Do we tend to romanticise for the worse?

[Alter]

Romanticisation of illness, substance abuse, and morally questionable actions is certainly something that we let slip into our everyday lives. Whether it's the idealisation of drug abuse or cheating in relationships, I think it can become a big problem to pass some things off in this romantic light, and can be a catalyst for the issues in the relationships we have with our peers.

I'll kickstart the thread with a heavy hitter: depression and mental illness. Most of us can see how tere seems to be some sort of newfound glorification of major depression and its symptoms, and it seems to be the latest edgy thing to brag about how depressed or suicidal one may be. Truthfully, I think this sets a terrible precedent and deters people who are genuinely mentally unwell from speaking out, and tends to work against productive conversation about achieving good mental wellbeing. Ultimately, I'd say that this trend towards embracing a "wow, I wanna kill myself my life's shit lol" culture is, in reality, undermining very real struggles and while often not ill-intended, can make light of an issue that is serious.

In some sense, you could argue that by looking at depression and other such mental illnesses in this manner, it helps deal with the issue in a more light-hearted manner. And don't get me wrong: honestly, I'm guilty of this to some extent as well. That being said, the reality is that illnesses such as major depression can be simply awful. And this is something that I feel like we all grew up understanding, and coming to see in the lives of those affected around us. But, paradoxically, it's like mental illness is something beautiful; as if it's 'cool' to have one.

These ideas go hand in hand with the idea of trying to "one-up" people in the realm of mental illness as a whole. I find it is often very difficult for people with clinically diagnosed, legitimate mental issues to speak up or seek help because they are met with the "well, you're not as sick as me!" response. It is, in my opinion, pretty unhealthy that we seemingly live in a world where people are trying to out-do one another with the magnitude of these issues. Unsurprisingly, it is often the people that claim to suffer anxiety issues that have no such clinical diagnosis, and often place the issue in an inappropriate light, making it seem like a competition for who has the most shit to deal with.

Anyway, these are just a couple of examples that come to mind. I'm interested in what others think on the topic.

[Calebark]

Props for starting such an original topic. I agree wholeheartedly.

I think a really common one is competing in the Misery Olympics for the worst childhood. It's like it's become cool to have faced adversity growing up -- after all, it's hard to find a hero or protagonist that didn't have a tough time. The thing is that everyone has faced adversity growing up in some manner. Adversity doesn't have to be physical abuse, homelessness, parental abandonment, or other conventionally horrible things -- it could be having a younger sibling be better than you, not being able to spend enough time with your father, or other simple things.

It's no secret that I have had an interesting experience compared to most here growing up. I used to have a difficult time admitting this, one reason (of many) that I didn't want to expose myself to vulnerability just to be me with 'ahh, that's a bullshit story', which would be a reasonable assumption given the amount of bullshit stories that come out of teens (relating to, well, everything).

You can be a brave person without having gone through a tough time as a kid. If you had it good, go ahead and appreciate it, because if I had the choice, I would choose two loving parents and a home to come back to every damn time.

[EEEEEEP]

I understand the perspective that you're coming from, but I hardly think romanticised is the right description.  Especially this sentence "But, paradoxically, it's like mental illness is something beautiful; as if it's 'cool' to have one. "

Having a mental illness is hardly beautiful. I swear, like who wants to wake up crying, having  a dysfunctional family, spending weeks in hospital  or not being able to enjoy things. That isn't beautiful or cool at all. In fact, mental illness is looked down upon and actually somewhat stigmatised. Like God damn.

I think a better explanation would be as Calebark mentioned "Oppression olympics and one upping". People having experienced, whatever they have, sometimes feel like they "deserve" more love and empathy. I think it's a very normal reaction to someone who has experienced bad things, and I definitely have been guilty of it at times.

One upping is definitely bad, but we don't always know that we're doing it. We sometimes need a bit of self awareness.

[Calebark]

I understand the perspective that you're coming from, but I hardly think romanticised is the right description.  Especially this sentence "But, paradoxically, it's like mental illness is something beautiful; as if it's 'cool' to have one. "

Having a mental illness is hardly beautiful. I swear, like who wants to wake up crying, having  a dysfunctional family, spending weeks in hospital  or not being able to enjoy things. That isn't beautiful or cool at all. In fact, mental illness is looked down upon and actually somewhat stigmatised. Like God damn.

