOLOGY' posts I see a lot, because those posts almost ruined my life, and I picked myself back up again by doing the exact opposite of what those posts told me to do - might be a refreshing change for others like me who need the advice that we aren't given and can't find. Thoughts?
Different things work for different people & the more diverse perspectives we have, the higher chance of anyone who’s doing bio in future finding advice that helps them.