Hi phi16180!
I'm not sure if this one has been marked yet, but I thought I would give more general assistance. This is just some general support with regard to the introduction, but I do think addressing these issues first would improve the overall approach the essay is taking.
Emily St. John Mandel’s dystopian novel Station Eleven is an exploration of the purpose and function of memory. As such, Mandel suggests that a recollection of the past can motivate individuals to indulge in internal conflict, regardless of whether such a reflection is a blissful or sorrowful experience. However, while memories are a personal affair, they can also create a sense of community. The question posed to post-collapse society of whether “to teach the kids about the way things were” reveals the didactic potential of the past, a function which removes the true essence of memory as a conduit for exploring the various dimensions life, thus reducing it to distortions. Although memories, both learned and experienced, are able to offer plausible reasons behind one’s shortcomings, it is their own decisions which ultimately shape their inner disputes. Overall, while memories may be the predominant source of conflict, it is only these disagreements that illuminate the otherwise concealed meanings behind experiences.
This introduction indicates that you’re really familiar with the ideas behind the text, which is great!
I think the issue is that this introduction is not clearly answering the question posed – it is a bit more like a rambling philosophical discussion of different ideas kind of tied in to the topic. This is a list of everything your introduction is saying:
- Memories can motivate individuals to indulge in internal conflict
- Memories are a personal affair
- Memories also create a sense of community
- The past has didactic potential
- Because the past can be viewed didactically this results in memories becoming distorted (this idea is not very clearly presented in a single sentence – you may need to workshop this a bit more)
- Memories provide insight into one’s shortcomings
- It is the decisions of characters that ultimately shape their responses to conflict
- While memories are predominant sources of conflict, conflict itself provides insight into meaning behind experiences (a really great idea!)
It looks like a collection of ideas, as opposed to a cohesive response to the topic. Remember that you are looking to answer the question, “to what extent is this true?” Is it to a large extent? Or a small extent? You need to clearly articulate your approach and support it with the pillars of your arguments.
In VCE English a 10/10 Text Response English essay “demonstrates an understanding of the implications of the topic, using an appropriate strategy for dealing with it.” It’s the strategy bit that’s missing here. Another drawback of your approach is that some of your more excellent ideas are less impactful – your last idea is a really great one and it would be great if it centered more prominently in your discussion.
I think fixing these issue first will assist you in light of the marking criteria: 1) Clarifying the response to the question 2) Articulating it in a clear contention 3) Utilising your arguments to support your contention