Writing out the nonsense in my head.

[heids]

My head is a busy, tangled, deep jungle.  I've never been good at writing it out; with you holding me accountable, I want to build a habit of writing out some of my yoga-inspired deep thoughts every day!
Opening thoughts: Every day I practice, I'm a bit more convinced that yoga is the life path for me.  Not as a hobby or exercise regime or instagram fodder, but a whole life path - involving the philosophy, the morality, the intense daily practice, and the yoga that lives in my everyday movements, thoughts and actions.

Its guidance on how to live shares a lot with my Christian upbringing, but it's different.  That was externally imposed, from the outside in; I was taught moral principles and obligations I should follow.  So it ends up a bit grudging and guilt-based and not really held deep down.

But I've personally embraced yoga.  I genuinely internally want to follow yogic principles, from the inside out, because I discovered them for myself - a new perspective on the same old principles, I guess.

So for instance, I always had this Bible verse drummed into me:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I always felt like I should, but it was an obligation.  With yoga - I want to do this.  I'm slowly finding myself increasingly focusing on things that help me grow, and away from things that are toxic, not out of guilt or obligation or shoulds, but out of simply wanting to.

I guess it's part of growing up and becoming independent.  It's almost necessary that my chosen values come from a different place/system to what I was taught, so I can really own them, if that makes sense?

[zofromuxo]

My head is a busy, tangled, deep jungle.  I've never been good at writing it out; with you holding me accountable, I want to build a habit of writing out some of my yoga-inspired deep thoughts every day!
Opening thoughts: Every day I practice, I'm a bit more convinced that yoga is the life path for me.  Not as a hobby or exercise regime or instagram fodder, but a whole life path - involving the philosophy, the morality, the intense daily practice, and the yoga that lives in my everyday movements, thoughts and actions.

Its guidance on how to live shares a lot with my Christian upbringing, but it's different.  That was externally imposed, from the outside in; I was taught moral principles and obligations I should follow.  So it ends up a bit grudging and guilt-based and not really held deep down.

But I've personally embraced yoga.  I genuinely internally want to follow yogic principles, from the inside out, because I discovered them for myself - a new perspective on the same old principles, I guess.

So for instance, I always had this Bible verse drummed into me:
I always felt like I should, but it was an obligation.  With yoga - I want to do this.  I'm slowly finding myself increasingly focusing on things that help me grow, and away from things that are toxic, not out of guilt or obligation or shoulds, but out of simply wanting to.

I guess it's part of growing up and becoming independent.  It's almost necessary that my chosen values come from a different place/system to what I was taught, so I can really own them, if that makes sense?

Don't worry heids your making senses and good on you for taking the step into embracing Yoga as your lifestyle from the childhood embed Christian values. This isn't an attack on Christianity, but more on the ideals that people feel obligated to follow because of their childhood.

You have done what many people can't, won't, haven't but should do. So congratulations and I look forward to "yoga-inspired deep thoughts".

[K888]

Yessss Heids 🙌
So keen to read your updates! <3

[heids]

Since I stretch my hip flexors intensely, the next day my hips are sore and tight, and I have to spend a few minutes during practice gently easing myself into sitting cross-legged, then half-lotus, then lotus (basically, just sitting there).

My brain really revolts against this few minutes of doing seemingly nothing.  It tries to come up with some way of multitasking to avoid wasting those minutes: I could exercise my arms, or post on AN, or read, or nut out some complex argument in my head.  Surely this isn't the most efficient way to exercise!

Instead, I just sit there with the thoughts.

What am I in such a rush to do?  Why the constant need to achieve and do and think more, and faster?  What makes time spent mindfully and calmly and consciously a waste of time?

Really makes me question my priorities and behaviours.  There's a lot of useless busy time I could spend doing nothing, but being mindfully there.

[heids]

From yoga study (on the principles of saucha and santosha - cleanliness and peace), I've developed the habit of smiling and mentally wishing "May you have peace, love and wellbeing" (or a relevant variation) to people I pass and at the end of interactions.  Just like, sending them the real desire for their good.

It doesn't do anything, but it makes me feel happier and more connected and more expansive and just good.  You can't get angry at someone you've just wished love to, and when small annoying things happen in public, I just feel peace with it rather than irritation.

I enjoy interacting with strangers more since I started this, too.

[peterpiper]

From yoga study (on the principles of saucha and santosha - cleanliness and peace), I've developed the habit of smiling and mentally wishing "May you have peace, love and wellbeing" (or a relevant variation) to people I pass and at the end of interactions.  Just like, sending them the real desire for their good.