I think a better explanation would be as Calebark mentioned "Oppression olympics and one upping". People having experienced, whatever they have, sometimes feel like they "deserve" more love and empathy. I think it's a very normal reaction to someone who has experienced bad things, and I definitely have been guilty of it at times.

One upping is definitely bad, but we don't always know that we're doing it. We sometimes need a bit of self awareness.

It's still heavily stigmatised, but I think this is part of the reason why it's romanticised, because being away from the normal societal flow is seen as cool. It's hard to find someone who admits to being normal -- this is just an extreme example of being different. Additionally, I'd say it's even more heavily romanticised in certain circles, such as artistic circles (see: tortured artist cliché).

[Bri MT]

I'll kickstart the thread with a heavy hitter: depression and mental illness. Most of us can see how tere seems to be some sort of newfound glorification of major depression and its symptoms, and it seems to be the latest edgy thing to brag about how depressed or suicidal one may be.

 it's like mental illness is something beautiful; as if it's 'cool' to have one.

This is of the things I dislike about certain spaces on fb. The frequency with which it appears in jokes (in my opinion) belies the seriousness of these issues. I also worry that joking "suggestions" may be literally interpreted by soneone on the brink, or make them feel worse.

I've also noticed that while depression and anxiety may be socially in, many other mental conditions definitely aren't.

[peterpiper]

I think partly the reason why mental illness is romanticised, especially in the culture of today's society is because of the enormous guilt we feel for even existing on a day-to-day basis. Every day we're bombarded with how we could help the third world, help a homeless person, how even from the fact of existing we're damaging the earth. So I guess with something like mental illness, it paradoxically gives the person a reason for being, in a weird victim-sense-sort-of-way.

[appleandbee]

I think partly the reason why mental illness is romanticised, especially in the culture of today's society is because of the enormous guilt we feel for even existing on a day-to-day basis. Every day we're bombarded with how we could help the third world, help a homeless person, how even from the fact of existing we're damaging the earth. So I guess with something like mental illness, it paradoxically gives the person a reason for being, in a weird victim-sense-sort-of-way.

Couldn't agree more, we romanticise such things because of the guilt we feel about our inability to make their situation better or come to acceptance that suicide was the only solution to take away their pain (when people say that the person is at peace or no longer suffering). As for the victims themselves feeling that way, it is probably influenced by others romanticising such actions, or the fact that the people around them had little sympathy/didn't show that they cared when they were suffering, further convincing them that ending their life is the best thing to do. Or that they are actually in a lot of pain, so romanticisation is used as a defence mechanism. It would be harmful to suggest that people think in such a way because committing suicide is a 'trendy' thing to do, it just reinforces the persisting stigma that people with mental illnesses are acting out. The romanticisation of suicide by victims is often a way of justifying their actions or convincing themselves the world is a better place without them because the people around them didn't support or showed sympathy for them (or at least they didn't feel it). Although as Calebark said that it is weirdly valued in the artistic community where works inspired by suicide and deep depression are glorified and the narrative that mental illness is good for your development as an artist.

Idk, I just feel the other ways we deal with mental illnesses as a society are equally unhelpful. The stigmatisation of people with mental illness as so so different from people without it, as acting out didn't help those people, and further pushed them towards romanticising it. There should be a way of understanding and empathising with why people feel such a way (often arising from difficult events) while still regretting it. I do feel there's a harmful romanticisation of mental illness in a different kind of way- when counsellors, health professionals, motivational speakers/wellness coaches, general society celebrate rising up from mental illness and how it is a beautiful thing that creates character and strength.

As for the romanticisation of oppression, it arises from stigmatisation and oppression that those people has experienced, and romanticising it is a way of 'reclaiming' their experiences and identity is a sphere where other people don't understand it. I agree that it better that those people didn't have to go through those experiences, but it's still probably better then the counter-narrative of those people fully internalising their oppression and feeling like there is no place for them in the world. Also realise that experiences such as domestic violence and racial oppression affects your ability to comprehend your identity, worldviews and even the experience itself, so romanticising allows them to comprehend, express and form their identity. This is how movements like Black Lives Matter and Pride Campaigns operate, by allowing people to congregate and acknowledge their own existence. I just dislike the way in which people that didn't have those experiences re-appropriating them (and tries to framing it into a narrative about strength/hard work and telling it back to those people).

I don't really like the glorification of working your way to the top, you can do anything you want, the fetishisation of hard work (insert other motivational speaker quotes), it ignores the structural inequalities and differences that exist in society (or serves as a disincentive from trying to address them) and results in too much self-blame/depression.