L.A 2009 Exam Response feedback/correction

[thifa.samaritaan]

Hi! Could someone please give me some feedback/constructive criticism and possibly give me a score /10 of my response? Wrote this in 36 mins as am trying to gauge if I can write well in a small time frame. Thanks!

link to exam: https://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/Documents/exams/english/2009english-w-cpyrgt.pdf

The growing prevalence of digital technology have left some to conclude that humanity will be diminished as a result, whilst others argue that it will only improve our quality of life. In an opinion piece, "Keyed In", published in the online journal "Ctrl Alt", (23/5/2009), anonymous editor Voxi enthusiastically asserts to their audience of interested "tech-savvy" users, that digital technology is merely another chapter in human revolution, its existence only benefiting human life.

Opening logically, Voxi compares the impact of the invention of digital technology to the discoveries made by the likes of Copernicus, Galileo and Darwin. Describing digital technology as "revolutionising [the] human experience" and the "way we communicate", Voxi insinuates that the invention of modern technology has only improved the human condition. The word "revolution", synonymous with drastic or life-changing, alludes to the notion that human interactions have been transformed and made easier as a result of these discoveries. Readers of "Ctrl Alt", tech-interested individuals, likely to appreciate digital technology, are consequently invited to the perception that these inventions are a necessary part to the human evolution - existing solely to improve their lives.

Continuing, Voxi attempts to allay the fears of those that believe that "humanity will be diminished" as a result of digital technology by confidently asserting that humans can become "more intelligent" by coexisting with these inventions. Painting an idealistic image of the future of mankind and their possible capability to "find cures", "[preserve] the planet" and "[end] war and violence", Voxi suggests that digital technology will not only improve human relations, but also the overall prosperity of life on Earth. By addressing current issues such as illness and war, Voxi seeks to evoke a response of understanding from the reader, that these problems can be solved with the help of digital technology. Thus, the audience, now imparted with a desire to better the future, is likely to be more receptive towards Voxi's contention.

Concluding appreciatively, Voxi establishes how daily life tasks have been made easier as a result of digital technology. Highlighting how tasks such as "shopping...banking", and holiday bookings are now significantly unchallenging due to the Internet. Voxi attempts to place value to the convenience of these tasks and endeavours to elicit a response of gratitude from the reader. Contrasting these modern luxuries to the historic struggles of "[going] to a library" whilst you could "sit at your desk and look up Wikipedia", Voxi further reiterates how digital technology continues to improve the quality of life. Dramatising the inconvenience of manually searching for information that could be easily obtained from the comfort of a desk, to their audience of modern, fast-living tech users, Voxi seeks to elicit a concluded response that these errands are a thing of the past, satirically mocking those who disapprove these modern advances and urging them to see that the "future is here now."

Overall, Voxi communicates his contention of the beneficial nature of digital technology in various ways. The editor aptly highlights how modern inventions improve human interactions, overall prosperity as well as provide convenience to daily chores.