It doesn't do anything, but it makes me feel happier and more connected and more expansive and just good.  You can't get angry at someone you've just wished love to, and when small annoying things happen in public, I just feel peace with it rather than irritation.

I enjoy interacting with strangers more since I started this, too.

I'm loving this. Keep it up Heids!

[heids]

I'm loving this. Keep it up Heids!

So do I! Hahaha.

Especially over the last few weeks, I've actually been feeling yoga healing me.  Still have bad days, still very tired a lot of the time, but I'm starting to have a few okay and even good days to balance it out.  After eighteen months of basically non-stop bad days, I feel like I'm genuinely recovering from this depression.

Yoga is hardly a simple cure (lol, today I wanted to give up during every single pose and had a hard time not crying all through), and I know I'm going to have hard times and probably further episodes in future, but the physical and mental tools it's given me have been what I've been looking for.  I'll definitely go into some of those tools during this journally thing!

[elysepopplewell]

Since I stretch my hip flexors intensely, the next day my hips are sore and tight, and I have to spend a few minutes during practice gently easing myself into sitting cross-legged, then half-lotus, then lotus (basically, just sitting there).

My brain really revolts against this few minutes of doing seemingly nothing.  It tries to come up with some way of multitasking to avoid wasting those minutes: I could exercise my arms, or post on AN, or read, or nut out some complex argument in my head.  Surely this isn't the most efficient way to exercise!

Instead, I just sit there with the thoughts.

What am I in such a rush to do?  Why the constant need to achieve and do and think more, and faster?  What makes time spent mindfully and calmly and consciously a waste of time?

Really makes me question my priorities and behaviours.  There's a lot of useless busy time I could spend doing nothing, but being mindfully there.

This really resonates with me too. Even when I'm sitting in the bath on the odd occasion I'm like "I should have my uni readings here" or when I'm on the train I'm thinking "I should be working on my assignments" and then I remember - what's the rush? What's the great urgency to pump a million little things into every day? The need to succeed is crippling of calm solitude, I find.

[heids]

I've always been told to "breathe deeply" for anxiety, but couldn't manage it.  Only through yoga have I figured out how breathing works for me.  I'm trying to use it more and more of the time (building in this awareness is quite hard).

I shut my mouth and breathe through my nose, and expand my chest (put your hands on the sides of your ribcage and breathe to push them out), imagining I'm opening up the area round my heart and completely filling out my chest and upper abdomen.  Then I completely empty and release.

I time this rhythmically with normal activities.  Because it's matched rhythmically with movement, I can breathe deeply and evenly without having to fully focus on breathing as it flows naturally.

--> when walking anywhere, I take four steps to an inhalation and four to an exhalation (or 3 or 6 if I'm walking slowly or quickly)

--> doing any repetitive task at work, I time the movements with breaths (e.g. inhale: stick point into tag and then into seam of clothing, exhale: double click gun, remove point and tear off tag; repeat ad infinitum), making me faster, more focused, and calmer

--> I try to bend and move in time with breath (if I lower myself down or release, I exhale, and if I lift myself up or expand, I inhale)

The more I control my breath like this, the more things seem to flow and I remain calm and mindful.  Controlling it seems to help control much harder things to manage - emotions, heartrate, etc.

[Coffee]

I've always been told to "breathe deeply" for anxiety, but couldn't manage it.  Only through yoga have I figured out how breathing works for me.  I'm trying to use it more and more of the time (building in this awareness is quite hard).

I shut my mouth and breathe through my nose, and expand my chest (put your hands on the sides of your ribcage and breathe to push them out), imagining I'm opening up the area round my heart and completely filling out my chest and upper abdomen.  Then I completely empty and release.

I time this rhythmically with normal activities.  Because it's matched rhythmically with movement, I can breathe deeply and evenly without having to fully focus on breathing as it flows naturally.

--> when walking anywhere, I take four steps to an inhalation and four to an exhalation (or 3 or 6 if I'm walking slowly or quickly)

--> doing any repetitive task at work, I time the movements with breaths (e.g. inhale: stick point into tag and then into seam of clothing, exhale: double click gun, remove point and tear off tag; repeat ad infinitum), making me faster, more focused, and calmer

--> I try to bend and move in time with breath (if I lower myself down or release, I exhale, and if I lift myself up or expand, I inhale)

The more I control my breath like this, the more things seem to flow and I remain calm and mindful.  Controlling it seems to help control much harder things to manage - emotions, heartrate, etc.

Heidi, this is really interesting!

