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Author Topic: How to deal with expectations?  (Read 802 times)  Share 

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Tatlidil

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How to deal with expectations?
« on: February 23, 2019, 10:30:03 pm »
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Hey guys,
Basically, how can you stop expectations of others (like Teachers or relatives) from affecting my study habits, or how could I possibly avoid thinking about it, stressing and worrying?

whys

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Re: How to deal with expectations?
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2019, 10:46:07 pm »
+8
There are 2 types of expectations:
The type that help you strive to reach your best.
OR
The type that that feels stressful, like a burden on your shoulders.

I think it is good to have expectations from others, as it helps keep you motivated. This is one type of expectation that is positive for me, however I understand that when it gets excessive, it can be very worrying.

Remind yourself of your own goals, and why you want to achieve them. Think about your own expectations. Because your own expectations should be the primary factor in leading you to achieve your own goals. You cannot stop other people from having expectations on you, but you can choose to ignore them. I know this may sound hard, but think of it this way.

Think of your personal expectations. For example, lets say person X wanted a minimum of 30 in english. X's parents want her to get a 40. X's teacher wants her to get 40 too, and X feels like if she gets a study score of 30, she will be looked down upon by cousins who got study scores higher than her. In this situation, X needs to remind herself why she wants a minimum of 30; why she expects only this and not something higher or lower. In X's case, she wants a 30 because that is the bare minimum to get into the course she wants to do. She needs an ATAR above 90, however she is doing well in her other subjects and she knows that she can get an ATAR above 90 if she gets the scores she wants in her other subjects. She is on track. X needs to remind herself what benefit she will get out of putting in more/less effort into english to get a different study score. This could impact her negatively; maybe even positively. However, X needs to learn to ignore these expectations. She needs to prioritse which one is more important - getting into the course she wants to, or satisfying the wants of those around her. Yes - maybe her cousins will look down upon her, but that will soon fade. I doubt people ask for your ATAR after about a week into uni. Yes - maybe her parents and teachers will be disappointed - but X knows that her parents want her to do the course she wants to do, and so does her teacher.

This is just one example. I don't know your circumstances or what you are currently going through and the severity of the expectations others have on you, but you should always remind yourself about why your expectations are the way they are, and why others hold those expectations for you, and which one will be more beneficial to your success. In most cases, your parents hold expectations for you for the sole reason that they want to see their child do well, which is understandable, however they go about it sometimes without realising the stressful effect it has. This is also the reason why others will also hold expectations of you - because they care and they want you to do well (however, this is not always the case).

I recommend you talk to those people. You can't 'stop' their expectations if you don't attempt to make them understand your own personal expectations and why it contradicts theirs, and why their expectations will not benefit you.

EDIT; judging by your goals, it seems you already have high expectations for yourself. Good luck in achieving them, you got this pal  :)
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Tatlidil

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Re: How to deal with expectations?
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2019, 12:09:11 am »
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There are 2 types of expectations:
The type that help you strive to reach your best.
OR
The type that that feels stressful, like a burden on your shoulders.

I think it is good to have expectations from others, as it helps keep you motivated. This is one type of expectation that is positive for me, however I understand that when it gets excessive, it can be very worrying.

Remind yourself of your own goals, and why you want to achieve them. Think about your own expectations. Because your own expectations should be the primary factor in leading you to achieve your own goals. You cannot stop other people from having expectations on you, but you can choose to ignore them. I know this may sound hard, but think of it this way.

Think of your personal expectations. For example, lets say person X wanted a minimum of 30 in english. X's parents want her to get a 40. X's teacher wants her to get 40 too, and X feels like if she gets a study score of 30, she will be looked down upon by cousins who got study scores higher than her. In this situation, X needs to remind herself why she wants a minimum of 30; why she expects only this and not something higher or lower. In X's case, she wants a 30 because that is the bare minimum to get into the course she wants to do. She needs an ATAR above 90, however she is doing well in her other subjects and she knows that she can get an ATAR above 90 if she gets the scores she wants in her other subjects. She is on track. X needs to remind herself what benefit she will get out of putting in more/less effort into english to get a different study score. This could impact her negatively; maybe even positively. However, X needs to learn to ignore these expectations. She needs to prioritse which one is more important - getting into the course she wants to, or satisfying the wants of those around her. Yes - maybe her cousins will look down upon her, but that will soon fade. I doubt people ask for your ATAR after about a week into uni. Yes - maybe her parents and teachers will be disappointed - but X knows that her parents want her to do the course she wants to do, and so does her teacher.

This is just one example. I don't know your circumstances or what you are currently going through and the severity of the expectations others have on you, but you should always remind yourself about why your expectations are the way they are, and why others hold those expectations for you, and which one will be more beneficial to your success. In most cases, your parents hold expectations for you for the sole reason that they want to see their child do well, which is understandable, however they go about it sometimes without realising the stressful effect it has. This is also the reason why others will also hold expectations of you - because they care and they want you to do well (however, this is not always the case).

I recommend you talk to those people. You can't 'stop' their expectations if you don't attempt to make them understand your own personal expectations and why it contradicts theirs, and why their expectations will not benefit you.

EDIT; judging by your goals, it seems you already have high expectations for yourself. Good luck in achieving them, you got this pal  :)
I think there isnt a better way of explaining this than how you did.
THANK YOU!
Also did you put that name because you like DBS?
« Last Edit: February 24, 2019, 12:11:22 am by Tatlidil »

whys

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Re: How to deal with expectations?
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2019, 12:24:27 am »
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I think there isnt a better way of explaining this than how you did.
THANK YOU!
Also did you put that name because you like DBS?
I’m glad it helped!
And also, I actually didn’t know what DBS was until I searched it up now!
psych [50] bio [50]
2021-2025: BMedSci/MD @ Monash

Tatlidil

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Re: How to deal with expectations?
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2019, 09:50:42 pm »
+1
I’m glad it helped!
And also, I actually didn’t know what DBS was until I searched it up now!
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