I’ve had anxiety-related breathing problems since towards the end of Year 7, and it’s like I can never get that deep, satisfying breath, only occasionally. Is this what it’s like for you?

It’s been much worse for me as of late, and I think I’d like to give some breathing exercises a go. Do you have any resources that might help?

I’m really glad to hear its working for you, and I’m enjoying reading your updates!

[heids]

Heidi, this is really interesting!

I’ve had anxiety-related breathing problems since towards the end of Year 7, and it’s like I can never get that deep, satisfying breath, only occasionally. Is this what it’s like for you?

It’s been much worse for me as of late, and I think I’d like to give some breathing exercises a go. Do you have any resources that might help?

I’m really glad to hear its working for you, and I’m enjoying reading your updates!

*this is only what works for me, no medical advice lol*

Surprisingly, the biggest thing for me was nasal breathing.  I'd always tried to breathe deeply with my mouth open to get more air, and could never get a proper breath; it was more like gasping.

Focusing more on slow, steady breathing rather than deep breathing has helped too.  I'm not trying desperately to grab more oxygen (which is what anxiety makes me want to do), but just focusing on steady in and steady out, slow and steady and gentle.  A smaller, slower breath is more calming than a huge deep gasping breath, even if it only lifts the chest a little.  You're not going to die of lack of oxygen, and it's okay.

I'd been told that chest breathing led to hyperventilation and stomach breathing was the cure, but it's worked the other way round for me. 

But yes - I completely understand that struggle with breathing, and the weight on the chest, and the nausea in the stomach.  It's shit, and it's okay that it's hard as hell and not very calmable.  Constant practice of small calming breaths, and especially in line with movement, has been the best help for me.

Does anyone else have suggestions?

[K888]

Does anyone else have suggestions?

So, for transparency, a lot of the stuff I've learnt was when I played high level soccer, and also through rehab for injuries, etc. so was probably initially meant for a slightly different purpose, but I've found it all super helpful in dealing with anxiety! (when I remember to do it )

My first one is (breathing through your nose): inhaling for six seconds (you can do this nice and slowly, no need to inhale intensely), then hold it for two seconds, then exhale for seven seconds (if you can manage - this can be hard). Apparently this lowers your heartrate, I certainly find that it does, and I first did it to calm myself down before important matches, but use it super often now

Also, kinda related to that first point, I recommend breathing through your diaphragm (I think this is also "stomach breathing"?) - taking really nice, deep breaths. I learnt about this when rehabbing a back injury (this was an aspect of getting deep core control), you're using more of your lung capacity, and it's good for you! I always feel like I get really deep, satisfying breaths from this.

That's all I can remember for now, will likely remember something else later on today.
Happy to show you these if you come to the meetup, Coffee!

[heids]

I had a rough day at work today and am exhausted, but still have asana practice* to do.  How hard should one push oneself?

Physically, yoga is a balance between strength and flexibility; mentally, between discipline and doing what feels right in the moment.

I've seen harm from both overly stoic attitudes, and overly soft and indulgent attitudes.  Yoga always reminds me that extremes are almost always harmful, and healthy balance - the middle, moderate way - is a fine line.  I guess finding this middle path is a process of *self-aware* trial and error. 

My lesson for myself today is that it's not all or nothing.  I don't have to do either a full 70 minute practice or nothing at all; 15 minutes of sun salutations and some standing poses will be enough.

Gotta try and apply this to food and work especially... I'm pretty all-or-nothing about these.  Balance, balance, balance.

*asana = poses, the physical side of yoga

[Joseph41]

My lesson for myself today is that it's not all or nothing.  I don't have to do either a full 70 minute practice or nothing at all; 15 minutes of sun salutations and some standing poses will be enough.

Brilliant. Great post!

[heids]

Following on from yesterday:

Partial practice is hard for me.  Hundreds of yoga poses exist, and I want to be able to fit them all in!  While doing a pose, I sometimes find myself thinking that I could be doing another pose.

It's my perfectionism playing up again... it wants me to be improving faster, doing better, doing more, and it's scared of missing out on opportunities to improve.  Missing a pose makes me feel like I'm going backwards on the strength/flexibility/balance it develops.  But all perfectionism does is rob me of the actual aim of yoga: peace and presence and acceptance in the moment.

As Kino says, "Give yourself a lifetime to practice".  Fifteen minutes a day, a few simple poses, are enough.  It's not a race.  It's not about fitting more in.  It's not a competition.  I have decades (probably) to experience different poses, and even if I don't experience them, it's no big deal.

This is going to take me years to learn.